cancer chick asking 4 some virgo assistance please
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by cancercutie on Monday, April 30, 2007 and has 19 replies.
Hi everyone, i am (thought i was) currently in a relationship with a virgo male.
I know that several women on these boards have talked about virgo men and their charecteristics which i am familiar with, but wanted to post my situation to see if anyone can help clarify my current position and also if i am the one that is getting pi $ $ ed over nothing!!
Both me and my boo met on a website, it wasnt a dating website more of a social network and for the first 6 months whilst we were acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, he wasnt ready. Come the new year he said he wanted a relationship but there has been a big problem!! (well according to me!)
We both agreed last year that we would no longer go on the website that we met on, this is because although it is a social network typically men talk to women and women talk to men, however aroudn about march he posted back up his profile and his pics and has been on there several times for the day. Now i appreiciate that he lives far away and doesnt always get the chance to network, but he also lives a complicated life style in terms of family connections and commitments, work, study and everything else that goes on for him. I told myself that this should not be a problem, but last week he guessed that something was up with my tone of voice but we didnt get to finish the conversation as his phone cut out. I heard nothing more from him all last week (coincidently he was logging into the website!)and by friday i had to have a conversation with him...the converstaion was along the lines that he doenst see what the problem is and that is his way of socialising and anyway he doesnt have time to go one there and there are bigger things in life to deal with. In the end i didnt say much but graciously ended the conversation and again have heard nothing from him.
This might seem silly, but from the time we met, he has called me everyday, somtimes 3 or more times for the day to update me or let off steam about something at work, when he has an assignment to hand in i stay up with him on the phone checking it through and the rest, i stayed patient while he had problems with his daughters mothers, laugh, talk and cry that is how it has always been. But now, since last week, there has been nothing, no phonecall not even to see if i am ok. It's like he doesnt care anymore.
Was i wrong to bring up the website issue? Do you think my greatest fear that he would move on or find something else to play with come true
I know that several women on these boards have talked about virgo men and their charecteristics which i am familiar with, but wanted to post my situation to see if anyone can help clarify my current position and also if i am the one that is getting pi $ $ ed over nothing!!
Both me and my boo met on a website, it wasnt a dating website more of a social network and for the first 6 months whilst we were acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, he wasnt ready. Come the new year he said he wanted a relationship but there has been a big problem!! (well according to me!)
We both agreed last year that we would no longer go on the website that we met on, this is because although it is a social network typically men talk to women and women talk to men, however aroudn about march he posted back up his profile and his pics and has been on there several times for the day. Now i appreiciate that he lives far away and doesnt always get the chance to network, but he also lives a complicated life style in terms of family connections and commitments, work, study and everything else that goes on for him. I told myself that this should not be a problem, but last week he guessed that something was up with my tone of voice but we didnt get to finish the conversation as his phone cut out. I heard nothing more from him all last week (coincidently he was logging into the website!)and by friday i had to have a conversation with him...the converstaion was along the lines that he doenst see what the problem is and that is his way of socialising and anyway he doesnt have time to go one there and there are bigger things in life to deal with. In the end i didnt say much but graciously ended the conversation and again have heard nothing from him.
This might seem silly, but from the time we met, he has called me everyday, somtimes 3 or more times for the day to update me or let off steam about something at work, when he has an assignment to hand in i stay up with him on the phone checking it through and the rest, i stayed patient while he had problems with his daughters mothers, laugh, talk and cry that is how it has always been. But now, since last week, there has been nothing, no phonecall not even to see if i am ok. It's like he doesnt care anymore.
Was i wrong to bring up the website issue? Do you think my greatest fear that he would move on or find something else to play with come true
"or find something else to play with come true"
Play? That's an odd word to use when talking about time spent between two people.
Who's idea was it to NOT use the network for a friend basis? This seems to be the whole problem, from what I've gathered. Everything is fine, or was, so long as he didn't have the desire to be in contact with friends via net. From what you said, "he doenst see what the problem is and that is his way of socialising", it appears that the condition of NOT having these kind of friends was more your idea, than his.
So, what is the real problem, exactly? Are you thinking that since the two of you met on this site, then if he's on there again, then that must mean he is looking for another partner?
Play? That's an odd word to use when talking about time spent between two people.
Who's idea was it to NOT use the network for a friend basis? This seems to be the whole problem, from what I've gathered. Everything is fine, or was, so long as he didn't have the desire to be in contact with friends via net. From what you said, "he doenst see what the problem is and that is his way of socialising", it appears that the condition of NOT having these kind of friends was more your idea, than his.
So, what is the real problem, exactly? Are you thinking that since the two of you met on this site, then if he's on there again, then that must mean he is looking for another partner?
I take on board what you are saying P-Angel and thank you for reading my post. Please do not misunderstand when i say play with, i meant that in lighthearted terms, no offence meant. The relationship between us this far has been quite intense so i could do with a few light hearted laughs!!
Yes it was me who had the problem with the site,and you are quite right, i initiated the conversation, yes i has to do with the fact that we both met on there as friends initially and that is also where he met his previous girlfriend. Another part which i forgot to mention was that when he spent time at my home (over a weekend) he would go on there but hide the screen when i came into the room.
So the combined fact of secrecy and that from the type of messages between members of the opposite sex that circulate there, i put it to him that we cooled off the site for a while, i guess it is about my insecurities and i know that if he wants to cheat he doesnt need the help of the site to do it.
I guess what bothers me is the lack of communication this conversation has lead to and where what this might mean
Yes it was me who had the problem with the site,and you are quite right, i initiated the conversation, yes i has to do with the fact that we both met on there as friends initially and that is also where he met his previous girlfriend. Another part which i forgot to mention was that when he spent time at my home (over a weekend) he would go on there but hide the screen when i came into the room.
So the combined fact of secrecy and that from the type of messages between members of the opposite sex that circulate there, i put it to him that we cooled off the site for a while, i guess it is about my insecurities and i know that if he wants to cheat he doesnt need the help of the site to do it.
I guess what bothers me is the lack of communication this conversation has lead to and where what this might mean
I don't know that I would necessarily be upset about my partner having friends on a network, or any kind of chatroom .. however, I would feel it to be suspect if he minimizes the screen when I enter the room.
Additionally, even though it was your idea to not visit this site, if he agreed to these terms, then it really isn't relevant as to who initiated this decision.
Therefore, if I were in your position, it would be believed that something shady was going on, for not only hiding the communication with these friends (?), also for getting defensive about it when approached. If a person isn't guilty of something, there is no reason to take that kind of posture.
You were looking for a Virgo input and I can't give that to you .. but, I can tell you that I might be having these same thoughts in your position.
Additionally, even though it was your idea to not visit this site, if he agreed to these terms, then it really isn't relevant as to who initiated this decision.
Therefore, if I were in your position, it would be believed that something shady was going on, for not only hiding the communication with these friends (?), also for getting defensive about it when approached. If a person isn't guilty of something, there is no reason to take that kind of posture.
You were looking for a Virgo input and I can't give that to you .. but, I can tell you that I might be having these same thoughts in your position.
Girlfriend/boyfriend are just FRIENDS, not the exclusive one.. are you his exclusive lady.
P-Angel, that is my thoughts exactly, if there is nothing in it then why hide. I am not even bothered that much anymore that he is on that site more the effect that it seems to be having on the relationships in terms of his intrest, oh well if that is the case then i will leave him to it.
Qbone, thanks for reading my post, yes we agreed that we were exclusive from before we entered into a relationship and confirmed it again at the beginning of the "official" relationship
Qbone, thanks for reading my post, yes we agreed that we were exclusive from before we entered into a relationship and confirmed it again at the beginning of the "official" relationship
you are very welcome
I assume that you guys have never met (person to person), please correct me if I am wrong..
I assume that you guys have never met (person to person), please correct me if I am wrong..
UNDUCATED ??
damn "E" key.....lmao
No we are not an online couple that is where we met as friends and then virtual reality became real life when we met up last year, we have been spending nearlly every friday-sunday together since then apart from a few occassions when finances did not allow.Although since i voiced a concern he hasnt come down in two weeks, this is strnage to me because i didnt put it in an agressive way just asked what his intentions were.
Caprigirlwithvirgo, yes maybe it is the season!!
Caprigirlwithvirgo, yes maybe it is the season!!
Like I said it before... never put your Virgo in assumption moods if you intend to keep her/him selfless love
ok, forgive me i am new to all these terms, what do you mean by assumption mood?
Lack of direct and honest communications be it on phone/text messages (off-online communications) etc.
assumption mood?
let him her/him guessing for what is troubling you, human tends to think ?negative? rather than ?positive??
let him her/him guessing for what is troubling you, human tends to think ?negative? rather than ?positive??
oh i see what you mean, he already knows i guess that is why he is not communicating with me, i gues i'll just see how long it takes for him to be back to normal again, if not i guess it is time to move on, i figure that if we cannot talk about the small things then what happends when we get to the big ones, it's a shame because i thought we were close enough to talk about our relationship but it seems as though from the start we could talk about anything else but US
Yes, give gim lots of assurance. These poor guys even are not self-assured of themselves, their strenghts. Tell him exactly what you think and feel. Do not twist your words with him.
As ?love4ever? said..
Do not twist things? you cancerians are diplomats and for the outsiders ?diplomats? are ?manipulators? a ?teasers? something unreal..
You want your Virgo mate?.? Be real as far as you can..
If not.. then let it be and forget about the whole damn thing..
Do not twist things? you cancerians are diplomats and for the outsiders ?diplomats? are ?manipulators? a ?teasers? something unreal..
You want your Virgo mate?.? Be real as far as you can..
If not.. then let it be and forget about the whole damn thing..
thanks guys, i will try and reassure him that although i dont like what he is doing that i am still going to stick around until something shows me otherwise, that is if he ever calls me again!
cancercutie, I am pretty much in the same boat as you are. I am a cancer male involved with a virgo woman. Virgos are a strange breed. My Virgo and I met online as well. She claims that she goes to the web site to "see" if her other friends are logged on. To a large extent I believe her, however I am very skeptical about her commitment to the relationship. Sometimes, I wonder if I am making too much out of it. To top it, Virgos hardly express themselves or talk much about what goes on in there heads.
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