Damnata ......

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by P-Angel on Friday, August 22, 2014 and has 33 replies.

... you've changed.

I don't know how and I don't know why ... I only know some major life event just happened, and you're a different person.
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Or, perhaps, it's getting ready to happen and I am sensing the energy approaching.
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P..can you go into detail here? Changed..on what account? This question sounds silly probably if it's just a vibe you get and cannot put into words..but I am a curious Virgo, as you know.
It's interesting because I was just talking to a friend a few days ago about a career move which would make me leave this country..if I get the job, that is. Relocating has been on my mind for a few years now.
My dad's birthday is due september the 10th and we had a major fallout in april. I have no ill feelings towards him but I know he's probably going to react in anger again if I call him and I don't want to upset him on his birthday. I do want to wish him a happy birthday though.
This year has been pretty strange..actually tracing back to last November. I feel conflicted in a way but at the same time it's like a huge weight is off my shoulders and I feel more at peace than ever. Pretty much a whirlpool of emotions and thoughts.
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Aww call your Dad or send a funny birthday card. I miss mine.
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Send your dad a card.
smile
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Posted by kissmygrits
Aww call your Dad or send a funny birthday card. I miss mine.


I will. I love him a lot and always will but there's something about me which seems to rub him the wrong way and I don't want to overstay my welcome.
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Posted by Damnata
Posted by kissmygrits
Aww call your Dad or send a funny birthday card. I miss mine.


I will. I love him a lot and always will but there's something about me which seems to rub him the wrong way and I don't want to overstay my welcome.


Posted by aquapiscescusp
Send your dad a card.
smile
click to expand


^^^I agree with apc. smile
Keep it simple and honest. Write in his birthday card that you love him. Nothing else needs to be said.
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Everybody change in life! Winking
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I don't know.

It's like a lingering, like a shadow slowing climbing up a wall ..... like it watches, and hovers, and waits.

I don't know ... maybe it is your father. Maybe you have an anticipation (or a hope) that he will reach out to you, and you have to linger there, you have to be visible to him while you wait.

Or maybe it was the blunt
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But, what I do know is that I can sense it in you, somehow.
It's big, whatever it is.
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Perhaps, you would have made up your mind about your move out of the country, IF you and your father were on better terms.
But, you're not ... and so you sit in inertia ... waiting.
You feel like you are on hold. You what you want to do, but, you're being held back.
If this is true ... then you must find a way to shed the coat of martyrdom, and reach out to your dad.

Unless, of course, you believe he won't approve of your life choices .... and so that is the real reason for your hiding in the shadows ...
Maybe you don't know that ^^^^
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Posted by Damnata
... we had a major fallout in april. I have no ill feelings towards him but I know he's probably going to react in anger again if I call him and I don't want to upset him ....




Does this mean that you've attempted to talk to him, but, he's angry at you?
or angry at whatever was the cause of the beef?
you said, "again"
Somehow, in your words in here, your tone used in word selection ... I can sense that there's a block here ... you're changing
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I am the one reaching P, he's the one who keeps shutting me down. After his divorce, he feels the whole world is against him and he will be left alone and no one will care..he started inventing illnesses he doesn't have and at some point I couldn't stand the martyr act anymore. He'll be 51, life isn't over for him and as much as I try, he won't see it. He has it in his mind I am completely against him.
Nothing is ever good enough (so Virgo, right?) when it concerns me..and because he knows me well I took to heart everything and starting thinking maybe I'm doing everything wrong. It crept on me and I lost focus. Then I went into woe is me, then I snapped back.
I'm mostly conlicted because I have so many paths I can take and just cannot decide on one particular path. I've been going with the flow and while I feel at peace in my heart, I made zero progress the last few years. I need to get a grip.
He's probably mostly concerned about me losing myself and he reacts with anger out of fear. Like he somehow lost control/guidance.
Everything will fall into place as soon as I stop thinking about it, stop trying to fix whatever is going wrong between us. He loves me, he wants to see me happy..he probably feels this loss of focus and it's affecting him.
I really welcome this change..I need to shift the focus on myself and start getting in the driver seat of my life. Too much drifting away.
I just worry because something might happen to him and I wouldn't find out until it's too late.
Hurray for changes though..stagnant and comfortable kills my spirit.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by Damnata
... we had a major fallout in april. I have no ill feelings towards him but I know he's probably going to react in anger again if I call him and I don't want to upset him ....




Does this mean that you've attempted to talk to him, but, he's angry at you?
or angry at whatever was the cause of the beef?
you said, "again"
Somehow, in your words in here, your tone used in word selection ... I can sense that there's a block here ... you're changing
click to expand


Yes, it has become a pattern I broke in April.
He gets mad with whatever happens in his life and starts a fight either with me or his girlfriend.
You know how irrational Virgos are in anger. I've been glossing over it because I know he just says vicious shit but in April I just couldn't do it anymore.
My mother called him ..she's mentally ill and he cannot see that a lot of the things she says are pure fiction. He didn't tell me what she said this time..just came in the kitchen and started yelling how I am so much like her, how we're both set on ruining him. Then he said he'd wish I was dead and he'd stare into my coffin and spit on my dead body. That was the point where I just couldn't deal with it anymore. So I kept my calm, asked him what he wants to do..does he mean to cut cords with me..and he said yes. I call him regularly to check up on him ...because I thought the moment his anger would subside, he'd see clarity. He just doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.
Words are just words but something in the way he said it..he meant it.
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Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
mars and saturn will be going through her 12th house soon.


What does that mean? I suck at transits.
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On the other hand, people sometimes grow apart..and it's not up to either party to force a presence in the other party's life.
I just cannot imagine a future where we'll no longer be in touch. That might be it..definitely torn on this one.
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Posted by tiziani
Posted by Damnata
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
mars and saturn will be going through her 12th house soon.


What does that mean? I suck at transits.



My diagnosis? You're screwed Tongue
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ahaha, the ominous 12th house right? don't scare me dude.
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Posted by tiziani
That's just my blanket diagnosis for everything! Don't mind me.


is it carved in the fence of the elders?
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Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
you are going to hybernate for a little bit....lots of introspection.
life will be like looking through a looking glass....you can see it, but you can't quite touch it.


blah.
i'm going to use that mars in aries to kick this newfound 12th house mars into oblivion!
touch it? I'm going to reach and grab it Big Grin
here i come lifeee (ok maybe after I'm done posting on dxp lol)
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Damnata, I had similar experience 15 yrs ago. My Dad, to him I'm never good enough, then I relocated against his opinion. We didn't speak for at least two yrs. I tried to reach out to him but he always had better things to do. I hit the books harder and got my masters and passed the CPA exam. Also got a job in the US and I decided to stay in the US.
Out of the blue, my Dad called me and said "I'm very proud of you." I said thank you sir. Since then I call him every week till now.
We never talked about our distant episodes. I'm on my way to visit him now bringing hubby with me. I hope I'll show him that I love him. We said that often now than before. We both learned that distance help us grow closer.
Follow your dream, Damnata, and send a birthday card, or deliver it yourself.
Good luck on your journey!
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Argh, just realized I wrote a novel in this topic all pertaining to a conflict.
Conflicts drain me..I just need to swim away from it. And stop over thinking it. Let the pieces fall where they may.
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There comes a time in people's life (mid+) where they begin to realize that their time is passing, and they have to give way, and it makes them feel out of control of themselves because they always thought is was them who was in the lead ... it's hard for an old dog to learn new tricks.
I'm not trying to make excuses for him, only pointing out that change isn't as easy for a 50 yo, like it is a 20 yo .... so, he's not going to bend as easily as you.
From an outsider looking in, his problem looks obvious and you appear to be blind to the fact that he's going to act/react just like you = a Virgo.
Why do you think Virgo's hang on to every bitter end? Do you think that when people make these kinds of statements that they are talking out of their ass? This is why when people come in here and say their Virgo has disappeared, my response is - you never had him, a Virgo doesn't leave you, ever. And since they develop life relationships, they cannot handle it if their life isn't organized, controlled, filed and labeled.
Now throw in a divorce on top of having to deal with the fact that your baby's mother is mad ... his mind is in utter chaos, of course, he's going to be insufferable.
So, approach him as if he's a Virgo - give him something to control, to mold, to hold onto.
Trying to rationalize with an irrational person isn't extending an olive branch ... first you have to bring him back/around.
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At any rate ... I don't even know if the situation with your dad is what is causing the impression of you, in my mind, to be hovering.
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Posted by Damnata
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
you are going to hybernate for a little bit....lots of introspection.
life will be like looking through a looking glass....you can see it, but you can't quite touch it.


blah.
i'm going to use that mars in aries to kick this newfound 12th house mars into oblivion!
touch it? I'm going to reach and grab it Big Grin
here i come lifeee (ok maybe after I'm done posting on dxp lol)
click to expand


I think that's what it's for. smile
Behind the scenes work.
So yeah, grab hold-- I think it can be an asset wherever Saturn is lingering-- esp the 12th.
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Posted by P-Angel

At any rate ... I don't even know if the situation with your dad is what is causing the impression of you, in my mind, to be hovering.


It was the first thing I could think of...like you said, this might not even be it but the Virgo in me has to analize every angle.
There was a line in one song/speech "The real things in your life aren't things your analytical mind conjures over and over again..they're the stuff that blindside you on an idle Tuesday at 3 am"
Something of that sorts.
Who knows? It's interesting nevertheless. Change always gets me excited even if it catches me off guard. Especially when it catches me off guard.
Thank you for sharing your vibe with me, P.
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All of you in this topic, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I usually see things more clearly when I see different mindsets and when something catches my attention with everything. It's a call to action for me.
Who said DXP couldn't be therapeutic? Big Grin
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I need to digest that post P..approaching the Virgo from the Virgo mindset.
He's feeling out of place and needs something to hold on to..now to think how to give him that. He's probably not feeling involved in my life anymore. I'll find a way to convey it to him..I even wanted to talk so many things with him and hear his thoughts on them. I value his advice a lot.
I'll have to go home for a wedding, I'm probably going to follow him around and avoid his death stare. He will warm up to me eventually, or so I hope.
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When will it transit my 1st house? Not in a rush to get there, just curious.
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This gives me an idea..he always liked to show me good movies and good music but we haven't had to time to do it in the last few years.
Movie marathon it is.
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A new year is also coming for you in a few days Dammny smile
The stuff with your dad will all fall into place. Give him a card, do the movie marathon.. enjoy life!
Also, what job opportunity?? You coming to the states??? Tongue
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Feel like updating this topic since I talked about le Virgo Dad here.
I called him on his birthday at midnight. He picked up, was really surprised.
I went "Happy birthday daddy! Love you so so much, wishing you a good year, lots of happiness and everything you're wishing for. What are you doing, listening to some Italian music to start the day right?" (there was italian music in the background)
"Ha ha, yes, you know me so well. Thank you so much"
He was gushing with emotion. We are such saps lol.
Then he went "I'm sorry I didn't call you on your birthday"
He seemed embarassed so I changed the subject to fishing. He talked my ear off over this new technique he developped for getting better/bigger fish. How he figured out the best places to fish etc. The he stopped and went "You should come home, we can go fishing. You usually have more luck than I do". So that's settled, I'll go home to visit him.
It's funny because the next day the Aries called him to wish him a happy birthday and he was all "How are you doing, kids?". He really liked the Aries so in his mind the break up never happened. He was all inquisitive about what I have been doing for the last few months since "we had a minor disagreement". The Aries was cracking up when he called me lol.
Now if he could manage letting go of anger at times and not being so annoying..lol
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Posted by Damnata
Feel like updating this topic since I talked about le Virgo Dad here.
I called him on his birthday at midnight. He picked up, was really surprised.
I went "Happy birthday daddy! Love you so so much, wishing you a good year, lots of happiness and everything you're wishing for. What are you doing, listening to some Italian music to start the day right?" (there was italian music in the background)
"Ha ha, yes, you know me so well. Thank you so much"
He was gushing with emotion. We are such saps lol.
Then he went "I'm sorry I didn't call you on your birthday"
He seemed embarassed so I changed the subject to fishing. He talked my ear off over this new technique he developped for getting better/bigger fish. How he figured out the best places to fish etc. The he stopped and went "You should come home, we can go fishing. You usually have more luck than I do". So that's settled, I'll go home to visit him.
It's funny because the next day the Aries called him to wish him a happy birthday and he was all "How are you doing, kids?". He really liked the Aries so in his mind the break up never happened. He was all inquisitive about what I have been doing for the last few months since "we had a minor disagreement". The Aries was cracking up when he called me lol.
Now if he could manage letting go of anger at times and not being so annoying..lol


Soooo happy for you that it all ends in a happy note for you and your Dad. That must be a relief!!!!
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*hugs all of you*
This was just surface level over a phone call. I'll see where his mind is at when I get home and if he harbors any resentment.
But it was a really nice feeling.
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