Can virgos take what they dish out?
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by cancerLA on Thursday, August 17, 2006 and has 19 replies.
Ok....now that I have your attention I have a question for the virgos that is much less threatening.
I just ended a relationship with a virgo. We had a wonderful, deep, and close friendship throughout, but had the usual issues once we split. One thing that I noticed and what has probably ended our friendship, is that for as many complaints as the virgo had against me....the moment I voiced a complaint (and my list was never even a fraction as long as theirs) the virgo felt "demonized" and immediately withdrew and wanted to discount everything that I said. What is that all about?
The virgo could complain about me week in and week out, and once I tried to voice my concerns, I was suddenly making them "the bad guy"....as if I had literally made up what I said. So frustrating...
I just ended a relationship with a virgo. We had a wonderful, deep, and close friendship throughout, but had the usual issues once we split. One thing that I noticed and what has probably ended our friendship, is that for as many complaints as the virgo had against me....the moment I voiced a complaint (and my list was never even a fraction as long as theirs) the virgo felt "demonized" and immediately withdrew and wanted to discount everything that I said. What is that all about?
The virgo could complain about me week in and week out, and once I tried to voice my concerns, I was suddenly making them "the bad guy"....as if I had literally made up what I said. So frustrating...
Wow, okay ... this is good to know ...... explains a whole alot .....
....and they make you out to look and feel like your "CRAZY"...when you want to talk about the point in matter, they twist it to their advantage and change the subject and or smoothly guide you onto another trigger point to take the subject they know they are wrong about to an area of a past complaint they have pointed out to you. Sound familiar? There is something about guilt (yep, when they screw up) that they cannot handle. Somehow they can ALMOST make themselves look right and justified. Then they walk away feeling better about themselves, hide for a few days or more, as if you are dead, then show up again with that sweet smile and twinkle in their eye and act amazed (key word act) and taken aback that you are still a bit tiffed. Then again, somehow they smooth it over, tell you that "hey, I wanted us or YOU to chill for a while cause it wasn't getting anywhere" - another words, 'look, I was right, get over it life is too short'
@ all that stuff -- capricorn or not, this kind of behavoir would get on my nerves. We either some to talk about some really "heavy" things before stuff became too serious or I'm leaving while the getting is good!
No one should make someone feel like this ... ugh!!!!
....and they make you out to look and feel like your "CRAZY"...when you want to talk about the point in matter, they twist it to their advantage and change the subject and or smoothly guide you onto another trigger point to take the subject they know they are wrong about to an area of a past complaint they have pointed out to you. Sound familiar? There is something about guilt (yep, when they screw up) that they cannot handle. Somehow they can ALMOST make themselves look right and justified. Then they walk away feeling better about themselves, hide for a few days or more, as if you are dead, then show up again with that sweet smile and twinkle in their eye and act amazed (key word act) and taken aback that you are still a bit tiffed. Then again, somehow they smooth it over, tell you that "hey, I wanted us or YOU to chill for a while cause it wasn't getting anywhere" - another words, 'look, I was right, get over it life is too short'
@ all that stuff -- capricorn or not, this kind of behavoir would get on my nerves. We either some to talk about some really "heavy" things before stuff became too serious or I'm leaving while the getting is good!No one should make someone feel like this ... ugh!!!!
That's strange. Virgos are usually the FIRST to analyze their mistakes and admit they performed less than perfect.
I know I never have any issue when I am wrong, and endeavor to make amends as quickly as possible.
I know I never have any issue when I am wrong, and endeavor to make amends as quickly as possible.
Well Virguy62 let me clarify a few things:
First, I'm no "virgo hater" I like virgos generallly speaking. My mother, the best mom in the universe, is a virgo (cusp of leO0. So is my grandmother and one of my best friends. Another one of my best friends in the world is a virgo on the cusp of Leo like my mother.
Now with this whole sign business, I'm never fan of lumping every member of any group into one homogenous entity. To know one is not to know all of them...but you do get clues.
In this particular virgo's case, you're dealing with a childhood that was not only dysfunctional, but traumatic. Abandonment, unloved, abused (and that's just immediate family).....beaten and attack by other kids, etc. On top of that this is a middle of september virgo who is very high strung and critical of everyone else.
Can they admit their mistakes? Yeah, they can. So you are right in that respect. However, there is a certain family of issues that they guard with their life and if you bring them up and ask that they attempt to change them all of a sudden something is wrong with you, not them.
In this particular instance, all I asked was that they give me the same (or at least similiar) patience that I respond to them when angry at the other person about something they've done or said. I pointed out examples where I responded to them by pretty much understanding and moving on, and then they responded to me in similar circumstances by getting an attitude, flinging insults, giving me the "classic" virgo cold shoulder, raising their voice, etc.
I asked that they not do this if we were to remain friends.
And for that, I'm "demonizing them".
One thing that I have noticed about many (not all) virgos----including my wonderful mother----is that yeah, they may be willing to admit to their faults, but only when and if they can somehow save face. The complete vulnerability of copping to something where there is no "justifiable reason" that will explain away what they've done makes their skin crawl. Many of them are so judgemental of other people that when the light is shone on them they can't stand it, because it knocks them off their perch of being "a good person" (in their eyes). What many virgos can learn is that admitting that you are completely wrong about something that you've done where there is just no redeeming yourself does not make you look like a bad person to someone who cares about you. (continued below....)
First, I'm no "virgo hater" I like virgos generallly speaking. My mother, the best mom in the universe, is a virgo (cusp of leO0. So is my grandmother and one of my best friends. Another one of my best friends in the world is a virgo on the cusp of Leo like my mother.
Now with this whole sign business, I'm never fan of lumping every member of any group into one homogenous entity. To know one is not to know all of them...but you do get clues.
In this particular virgo's case, you're dealing with a childhood that was not only dysfunctional, but traumatic. Abandonment, unloved, abused (and that's just immediate family).....beaten and attack by other kids, etc. On top of that this is a middle of september virgo who is very high strung and critical of everyone else.
Can they admit their mistakes? Yeah, they can. So you are right in that respect. However, there is a certain family of issues that they guard with their life and if you bring them up and ask that they attempt to change them all of a sudden something is wrong with you, not them.
In this particular instance, all I asked was that they give me the same (or at least similiar) patience that I respond to them when angry at the other person about something they've done or said. I pointed out examples where I responded to them by pretty much understanding and moving on, and then they responded to me in similar circumstances by getting an attitude, flinging insults, giving me the "classic" virgo cold shoulder, raising their voice, etc.
I asked that they not do this if we were to remain friends.
And for that, I'm "demonizing them".
One thing that I have noticed about many (not all) virgos----including my wonderful mother----is that yeah, they may be willing to admit to their faults, but only when and if they can somehow save face. The complete vulnerability of copping to something where there is no "justifiable reason" that will explain away what they've done makes their skin crawl. Many of them are so judgemental of other people that when the light is shone on them they can't stand it, because it knocks them off their perch of being "a good person" (in their eyes). What many virgos can learn is that admitting that you are completely wrong about something that you've done where there is just no redeeming yourself does not make you look like a bad person to someone who cares about you. (continued below....)
However, not copping to it makes you seem selfish, unappreciative, and cold to the person who is simply trying to work some issues out with you.
A lot of virgos want you to respond to every complaint on their list of 1000 about you, but if you bring 5 complaints to the table, they tell you that you're wrong or crazy for even thinking that 4 of them are possible because "I'm a good person". "I don't do that".
But you do.
What probably adds fuel to the flame is that when I do voice a complaint about something, I am VERY detailed will stating my case just to show that its not something that I'm making up. At the same time, I offer my own apologies for anything that i've done to feed the negativity. But all this particular virgo saw was a very good argument that painted them in a light that did not make them look as good as they would prefer to. Too bad. Why should I pretend that you are someone that you aren't just because you cannot handle an honest mirror in your face? Especially when you are always holding the mirror in front of me....
A lot of virgos want you to respond to every complaint on their list of 1000 about you, but if you bring 5 complaints to the table, they tell you that you're wrong or crazy for even thinking that 4 of them are possible because "I'm a good person". "I don't do that".
But you do.
What probably adds fuel to the flame is that when I do voice a complaint about something, I am VERY detailed will stating my case just to show that its not something that I'm making up. At the same time, I offer my own apologies for anything that i've done to feed the negativity. But all this particular virgo saw was a very good argument that painted them in a light that did not make them look as good as they would prefer to. Too bad. Why should I pretend that you are someone that you aren't just because you cannot handle an honest mirror in your face? Especially when you are always holding the mirror in front of me....
My take right now is that for ME (everyone's different), virgos are some of the best people on EARTH when it comes on having a loyal friend that you an depend on....but when it comes to romantic relationships my personal experience has found it be a lot of work with little reward. You may as well be friends anyway because there is often a lack of affection and romance....its basically like having a good buddy that you split bills with and sleep on the other side of the bed from.
....another thing this virgo used to do is blame their own short comings on being a virgo (anything to not have the flaw rest on them).
After completely wigging out, they'd send me a message saying like "Well, you know I'm a typical virgo so sometimes I forget about the emotional part and think on logic"
My response would be something like..."I really don't appreciate 'virgo' being blamed for everything that X(insert ex's n ame) does. I don't know 'virgo'. i know 'X'. And as intelligent as you are I just can't believe that your sign possessed you to do something without your knowing or consent. When we do things we know exactly what we are doing are atually not bling or 'astrolgoically possesed' at all. It's just that in that moment, we don't care. That's human natuare and we are all like that....so if one of us has wrong the other, how about we just cop to it, apologize for what WE've done, and stop blaming everything on abstractions?
Of course they couldn't handle that....in fact, they no longer wanted to be friends after that comment. Once again, completely freaks out when there is no "justifiable excuse" for something they've done that is foul.
After completely wigging out, they'd send me a message saying like "Well, you know I'm a typical virgo so sometimes I forget about the emotional part and think on logic"
My response would be something like..."I really don't appreciate 'virgo' being blamed for everything that X(insert ex's n ame) does. I don't know 'virgo'. i know 'X'. And as intelligent as you are I just can't believe that your sign possessed you to do something without your knowing or consent. When we do things we know exactly what we are doing are atually not bling or 'astrolgoically possesed' at all. It's just that in that moment, we don't care. That's human natuare and we are all like that....so if one of us has wrong the other, how about we just cop to it, apologize for what WE've done, and stop blaming everything on abstractions?
Of course they couldn't handle that....in fact, they no longer wanted to be friends after that comment. Once again, completely freaks out when there is no "justifiable excuse" for something they've done that is foul.
No....I don't think they can handle taking it as much as giving it to you...I have come to the conclusion that it would be better just to be friends with a Virgo male than to actually date him. I started realizing that he does treat his friends better than the women he dates. They are way too emotional and hiprocrits. (I think I spelled that wrong)
Wow, that's odd, because I could swear, I always treat my girl far greater than I treat friends, and I do treat my friends quite well... but this could be my Venus in Leo...
Yeah, I'll still have my moments, but doesn't everyone?
Yeah, I'll still have my moments, but doesn't everyone?
well if you're just dating someone I don't think that is enough to justify you treating them better than your friends. My main issues with some virgos is that they consider "good treatment" to be "good deeds". For instance, if they picked up a piece of paper you left behind...and it IS! But they don't think that criticizing you to death and then turning it on you when you voice your own issues is bad treatment. They feel that you aren't recognizing them. I'd much rather pick the d@mn piece of paper up myself and have someone who can show some reciprocity when owning up to our wrongs will spare me the constant criticism.
Hmmm... well, yeah, turning issues around is no good...
Well, here's me, for the most part, I'm a laid back, easy going type of guy. When problems come up, I'll voice my concerns, and I expect to hear the other person's point of view as well, I'm not going to turn it back on them, I just need to see the issue from many perspectives and try to work through it.
Yeah, if it's something the sets me off (which seriously takes alot), then yeah, I'll break off contact for a couple of days so I can cool down, but I'm not going to come back and try to turn the issue around, more than likely, if I am in the wrong, I'm going to fess up and apologize.
And shoot, if someone who I care about and respect (friends or that Aries gal) has a major issue with the way I do something, I'd rather hear it so I can adjust whatever it is that I'm doing that's really that annoying, stupid, inconsiderate, etc...
Well, here's me, for the most part, I'm a laid back, easy going type of guy. When problems come up, I'll voice my concerns, and I expect to hear the other person's point of view as well, I'm not going to turn it back on them, I just need to see the issue from many perspectives and try to work through it.
Yeah, if it's something the sets me off (which seriously takes alot), then yeah, I'll break off contact for a couple of days so I can cool down, but I'm not going to come back and try to turn the issue around, more than likely, if I am in the wrong, I'm going to fess up and apologize.
And shoot, if someone who I care about and respect (friends or that Aries gal) has a major issue with the way I do something, I'd rather hear it so I can adjust whatever it is that I'm doing that's really that annoying, stupid, inconsiderate, etc...
well virgopmoon, like I said before, I'm not a virgo basher...I think they're great people.....and you sound much like my August 30th good friend virgo...who's one of the most fantastic people i know. Actually in all fairness my ex is a great person as well.....but they've been damaged in some ways that make them reltionship challenged. And its not always a virgo thing with them.......but they're hard knock life has definitely makde some virgo tendencies grow out of proportion and make them a very difficult person to deal with up close.
Yep, Aug 30th VirGuy right here.
Anyways, I was just giving my perspective, I know it didn't really answer your question, but I was hoping it might give a little insight. Not all Virgos will act the same, and I've had my fair share of crap, but I let the past stay in the past, moved on, and things are much better this way. I tend to forgive but I never forget.
Anyways, I was just giving my perspective, I know it didn't really answer your question, but I was hoping it might give a little insight. Not all Virgos will act the same, and I've had my fair share of crap, but I let the past stay in the past, moved on, and things are much better this way. I tend to forgive but I never forget.
I can take it. In fact, self depreciating humor is a mainstay with me. I figure if I cannot laugh at myself, I should not laugh at others.
I take pride in remaining calm when people throw stuff at me. Then I use a short, terse response that usually shuts them up and ahs them trying to hide!
But I use that in self defense, no offensively.
I take pride in remaining calm when people throw stuff at me. Then I use a short, terse response that usually shuts them up and ahs them trying to hide!
But I use that in self defense, no offensively.
lol, I have thought similar things after reading your posts! perhaps it is because we are close in age and experienced, as well as being Virgo. However I am a Libra cusp...not sure if that means much.
It's nice to know I am not the only perfect guy out there though, sorta takes the pressure off, know what I mean!
It's nice to know I am not the only perfect guy out there though, sorta takes the pressure off, know what I mean!
Wow I've learned so much form this discussion. I was seeing a Virgo man, and what I noticed from almost day one is everything seems to set him off. I'm a Cancer so I've pretty sensitive, very laid back, and very nurturing. I have been told I'm very geninue in the way I interact with everyone.. But in the 30 days I've dealt with this Virgo I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster, granted I'm not perfect and when he pointed out something I did that was wrong, I broke my neck to apologize. But his off and on behavior brought me much stress, we'd have a great day together, then I'd hear nothing for 2-3 days when I finally initiated contact. I've read most Virgo men are very insecure and that is what leads to them being so criticial. The smallest thing that most people wouldnt in think about let along make a verbal comment about he had a comment about.. It drove me nuts...Having a decent conversation at times was almost impossible, I'd hung up with him and feel like I was in a fight, I'd have anxiety and have hurt feelings. Meanwhile he'd hung up like nothing was wrong..
He has apologized for a few things he's done in the short time we were seeing each other but in my opinion the things that were the most wrong, he couldnt seem to see he was actually wrong and never apologized..I know I'm a good, decent and overly caring person, I told him from the beginning I wanted nothing from him, just to spend time and enjoy his company. But in return I got demeaning comments and very hurt feelings..I know all Virgos are not like this just wish I could understand his logic or the reason behind the hot and cold...
He has apologized for a few things he's done in the short time we were seeing each other but in my opinion the things that were the most wrong, he couldnt seem to see he was actually wrong and never apologized..I know I'm a good, decent and overly caring person, I told him from the beginning I wanted nothing from him, just to spend time and enjoy his company. But in return I got demeaning comments and very hurt feelings..I know all Virgos are not like this just wish I could understand his logic or the reason behind the hot and cold...
there is no rhyme or reason behind virgos' coldness...its just how they are...your best bet is to fine one with a moon, rising, or family upbringing that counters that. They can be some of the best people if you can come across the kind that are high strung, overly critical, and simply a $ $ hole-ish. If they do have those traits, it literally doesn't make their good traits worth it because you will experience the jerk (almost daily) more than you will experience the person that does nice things to help you (once or twice a week)
Yep strings. 44 next month, AND a Libra cusp...lol
HELL NAW
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