Can A Harden Virgo Male Become Healthy?
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by sweethearts_1969 on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 and has 14 replies.
I'm so confused now. I have been trying so hard to let go a my Virgo male but I can't get him out of my head and heart then he texted me last night for the first time in weeks to see how I was doing. If you look at my profile you will see my situation. Do they come back after almost two months? Can it take that long for them to realize they want you and miss you? One of his friends brought asked how my Virgo and I were doing (which I know he knew the answer to that, which I haven't heard from him in a while - he is also a Virgo male) His friend told me that he has been keeping himself real busy and helping work around the house on projects instead of going to the bar to play pool. I think he was trying to get information out of me because he brought it up not me. So, I told him that I have been recovering for weeks and I'm just starting to feel normal. I told his friend that I did try to contact him and he just ignored me and his friend told me maybe he wants to be chased. Ok, we are in our 30's and I don't mind playing simple games and being sarcastic (which I know he likes) but I want more than just that and I don't know what he wants. Is it possible that he has changed his mind? I know he is not a player but he makes himself look like one. He loves the being entertainment for other people and he can be funny and he also likes telling wild true stories that happen or that he was a part of. Can he ever just let someone love him no matter what or will he always shut someone out once he starts feeling too close?
Oh, and does Fire and Earth ever work?
Sweethearts welcome to the wonderful world of dating a mid-30s Virgo.
Yes they can open their hearts and love, but only if you show them that you are not dependent upon them emotionally. They need to know you can hold your own and that they can trust themselves to make you happy. These are not the guys you show your inner chaos to, even when they beg to know. They can't handle it.
They want you to brim with happiness all the time. I find their happiness easily links into the happiness of their partner. If their partner is not happy For. Whatever. Reason. They will take it to mean they have failed and disappointed them.
If they love you, they will come back over and over and over again.
(Yours sounds like a last decanter Virgo. Am I right?)
Yes they can open their hearts and love, but only if you show them that you are not dependent upon them emotionally. They need to know you can hold your own and that they can trust themselves to make you happy. These are not the guys you show your inner chaos to, even when they beg to know. They can't handle it.
They want you to brim with happiness all the time. I find their happiness easily links into the happiness of their partner. If their partner is not happy For. Whatever. Reason. They will take it to mean they have failed and disappointed them.
If they love you, they will come back over and over and over again.
(Yours sounds like a last decanter Virgo. Am I right?)
What is a last decanter Virgo?
I had told my Virgo how I felt a while ago and he questions my feeling because he thinks that I only feel that way because he is not one of those guys that are tripping over themselves to get to know me and go out with me. I get hit on a lot and I'm not saying I'm gorgeous or anything but for some reason I do get hit on and he knows it so I'm wondering if he is just playing hard to get or does he truely feel that he is out of my league which, he has mention before that we were from different sides of the tracks.
last decanter would be born toward the end of the sign.
Be wary of any man who considers you out of their league. You are traipsing into Down Dating territory and Down Dating doesn't work. When they know you can do better, at first they feel lucky, then they begin to wonder what is wrong with you and why you can't do better, then they treat you like crap.
Be wary of any man who considers you out of their league. You are traipsing into Down Dating territory and Down Dating doesn't work. When they know you can do better, at first they feel lucky, then they begin to wonder what is wrong with you and why you can't do better, then they treat you like crap.
He was born on August 30.
He did treat me very well the first few months and then he started question why I liked him and that's when he started to not return calls or text's and said he didn't want to date anyone right now but, I can see in his eyes the way he looks at me that he has a lot of feelings for me but I think he is way too scared. He would let me in a little for a while and then stop talking to me all together after. Can he ever except that he is the one I want? How do you show them that it is ok to let someone in and not shut them out when we get too close?
He did treat me very well the first few months and then he started question why I liked him and that's when he started to not return calls or text's and said he didn't want to date anyone right now but, I can see in his eyes the way he looks at me that he has a lot of feelings for me but I think he is way too scared. He would let me in a little for a while and then stop talking to me all together after. Can he ever except that he is the one I want? How do you show them that it is ok to let someone in and not shut them out when we get too close?
dyrstr8z:
I stopped by on the way home and saw him today. I texted him and asked him if it was ok for me to stop by and he said yes. I did and it was ackward at first and then he used his witty charm and and through it back at him. He still has that look in his eyes. I asked a stupid question and asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone. He hesitated alot and then said well, I'm not ready for a relationship right now if that is what you are asking. (I'm a relationship type of girl and I told him this when we met.) I take his response that he wouldn't mind having a bootie call but he doen't want to be tied down to anyone person. I do know he is somewhat trying to get his life back on track after his split with his ex which had his child and they don't get along. He has had bad experiences with relationships and I think he wanted to savatage ours when things started to get serious. I know that he tries to avoid anything serious anymore. What do you do to talk with him and how unless it is witty and sarcastic he shuts down.
I stopped by on the way home and saw him today. I texted him and asked him if it was ok for me to stop by and he said yes. I did and it was ackward at first and then he used his witty charm and and through it back at him. He still has that look in his eyes. I asked a stupid question and asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone. He hesitated alot and then said well, I'm not ready for a relationship right now if that is what you are asking. (I'm a relationship type of girl and I told him this when we met.) I take his response that he wouldn't mind having a bootie call but he doen't want to be tied down to anyone person. I do know he is somewhat trying to get his life back on track after his split with his ex which had his child and they don't get along. He has had bad experiences with relationships and I think he wanted to savatage ours when things started to get serious. I know that he tries to avoid anything serious anymore. What do you do to talk with him and how unless it is witty and sarcastic he shuts down.
dyrstr8z:
The weird thing is that we were doing great for a few months and then he went quit on me and started not to return calls. He even told me before he wasn't ready and then two weeks later he wants to be with all the time and then two to three weeks after that he stops talking to me again. Very confusing. It has been almost 7 weeks since he decided he wanted to break up with me again and the weird thing was that two days before he decided this he was happy and he even asked me to go to a baseball game with him the following month. He saw his kids the day after he was at my house and I did not call him that night and the next day I saw him and he didn't want to talk to me anymore. He told me to leave him alone. So, I did. Then, I found out I was pregnant three weeks later. Well, I have my tubes tied and I told him that but, I think he didn't believe me. I told him about it and he went to the doctor with me and they told me they want me in for surgery the following week. I dropped him off at his house and he texted me the morning of the surgery and hoped everything went well. I did not hear from him after that. I even tried calling him and texting to let him know what happened and that the fetus was in my tube so he doesn't have to worry about anything. So why now and why did he text me. I am still hurt that he didn't call me to see if I'm ok but I do know by me calling him actually let him know I was ok. Him and I never fought ever. The only thing is that he just stopped talking to me and that is fustrating as h*ll. So, with all that information, do you think it is still possible or should I leave him completely alone because I have not even gone to the places he goes to even run into him. I have been staying away and a lot has to do with my surgery and also seeing him kind of scares me because I'm not sure what to say.
The weird thing is that we were doing great for a few months and then he went quit on me and started not to return calls. He even told me before he wasn't ready and then two weeks later he wants to be with all the time and then two to three weeks after that he stops talking to me again. Very confusing. It has been almost 7 weeks since he decided he wanted to break up with me again and the weird thing was that two days before he decided this he was happy and he even asked me to go to a baseball game with him the following month. He saw his kids the day after he was at my house and I did not call him that night and the next day I saw him and he didn't want to talk to me anymore. He told me to leave him alone. So, I did. Then, I found out I was pregnant three weeks later. Well, I have my tubes tied and I told him that but, I think he didn't believe me. I told him about it and he went to the doctor with me and they told me they want me in for surgery the following week. I dropped him off at his house and he texted me the morning of the surgery and hoped everything went well. I did not hear from him after that. I even tried calling him and texting to let him know what happened and that the fetus was in my tube so he doesn't have to worry about anything. So why now and why did he text me. I am still hurt that he didn't call me to see if I'm ok but I do know by me calling him actually let him know I was ok. Him and I never fought ever. The only thing is that he just stopped talking to me and that is fustrating as h*ll. So, with all that information, do you think it is still possible or should I leave him completely alone because I have not even gone to the places he goes to even run into him. I have been staying away and a lot has to do with my surgery and also seeing him kind of scares me because I'm not sure what to say.
I don't like being stereotyped, and I feel if it will allow you to feel better....share your pain with me...I am not WEAK. Perhaps, a little unorthodox in method, or even unusual but NEVER WEAK. I enjoy making people happy, and have powerful feelings myself, and ironically, hate when people don't allow me to show them my inner chaos, and theirs to me. I at this point in my life am USED TO THE CONCEPT OF INNER-CHAOS; my father is sick, and basically this Virgo is all that stands between him and relapse....I am a child of 17, and he is a Scorpio; we collide, yet he wants me around; I hate him, and seethe with anger when I am around him; I curse him with all in me, for taking my childhood away, and my lofty heart; so I only reaally know what it's like to know people internally, and THEIR INTERNAL CHAOS; AND I GET DRAGED INTO THE SHIT BECUASE NO ONE ELSE AROUND HIM IS STRONG ENOUGH TO DEAL; I HAVE SAGS, AQUARIANS, PISCEANS, CAPS, AND EVEN OTHER SCORPS, AND I AM THE ONLY VIRGO IN MY FAMILY....AND THE RESPONSIBLITY OF THAT SELFISH BASTARD FALLS INTO MY LAP...I WISH HE'D JUST TERMINATE ALREADY; HE'S A WASTE OF LIFE, AND KNOWS THAT....SO WHY CONTINUE TO LIVE AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHERS????? WHAT LIFE DOES HE HAVE LEFT AFTER SACRIFICING IT!?!?!?!?.....I have strong feelings, and they won't leave me.....I know that that is just my nature; I am my OWN VIRGO, and this one knows what it is to have powerful emotions; but they have never made me feel incapable of dealing....it is apart of 'REALITY' to deal, and stress, and pitch powerful emotions back-and-forth between ourselves, outward at others, and inward at ourselves...
VE: Wow, that is very powerful crap going on in your life, sorry. It sounds familiar though. The Virguy I know has been through crap like that. He took care of his father while he was dying and his grandfather and nobody else did. His father wasn't around much while growing up and he had a stepfather that he hated beyond belief. I think it is very honarable that you take care of things for everyone but, you also need have someone to talk to and help you through the emotional BS. If you don't, it might make it harder in life to let people into your life. It's not bad that you feel that way, it's honest and no one can fault you for that.
Decan: I have never done anything unloyal to him. I'm friendly with people yes and so is he. I have never been cuddly with anyone else while we were dating. I talked with people all the time. I don't care whether I get attention from others or not, those people arent' important to me and he was and is but, just because I talk with people doesn't mean I want to be with them. That is just high school crap. After we broke up, I know a lot of people he knows asked me out and some wouldn't because they thought it was wrong. This past weekend he told me he was not good enough for me and that I scared him because he is not used to dating someone like me. We might of had a break through this past weekend and we are talking this week but, I guess I will have to wait and see if it last longer than a few weeks. He told me he is not sure if he wants to try dating again but, he would like to just take it slow and see what happens. I'm not sure what that means but, I will give him his space.
Decan: I have never done anything unloyal to him. I'm friendly with people yes and so is he. I have never been cuddly with anyone else while we were dating. I talked with people all the time. I don't care whether I get attention from others or not, those people arent' important to me and he was and is but, just because I talk with people doesn't mean I want to be with them. That is just high school crap. After we broke up, I know a lot of people he knows asked me out and some wouldn't because they thought it was wrong. This past weekend he told me he was not good enough for me and that I scared him because he is not used to dating someone like me. We might of had a break through this past weekend and we are talking this week but, I guess I will have to wait and see if it last longer than a few weeks. He told me he is not sure if he wants to try dating again but, he would like to just take it slow and see what happens. I'm not sure what that means but, I will give him his space.
Yes I understand sweet heart(s); It is powerful what I feel, and for ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'D LIKE TO BE THE WEAK ONE!!!!.I don't like being called a victim, but my whole life through, my father was just this weak, pathetic thing; scorpions are s'posed to be STRONG; or is MINE deffective????? lol!!!!. The people in my life aren't people I can just RESPECT; that is core in my being; if I cannot respect you, or show myself in my entire being to you in confidence; I LOSE FAITH; I think that is why I seem so bitter, but I still hold on for that one, or those ones whom I can rely on and share with; I always EXPECTED to be an ANGEL; that was not my choice, I would have prefered freedom, and self-expression; they gave me nothing to hope for, and left me with shards of glass in my heart.....I know in time I will heal, but....why? why do people do that to each other?; I know the answer is indeterminate, but still; why!? I am a human, and I'd like to break too!!....but I can't; I am not asking for pitty, I just would like to just move on with my own existence, and make something of it.
Sweethearts, I am capable of dealing; I am strong, and I KNOW IT; I will not allow ONE WEAK SCORPION TO STAND IN MY WAY. I have been through alot, and I consider him one more obstacle...powerful emotions, and outbursts, have been a survial mechanism for me...I don't like admitting it, feeling weak, or having 'weak moments' because I don't HAVE ANYONE TO FALL ON IF I DO FALL APART....My mother is a Gemini, and really isn't capable of taking my intense emotions; I like to really 'dig in' to a problem, and explore it till it is gone never to return, she just hasn't been the type of mother I need for emotional stuff.... I accept it in her...she blows wind of a subject, and won't touch it again I think she's afraid to go deep; to explore her vulnerabilites....she's let me down alot, and my father...ha, well I'm still believing I'm an 'imaculant conception' lol!!. Anyway, I turn 18 in September, and I'll do it up for me....I know there's bad stuff in our lives to make us stronger, and more capable of dealing for the harsh situations; I can deal, and survive; I made it into this world, I survived so far, so.....bring on the next challenge!!!
*confidently stands, while waving the next foe on*
*confidently stands, while waving the next foe on*
I guess I'm just saying I CANNOT ALLOW MYSELF TO BE WEAK. I have to survive...I never had a place where I could just scream; so for a while I just 'muted'....for six months, I wouldn't talk; I wouldn't go outside, except to school, I BARELY ATE....I lost lots of weight, and teachers asked what was wrong, I'd just look at them as if to say, "yeah everything's wrong, but can YOU fix it????....what does it matter????" (I don't want ya to think I went through some 'Sybil' abuse lol!!') It's just life was HOPELESS....I felt weak, like my life didn't matter....untill I MADE IT MATTER; I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO THAT....NOBODY'S THERE TO HELP...I MUST LIVE IF ONLY FOR ME...PERHAPS I MAKE TOO MUCH OF THIS....BUT MY FEELINGS VALIDATE THESE BELIEFS....Is this real????
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