Can this ever work out?

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by AprilTaurus on Wednesday, April 24, 2013 and has 41 replies.
Hi everyone...
I met this lovely Virgo guy 2 months ago and I know its early days but I cant read him at times.
So far I have met him 4 times...the first time was a date and the other 3 times we chilled either at mine or his place (no sex but we have kissed). He is so caring when we are together, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead and I always catch him staring at me lol.
We text/speak on the phone regularly and flirt alot. He works out of town and only comes home on weekends but I dont see him every time he comes home. I do understand that he will be busy catching up with friends/family etc when he is in town but I thought that if he really liked me he would try and make time for me as well. I do have a social life and hang out with friends on weekends (which he doesn't know because he hardly ever asks me for my weekend plans) but I find it a bit strange.
I have also noticed him getting moody once a while and I do give him space but then the next day he would complain about not hearing from me. Things are going extremely slow which I'm not really used to and I don't know how to bring up the issue without him thinking i'm trying to rush into a relationship. I would just like for us to get to know each other better by spending more time together.
Is this how virgo men behave or am I wasting my time here?
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Also wanted to add that he is very friendly and compliments me alot but I have a feeling it is just part of his personality and has nothing to do with me since he has quite a few female friends.
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Virgos have to be lead ... you cannot sit back and have them chase you .... how many times do I have to say this to women?

Look at all the threads in here where women do just what you are doing. They start this attraction-based dance with the Virgo, he shows his interest, then he retreats while making it known to the woman that he likes her ... that is him waiting for her to take charge.

Again, I will repeat, and I will repeat as many times as it takes ...... you HAVE to lead the Virgo in the suitors chase, he is the submissive one once he is sure you understand he likes you. He will sit back and await for you to come get him.

If you want him, you have to take charge of the relationship, you even said yourself, "him getting moody once a while and I do give him space but then the next day he would complain about not hearing from me" .... you are about to lose him, and will if you aren't capable of leading him in a relationship.

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Thanks very much for your post. I wasn't aware that Virgos need to be lead.
So that means I would have to initiate dates/calls etc?? But since he is a moody guy wouldn't that even push him further away?

I'm happy I found this forum because I think there is a lot I need to learn about Virgos.
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To lead, doens't mean pushy. don't bombard him with texts ... but, yes, initiate often.

A Virgo guy wants a woman who is strong and confident, a woman who is capable of being without him.

Here's the thing, women come in here with attention issues, and are obviously so emotionally needy that they look for the Virgo to support thier feelings ... they want the virgo to want to want them, and find it difficult to actually get the Virgo to want them. Yeah, that's because they are attempting to emotionally entrap the Virgo by acting like they need emotional rescue.
A damsel in emotional distress might work for other men, but, that is what repels the Virgo. If you can't handle your own goddam self, then they don't want you.
That is what I mean by taking charge.
To call him or text him, to initiate is a good thing to do, so long as you aren't presenting yourself like a whiny female who needs him to come save you from yourself, like alls these women do. Say, "hey sup" ... not, "I miss you, why haven't you called me"
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I don't mean lead, as in you trying to decide every facet of his life for him ... I mean exude confidence and emotional fortitude over yourself, while presenting to him that you want him to take care of you, not NEED him to.

Only then will he want to because he will know that you want him for him .... if you aren't capable of taking care of your own feelings, then you will never get him.

And just look around here in dxp .. you'll see women failing at every turn because they have the Virgo believing that they can't manage a whole day without emotional encouragement.
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Posted by P-Angel
V

Look at all the threads in here where women do just what you are doing. They start this attraction-based dance with the Virgo, he shows his interest, then he retreats while making it known to the woman that he likes her ... that is him waiting for her to take charge.




^^^^I agree. My Virgo friend has only really once or twice initiated plans to meet up. He states he wants to see me, but it is usually me taking the lead on it all. But he will be there. And we are a good distance apart. The last time I saw him, he asked me if I missed him. (OK, that threw me for a loop, wasn't expect that from him) I told him of course I did. In return I asked him the same playfully (I am not the mushy needing validation type). He replied, I wouldn't be if I didn't. That is all that needed to be said, he is straight forward and I knew he was telling me the truth.
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@ P-Angel that makes sense. Thanks for your comment.
@TheLioness same here...he only initiated once...the other 3 times I initiated it. At least your virgo friend states that he wants to see you. I dont get anyting...no sign or hint lol. I invited him to a friends birthday dinner and he was very excited about it and even called me the evening before to arrange what time he should pick me up. On the day of my friends bday dinner he cancelled via text saying that he didn't feel so well. I was very disappointed but wished him a speedy recovery.
This guy is very different from any other guys I have dated but really didnt think it had anything to do with his star sign until my friend who is big on Astrology referred me to this site lol
The weekend is fast approaching and even though we spoke yesterday, he didn't mention anything about meeting up when he is in town this weekend. Since I do really want to see him, I will lead/initiate as P-Angel suggested and hope he doesn't cancel on me again
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Posted by AprilTaurus

@TheLioness same here...he only initiated once...the other 3 times I initiated it. At least your virgo friend states that he wants to see you. I dont get anyting...no sign or hint lol. I invited him to a friends birthday dinner and he was very excited about it and even called me the evening before to arrange what time he should pick me up. On the day of my friends bday dinner he cancelled via text saying that he didn't feel so well. I was very disappointed but wished him a speedy recovery.
This guy is very different from any other guys I have dated but really didnt think it had anything to do with his star sign until my friend who is big on Astrology referred me to this site lol
The weekend is fast approaching and even though we spoke yesterday, he didn't mention anything about meeting up when he is in town this weekend. Since I do really want to see him, I will lead/initiate as P-Angel suggested and hope he doesn't cancel on me again


I see the missed encounters with Virgos. The last time he really pushed to see me, I had to break the meet ups a few times because something always came up or happened that took precedence. But, with also, I know he has a busy life and full time single parent, so there are things that take precedence over me. He has even made the comment about missed meetings and the build up from it. But I am also in no place in my life for a relationship so I do not fret it in that way. It is what it is.
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P-Angel you are SOO right on with this! I'm a Virgal and I've been dating my guy for almost 8 months now; I think I may have initiated plans once. It doesn't even occur to me to try. I mean if I'm talking to him then I'm giving him the opportunity to make plans with me. It's really a test (for me at least) to gauge continued interest. If you're not trying to spend time with me when you know I like you then you obviously aren't interested and I need to move on.
I worked on travel the 1st 2 months I was dating my guy and was only home on the weekends. I would send him a text on Friday mornings letting him know I was coming to town but I would NEVER ask to see him. That text was me opening the door for him to make plans with me.
Oh and if we do initiate plans that means we REALLY want to see you and you are not making plans with us like we want you to. (That's what it means for me at least) This is actually not a good thing because if I'm forced to initiate plans I will begin to believe that you're not interested and I resent the fact that I like you so much that I'm initiating plans. This will lead to my permanent disappearance...
It's a delicate dance. You must lead without appearing too interested...too needy...too available...too much. Good luck!
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Posted by redlobster
OMG - I once upon a time went round and round for 11 months with a virgo (sept) born male. My head finally fell off - this is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much work with these dudes. It's ok to do this dance in the beginning, but it gets OLD way - and exhausting. No thanks!


I can only imagine @redlobster, sad part is I never even realized I do this until P-Angel pointed it out. Sometime I'll just be siting at home fuming because he hasn't made plans with me. I could easily just ring him and make plans myself but it's like I'm literally unable to do it...not really sure why. It's like there's some sort of mental block there that prevents me from making the first move even when I want to. It takes a special person to be with a Virgo
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+1 Redlobster
Virgo guys are lazy towards the women they don't intend on marrying, I'm not sure what it is about Virgo men and effort but unless he's put a ring on it, planned his life around one particular woman, he's just waiting on the right one but she'll do until that happens.
I don't recommend putting in all that effort unless he's doing something equally or more to ensure he's invested 100% without it he's just biding his time. It takes 2 people to be in a real relationship, if a woman is the only one initiating something is wrong, he's either too lazy or just not interested enough.
If he's initiating at least 60 $ to 75% of the time then he's interested, if not, he has other selfish motives/intentions.
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+1 neuroticvirgo
this "It's a delicate dance. You must lead without appearing too interested...too needy...too available...too much. Good luck!"
60%
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yes this!
I'd to initiate most times in the beginning with my virgo. omagawwwwww
something I won't do with other men, but had to with this virgo man.

Posted by P-Angel
Virgos have to be lead ... you cannot sit back and have them chase you .... how many times do I have to say this to women?
To lead, doens't mean pushy. don't bombard him with texts ... but, yes, initiate often.



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this too! wow pangel
Posted by P-Angel
Again, I will repeat, and I will repeat as many times as it takes ...... you HAVE to lead the Virgo in the suitors chase, he is the submissive one once he is sure you understand he likes you. He will sit back and await for you to come get him.



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You're welcome. smile
Now, if you girls want him ..... go get him
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It's like reverse submission... submission is a form of control. Essentially we want someone strong enough to submit to but really it's a controlled submission. We will submit to you for a long as you appear strong enough to lead us. Any sign of weakness and we will reclaim our controlled position. Submission gives a Virgo one less thing to worry about; problem is there are too few people that are strong enough to lead us. It's not your fault; it's next to impossible to lead an anal retentive, know it all, OCD, control freak, who's side seat driving the entire time you're trying to lead. We want to give you control, we just don't know how. So you have to take control without appearing to take control. If you pay attention that's essentially how a Virgo behaves in any relationship. We subtly take control by being helpful and infiltrate your life making it run like the well-oiled machine we think it should be... #endsrant
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Posted by neuroticvirgo
It's like reverse submission... submission is a form of control. Essentially we want someone strong enough to submit to but really it's a controlled submission. We will submit to you for a long as you appear strong enough to lead us. Any sign of weakness and we will reclaim our controlled position. Submission gives a Virgo one less thing to worry about; problem is there are too few people that are strong enough to lead us. It's not your fault; it's next to impossible to lead an anal retentive, know it all, OCD, control freak, who's side seat driving the entire time you're trying to lead. We want to give you control, we just don't know how. So you have to take control without appearing to take control. If you pay attention that's essentially how a Virgo behaves in any relationship. We subtly take control by being helpful and infiltrate your life making it run like the well-oiled machine we think it should be... #endsrant


Thee absolute truth! Im no Virgo but Ive noticed this a long time ago about Virgos. You all play a position that "appears" non dominant or weaker, but its still very controlling. You get to play in the backseat, observe the person...to the pt where you know them inside out, AND situation, step up whisper something in their ear that can completely influence them to change direction.
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Hmmm you guys make it sound sooo easy - I don't mind initiating once in a while but I don't feel comfortable initiating Plans ALL the time. He knows I like him but i'm starting to doubt his feelings for me. How would I really know if I always initiate Dates? I texted him a while ago saying that I liked him and how he felt about us since i'm getting a mixed vibe from him. He read the text but hasn't replied yet. I am not upset about that - I just hope that whenever he decides to reply within the next couple of days, he would give me an honest and straight forward answer. I probably shouldn't have texted him that message but I just needed to get it off my chest.
neuroticvirgo - so your Man initiate plans?..well thats what I want but not getting from my Virgo boy lol
P-Angel suggested that I (woman) take the lead and initiate more x
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Posted by neuroticvirgo
It's like reverse submission... submission is a form of control. Essentially we want someone strong enough to submit to but really it's a controlled submission. We will submit to you for a long as you appear strong enough to lead us. Any sign of weakness and we will reclaim our controlled position. Submission gives a Virgo one less thing to worry about; problem is there are too few people that are strong enough to lead us. It's not your fault; it's next to impossible to lead an anal retentive, know it all, OCD, control freak, who's side seat driving the entire time you're trying to lead. We want to give you control, we just don't know how. So you have to take control without appearing to take control. If you pay attention that's essentially how a Virgo behaves in any relationship. We subtly take control by being helpful and infiltrate your life making it run like the well-oiled machine we think it should be... #endsrant


+ infinity
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"You sound like a FUCKING house SLAVE. Wtf. he doesnt' do anything but WORK, if that's what VIRGOS are all about, they can go kick rocks.
Are you stuck in the 1950s?"
LOL!! +1
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If he's put a ring on her finger I don't see an issue with what she's doing, if he hasn't put a ring on her finger well I don't see the point of being his girlfriend house wife but to each her own.
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"It's really not about acting like you don't need someone, or that you are not that interested, or that you are NOT needy. If you have to actually force yourself to project a personality that is NOT yours then you are not well. Instead of trying to use cheap tricks to lure your Virgo in, attempting to seem like you are emotionally mature."
I'm married but not married to a Virgo. The only cheap trick is you cooking and cleaning and pretending to be a good wife as if that ring will magically come to you. The curb is waiting on you and you'll be kicked to it really soon. The behavior you display is desperate and don't think your Virgo isn't calculating every move you make and looking for an exit, it'll come soon. All that sneaky tap dancing you're doing will get you the boot.
You think women haven't done what you're doing LOL! Plenty of women are doing it, many many moons ago pre-DXP I did the same thing then I found DXP LOL! Of course I learned better, got married after I stopped the desperate behavior. Been there done that, so many women are doing what you are doing without a ring and most if not all of them get the boot to the curb.
You'll be doing the DXP howl by summer when his testosterone level swings or before winter/Christmas to be exact LOL! Hopefully you got a ring and a date set.
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Posted by RomancingA
Posted by tiki33
"It's really not about acting like you don't need someone, or that you are not that interested, or that you are NOT needy. If you have to actually force yourself to project a personality that is NOT yours then you are not well. Instead of trying to use cheap tricks to lure your Virgo in, attempting to seem like you are emotionally mature."
I'm married but not married to a Virgo. The only cheap trick is you cooking and cleaning and pretending to be a good wife as if that ring will magically come to you. The curb is waiting on you and you'll be kicked to it really soon. The behavior you display is desperate and don't think your Virgo isn't calculating every move you make and looking for an exit, it'll come soon. All that sneaky tap dancing you're doing will get you the boot.
You think women haven't done what you're doing LOL! Plenty of women are doing it, many many moons ago pre-DXP I did the same thing then I found DXP LOL! Of course I learned better, got married after I stopped the desperate behavior. Been there done that, so many women are doing what you are doing without a ring and most if not all of them get the boot to the curb.
You'll be doing the DXP howl by summer when his testosterone level swings or before winter/Christmas to be exact LOL! Hopefully you got a ring and a date set.


I think what you are doing is attempting to attack me, nice try but you are missing ONE thing.....this girl does have a ring on her finger. There is no pretending in my life to be anything. I have no fear and I don't pretend to be anything. Like I mentioned...I would have the same routine in life even if he wasn't in it. I guess being a clean person who has their head straight, is your version of "pretending to be a good house wife". I work and go to school at the same time and I take care of myself and my home....how is that being a house wife?
I could call some names as well, but labeling someone as desperate because they like to take care of their partner and their home is kinda sad. We've been together for YEARS,....so don't worry yourself. I got this guy down to a T and he is happy smile
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Ring on your finger...Confirmed, enough said.

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Just spoken to my virgo friend. He said he really liked me but did not want to rush into this relationship. He wants us to get to know one another much better. I can't say it didn't hurt hearing this which I also told him.
Yes this guy is very very different from other guys I've met and I thought that if guys really wanted a woman then they would go for her which is why I'm a bit disappointed.
Anyway I think this would be too much of a risk for me because I don't want to be lead on for years. I will back off and just go ahead with my life and keep it casual with him as friends.
Thanks to everyone for their contributions, I guess I'm not as strong as I thought smile
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^^^ Totally, if leading a man is not your natural response, then don't make yourself. There are other men out there that will be glad to take some charge & treat YOU like a treasure... Not the other way around. Good luck smile
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This thread is very interesting. A lot of insight. Here is my question. What is up with the secrecy or what appears to be?
Example: Virgo told me he went out of town and where. I responded "oh, when did you go there?" He then asked my why it mattered. I was simply making conversation.
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sigh Virgos. I don't think he'll lead you on for years. He likes you, it's just a slow process in the beginning. Ya if you feel safer this way, keep it casual as friends.

Posted by AprilTaurus
Just spoken to my virgo friend. He said he really liked me but did not want to rush into this relationship. He wants us to get to know one another much better. I can't say it didn't hurt hearing this which I also told him.
Yes this guy is very very different from other guys I've met and I thought that if guys really wanted a woman then they would go for her which is why I'm a bit disappointed.
Anyway I think this would be too much of a risk for me because I don't want to be lead on for years. I will back off and just go ahead with my life and keep it casual with him as friends.
Thanks to everyone for their contributions, I guess I'm not as strong as I thought smile

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Posted by VirgoFlirt
Posted by christinelovessnickers
This thread is very interesting. A lot of insight. Here is my question. What is up with the secrecy or what appears to be?
Example: Virgo told me he went out of town and where. I responded "oh, when did you go there?" He then asked my why it mattered. I was simply making conversation.


We don't or I can't expect to have to tell you every where we go and why. I'm not going to hound YOU 24/7 about what and where you go. There has to be some trust somewhere here right?
At least he TOLD YOU he went out of town. Some where in him has a bit a respect for you.
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True about telling me. However, the question hadn't been intentionally disrespectful. It was simply (to me) just conversation. Had nothing to do with a lack of trust for me.
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Posted by christinelovessnickers
This thread is very interesting. A lot of insight. Here is my question. What is up with the secrecy or what appears to be?
Example: Virgo told me he went out of town and where. I responded "oh, when did you go there?" He then asked my why it mattered. I was simply making conversation.


I'm surprised you didn't ask him why it mattered to tell you in the first place. I believe this is his way of being controlling, he is teaching you not ask questions.
A friend of mine is a Virgo and the same ole secret odd behavior. Everything is a secret but ain't shit going on, boring as all hell. Next time just look at him with amusement & interest as if you really give a fuck LOL, change subject about YOU and your life if that's how he wanna play it, don't make it about him, next.
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This thread makes me laugh so hard..
What kind of Virgos do these ladies run into? Virgos preferring being led? LMAO, if you tell that to any of my ex-GF's they'll laugh their asses off cause it couldnt be any further from the truth, in my case.
Also the secretive stuff, Im too honest and impatient to withhold information, why complicate matters if you can just give a straight and honest answer? I never have the patience to deal with the negative consequences of creating mystery and secretiveness, Im not a fucking scorpio for fucks sake!
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Also the secretive stuff, Im too honest and impatient to withhold information, why complicate matters if you can just give a straight and honest answer? I never have the patience to deal with the negative consequences of creating mystery and secretiveness, Im not a fucking scorpio for fucks sake!

That's exactly what I think. He can be really forthcoming with a lot of things, but the times he reacts makes me wonder. Maybe it is the situation like Virgoflirt described.
If this is a control thing, well, he should have figured out that it won't work on me.we have known each other about (if not) 8 years. He would only be fooling himself if he thinks I won't ask conversational questions.Even more probing ones from time to time.
I know I would have no problem sharing info unless I was purposefully trying to hide something. Maybe we are just different in that way, open book vs locked diary. We are friends, so really the whole thing doesn't matter.
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Rude of him to say that. Exactly, you were just making a conversation (say this to him).

Posted by christinelovessnickers
This thread is very interesting. A lot of insight. Here is my question. What is up with the secrecy or what appears to be?
Example: Virgo told me he went out of town and where. I responded "oh, when did you go there?" He then asked my why it mattered. I was simply making conversation.

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Every virgo is different. You must see the Mars sign and other position. That's how they get what they want.
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
This thread makes me laugh so hard..
What kind of Virgos do these ladies run into? Virgos preferring being led? LMAO, if you tell that to any of my ex-GF's they'll laugh their asses off cause it couldnt be any further from the truth, in my case.
Also the secretive stuff, Im too honest and impatient to withhold information, why complicate matters if you can just give a straight and honest answer? I never have the patience to deal with the negative consequences of creating mystery and secretiveness, Im not a fucking scorpio for fucks sake!

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Posted by applemint_fv
Every virgo is different. You must see the Mars sign and other position. That's how they get what they want.
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
This thread makes me laugh so hard..
What kind of Virgos do these ladies run into? Virgos preferring being led? LMAO, if you tell that to any of my ex-GF's they'll laugh their asses off cause it couldnt be any further from the truth, in my case.
Also the secretive stuff, Im too honest and impatient to withhold information, why complicate matters if you can just give a straight and honest answer? I never have the patience to deal with the negative consequences of creating mystery and secretiveness, Im not a fucking scorpio for fucks sake!


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You're trying to teach me astrology? Tongue lol
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Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
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Good
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Haha I don't learn! I asked him a question after he told me something. "Really!" Was the response. I kinda told him off (not harshly). Stated it was just conversation and didn't mean anything by it. He just replied that he didn't say that I meant anything by it. But we had a really good conversation about things after. I explained that I don't normally go back to people....he has been the only one. He asked why I couldn't view it as moving forward instead of backwards. Good question! lol.
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Virgo friend still contacts me regularly...but whats up with his empty promises all the damn time? Today is the 3rd time he would not follow up on his promise of us meeting up. Thank goodness I always had a back up plan. Is this how to treat a friend? smh
I saw him at a friends BBQ today (unexpected) and after exchanging hello's he totally ignored me. Today was the first time we saw in 4 weeks. I'm starting to get tired of his BS...why cant we be cordial? He said he wanted friendship, I accepted and decided to back off without any drama. He is 30...a grown a** man. Yes I'm venting lol
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lool this is my first encounter with a virgo and I met him through a friend
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Posted by AprilTaurus
Today was the first time we saw in 4 weeks. I'm starting to get tired of his BS...why cant we be cordial?
He said he wanted friendship, I accepted and decided to back off without any drama. He is 30...a grown a** man. Yes I'm venting lol




You don't seem to be getting tired of it, in fact, you went out of your way to search for this thread, so you could share in and participate in the drama with us.
You have always had the opportunity in choosing not to relate with him, since you describe the situation as not being something that makes you happy ... yet, you continue to CHOOSE the drama by means of not only thinking about it, you also form opinions of how you feel, which means = you are opposite of tiring, opposite of backing off.
Whether he can or cannot be cordial with you isn't the issue here ... the issue here is that instead of utilizing your own self to decide what is right/good for you, you resort to being helpless of making up your own mind and leaving it his responsibility to make provisions for you to care.
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