Cheating Virgo boyfriend.

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by LibraLove on Sunday, September 11, 2011 and has 27 replies.
Posted on another board, but I'd like more insight.
Two nights ago, it was my boyfriend's birthday. I took the trip over to his house (which takes two hours), hauling a heavy bag of gifts with a card I spent ages making for him, and helped him set up and barbecue everything before his friends arrived for his party. After a night of drinking, he repays me by calling me last night to tell me that after I left the club we went to, he was so drunk and that even though it's no excuse, he ended up kissing another girl. Now this is coming from a dark/bitter part of me, but the girl he kissed is quite unattractive and callous, because on several occasions, I'd been introduced to her as his girlfriend. If she had done it without any knowledge that my boyfriend was in a relationship, I think it would be slightly more forgivable; but she did it knowingly and with intent.
Anyhow, it's not the girl I care so much about. Too often women tear one another apart over a cheating man without addressing the real perpetrator. At the end of the day, she was single and he was not, and HE is the only one responsible for his actions. This girl is known for being touchy-feely and going after other people's boyfriends, but that should have been incentive enough for my boyfriend to distance himself from her in the first place. He called me last night crying and begging me to forgive him and not break-up, but I'm having a difficult time. The one thing I've made a point of to reiterate from the beginning of this relationship is how unforgivable I find cheating. Ironically enough, I joked about him kissing a girl at the club the morning of his birthday and he asked "would you break up with someone if they did that" and I said "of course!" His response was "that's understandable."
All he could do last night was cry and say he "fucked up" and that he loves me, but I don't know if I can compromise myself for someone who I feel has disrespected both me and our relationship.The one promise I made to myself and made sure he knew that I made to myself was that I COULD NOT stay with a cheater. Easier said than done because this guy is my first love and basically my first everything. Either way, I feel it's lose-lose for me. On the one hand, I remain in a relationship with someone who I know has the capacity to cheat while breaking my OWN promise to myself, or on the other, I breakup with someone I love so much and who, outside of this incident, I have an amazing relationship with.
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I just feel so angry and embarrassed. University starts tomorrow and I'm in classes with 3 of his friends, and granted how close-knit they all are, I know word has already gotten around. I don't want my first day to be peppered with awkward exchanges and sympathetic questions because people feel sorry for me or want to know what happened. And I certainly don't want to be known as the idiot who stayed with her cheating boyfriend.
I'm so confused. If anyone can shed any shred of light on my situation, I'd really appreciate it.
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Sad soory to hear about your story. I may not be the best and legit advisor on this one ( since i have cheated before ) but yeah once you trust someone so much that youve given everything ( fuck we libras just go blindly do everything for the one love) as in EVERYTHING and they end up disappointing you it would fucking break you to pieces. Its like your angry and sad at the same time. You would even sometimes think " DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG TO DESERVE THIS?" but you also love that cheating person so much ( plus youve put all the fucking effort in your relationship )it would understandble if you think its worth giving a shot.
I remember one time my virgo and I had this huge fight that i ended saying i wanna break because i cant do this shit anymore it hurts so much. . and he said "i fucked once and you forgot everything else" but i would harbor all the hurt though. it sucks coz i know one day i might blow up.
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Posted by LibraLove
I just feel so angry and embarrassed. University starts tomorrow and I'm in classes with 3 of his friends, and granted how close-knit they all are, I know word has already gotten around. I don't want my first day to be peppered with awkward exchanges and sympathetic questions because people feel sorry for me or want to know what happened. And I certainly don't want to be known as the idiot who stayed with her cheating boyfriend.
I'm so confused. If anyone can shed any shred of light on my situation, I'd really appreciate it.



is he worth taking back. and if you take him back are you willing to really rough it through with it like can you really trust him again. Because its hard when a trust has been broken it would be haunting you everyday like if he gets a phone call and you would like always ask who is that? is tahat her?? are you ready to be not POSSESIVE and UNTRUSTING.
if youre gonna take him back though tell him he needs to earn your trust again but it would require more effort than before since he already broke it once.
ive never done the fully trusting someone again after a heartbreaking experience like that. I dont want to be cheated on because i need to cheat on him back to get over it.
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your boyfriend is a FOOL
but be logical here, be realistic about the alcohol, it DOES change you, you cannot deny that because its science.
if he cant handle himself while intoxicated, maybe make a deal with him to stay sober IF you decide to take him back.
he obviously cares about you, if he didn't he wouldn't have said anything to you about it, but instead he did and is begging you for forgiveness.....cmon
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What does the other girl being unattractive and callous have to do with anything? Is this the sort of light you wanted shed on you? That you are better?
The fact of the matter is that she was kissed by the Virgo man.

What you're going to do about it now is what you should be concerned about.
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If he kissed another woman it's a sure sign he's not ready to be tied down/committed/domesticated (yet) with a woman. I would take a break, go back to square one, see if he wants the relationship bad enough to work his way back into your life and regain your trust. If he allow you to walk away then he never really wanted the relationship all that much and the kiss was his way of getting out of the relationship or maybe it was just an impulsive mistake and he'll never do it again but he definitely need to feel there are consequences for his actions or you can believe he'll do it again if their aren't any consequences. Counseling wouldn't hurt either, might shed some light on his fears and if alcohol pushes him to kiss other women maybe he should set a limit on his alcohol intake.
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Reread your past threads on him.Is all this crap with him worth it? He wants out,he wants you to do the honors.
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How I would handle it...
If I was aware of the conversation beforehand..I'd think this was a test of boundaries and I'd automatically think that this boy is trying to test them....I'd feel if I don't break up with him, he's probably going to do it again. Knowing that my boundaries aren't as 'cut and dry' as he thought.
Or on the other end..I might think he wants to break up with me whether sub-conciously or not, because that amount of time between our convo and that action just seems completely suspect.
You've told him what you were going to do if he cheated on you...so what's the problem??
I understand the dilemma, on one hand you want to forgive him but to do that you have to compromise your principles...so it's your heart vs. your ego.
But think, what kind of a person who after listening to your boundaries, acknowledging them and in the same day, STEP OVER THEM.....that just doesn't sound right. Ethier he's an idiot...or he knows exactly what he's doing.
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Posted by Amandus
What does the other girl being unattractive and callous have to do with anything? Is this the sort of light you wanted shed on you? That you are better?


She's saying the girl's ACTIONS were unattractive and callous...and I agree. If she's going after another girl's man..knowing that it's another girl's man, with no remorse..that ain't cute, and it's cold as hell.
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OR she's entertaining the thought of whether it's forgivable because the girl is a jerk..and maybe the kiss wasn't entirely all the virgo's fault....
SHe's a Libra...this is what we do.
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Your mistake
Leaving the club without your man
His mistakes
Getting too intoxicated
Not leaving with you
Hanging around a questionable young lady
Kissing said young lady
4 to 1, dump him and don't look back.
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Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle
Posted by Amandus
What does the other girl being unattractive and callous have to do with anything? Is this the sort of light you wanted shed on you? That you are better?


She's saying the girl's ACTIONS were unattractive and callous...and I agree. If she's going after another girl's man..knowing that it's another girl's man, with no remorse..that ain't cute, and it's cold as hell.
click to expand


So what? Its a complete waste of time. This is not court.
The man let this happen and being drunk is no excuse.
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Posted by Amandus
Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle
Posted by Amandus
What does the other girl being unattractive and callous have to do with anything? Is this the sort of light you wanted shed on you? That you are better?


She's saying the girl's ACTIONS were unattractive and callous...and I agree. If she's going after another girl's man..knowing that it's another girl's man, with no remorse..that ain't cute, and it's cold as hell.


So what? Its a complete waste of time. This is not court.
The man let this happen and being drunk is no excuse.
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Court, really??...do you know of any libras? This is how we think...I'm trying to explain to you her thought process behind that statement.
My point of that statement was that her mentioning of the girl's behavior wasn't to make her look better...which I guess would be a VIRGO thing to do, but to rationalize a reason to forgive the guy. I didn't say I agreed with the rationale behind the statement..if you actually read my comments, you would know that.
Goodness.
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Told you you should've spoke up months back at the club when I said you should've made a scene instead of not dancing with him when you caught him at the club. Giving him the cold shoulder told him, Hey it's alright because she's not going to say anything.
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Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle
My point of that statement was that her mentioning of the girl's behavior wasn't to make her look better...which I guess would be a VIRGO thing to do, but to rationalize a reason to forgive the guy. I didn't say I agreed with the rationale behind the statement..if you actually read my comments, you would know that.
Goodness.


Hmm. I think you are right about petty judging being a Virgo thing. My sister and her friend, who are both Virgos do this often. It pisses me off. I let my anger from their own actions narrow my perception greatly.
I apologize--to you and LibraLove.
I read the whole thing slowly again. And it makes more sense. All that I said was no help at all. Sad



*sigh* I hate myself right now.
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Posted by Amandus

I read the whole thing slowly again. And it makes more sense. All that I said was no help at all. Sad
*sigh* I hate myself right now.


Self-depreciation? From a misunderstanding? Isn't that a bit over-dramatic?
What did you say your sign was again?
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Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle
Self-depreciation? From a misunderstanding? Isn't that a bit over-dramatic?
What did you say your sign was again?



Virgo. With strong leo influences and acquired social anxiety from childhood.
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He was drunk, as seems to always be the case, and kissed an unattractive woman.
Well then, I suppose this validates the beer goggle theory.
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The says ...... Cheating Virgo boyfriend ... and then she goes on to talk about how her father was a cheater, and so is attempting to place this status on her boyfriend .. who in fact, didn't cheat, according to what she wrote.

If she is going to over-exaggerate what he does, to the point that a claim is made that he cheated ... then he should move on at this point, because apparantly she doesn't have a real grasp on reality.

Furthermore, what the girl looks like isn't even relevant.

So, in conclusion ... her boyfriend got drunk and did something stupid, that's all, which stupid shit is what all people do when their fucked up ...... so, what does she do?

She makes a fucking mountain out of molehill .... and likely has no awareness that it's because she's a drama queen, which her having no awareness of it, is a likely reason why she's in here acting as if non of it is in her head, and all of it is a condition of what she learned from her father now being portrayed by her boyfriend.

:::: shakes head :::::

She's fucked up, to say the least ..... if she would say her boyfriend is cheating when he isn't, and doso by means of proxy. She needs a therapist, like right now.
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I also see hints of controlling tendencies, even through her apparent love language - Gift-Giving. As harmless as it may seem, giving gifts may also come with "controlling strings attached". By this I mean with every gift she gives him comes another opporunity for her to be there when she isn't there. The more things from her laying around his house, the more opportunities he has to think of her and I believe that what she wants. A gift or two, no sweat. But cluttering his room with memories of herself sounds like a ploy to control his mind when she can't be there.
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Posted by HarveyBlindPew
He was drunk, as seems to always be the case, and kissed an unattractive woman.
Well then, I suppose this validates the beer goggle theory.


LOL
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LL, he is young and although that is no excuse, I don't think his kissing this other girl meant anything. One of my really good friends was dating a guy she was in love with. We were all hanging at her house. There was the known skank-whore there too. The guy who was dating my friend went into a bedroom in the house with the skank girl. Not too long later, he walks out of the bedroom, looks at me and my sis, and says" Don't drink from her cup." Then non-chalantly walks outside to where his girlfriend was. They have been happily married for 25+ years. His BJ from the skank girl meant nothing to him. But I am sure his girlfriend would've been upset had she known...lol
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I agree with that ^^^^^^^

Cheating means to take something away from you .... do you really want him to give you a meaningless kiss, or take a BJ from you and think it means absolutely nothing to him?
In this case, he didn't even do anything and this girl is projecting her father issues onto her boyfriend.

fyi - if he was doing something forbidden (like being with another girl) - he is going to hide it, not tell you ...

::::: sigh :::::

seriously, did all of you people jump from birth to now, with no life experiences living through and understanding the psychology of people ??????? This man told you immediately what he did, which means he isn't hdiding anything from you, which means he isn't trying to cheat you out of anything.

seriously .... are you that stupid about human behaviour ???? You must be, along with the majority of the population because it seems as if all of you have to be told things you should have been learning about people as you live life.
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Posted by LibraLove
I took the trip over to his house (which takes two hours), hauling a heavy bag of gifts with a card I spent ages making for him, and helped him set up and barbecue everything before his friends arrived for his party. After a night of drinking, he ....
.... repays me by .....
.... kissing another girl.





I also agree with OP3 in that you are obviously giving him things with strings attached ... because his kissing the girl isn't any kind of representation of a "repay" for what you do for him.
It looks as if you use the things you do for him as a payment to keep him, and if he does anything outside of your expectation than you regard it as a part of this return payment to you.
What he does in a club, with his buds, has absolutely nothing to do with you going to his house ladden with gifts ... for it does appear as if you've done that for the purpose of what OP3 stated, because you now use your (supposed) kindness as a leverage tool for measuring what he now owes you.
You aren't sincere .....
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Posted by LibraLove
We've been together for 10 months now and I feel like we're in a relationship slump. Neither of us have yet to exchange "I love you"s, which is kind of a relief, because I don't love him yet.




This was posted on another thread you made a while back on the Virgo talking, in which you were talking about this same Virgo ..... saying you don't even love him after 10 months.

If you don't love him ... then there is no issue here except your need to control.
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kissed her and he's crying and begging?
uhm...right! they fucked.
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