any advice?
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by ponytail on Sunday, March 23, 2008 and has 10 replies.
I have a married Virgo friend that I have been attracted to for a long time. Lately I started to get this feeling that he also liked me more than a friend. I mean, he started to treat me differently... Stares, touches, his sentimentality... But I was never sure (who can?). Then a couple of weeks back, we had some intense moments and I told him about my crush. He was really calm, something which surprised me very much. He first thanked me for sharing, and said that we were and would always remain friends. Then he added that we must protect the borders of friendship and that I must understand... I was prepared so did not react, only told him that I would still like to hang out with him if that was ok. He told me I could call him whenever I needed and left.
The problem is, I have not heard from him since. I left him two messages in the past three weeks but he never returned. I feel like I made a terrible mistake and that he will never trust me again or let me be around him. I told him about my crush because I wanted to know what he felt. I had to... Because things were going far and if there was something, I thought we'd better talk about it and get everything straight. I have not met his wife by the way and he does not talk much about her, so I do not have much information about their relationship, whether they get along or not... So I did not see any wrong in telling him. But apparently, it was not a good idea.
I am thinking of his words over and over. I do not know, but it also feels like he was asking me for forgiveness. Because after he finished, he told me he wanted me be happy. He obviously cares about me. And he also did not say anything about how he really felt. I mean, he did not say he did not love me in that way, he did not say that he was sorry if he had done things that encouraged me. He said I was his friend and that I could call him but now he has disappeared... Why?
What do you think?
The problem is, I have not heard from him since. I left him two messages in the past three weeks but he never returned. I feel like I made a terrible mistake and that he will never trust me again or let me be around him. I told him about my crush because I wanted to know what he felt. I had to... Because things were going far and if there was something, I thought we'd better talk about it and get everything straight. I have not met his wife by the way and he does not talk much about her, so I do not have much information about their relationship, whether they get along or not... So I did not see any wrong in telling him. But apparently, it was not a good idea.
I am thinking of his words over and over. I do not know, but it also feels like he was asking me for forgiveness. Because after he finished, he told me he wanted me be happy. He obviously cares about me. And he also did not say anything about how he really felt. I mean, he did not say he did not love me in that way, he did not say that he was sorry if he had done things that encouraged me. He said I was his friend and that I could call him but now he has disappeared... Why?
What do you think?
Hi ponytail,
My gut feeling about this is that he is shutting you off completely to protect his relationship. It sounds to me like (potential) damage limitation, in that he would do everything not to jeopardise what he already has. His words to you would support this view. That he dissapeared shortly after saying those words probably means that he said them to bring you down softly and not make a scene.
I have done this in the past with friends of mine (dissapear from their life) when something more serious with another person was at stake. I take relationships deadly seriously, and so would rather sacrifice a friend than lose a partner (who is also a friend, lover, etc).
I am sorry for the way things have turned up, but do not give up. If you play it cool and do not act sentimentally, he might come back to being your friend. I wish you all the best :-)
F
My gut feeling about this is that he is shutting you off completely to protect his relationship. It sounds to me like (potential) damage limitation, in that he would do everything not to jeopardise what he already has. His words to you would support this view. That he dissapeared shortly after saying those words probably means that he said them to bring you down softly and not make a scene.
I have done this in the past with friends of mine (dissapear from their life) when something more serious with another person was at stake. I take relationships deadly seriously, and so would rather sacrifice a friend than lose a partner (who is also a friend, lover, etc).
I am sorry for the way things have turned up, but do not give up. If you play it cool and do not act sentimentally, he might come back to being your friend. I wish you all the best :-)
F
no advice. Same OLD.
He's married. For the fact that you've never met her, nor has he talked about her, is irrelevant. This man if off limits to other females ... and this is #1 Rule that us women must faithfully stand by. Because you approached him with feelings, knowing he was married .. I'd be willing to wager that IF he had reciprocated with your advances .. then you would have taken another woman's man, for if you had a conscience about this at all, then you would have never approached a married man in the first place.
He's married .... back the fuck off and uphold our #1 Rule.
Thank you.
What you should do ... back completely away .. go find a single man.
He's married .... back the fuck off and uphold our #1 Rule.
Thank you.
What you should do ... back completely away .. go find a single man.
Well said P-Angel!
I wish more women were as absolute as you...sometimes things are black and white, period.
I wish more women were as absolute as you...sometimes things are black and white, period.
Any mistake is the first mistake of messin w/a married man. This i am still going through. Bad Idea, listen to the good advice here, uphold the rule i was so proud of upholding and will continue to always uphold in the future i dont need nor want anyone elses man, and quite frankly, have been severly pissed by the ones who would lie to get my time by theft of time they would have never gotten if they was honest and said they was married. I have married friends, and we spend time together in conversation, not in bed!
Most of the VirGuys I know have zero tolerance for cheaters or people who would invite / encourage cheating...
I'm not surprised by his reaction.
hmmm....I've been thinking a lot about how my husband sees this relationship with this girl And I was hoping and praying that him (being a virgo) would have zero tolerance for someone like her.
HOPEFULLY, he will be a virgo, and stop this nonsense. If not, I will be tempted to make sure that he does, or else. =)
Cause if I go down, this Aqua isn't going down without a bloody fight. Because I did put my heart on the line in this marriage. And by God, I will not let anyone come close to hurting it if my Husband will.
hmm.. I will call him and ask if he had any knowledge about female marines snagging married military men..
if I get him to dish out dirt on them, then he won't see that I already know what this girl is trying to do and that I just found out about it from other sources (and then got worried). I'll just tell him it's what I heard from other military spouses. (which is all true)
HOPEFULLY, he will be a virgo, and stop this nonsense. If not, I will be tempted to make sure that he does, or else. =)
Cause if I go down, this Aqua isn't going down without a bloody fight. Because I did put my heart on the line in this marriage. And by God, I will not let anyone come close to hurting it if my Husband will.
hmm.. I will call him and ask if he had any knowledge about female marines snagging married military men..
if I get him to dish out dirt on them, then he won't see that I already know what this girl is trying to do and that I just found out about it from other sources (and then got worried). I'll just tell him it's what I heard from other military spouses. (which is all true)
Thank you all.
So I guess no ones gives a chance to our situation, right? Not a slight chance?
I do not know. I agree, everything is pretty clear, almost self explanatory. Bu still, I have very strong feelings.
Anyways, if he decides not say anything, that is his decision. I will not contact him and try to get over it as soon as possible. I am very sorry but I guess it is too late to change.
So I guess no ones gives a chance to our situation, right? Not a slight chance?
I do not know. I agree, everything is pretty clear, almost self explanatory. Bu still, I have very strong feelings.
Anyways, if he decides not say anything, that is his decision. I will not contact him and try to get over it as soon as possible. I am very sorry but I guess it is too late to change.
"I'm not surprised by his reaction"
me neither, u were pretty much asking for it...
me neither, u were pretty much asking for it...
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