dating problem... is this normal?
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by unschuldslamm on Friday, July 27, 2007 and has 8 replies.
Hi, how are you? Well, the problem is I?m dating a Virgo male, and I?m an aries female... this isn?t really the problem..
I know him for 2 years. We had our first date on wednesday, like 2 weeks ago.. something happened but not all. While we were in bed he asked me "now what?" meaning what were we going to do now with the relationship. I told him something like "we?ll see".
Since that time we?ve spoken once by messenger and I (not him) sent him a few cell phone messages... We were supposed to go out this weekend, but I cancelled the date cause I feel insecure about what?s going on, taking into account that we would have ended having sex.
The question is:
Is this a normal start for a relationship?
I feel he?s not being serious with me... Am I being paranoid?
I know him for 2 years. We had our first date on wednesday, like 2 weeks ago.. something happened but not all. While we were in bed he asked me "now what?" meaning what were we going to do now with the relationship. I told him something like "we?ll see".
Since that time we?ve spoken once by messenger and I (not him) sent him a few cell phone messages... We were supposed to go out this weekend, but I cancelled the date cause I feel insecure about what?s going on, taking into account that we would have ended having sex.
The question is:
Is this a normal start for a relationship?
I feel he?s not being serious with me... Am I being paranoid?
You're gonna have to realize, right from the beginning, that to be with a Virgo means .. you have to lead them because they aren't capable of knowing how to proceed emotionally. Meaning, he was able to do the sex part, then afterwards .. he has to ask, "Now what"
This isn't a game he's playing .. he really doesn't know and has no option except to depend on his partner to carry the relationship emotionally. Where it proceeds from the sex part .. he has no clue, and so he had to ask you.
It's perfectly understandable that you would say, "We'll see", for I'm sure this caught you off guard, since every other man wouldn't even ask the question in the first place.
If you want him, then you have to face this fact .. you have to direct him, he will look to you .. such as he did, "Now what".
This won't be the end of it, if you choose to be with him .. throughout the whole relationship, when it comes to the emotionally intimate part of the pairing .. he will be lost. And it's up to you to guide him.
It's just the way it is.
Here's a quote from a very well-known male Virgo on this board that was pulled off the thread: In Bed with A Virgo
He said, "I feel what she wants me to feel."
Keep this in mind .. he will always be looking to you for the feelings side of this pairing .. it's up to you whether you want full responsibility for feelings ..
.. he won't know how to respond to hurt feelings, either. And that's a biggie, women have feelings that get injured. You have to ask yourself, do you want a man who is sincerely soothing your feelings, or one who is responding by, "I feel what she wants me to feel".
Good Luck
This isn't a game he's playing .. he really doesn't know and has no option except to depend on his partner to carry the relationship emotionally. Where it proceeds from the sex part .. he has no clue, and so he had to ask you.
It's perfectly understandable that you would say, "We'll see", for I'm sure this caught you off guard, since every other man wouldn't even ask the question in the first place.
If you want him, then you have to face this fact .. you have to direct him, he will look to you .. such as he did, "Now what".
This won't be the end of it, if you choose to be with him .. throughout the whole relationship, when it comes to the emotionally intimate part of the pairing .. he will be lost. And it's up to you to guide him.
It's just the way it is.
Here's a quote from a very well-known male Virgo on this board that was pulled off the thread: In Bed with A Virgo
He said, "I feel what she wants me to feel."
Keep this in mind .. he will always be looking to you for the feelings side of this pairing .. it's up to you whether you want full responsibility for feelings ..
.. he won't know how to respond to hurt feelings, either. And that's a biggie, women have feelings that get injured. You have to ask yourself, do you want a man who is sincerely soothing your feelings, or one who is responding by, "I feel what she wants me to feel".
Good Luck
And the reason why he's been distant isn't because of anything you did. It's because by you saying, "we'll see" .. he is now thinking that he has to do something with the emotional part of the pairing. You didn't step up to the plate, take charge and tell him how he is suppose to feel ... he's lost, he doesn't know what to say to you.
After re-reading this .. are you saying that the two of you didn't have sex and so, this is why he asked now what? Meaning, if the two of you aren't going to have sex, then what is there to be with the relationship?
And so, this is also the very reason why you are reluctant? Because you are wondering if the absense of the 'sex' part causes him to ask this question, then it might mean that he is only thinking about the sex?
And so, this is also the very reason why you are reluctant? Because you are wondering if the absense of the 'sex' part causes him to ask this question, then it might mean that he is only thinking about the sex?
"After re-reading this .. are you saying that the two of you didn't have sex and so, this is why he asked now what? Meaning, if the two of you aren't going to have sex, then what is there to be with the relationship?"
Hi P-Angel! Thank you for your answers! And thank you Jada79!
When he told me "Now what?" I first thought he was thinking about sex... and no, no, he told me that it was a now what meaning what?ll happen with the relationship? and yes, I asked him what he wanted, and he told me: you kissed me, you tell -.- ok... then I told him that "we?ll see". But I like him, I don?t want him to date other girls.
I did what Jada79 said and sent him an sms telling him I missed him and wanted him to log in or to talk and he answered right away and told me he would this afternoon.
I know PA that I have to be really patient... but sometimes I would like him to be more demonstrative. The day we were together he was so cute and loveable... and then, this 2 weeks nothing... its like I?m dating Mr Iceman...
I?ll try to have a lot of patience... next time I see him I?ll try tell him how I want things to be... but I have trouble expressing myself and he notices that and even told me that sometimes he doesn?t understand me when I speak -.- It?s only that I feel insecure, and don?t like to tell how I feel when I don?t know what are the feelings of the other person towards me...
Hi P-Angel! Thank you for your answers! And thank you Jada79!
When he told me "Now what?" I first thought he was thinking about sex... and no, no, he told me that it was a now what meaning what?ll happen with the relationship? and yes, I asked him what he wanted, and he told me: you kissed me, you tell -.- ok... then I told him that "we?ll see". But I like him, I don?t want him to date other girls.
I did what Jada79 said and sent him an sms telling him I missed him and wanted him to log in or to talk and he answered right away and told me he would this afternoon.
I know PA that I have to be really patient... but sometimes I would like him to be more demonstrative. The day we were together he was so cute and loveable... and then, this 2 weeks nothing... its like I?m dating Mr Iceman...
I?ll try to have a lot of patience... next time I see him I?ll try tell him how I want things to be... but I have trouble expressing myself and he notices that and even told me that sometimes he doesn?t understand me when I speak -.- It?s only that I feel insecure, and don?t like to tell how I feel when I don?t know what are the feelings of the other person towards me...
"I did what Jada79 said and sent him an sms telling him I missed him and wanted him to log in or to talk and he answered right away and told me he would this afternoon."
See? So, he hasn't gone anywhere .. it's just, he thought by you saying that, that he would have to take over emotionally and that is definitely not going to be his strong suit. It's easier said than done to tell an Aries to be patient
but, it has to be done.
"sometimes I would like him to be more demonstrative"
The male Virgo follows, unschuld .. they aren't leaders. So, what you have to do is manipulate a situation in which you get him to open up and express himself. That's a terrible thing to have to do, but, all women who are with Virgo's have to do it. Just so long as it's for him .. the intentions are in the right place. karma is made by intentions. But, that's not even an issue .. I've no doubt Aries intentions are always in the right place, once they've sorted out how they truly feel.
"but I have trouble expressing myself and he notices that and even told me that sometimes he doesn?t understand me when I speak"
You'll do fine .. look, he responded right away when you sent him a message, so he wants to understand how you're feeling. He's just NOT going to be the initiator. He likely never will .. you have to lead him in the union. Once you do get something from him, this will give you more solid ground to set the terms of the relationship.
Keep in mind, the male Virgo bases his love off of his sexuality .. so, by having doubts about whether you can sleep with him, will likely send him into a tailspin, not knowing what it is you want to make you feel loved. You'll have to try and find a way to be expressive about your concerns with sex.
I have faith in the Ram .. you will conquer, because you have the determination and confidence the rest of us can only dream to possess.
See? So, he hasn't gone anywhere .. it's just, he thought by you saying that, that he would have to take over emotionally and that is definitely not going to be his strong suit. It's easier said than done to tell an Aries to be patient
but, it has to be done. "sometimes I would like him to be more demonstrative"
The male Virgo follows, unschuld .. they aren't leaders. So, what you have to do is manipulate a situation in which you get him to open up and express himself. That's a terrible thing to have to do, but, all women who are with Virgo's have to do it. Just so long as it's for him .. the intentions are in the right place. karma is made by intentions. But, that's not even an issue .. I've no doubt Aries intentions are always in the right place, once they've sorted out how they truly feel.
"but I have trouble expressing myself and he notices that and even told me that sometimes he doesn?t understand me when I speak"
You'll do fine .. look, he responded right away when you sent him a message, so he wants to understand how you're feeling. He's just NOT going to be the initiator. He likely never will .. you have to lead him in the union. Once you do get something from him, this will give you more solid ground to set the terms of the relationship.
Keep in mind, the male Virgo bases his love off of his sexuality .. so, by having doubts about whether you can sleep with him, will likely send him into a tailspin, not knowing what it is you want to make you feel loved. You'll have to try and find a way to be expressive about your concerns with sex.
I have faith in the Ram .. you will conquer, because you have the determination and confidence the rest of us can only dream to possess.
Hi everyone! thanks for your answers... I?ve just finished talking to my virgo... He?s nice to me, I hope everything goes well.. I find positive that he asked me if I really missed him, and told me that whenever I wanted to send him messages he?s fine with it ( I think he likes it in a way)
Jada79: I used to write a lot, but I?ve suffered some kind of involution and now words don?t come easily to me, and it gets worse if I feel insecure... but I?ll try to have some self control and don?t turn into an impulsive creature.. and if he asks me something I?ll try to give a coherent answer... he makes too many questions sometimes and I can?t find the right answers
DY: how are you? I laughed a lot with the topic "thrice bitten, not shy". It reminded me of my date cause he told me several times that he wanted to behave like a gentleman and that I was making that really difficult lol... I couldn?t control myself
I hope it works, I know I have to be 100% patient... the push-pull thing drives me crazy... anyway, I can?t complain cause that keeps my interest alive... and I like his reserved ways.. once I learn to read his actions, I?ll feel just fine... I prefer actions rather than words too
When we were just friends, I liked him a lot, but he seemed so distant... and as I wasn?t going anywhere with the situation... I told him during an impulsive outburst (yeah... I?ve to take a deep breath and control myself) that if I got the chance to date him, then I?d probably get bored --> very childish
When I kissed him two weeks ago, the first thing he asked me was if what I?ve said was true!! he has a good memory...
PA: how are you? yes, I feel he has some kind of interest in me... so I?ll try not to spoil everything Before the kissing we both were very nervous, but after it I felt really comfortable... it surprised me.. he caressed me a lot, really nice... and when he was well uh, sexually aroused, he was so cute too, he looked at me with his eyes and well.. loveable
Next time I?ll go for the sex.. see how it turns out... I?ll try to tell him that I?d like him to date me exclusively
Jada79: I used to write a lot, but I?ve suffered some kind of involution and now words don?t come easily to me, and it gets worse if I feel insecure... but I?ll try to have some self control and don?t turn into an impulsive creature.. and if he asks me something I?ll try to give a coherent answer... he makes too many questions sometimes and I can?t find the right answers
DY: how are you? I laughed a lot with the topic "thrice bitten, not shy". It reminded me of my date cause he told me several times that he wanted to behave like a gentleman and that I was making that really difficult lol... I couldn?t control myself
I hope it works, I know I have to be 100% patient... the push-pull thing drives me crazy... anyway, I can?t complain cause that keeps my interest alive... and I like his reserved ways.. once I learn to read his actions, I?ll feel just fine... I prefer actions rather than words too
When we were just friends, I liked him a lot, but he seemed so distant... and as I wasn?t going anywhere with the situation... I told him during an impulsive outburst (yeah... I?ve to take a deep breath and control myself) that if I got the chance to date him, then I?d probably get bored --> very childish
When I kissed him two weeks ago, the first thing he asked me was if what I?ve said was true!! he has a good memory...
PA: how are you? yes, I feel he has some kind of interest in me... so I?ll try not to spoil everything
Before the kissing we both were very nervous, but after it I felt really comfortable... it surprised me.. he caressed me a lot, really nice... and when he was well uh, sexually aroused, he was so cute too, he looked at me with his eyes and well.. loveableNext time I?ll go for the sex.. see how it turns out... I?ll try to tell him that I?d like him to date me exclusively
I forgot, we?re both in our mid 20?s
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