constant balancing w/my virgo man
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by moondream on Monday, October 17, 2011 and has 16 replies.
I'm really new to message boards; never really done this before... I piped into one thread on here the other day about Virgo that got me sucked in. I've read so many posts that have helped me see my Virgo guy from a different perspective, and I've been so grateful for almost all the feedback on other people's posts that I've read.
So quickly; my story: I am a Leo lady (but my Venus is in Virgo and I have a lot of Virgo elsewhere in my chart). I have been enchanted with my Virgo guy for 3+ months now. And I keep reading about others, especially other Leo ladies in a similar situation to mine. The core of my issue seems to be balancing my own sense of self and independence -- while at the same time -- always being supportive, considerate and available to my Virgo. Being affectionate and reassuring; while still maintaining a sense of mystery. This is frakkin' hard to do and I guess the question I have is: how in the hell is one supposed to do that?? Is that a trait that Capricorn and Taurus possess that make them more compatible w/Virgo? Because I feel such magic with this guy; I really feel deeply connected to him, beyond words. And I am a Leo after all, it's hard for me to stop the momentum of my passion...! I can definitely over-initiate out of excitement and joy; not b/c I am being needy or clingy. But then, poof, he'll be in a mood and not contact me. He says it's to "spare me" and I try and reassure him that I can handle it. But nonetheless, when he pulls away I can't help but feel rejected in some way. That rejection then actually creates the thing my Virgo seems to hate which is clinginess. Ha! What a vicious cycle. Any way to break it??
Also, lately I wonder why he is distancing himself emotionally, yet going through the motions? I don't feel he wants to end it; but sometimes he is super sweet and other times he puts forth minimum effort. From what I've read, it sounds like normal Virgo behavior, but I can't help to wonder if I should be taking it personally? We are at that awkward stage where we have moved past the casual dating; but still have not defined anything. Is he pulling away because he is deciding whether or not I am worth moving into a more serious relationship with?
Oh, and one more question: Does it get any easier with Virgo men, will this pass eventually?
Or does the push / pull happen forever???
Okay, sorry this was so long!
Would really and truly appreciate any opinions from Virgo men or those that know them!!!
So quickly; my story: I am a Leo lady (but my Venus is in Virgo and I have a lot of Virgo elsewhere in my chart). I have been enchanted with my Virgo guy for 3+ months now. And I keep reading about others, especially other Leo ladies in a similar situation to mine. The core of my issue seems to be balancing my own sense of self and independence -- while at the same time -- always being supportive, considerate and available to my Virgo. Being affectionate and reassuring; while still maintaining a sense of mystery. This is frakkin' hard to do and I guess the question I have is: how in the hell is one supposed to do that?? Is that a trait that Capricorn and Taurus possess that make them more compatible w/Virgo? Because I feel such magic with this guy; I really feel deeply connected to him, beyond words. And I am a Leo after all, it's hard for me to stop the momentum of my passion...! I can definitely over-initiate out of excitement and joy; not b/c I am being needy or clingy. But then, poof, he'll be in a mood and not contact me. He says it's to "spare me" and I try and reassure him that I can handle it. But nonetheless, when he pulls away I can't help but feel rejected in some way. That rejection then actually creates the thing my Virgo seems to hate which is clinginess. Ha! What a vicious cycle. Any way to break it??
Also, lately I wonder why he is distancing himself emotionally, yet going through the motions? I don't feel he wants to end it; but sometimes he is super sweet and other times he puts forth minimum effort. From what I've read, it sounds like normal Virgo behavior, but I can't help to wonder if I should be taking it personally? We are at that awkward stage where we have moved past the casual dating; but still have not defined anything. Is he pulling away because he is deciding whether or not I am worth moving into a more serious relationship with?
Oh, and one more question: Does it get any easier with Virgo men, will this pass eventually?
Or does the push / pull happen forever???
Okay, sorry this was so long!
Would really and truly appreciate any opinions from Virgo men or those that know them!!!
you can't be something/someone that you're not, so why try?
oh that's right, you're a leo
oh that's right, you're a leo
you don't appear mentally nor emotionally ready to be in a real commitment with a man, you are just all over the place.
Lol i went through something fairly similar at the start of my relationship. Once he's serious about u, this wont happen. Just give him some space. Virgo's live in their mind alot and days seem to fly by. Fire signs (like myself) are very impatient and want everything yesterday. If it's meant to be and he wants to be a part of your life, it'll be obvious. Mature virgo men are generally thinking long term and seriously so they take it slow. Think of it from his perspective making an important decision. Learn some patience. If you can't a virgo might not be the best fit for you, they are more or less home-bodys being a leo the spark is bound to end eventually so don't get caught up in being intrigued with his push-pull behaviour.(everyone wants what they feel they cant have right?) Analyse if he's trully what you want in a man.
You'll probably see a change if you don't contact him as much. If he doesn't he's probably not serious about u. Don't wait forever tho. It's not worth it, nor is it nice for a man to play with a womans head. Be straight-forward and keep your emotions in check if he does make an effort if you want to talk about potentially having a serious relationship.
You'll probably see a change if you don't contact him as much. If he doesn't he's probably not serious about u. Don't wait forever tho. It's not worth it, nor is it nice for a man to play with a womans head. Be straight-forward and keep your emotions in check if he does make an effort if you want to talk about potentially having a serious relationship.
Wow. Tiki, can you enlighten me? What makes you say that I am not mentally or emotionally ready for a relationship? It is difficult to see oneself as others see you -- and I have read a lot of your posts elsewhere and really connect with your advice, so I would love to know why you say that.
I feel very ready for a relationship. And I love being with my Virgo; I am extremely attracted to his ideals and his outlook on life. Our relationship has unfolded very organically for the most part. We get along famously in so many ways. We are also extreme opposites in other ways; but I am equally attracted to this aspect of our relationship (it also feels very natural). It's just that I have to work harder at stepping outside of myself to understand someone else. I don't think that means I am trying to be someone I am not or that I am not emotionally ready. From my perspective it means I am fully open and available to this relationship and just trying to be a better more understanding partner.
I feel very ready for a relationship. And I love being with my Virgo; I am extremely attracted to his ideals and his outlook on life. Our relationship has unfolded very organically for the most part. We get along famously in so many ways. We are also extreme opposites in other ways; but I am equally attracted to this aspect of our relationship (it also feels very natural). It's just that I have to work harder at stepping outside of myself to understand someone else. I don't think that means I am trying to be someone I am not or that I am not emotionally ready. From my perspective it means I am fully open and available to this relationship and just trying to be a better more understanding partner.
Posted by tiki33
you don't appear mentally nor emotionally ready to be in a real commitment with a man, you are just all over the place.
Tiki, I kindly take issue with you just a bit.
You may be absolutely correct . . . I have no idea how old moondream is, etc. But keep in mind, she is dealing with a Virgo man--which is enough to drive anyone out of her proper element and cause her to question everything from how she stacks her dishes to the ins and outs of her own personality. A Virgo man, especially one who is not entirely mature or optimally psychologically developed, can come just short of wreaking havoc on the senses and causing one to question her own emotional strengths/weaknesses/inadequacies. It sounds like I'm hearing a bit of this in Moondream's voice: "What. Is. Going. ON?!" And rightfully so. Virgo men can be a freakin' handful. If they are not settled within themselves, they can utterly tear at the logic of those dealing with them. (Even soundly stable people!)Evasive creatures we are. Emotionally-conflicted at best. And the shady/less-than-perfectly-honest ones are beyond elusive. I'm a Virgo myself and have dealt with a Virgo man that had me tearing my hair out for the inability to even begin to process his mindset! I finally concluded he was dealing with one inner demon too many. (He WAS all over the place . . . and was soon rockin' my boat for all he was worth; whereas I myself was a stable, fairly smooth-sailing person apart from the experience.)
I'm looking at her words from the other day: "It's just hard to do sometimes. Because my Virgo guy will pull me in so close and it just feels so right and then poof! He's snapped out of it and I am there still gaga.... Gotta learn how to snap in and out of love . . . " It's a daggone shame a woman has to say "I've got to learn how to snap in and out of love," but the fact of the matter is that she's right. This is her Virgo's problem--not hers (regardless her emotionality as a Leo, lol). I can't help but to feel a bit sorry for her.
I understand, point taken...My statement comes across critical and that wasn't my intention but I'll own it.
I think when one person is making the other person so important it creates a huge gap where the power shifts from being balanced to mostly his side which can invite manipulation, controlling behavior and power trips.
Being intently glued into everything he says and does is part of bonding and well it just makes a woman come across as unstable and a bit emotionally wacky and needy and that's why I suggest women pull back and get back focused into her life and not give so much of herself away, not allow herself to get so caught up in being too intimate with a man that she goes emotionally bonkers when he pulls away, too much closeness can really throw a woman off balance and make her feel completely out of sorts which can create confusion and doubt, maybe not give so much of yourself away when you are with him, hold back on all the hugging and kissing and whatever it is you do when your with him as to HELP the relationship and yourself have a sense of balance when together or apart. Being engulfed feels good but too much engulfment can create neurosis, you don't have an OFF SWITCH so you'll have to minimize how much of this engulfment you can take without going bananas, your body is going through withdrawals and that can make you feel really down and low and create fear and doubt when he's not around.
I know that Oxytocin (love hormone) is considered to be the primary human bonding chemical and when he's not bonding with you well you probably feel like you are crashing and maybe that's what I'm sensing from you.
I think when one person is making the other person so important it creates a huge gap where the power shifts from being balanced to mostly his side which can invite manipulation, controlling behavior and power trips.
Being intently glued into everything he says and does is part of bonding and well it just makes a woman come across as unstable and a bit emotionally wacky and needy and that's why I suggest women pull back and get back focused into her life and not give so much of herself away, not allow herself to get so caught up in being too intimate with a man that she goes emotionally bonkers when he pulls away, too much closeness can really throw a woman off balance and make her feel completely out of sorts which can create confusion and doubt, maybe not give so much of yourself away when you are with him, hold back on all the hugging and kissing and whatever it is you do when your with him as to HELP the relationship and yourself have a sense of balance when together or apart. Being engulfed feels good but too much engulfment can create neurosis, you don't have an OFF SWITCH so you'll have to minimize how much of this engulfment you can take without going bananas, your body is going through withdrawals and that can make you feel really down and low and create fear and doubt when he's not around.
I know that Oxytocin (love hormone) is considered to be the primary human bonding chemical and when he's not bonding with you well you probably feel like you are crashing and maybe that's what I'm sensing from you.
Very well said! I especially agree with your 2nd paragraph!
Posted by **StringsAttached**
It sounds like I'm hearing a bit of this in Moondream's voice: "What. Is. Going. ON?!"
Oh man, would have been faster just to say that. But, yes. Every time he pulls away it stings, and every time I think shit, maybe it's over? But, deep down I know it isn't. And I leave him alone and then when he finally contacts me it will be to say that he doesn't want to upset me with his disposition. He says he wants to spare me. Then usually I write something reassuring back, telling him to take the space he needs or let me know if he needs me and then within 24 hours he is usually okay again. It's kinda the same dance. I just wonder if it ends ever? Or does it just get easier to read? Maybe I am too paranoid right now, because I really like this guy and I feel insecure somehow; like I always instinctually fear that he is pulling away from me personally until he reassures me otherwise.
And since age came up, I'm 35 and my Virgo is 30. Definitely the youngest I have ever dated anyone; but he acts years beyond his age so it really hasn't been an issue. I guess emotionally, I'm starting to realize that this may be somewhere I am stronger than he, and this is why I want to be a bit patient here.
Posted by tiki33
I think when one person is making the other person so important it creates a huge gap where the power shifts from being balanced to mostly his side which can invite manipulation, controlling behavior and power trips.
...that's why I suggest women pull back and get back focused into her life and not give so much of herself away, not allow herself to get so caught up in being too intimate with a man that she goes emotionally bonkers when he pulls away...
Thanks Tiki and yes, I think this is an important part of the equation -- and possibly the lesson I need to learn from our relationship which is: how can I better myself, or see my own weaknesses here? And one of them can be that need for attention and validation. So, even though we are so opposite; I feel it is good for me. It adds a great balance to me. It reminds me to focus on me and my stuff. My goals. My interests. The only problem is; here I am on dxpnet. Haha. I am obviously not that great at swiveling my head around and focusing on me yet -- 'cause i'm also still trying to gain some sort of understanding of the dynamic of this new, very intense relationship. Baby steps to figuring the delicate balance of a relationship with a Virgo guy.
(Also, the oxytocin comment is very interesting factor....)
Moondreem,
Sorry, I tend to be a wordy Virgo but maybe I can shed some light to help you out. I have been married to a Leo woman for 20+ years. While she is a shy/quiet Leo type, she still possesses all of the internal Leo passions for life. I was attracted to all of this. I just started researching the impact of astrology on our relationship due to some recent bumps in the road, so I am not the most knowledgeable about it. What I have found is I truely love and adore my Leo. When I am not with her, I think about her constantly. Which does lead to many problems for me. In our marriage, we will go through what I call the ups and downs for both sides. I totally bend over backwards to satisfy my leo. At the same time I tend to let my Virgo guard down. But when I do I get very stressed out. I have been living the last 20 years of my life like a yo-yo. I can't always tell if I am satifying my Leo enough. And at the same time, I am letting my professional responsibilities go by the wayside. Both of these drive me nuts. But then again my passion for my Leo drives me nuts. I then find I am always playing the game of catch up. I will go back to focusing on work, giving my Leo a lot less attention. When this starts to impact my Leo's feelings about our relationship, I will go back to concentrating on her. And when I am trying to concentrate on work, I just want to be with my Leo, providing all that she needs. Recently we have started focusing on our individual happiness. For her she has to find something other than me (constructively). And for me, I need to find something other than work and her. What I really need is balance in my life. That would be the best piece of advice I could offer. Virgos, myself included, just don't understand balance enough simply due to all the stress we get when we aren't focusing our attention. Sometimes I have the need for quiet time to myself just to regain my confidence in myself (am I satisfying enough/am I working enough) and let go of the things that stress me out. You seem to be on the right track to look at yourself as well. We are doing the same in our relationship. Work with your Virgo because it is definitely worth it. I can't stress how much I adore my wife. She has made my last 20 years the happiest, even through the yo-yo times. What has really got me going now is learning about my Leo's sex drive. As a male I am extremely happy to hear about that. Your Virgo man would be too.
Sorry, I tend to be a wordy Virgo but maybe I can shed some light to help you out. I have been married to a Leo woman for 20+ years. While she is a shy/quiet Leo type, she still possesses all of the internal Leo passions for life. I was attracted to all of this. I just started researching the impact of astrology on our relationship due to some recent bumps in the road, so I am not the most knowledgeable about it. What I have found is I truely love and adore my Leo. When I am not with her, I think about her constantly. Which does lead to many problems for me. In our marriage, we will go through what I call the ups and downs for both sides. I totally bend over backwards to satisfy my leo. At the same time I tend to let my Virgo guard down. But when I do I get very stressed out. I have been living the last 20 years of my life like a yo-yo. I can't always tell if I am satifying my Leo enough. And at the same time, I am letting my professional responsibilities go by the wayside. Both of these drive me nuts. But then again my passion for my Leo drives me nuts. I then find I am always playing the game of catch up. I will go back to focusing on work, giving my Leo a lot less attention. When this starts to impact my Leo's feelings about our relationship, I will go back to concentrating on her. And when I am trying to concentrate on work, I just want to be with my Leo, providing all that she needs. Recently we have started focusing on our individual happiness. For her she has to find something other than me (constructively). And for me, I need to find something other than work and her. What I really need is balance in my life. That would be the best piece of advice I could offer. Virgos, myself included, just don't understand balance enough simply due to all the stress we get when we aren't focusing our attention. Sometimes I have the need for quiet time to myself just to regain my confidence in myself (am I satisfying enough/am I working enough) and let go of the things that stress me out. You seem to be on the right track to look at yourself as well. We are doing the same in our relationship. Work with your Virgo because it is definitely worth it. I can't stress how much I adore my wife. She has made my last 20 years the happiest, even through the yo-yo times. What has really got me going now is learning about my Leo's sex drive. As a male I am extremely happy to hear about that. Your Virgo man would be too.
Posted by VirgoLikingTheLeo
Moondreem, I have been living the last 20 years of my life like a yo-yo.
LOL, VLTL. How many times did I say of my Virgo interest, "I'm sick of being treated like I'm some sort of a freakin' yo-yo!"
Posted by 25thDecan
Know the guy, don't try to understand the guy...click to expand
I've got one eyebrow raised and a sarcastic smirk on my face, 25th. Moondream has way too much Virgo in her chart, apparently, to be happy with simply "knowing" the man. (Which is excellent advice, by the way.)
As you know, we Virgs will go right out of our mind if we can't understand them as well (especially when they act like . . . well, Virgos!), as we generally have to understand everything, lol. On the other hand, what we don't understand keeps the mystery alive and for some of us Virgos, that only further fuels the interest. (It'll still drive us out of our minds; we're just turned on while we're at it, lol. Weird little catch-22 there.)
Posted by VirgoLikingTheLeo
Moondreem,
I can't always tell if I am satifying my Leo enough.
Sometimes I have the need for quiet time to myself just to regain my confidence in myself (am I satisfying enough/am I working enough) and let go of the things that stress me out.
What has really got me going now is learning about my Leo's sex drive. As a male I am extremely happy to hear about that. Your Virgo man would be too.
VLTL.... Thank you! That just shed so much light on things for me! He has been really into his studies again; and made some comments about having less outings coming up. I think he needs more time with his thoughts and I am just excited and in love and want to spend time with him.
I do wonder about your comments of not being satisfying enough for your Leo, or Leo's sex drive..? What do you mean by that? I definitely hold back with my Virgo more than I have with other partners -- but the truth is -- it's his passion, his head, his heart, his humor that means more to me than all my previous lovers combined. And in bed? I've had some fun in my day; but he is, without a doubt, the best yet. I couldn't ask for a more perfect lover. I hesitate to make such bold statements to him because he seems to not like grand romantic gestures or sentiments. And telling him anything less than how amazing I think he is would be a lie -- so I reassure him by sharing all my passion for him while we are together, or when we aren't near one another: a racy text, etc. But, maybe I need to be more verbally reassuring?? I just never know when enough is too much. And I don't want to lose all my mystery either -- or seem so easy to crack. Because like I said; I've had some great lovers -- he just happens to take the cake for me!!! I bet your wife feels the same. That intense passion you feel from her is only there because she is with YOU!!!!
Posted by 25thDecan
I sense maybe the guy is NOT completely financially stable and you are...or are more than he is. It isn't jealousy...it's trying to measure up. As a woman, you may never be able to completely understand that his ultimate view of his self-worth is how well he does or CAN provide. Flawed yes...common, YES...source of much misery...yes...going away...not quickly.
OR(big one here)
He senses that you are trying to understand him..from your perspective...and that would come off as you manipulating an image of him to which he needs to find a fit or rebel against it and keep your sexy arse around.(not sorry, I pull no punches)
Wow. Both are correct. He even said that to me today... He asked me not to even try to understand him; he said that was a dangerous idea, in fact. And maybe it is the Virgo in my chart that makes me want to know what is going on in his head. But then again; I do secretly like the mystery! So, maybe I don't wanna understand him. But, I do love your advice: "Know the guy, don't try to understand the guy...". The thing is; even though we have only been dating for 3+ months; I have known him for 3+ years -- so I know him extremely well. It's just this side of him I don't know; and may never.....!
Moondream,
The part about satisfing my leo was meant more for life in general and not particularly about the sexual relationship. My Leo is only satisfied when I am giving my utmost attention to her as well as making her life as interesting as possible for her. She get's board easy, and now after 20 years of marriage, work, running kids around and the daily grunt of life it get's harder for her to keep herself happy about life. But I can say, like you, my wife would never tell me how she feels about our sex life other than I get the idea that she is bored with that at times too....(20 years of marriage). Although if my wife felt the way about our sex life as you feel about yours, I would love to hear it.
The part about satisfing my leo was meant more for life in general and not particularly about the sexual relationship. My Leo is only satisfied when I am giving my utmost attention to her as well as making her life as interesting as possible for her. She get's board easy, and now after 20 years of marriage, work, running kids around and the daily grunt of life it get's harder for her to keep herself happy about life. But I can say, like you, my wife would never tell me how she feels about our sex life other than I get the idea that she is bored with that at times too....(20 years of marriage). Although if my wife felt the way about our sex life as you feel about yours, I would love to hear it.
VLTL: Gotchya. Well, 20 years of marriage with any sign and I am sure you would have your ups and downs. I know us Leo's in particular get a lot of flack for wanting attention. And maybe we do demand more than our fair share... But, I don't see Leo's as not having their own individual goals / projects, etc. All the Leo's I know are pretty driven people. I'm sure if you guys work together on spending more quality time apart that it will all work out and she will probably be happier in the end. My instinct is to want to spend as much time as possible with my Virgo guy -- but he definitely keeps a small distance there, while still being super loving. This is great for me -- reminds me to focus on my own personal goals and studies. Very important, indeed.
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