grand parents

most of us understand our relationships with our parents.

what about your grandparents marriages? Did you know them?

Were you all close and did they seem to you to have a large impact on your life/relationships?

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/is-my-marriage-that-different-from-my-grandparents-marriage/274473/<BR>
Is My Marriage That Different From My Grandparents' Marriage?

The institution is always changing. But it doesn't feel as though the emphasis on love and companionship is significantly different now than it was in the past.

"Think of the math. My grandparents raised their kids in a couple decades -- that is to say, for less than a third of their time together. The subsequent love and support they gave their kids and grandkids cannot be overstated. But the child-rearing obligation that traditionalists want to preserve -- a stable, two-parent household composed of a child's biological parents -- was met decades ago. Once their kids left home, once my parents got married and had me, my grandparents didn't imagine the core of their marriage as exhausted. They expected "to love and cherish, in sickness and in health," 'til death. They've spent their "empty nest" years with one another as business partners, traveling companions, and friendly competitors in gin rummy.

That wasn't ever negotiable.

I once conducted an interview about another couple from the World War II generation. Their granddaughter shared the advice her grandparents gave her prior to her wedding. "They sat me down and told me, 'Anyone can get a divorce nowadays. But we never did because, as individuals, you die alone. And do you want, grandchild, to be 80 years old and to look back on your life having stopped and started and stopped and started? Or do you want to look back knowing that you went through and got through and learned from and moved forward with one person?' They kept it up, not because of the children or the social implications, but because they were always curious about what would happen at the end. And their comment to me was that the end proved much more worthwhile to them, having gone through it together rather than having done it alone."

Posted by clooneyyears
gem libra was sort of arranged. my great grandad, according to my gem grandma, talked to her about marrying his youngest son, my grandfather. i refuse to believe most of a gem's stories though so i won't go any further.

sag scorpio. they live separate lives. take 2 cars on most days. they shared a clinic for years. my sad grandpa cheats and my scorpio grandma antiques.

hm thanks for that, Clooney.

that's sad about your grandparents, the ones who live separate lives. Well, i guess it's harder to get divorce, and just keep the family together but if you hate eachother, just live apart.

Posted by beautifuldiaster
Capricorn and Aries. My grandparents helped raise me. Huge influence on my life. Paw paw raced cars and owned a service station and my grandma had the neighborhood over for cards and a whiskey. My morality was enstilled by them.. I was punished more by them then my mother.

your grandparents sound awesome, bd.

it's nice to hear.

what about your other grandparents?

Posted by starlover
My dads parents were Scorp and Virgo....married because gran was pregnant with my dad. They resented each other and lived separate lives. Granny Scorp was eccentric and used to give me sherry to drink when I was around 8yrs. She also le me dress up in he clothes and makeup. She was a flamed haired beauty with an Irish mother.

My mums parents were Libra and Scorpio ..... Also pregnant and got married because of this. They were quite big in my life and I had a close bond with my Scorp grandad who also like my dads mum was quite the eccentric. He was a singre and political activist. My dads people were musicians and mums side were actors and singers

Interesting that I married a Virgo who shared same birthday as my grandad and we then go on to create a son who is theatrical and a great dancer

Genes, hey?

that's sad about your first grandparents, another couple who hated eachother and lived apart. 😢

one set of my grandparents lived apart most of their life, but they had a good marriage like that. It's weird.

the other pair also lived apart, but had to because of financial reasons. My one grandfather had to work far overseas and send money home to grandma.

my other grandfather is a politician and lawyer, his brothers are also into politics and lawyers.

but for me, i have never been attracted to politicians and lawyers. ever.

my husband did work in a law office in his teens though, but he never pursued law. that's the extent of law. His uncles, however in his father's side are lawyers and taxmen.

Posted by starlover
They didn't live apart L.....Same house but separate lives. My dad said he wished they had parted as the tension was unbearable. 😢

One of those cases where the child would have been better coming from a broken home rather than living in one

😢

oh it's like the story of the famous artist, Frida Kahlo, and her husband. that was a very strange unconventional marriage. 😢

yes you're right. it just sounds so sad to me. that's all.

i googled it, and there seems to be alot of that going on.

with my grandparents, when they lived apart, it's because they had so many children, and when the children grew up as adults and had their own families, the grandparents moved in with them so they could be all in the family. but they still had their own houses/properties in other countries. They just wanted to be with their children and grandchildren too, it was stronger for them to be with family then to live together in their big house all alone. They love the company of their children and grandchildren.

this is a link to some of what's going on inside the couples who live apart.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/relationship-advice-and-romance/10003381/Divided-we-stand-committed-couples-who-live-apart.html<BR>

Matthew Field, 32, talks touchingly of the love and commitment that he and his wife, Philippa, 29, share. She tells me how happy she is. Yet the Fields have not lived together since their 14-month-old daughter, Sophie, was born, choosing instead to base themselves in separate homes — she in Bournemouth, he in Crouch End, north London. Weekends are together time.


Emerging from the kitchen of the house they recently bought in Bournemouth, Sophie tucked cosily against his shoulder, Matthew talks of how his daughter will grow up with the beach and the New Forest close by. Although they say they may consider living together in London when Sophie is grown up and independent, this 'controlled absence?? is, the Fields agree, a permanent arrangement.


Choosing separate homes is generally seen as an eccentricity of the rich and famous. Think of Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton, Margaret Drabble and Michael Holroyd, Clive James and Prue Shaw, and, of course, Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre.


But one in 10 people in Britain today has made what is seen as a growing, and increasingly acceptable, lifestyle choice, a phenomenon that has been identified as LAT ('living apart together??), whereby couples who regard themselves as firmly committed have separate homes through choice or circumstance. This trend is echoed throughout Western Europe, America and Australasia.


At a time when nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, and long-term co-habitees, often with children, are at least as likely to separate, isn't it encouraging to see people trying different ways of arranging their emotional and domestic lives? "

1) Mother's side: Scorpio female + Gemini Male. Horrible marriage. I can write volumes on every relative I have on my mother's side and how that side of the family is cursed. Women drove their husbands to an early grave. It's unreal.

2) Dad's side: Sagittarius female + Aries Male. Salt of the earth types. Comfort in someone having your back. Lots of light bickering, never dropping the ball on their marriage or on their children. 50+ years of marriage. Started as an arranged marriage, fell in love with each other while building a house from the ground up. Til death does them part..and probably not even death will do them part.

Posted by Damnata
1) Mother's side: Scorpio female + Gemini Male. Horrible marriage. I can write volumes on every relative I have on my mother's side and how that side of the family is cursed. Women drove their husbands to an early grave. It's unreal.

2) Dad's side: Sagittarius female + Aries Male. Salt of the earth types. Comfort in someone having your back. Lots of light bickering, never dropping the ball on their marriage or on their children. 50+ years of marriage. Started as an arranged marriage, fell in love with each other while building a house from the ground up. Til death does them part..and probably not even death will do them part.

i wonder if it's 8th house, Damnie.


my mother and grandmother were telling me about curses in the family too.


your no.2 reminds me of my husband's grandparents. Pisces and Gemini (pisces woman and gemini male) and they had a happy, long lasting marriage.

it wasn't arranged though, they chose eachother. She passed away last year during saturn in Scorpio transit, but she used to tell us alot about her gemini husband. we could tell she loved him so very dearly. and my mother in law and his auntys tell us about how a very close relationship, love and marriage they had.

they are buried together.

on his father's side, they weren't close so i didnt get their signs. But my husband said he remembered his grandmother on that side was "cold", not nurturing and loving.

Posted by xycake
Mom's side: Scorpio female and Cancer male. They took care of me during the first three years of my life. It's a bittersweet relationship, more bitter than sweet.

Dad's side: Sagittarius female and ?. She was a great woman. In times of weakness or confusion, I sometimes think of her. She didn't have favorites and she took care of everyone. She took care of my grandpa who was bed-ridden for seven years, I admire that a lot. I never heard her complain or expressed any negative thoughts/feelings towards other people. I think with all the craziness that went on during my childhood, she was my heaven. She was home. I felt love from her.

After all these years, I still miss her. I wish we were given more time.

thanks, xy

aw that's so sweet about your sag grandma. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship.

that's also lovely about your mother's parents, that they took care of you.

you don't know your grandfather's bday? the one on your father's side?

i'm gonna ask my husband about his father's parents, and bdays.

Posted by clooneyyears

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by clooneyyears
gem libra was sort of arranged. my great grandad, according to my gem grandma, talked to her about marrying his youngest son, my grandfather. i refuse to believe most of a gem's stories though so i won't go any further.

sag scorpio. they live separate lives. take 2 cars on most days. they shared a clinic for years. my sad grandpa cheats and my scorpio grandma antiques.

hm thanks for that, Clooney.

that's sad about your grandparents, the ones who live separate lives. Well, i guess it's harder to get divorce, and just keep the family together but if you hate eachother, just live apart.

is that not a healthy thing? when i have a meeting with them either about my apartment building or a restaurant they come in separate vehicles. they have their own agendas. i think they're just very busy people. my grandpa still works at 80. he doesn't have to of course since my dad took over his practice but he still see the patients that have been with him a long time. my grandma recently retired a few years ago and she used to go to the main office of her business up until a couple of years ago where she had chemo.

i think they sleep and eat together most of the time and they watch movies and travel together but they have different engagements.

click to expand

well that part is not so bad, but the part you mentioned about your grandpa cheating.

my grandparents spent alot of time away from eachother from when they reached middle age, because their children were grown and are having children of their own.

On my dad's side, pisces male, sag female. They were like lifelong friends. They traveled the world together and raised 4 kids. They both seemed very happy together and they raised good kids with solid personalities. Albeit, they provided a more formal environment than a caring, physical one.

On my mother's side, I always considered my great grandparents to be my grandparents. They were both born between 1900-1915. Pisces female, sag male (I think??). My grandfather died when I was young, but he was one of the happiest people I've known. He was very good at woodwork. He would often make me little carved butterflies and the like. He seemed to have a great relationship with my grandmother. My gram grew up as a housewife. She raised around 4 kids. She demanded respect but was kind. Her and my grandfather stuck through some hard times together and they knew you had to work hard for the things you wanted. Very traditional. Unfortunately, their kids grew up with quite a number of issues.

I'm not sure how any of them met, but they had surprisingly good relationships with each other. I, myself, was not very emotionally close to any of my grandparents. I butted head's with my pisces great gram the most. I can't say any of them affected my life much, at least not directly.

Posted by seraph

Posted by Damnata
Lots of light bickering, never dropping the ball on their marriage or on their children.

All real, lasting love has this.

click to expand

Yup. Conflict management skills are essential for me.

To come home after a long day and have someone to poke fun with/at, all in loving way of course..makes life worth living. Well many things make life worth living but this is amazing for my virgo common sense approach.

A lot of people when they fight go straight for the jugular, hash out old arguments..it's really rare to have that kind of interaction where you smooth and smoothe. And bicker and smooch. There's a caring tone in that bickering where you never get sidetracked by ego demands.

Posted by clooneyyears
Ya i think both my grandfathers cheated. My other grandma kept going on and on about another family my grandpa had but she was batty at this point that's why i said i didn't want to fill it with gemini stories. Plus i think my uncle fed her outrageous stories god knows why. Probably was in the mood to tell tall tales one night.

Ya i think my grandma did the same around middle age. She told my grandpa not to follow her in america and she just gemini-ed about there gad knows what she did. she even went to italy for a few years. She has to be passed around coz she's a bit tiring for someone who doesn't work lol!

>__>

it really sounds like you don't have any respect for your gemini grandma. She doesn't sound very good.

no offense, Clooney, just how it sounds.

Posted by seraph
Lol I just spoke to my mother, and asked.

My grandfather on her side was a Gemini, May 25th. She also remarked that he passed away on the same date.

My grandmother was a Virgo, born — interestingly enough — on August 25th, sharing a birthday with my grandfather.

Just found out this man was also a part of our family:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gy?rgy_Piller<BR>
Never knew we had a fencing champ. Lol Learned something new today.

My mother couldn't remember the dates for my dad's parents.

very interesting about your mother's side. Sorry to hear about your father's side. It sounded very sad.

your mother's mother really looked up to her husband alot. Sounds like my husband's pisces grandma, she looked up to her gemini husband alot. He was a very strong, religious and moral, upstanding man in their community and a strong husband and father. He had that Sag Mars and Sag moon, Cancer venus i remember.

Posted by Scenic
On my dad's side, pisces male, sag female. They were like lifelong friends. They traveled the world together and raised 4 kids. They both seemed very happy together and they raised good kids with solid personalities. Albeit, they provided a more formal environment than a caring, physical one.

On my mother's side, I always considered my great grandparents to be my grandparents. They were both born between 1900-1915. Pisces female, sag male (I think??). My grandfather died when I was young, but he was one of the happiest people I've known. He was very good at woodwork. He would often make me little carved butterflies and the like. He seemed to have a great relationship with my grandmother. My gram grew up as a housewife. She raised around 4 kids. She demanded respect but was kind. Her and my grandfather stuck through some hard times together and they knew you had to work hard for the things you wanted. Very traditional. Unfortunately, their kids grew up with quite a number of issues.

I'm not sure how any of them met, but they had surprisingly good relationships with each other. I, myself, was not very emotionally close to any of my grandparents. I butted head's with my pisces great gram the most. I can't say any of them affected my life much, at least not directly.

wow, both sides are pisces/sag pairing. that's kind of cool.

i really like the sound of both your grandparents, they sounded like they had great relationships, same with both my grandparents. I mean, there's some hiccups on my dad's side, i guess it's because my father's side are mostly businessmen, policitians and attorneys, ect. So they are more ambitious people. My mother's side are more the blue collar workers, who are the salt of the earth types and they are the type that are grateful for everyday.

Posted by seraph

Posted by Damnata

Posted by seraph

Posted by Damnata
Lots of light bickering, never dropping the ball on their marriage or on their children.

All real, lasting love has this.

A lot of people when they fight go straight for the jugular, hash out old arguments..it's really rare to have that kind of interaction where you smooth and smoothe. And bicker and smooch. There's a caring tone in that bickering where you never get sidetracked by ego demands.

It takes a degree of emotional intelligence. It shouldn't take a degree of anything, it should just come naturally as a given. But not everyone can manage it.

I think you see this a lot in elderly couples. They've seen so much, and a lot of it together. And for them — at least this is the impression I often get — it all boils down to the essentials. Or maybe it's just that they sense the end is near and there's no point in starting over. 😛 but I think that even behind that, there's a purer, more mindful form of feeling for one another. I've seen this in younger couples, though rarely.

But no matter the age??_ it's probably good for the long haul when you can happily eat together in silence (because sometimes words get in the way), and the both of you just tend to each others?? cup and plate in that space of simple knowingness.

click to expand

or maybe some old folks are so tired, they dont wanna fight anymore.


my grandma pisces fought when she was still old, the only time when she stopped fighting, was when she had to go through major surgery and her health took a toil on her. But before, even at old age, she was a fighter.

Posted by seraph

Posted by lisabethur8


or maybe some old folks are so tired, they dont wanna fight anymore.


my grandma pisces fought when she was still old, the only time when she stopped fighting, was when she had to go through major surgery and her health took a toil on her. But before, even at old age, she was a fighter.

Sometimes... sometimes we win by surrendering. 😉

You grandma pisces sounds a lot like mine was. Though mine would often just battle whoever was in front of her. 😛

I loved her a lot. On one occasion when I was little, we spent a day shopping for a little coin wallet she wanted to get me. It was like a mission. She was determined! I still have it, tucked away in a safe place. I kept one coin in there from our trip.

click to expand

i miss mine lots!! i used to hug her alot. and my grandpas too. i loved them soooo much. lots and lots of hugs and sitting on my grandpa's lap (when i was little, not when i was older)


my husband's grandpa was a farmer and a preacher. He was very well respected in church. In a way, he reminds me of Billy Graham, the way they make him sound.

lol@ your grandma too and the fighting whoever was in front of her. 😄

Posted by seraph
it's probably good for the long haul when you can happily eat together in silence

Speaking about eating, the Sag told me once that you know you're falling out of love with someone when the way they eat irritates you. The simple way they eat gets on your nerves. It's a downhill slope from that point on. When the small things annoy you for no reason.

Posted by seraph
http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/misophonia-is-a-newly-identified-condition-for-people-hypersensitive-to-sound/2014/12/01/7c392782-69ba-11e4-a31c-77759fc1eacc_story.html<BR>
there you go.

It wasn't noises. She described everything involved in the process of eating.

As far as small things being annoying..why did you go diss the Virgos? It was the SAG who said it.

*smh*wevirgosaresuchvictims*smh*

This thread makes me miss my paternal grandma...

She was a Gem with Gem stellium and the person I loved most, perhaps because she raised my till I was five and spoilt me rotten. Her husband was possibly Aries, kind but with a temper. She became a widow in her forties (with 6 children aged 2 to 20) and never remarried.

Interestingly, my boyfriend is a Gem and I feel so at home with him! Like myself, he was the favourite grandchild of his paternal grandmother...and as it happens, I share the first name with her.....and possibly the second, if Gem and I get married 😄.


I don't know the birthdays of my mother's parents, but the days when they died....maternal grandma died on my fifth birthday. Maternal grandpa died on my sister's fifth birthday. That was REALLY ODD.

Posted by seraph
...as penance

Good.

Posted by starlover
My paternal grandmother was very eccentric 😛

Dad told me she used to comb her hair with a fork when she couldnt find a hairbrush and also she would wear his underpants when she couldnt find any of her own

When i was quite young, she would stuff 10quid in my hand and say *don't tell your Dad but i had a win on the horses*. She used to wear fox fur and black lace ~ she was a Scorpio

lol

ooooooo....sounds so secretive. lol

Posted by Undine
This thread makes me miss my paternal grandma...

She was a Gem with Gem stellium and the person I loved most, perhaps because she raised my till I was five and spoilt me rotten. Her husband was possibly Aries, kind but with a temper. She became a widow in her forties (with 6 children aged 2 to 20) and never remarried.

Interestingly, my boyfriend is a Gem and I feel so at home with him! Like myself, he was the favourite grandchild of his paternal grandmother...and as it happens, I share the first name with her.....and possibly the second, if Gem and I get married 😄.


I don't know the birthdays of my mother's parents, but the days when they died....maternal grandma died on my fifth birthday. Maternal grandpa died on my sister's fifth birthday. That was REALLY ODD.

very interesting on the men you choose.

you might end up marrying your gemini and have those babies.

Posted by seraph

Posted by Damnata

Posted by seraph
http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/misophonia-is-a-newly-identified-condition-for-people-hypersensitive-to-sound/2014/12/01/7c392782-69ba-11e4-a31c-77759fc1eacc_story.html<BR>
there you go.

It wasn't noises. She described everything involved in the process of eating.

As far as small things being annoying..why did you go diss the Virgos? It was the SAG who said it.

*smh*wevirgosaresuchvictims*smh*

I know. 😉

*shifts blame to Sags and straightens powder room hand towels as penance*

click to expand

sounds like the sag has some virgo in personal planets. lol

My Granny is a Leo and Grandad is an Aries. They are very close, best friends, always have been and always will be. Unfortunately they are separated now due to something that happened in the family, but they still get along and speak to each other everyday.

They looked after me for most of my childhood. My Granny just has so much love, she loved her grandchildren so much. My Grandad was a little less involved, he didn't smother us with love and did most of the discipline... But he was always different with me, I was (still am) the apple of his eye. I was always secretly his favourite grandchild. All my memories of them are good ones, they were so much fun, I loved being with them. They always seemed like the ultimate team.

As for the other side, my Dad left so I never knew him, but my Gran asked my mum if she could be part of my life and my Mum agreed. She's a Cancer and has been alone pretty much all her life. She split up with my Papa when their youngest was 16, and she's been alone since. It's quite sad actually. So we had a lot of one on one time, we got along really well. She wasn't openly affectionate but I always felt loved.

My Papa married another Cancer woman (I call her Nana), she became very involved in my life, she's a bit much actually, she always scared me, very full on with her affection. My Papa was less involved, very distant and quiet but very warm at the same time, I always felt loved even though he never said much. I don't know his sign.