Dilemma
This topic was created in the The Powder Room forum by enfant_terrible on Saturday, November 17, 2018 and has 28 replies.
Marry and have kids with your 2nd or 3rd or 4th choice
Or settle for a childless existence with your number 1 choice, cuz he doesn't want kids?
Or settle for a childless existence with your number 1 choice, cuz he doesn't want kids?
Posted by AneemA04You asking me?
Why do you want kids?
I didn't say I want kids. I didn't say anything
Well yah I'm looking for personal answers. I don't think there's a general one.
Would you pick your hypothetical unborn children over your soulmate?
Would you pick your hypothetical unborn children over your soulmate?
If he doesn’t want kids and I do he wouldn’t be my first choice, would he.
Marry my number 1 and then get pregnant on "accident" 10 years later and risk it all!
Easy 2
First choice
I got enough kids
If we could go back in time pre babies, the same. I didn’t want kids before I had them.
I got enough kids
If we could go back in time pre babies, the same. I didn’t want kids before I had them.
Posted by AneemA04Posted by SpaceBirdI said it on the bs a.k.a THE TERRIBLE INFANTSPosted by AneemA04Post of the day ..right there. ...
Ugh i wanna throw up on your lap
Told me how he didnt ask a question and making me think i was giving incorrect question and that made me say sorry.
Shit manipulative as fuck!click to expand
I think at first he wanted a discussion independent from his own characteristics and conditions.
Then later he found he needed to tell about himself as well. Maybe the talk was slow. for that sake.
Posted by LadyNeptuneHe would though.. what's not wanting kids have to do with compatibility in all other areas.. emotional/mental.. physical chemistry.. all of which makes him your no 1 choice. But he doesn't want kids.
If he doesn’t want kids and I do he wouldn’t be my first choice, would he.
Posted by enfant_terribleSoul mate compatibility implies that you are united on most things, especially the big things.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe would though.. what's not wanting kids have to do with compatibility in all other areas.. emotional/mental.. physical chemistry.. all of which makes him your no 1 choice. But he doesn't want kids.
If he doesn’t want kids and I do he wouldn’t be my first choice, would he.click to expand
Not my soul mate if I want a family and he doesn’t.
Stupid question, honestly. Poorly thought thru on your end.
Posted by AneemA04Posted by SpaceBirdI said it on the bs a.k.a THE TERRIBLE INFANTSPosted by AneemA04Post of the day ..right there. ...
Ugh i wanna throw up on your lap
Told me how he didnt ask a question and making me think i was giving incorrect question and that made me say sorry.
Shit manipulative as fuck!click to expand
You asked me "Why do you want kids" and I responded that I never said I wanted kids. Or that I didn't. I was asking the women of DXP what you would compromise
I have no idea wtf you're on about.. you seem schizo
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by enfant_terribleSoul mate compatibility implies that you are united on most things, especially the big things.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe would though.. what's not wanting kids have to do with compatibility in all other areas.. emotional/mental.. physical chemistry.. all of which makes him your no 1 choice. But he doesn't want kids.
If he doesn’t want kids and I do he wouldn’t be my first choice, would he.
Not my soul mate if I want a family and he doesn’t.
Stupid question, honestly. Poorly thought thru on your end.click to expand
So you'd throw near perfect sexual/physical chemistry and emotional/mental connection out the window for your No. 2,3 choice and kids, gotcha.
You do realize ppl don't always share the same goals in life but may be perfect together in most other areas? You figure views on parenthood outweigh all the other aspects of compatibility? That's stupid if anything .
Posted by enfant_terribleCorrect.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by enfant_terribleSoul mate compatibility implies that you are united on most things, especially the big things.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe would though.. what's not wanting kids have to do with compatibility in all other areas.. emotional/mental.. physical chemistry.. all of which makes him your no 1 choice. But he doesn't want kids.
If he doesn’t want kids and I do he wouldn’t be my first choice, would he.
Not my soul mate if I want a family and he doesn’t.
Stupid question, honestly. Poorly thought thru on your end.
So you'd throw near perfect sexual/physical chemistry and emotional/mental connection out the window for your No. 2,3 choice and kids, gotcha.
You do realize ppl don't always share the same goals in life but may be perfect together in most other areas? You figure views on parenthood outweigh all the other aspects of compatibility? That's stupid if anything .click to expand
I've said goodbye to many amazing men because of big issues of incompatibility.
You can't get past the incompatibility of one party wanting a family and the other not wanting a family.
It would be stupid to waste time on a person who is so incompatible and wants completely different life style .
*asks women for their opinion
*calls opinion stupid
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
*calls opinion stupid
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Posted by LadyNeptuneOk cool, that's your take on the topic and your definition of soulmate, and that is fine. That is exactly what I was asking for and you answered it. There are no correct answers. Why the need to be pissy about it? Like why go the extra mile?
I've said goodbye to many amazing men because of big issues of incompatibility.
You can't get past the incompatibility of one party wanting a family and the other not wanting a family.
It would be stupid to waste time on a person who is so incompatible and wants completely different life style .
Obviousely it's not a dumb question, it'd be dumb if everyone had the same take on it. Clearly people don't.
"It would be STUPID to to waste time on a person who is so incompatible and wants completely different life style " IF YOU ARE LADYNEPTUNE.
So those in here who answered differently are stupid according to you? Because they deem the other components of compatibility more important as far as leading a meaningful existence goes..
Posted by LadyNeptuneDon't shove words down my throat. You like to play dirty, don't you?
*asks women for their opinion
*calls opinion stupid
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I meant it's stupid to assume everyone shares YOUR view of what aspects of compatibility constitute a soulmate, and then call the whole discussion stupid on that note.
Posted by LadyNeptuneEXACTLY what I was going to say. Those exact words. He can’t be your first choice if your wants and chakras aren’t aligned.
If he doesn’t want kids and I do he wouldn’t be my first choice, would he.
Posted by enfant_terribleI think soulmate and compatibility are intrinsically linked.Posted by LadyNeptuneDon't shove words down my throat. You like to play dirty, don't you?
*asks women for their opinion
*calls opinion stupid
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I meant it's stupid to assume everyone shares YOUR view of what aspects of compatibility constitute a soulmate, and then call the whole discussion stupid on that note.click to expand
Posted by CoochiecoochiecooIt's not synonymous to me. I don't even believe in soulmates, I believe in different/overlapping degrees of compatibility.Posted by enfant_terribleI think soulmate and compatibility are intrinsically linked.Posted by LadyNeptuneDon't shove words down my throat. You like to play dirty, don't you?
*asks women for their opinion
*calls opinion stupid
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I meant it's stupid to assume everyone shares YOUR view of what aspects of compatibility constitute a soulmate, and then call the whole discussion stupid on that note.click to expand
I can't answer the specific question because I don't want kids (I like them, and worked with them for years, but in my 30s decided not to have them myself), so option 1 is just right for me. But, I was in one relationship that presented a dilemma because I realized I couldn't handle the stress of worry I'd have about my partner -- his job could be very dangerous. There were other differences, too, I could later see, so it couldn't have worked anyway, but it's the only time I've faced really caring about someone -- loving them -- and having an obstacle that I tried hard to cope with, but couldn't. No regrets, thanks to other differences, but at the time, it was excruciating to sort out.
Posted by GobbyYou would divorce me, huh?? 🧐 and I thought we got along so great!!! 😢😭😭😭😭😤🤬Posted by saggurl88
Marry my number 1 and then get pregnant on "accident" 10 years later and risk it all!
Shortly followed by a nasty and stressful divorce...click to expand
Posted by TheRabbitI already tried pointing that out 🤷♀️
If you wanted children, then your first choice wouldn't really be your first choice?
find another #1 who wants to have kids
Posted by TheRabbit
If you wanted children, then your first choice wouldn't really be your first choice?
Again...
She is basically saying that because a person doesn't have the same aspiration to start a family, automatically means no strong emotional, physical and mental bonds can be made if you don't have that last piece of the puzzle. DXP relationship threads prove otherwise.
Compatibility is not the same as life goals. You can have different goals in life but ultimately be unseperatable and super-compatible in every other way. Just as you can have same life goals but have less compatibility in other areas.
This is the dilemma. Do you pick some "less" -guy you are fairly compatible with and who shares the same desire to start a family... or would you decide against children to stay and grow old with the guy that perfectly checks all the other areas, ya know that "I've known him before I met him" kinda chemistry, only he doesn't want kids.
Posted by stillstillwaterHow many 'true loves' do we really get?
find another #1 who wants to have kids
Posted by enfant_terribleGood point. I think very few are lucky to find it at all. Does "true love" even exist though...Posted by stillstillwaterHow many 'true loves' do we really get?
find another #1 who wants to have kidsclick to expand
or are there just bunch of compatibilities and different people that can make you feel great in different type of combinations.
I’m not sure that true love exists. I think love is based on how much time you’re willing to put into making a relationship work.
Sometimes you meet someone that speaks the same love language as you and you feel compelled to work on that relationship more than you ever have with others...you’ll put in the work you didn’t for others and for your own reasons. Eventually you develop genuine love. I don’t think it’s instant or a true love- it’s based off of work.
Saying that: I think we as people do have many different eras of our life where we experience powerful love 💕
When you were young and experienced your first big love, you imagined then you’d never love again or live the same way or want anyone else. That love ended and you felt very strong emotions for others. Later in life you look back at those old loves and you’re aware — that, that type of love couldn’t possibly satisfy you now. People grow and change and will experience many loves in their life.
As per question: I would stay in a relationship where I loved them and they didn’t want children but they’d have to acknowledge that I was giving up an aspect of my core that deeply wants to be a mother. If they loved me in return...they’d have to acknowledge the loss I would be accepting and the levels of pain I’d experience as I got older, having missed out on my opportunity to be a mother.
Anyone would have to ask themselves if love is truly worth giving up a hope within yourself?
There are many people that fall in love and try to have a family with someone who turns out cannot reproduce and they have to find new ways to love one another. That is a sacrifice you make for someone you care for immensely.
——
Ultimately I want to have a child. Just one 👶🏻
Luckily, I’m with someone that wants at least four lol and he’s the one compromising to have less children because that’s what I want. I’d be happy with him if we had none at all because our journey through life together so far is everything I ever hoped for in a man. I feel content and im prepared to take on whatever the universe gives us.
Sometimes you meet someone that speaks the same love language as you and you feel compelled to work on that relationship more than you ever have with others...you’ll put in the work you didn’t for others and for your own reasons. Eventually you develop genuine love. I don’t think it’s instant or a true love- it’s based off of work.
Saying that: I think we as people do have many different eras of our life where we experience powerful love 💕
When you were young and experienced your first big love, you imagined then you’d never love again or live the same way or want anyone else. That love ended and you felt very strong emotions for others. Later in life you look back at those old loves and you’re aware — that, that type of love couldn’t possibly satisfy you now. People grow and change and will experience many loves in their life.
As per question: I would stay in a relationship where I loved them and they didn’t want children but they’d have to acknowledge that I was giving up an aspect of my core that deeply wants to be a mother. If they loved me in return...they’d have to acknowledge the loss I would be accepting and the levels of pain I’d experience as I got older, having missed out on my opportunity to be a mother.
Anyone would have to ask themselves if love is truly worth giving up a hope within yourself?
There are many people that fall in love and try to have a family with someone who turns out cannot reproduce and they have to find new ways to love one another. That is a sacrifice you make for someone you care for immensely.
——
Ultimately I want to have a child. Just one 👶🏻
Luckily, I’m with someone that wants at least four lol and he’s the one compromising to have less children because that’s what I want. I’d be happy with him if we had none at all because our journey through life together so far is everything I ever hoped for in a man. I feel content and im prepared to take on whatever the universe gives us.
The one that loves you enough to give you a family, over settling for someone who deprives you of what you want.
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