Posted by dilettanteHow much space really its been 6 months, and I am committed to my sobriety, I had a very serious drug problem prior to meeting her, and lost a very close friend to overdose. Once I quit something its out of my life forever.
focus on your sobriety & give the virgo space. she’ll come back around on her own time, if she wants.
your addiction pushed someone away. unfortunately, you have to deal w/ that consequence. focus on yourself then you can think about others.
Posted by virgoOPPPThank you for your insight, but she never told me she was upset. I was never mean or cruel to her even when drinking. I did my best to be exceptionally supportive of her as she is very hard on herself, I was never jealous or controlling, I am very respectful of all women, (not just her). Her family knows about my issues they don't even understand why she did what she did. (I still talk to her brother regularly) I may have been distant in those periods, but she never seemed upset about it. I am very concerned about how you say sometimes Virgos come back but you don't know how long it would last, that would be worse then what I am currently experiencing.
wow 19 years is a long time.
but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.
i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.
it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.
sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.
Posted by maidenI don't follow I am a Leo.
*takes notes*
"Find...a...l..e..o..."
Posted by dilettanteI am not trying to be selfish, believe me if I could stop sitting around thinking about her I would, I wouldn't wish the way I feel on anyone.Posted by deargodhelpmeplsPosted by dilettante
focus on your sobriety & give the virgo space. she’ll come back around on her own time, if she wants.
your addiction pushed someone away. unfortunately, you have to deal w/ that consequence. focus on yourself then you can think about others.
How much space really its been 6 months, and I am committed to my sobriety, I had a very serious drug problem prior to meeting her, and lost a very close friend to overdose. Once I quit something its out of my life forever.
6 months isnt a long time, compared to 19+ years of habitual use.
i know what it’s like being intimate w/ long term drug/alcohol abusers. sometimes the damage caused lasts a lifetime.
stop being selfish & thinking of what you want. focus on sobriety & she’ll come back IF she wants. no use sitting around waiting on her when you should be focusing on your life, sober.click to expand
Posted by dilettanteI have done everything to get my mind off it, that's the issue, none of it is working. Also yes i know the username is bit much but man I am telling you this has got me at my wits end. If I didn't have such an addictive personality I would be going to a psychiatrist, and just saying give me whatever to stop the way I feel, I'd prefer to just feel nothing then this.Posted by deargodhelpmeplsPosted by dilettantePosted by deargodhelpmeplsPosted by dilettante
focus on your sobriety & give the virgo space. she’ll come back around on her own time, if she wants.
your addiction pushed someone away. unfortunately, you have to deal w/ that consequence. focus on yourself then you can think about others.
How much space really its been 6 months, and I am committed to my sobriety, I had a very serious drug problem prior to meeting her, and lost a very close friend to overdose. Once I quit something its out of my life forever.
6 months isnt a long time, compared to 19+ years of habitual use.
i know what it’s like being intimate w/ long term drug/alcohol abusers. sometimes the damage caused lasts a lifetime.
stop being selfish & thinking of what you want. focus on sobriety & she’ll come back IF she wants. no use sitting around waiting on her when you should be focusing on your life, sober.
I am not trying to be selfish, believe me if I could stop sitting around thinking about her I would, I wouldn't wish the way I feel on anyone.
then go out & do something to get your mind off of it. addiction loves boredom & stagnancy.
go for a run, go to the park, meet with friends, go to the mall, buy a candy bar, pet a llama, take up a hobby.
seriously, just go out & change your thought pattern. spiraling & obsessive thoughts will not help keep you stable. only actively changing the pattern works.click to expand
Posted by deargodhelpmeplsi think you should have a talk with her. how did she respond to your addiction? she just walked out on you and you didn't ask why? this woman highly likely lives with you. some of us would do that, just kinda ghost, doesn't matter how long the relationship or how much i love you. personally, it's coz i can't handle a confrontation about it, i don't want to give the opportunity for someone to change my mind coz i've held myself back from leaving for so long that it's just hopeless to try to stop what's inevitable.... me leaving.Posted by virgoOPPP
wow 19 years is a long time.
but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.
i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.
it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.
sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.
Thank you for your insight, but she never told me she was upset. I was never mean or cruel to her even when drinking. I did my best to be exceptionally supportive of her as she is very hard on herself, I was never jealous or controlling, I am very respectful of all women, (not just her). Her family knows about my issues they don't even understand why she did what she did. (I still talk to her brother regularly) I may have been distant in those periods, but she never seemed upset about it. I am very concerned about how you say sometimes Virgos come back but you don't know how long it would last, that would be worse then what I am currently experiencing.click to expand
Posted by dilettanteLol thank you but I honestly don't see you as being a bad cop here at all.....he needs to hear that as well.Posted by LostinmyMind11
First and foremost... kudos to you sir!! That is truly amazing and I hope you continue your sobriety.
Now...I'm a fixed fire dominant Virgo .. so take my words with a grain of salt.
6 months of space isn't long...like someone else said...after 19 yrs of dealing with your addiction (and yes, she was dealing with them also) takes a toll. Her willing to meet up, holding your hand while walking and talking is a good sign....not a definite sign but good none the less. She didn't up and decide to leave...this has been an on going struggle for her... guarantee it. She finally had the courage to walk away and was probably pretty set in that decision. Then you went and cleaned up your life... something she probably begged you to do or wanted to happen when you were together...now she is probably struggling with that....part of her let go already and part of her is now contemplating that decision and probably wants to see if this is a temporary thing on your end or if it is legit and continuous. Also she is 37...you were her first and together for a long time...she may want to experience life on her own for a bit.
Me personally, if I really truly loved someone and can see that they have gotten their life back on track and have done so for a while...I may give it another go and this is where my fixed nature comes into play...I don't let go and give up that easily but depending on the rest of her chart...that might not be the case with her.
So yes, sometimes we do come back. My advice is to continue to focus on your sobriety and all that you have accomplished because that really is amazing. Give her the space she requested in the mean time and maybe reach out every so often to keep the lines of communication open and who knows what might happen. It's going to take time no matter what.
I truly wish you the best tho...you seem like a good guy thats just been thru some hard shit and it sucks but you got this! 🙂
this was such nice & supportive advice.
bless for being the good cop to my bad cop.click to expand
Posted by virgoOPPPI would like an explanation but she doesn't like to talk about her feelings. I don't like to upset her, and I myself have a hard time to explain how I am feeling and I am rather direct, so my previous experience over the years when there have been our ups and downs I usually just give her the time she needs until she approaches me. I am by no means afraid to state my mind when something is wrong in our relationship, but in general when I approach her because of how I am, I tend to make things worse. Given the gravity of the situation it really is the last thing I want to do now. My main concern is to feel nothing from her, its hard to explain although she has never been particularly animated about her feelings she has a way about her to let me know she cares.Posted by deargodhelpmeplsPosted by virgoOPPP
wow 19 years is a long time.
but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.
i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.
it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.
sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.
Thank you for your insight, but she never told me she was upset. I was never mean or cruel to her even when drinking. I did my best to be exceptionally supportive of her as she is very hard on herself, I was never jealous or controlling, I am very respectful of all women, (not just her). Her family knows about my issues they don't even understand why she did what she did. (I still talk to her brother regularly) I may have been distant in those periods, but she never seemed upset about it. I am very concerned about how you say sometimes Virgos come back but you don't know how long it would last, that would be worse then what I am currently experiencing.
i think you should have a talk with her. how did she respond to your addiction? she just walked out on you and you didn't ask why? this woman highly likely lives with you. some of us would do that, just kinda ghost, doesn't matter how long the relationship or how much i love you. personally, it's coz i can't handle a confrontation about it, i don't want to give the opportunity for someone to change my mind coz i've held myself back from leaving for so long that it's just hopeless to try to stop what's inevitable.... me leaving.
but that doesn't mean it's RIGHT. that's a length of time when i think someone really OWES you an explanation. at least i'd feel that way. sometimes i know that i'm being selfish and that i'm wrong about closing myself off from explaining myself, giving someone closure or just facing what i'm supposed to and i know sometimes i know i need to be FORCED into it. maybe start by telling her how you feel, writing something out to her. and just see how she responds.click to expand
Posted by deargodhelpmeplsthen maybe it's really best to just be by yourself right now and focus on getting betterPosted by virgoOPPPPosted by deargodhelpmeplsPosted by virgoOPPP
wow 19 years is a long time.
but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.
i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.
it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.
sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.
Thank you for your insight, but she never told me she was upset. I was never mean or cruel to her even when drinking. I did my best to be exceptionally supportive of her as she is very hard on herself, I was never jealous or controlling, I am very respectful of all women, (not just her). Her family knows about my issues they don't even understand why she did what she did. (I still talk to her brother regularly) I may have been distant in those periods, but she never seemed upset about it. I am very concerned about how you say sometimes Virgos come back but you don't know how long it would last, that would be worse then what I am currently experiencing.
i think you should have a talk with her. how did she respond to your addiction? she just walked out on you and you didn't ask why? this woman highly likely lives with you. some of us would do that, just kinda ghost, doesn't matter how long the relationship or how much i love you. personally, it's coz i can't handle a confrontation about it, i don't want to give the opportunity for someone to change my mind coz i've held myself back from leaving for so long that it's just hopeless to try to stop what's inevitable.... me leaving.
but that doesn't mean it's RIGHT. that's a length of time when i think someone really OWES you an explanation. at least i'd feel that way. sometimes i know that i'm being selfish and that i'm wrong about closing myself off from explaining myself, giving someone closure or just facing what i'm supposed to and i know sometimes i know i need to be FORCED into it. maybe start by telling her how you feel, writing something out to her. and just see how she responds.
I would like an explanation but she doesn't like to talk about her feelings. I don't like to upset her, and I myself have a hard time to explain how I am feeling and I am rather direct, so my previous experience over the years when there have been our ups and downs I usually just give her the time she needs until she approaches me. I am by no means afraid to state my mind when something is wrong in our relationship, but in general when I approach her because of how I am, I tend to make things worse. Given the gravity of the situation it really is the last thing I want to do now. My main concern is to feel nothing from her, its hard to explain although she has never been particularly animated about her feelings she has a way about her to let me know she cares.click to expand
Posted by Phantom_DangusI did not make these changes in hope of her coming back, her leaving was most likely the wake up call I needed, but no, these changes are for me. I feel good about me, and I am proud of the work I have done, its been very hard. It's very conflicting as the changes are definitely positive, but the only person I want to share any of my little successes with is her. It takes a great deal of self control to not text when I got promoted at work for example, or just little things. But other then that no definitely for me. I knew I needed to get help and fix myself.
Would you say that you made these positive changes hoping they would bring her back? Do you think you would have changed if she didn’t leave?
Posted by deargodhelpmeplscongratulations and i hope you continue on this pathPosted by Phantom_Dangus
Would you say that you made these positive changes hoping they would bring her back? Do you think you would have changed if she didn’t leave?
I did not make these changes in hope of her coming back, her leaving was most likely the wake up call I needed, but no, these changes are for me. I feel good about me, and I am proud of the work I have done, its been very hard. It's very conflicting as the changes are definitely positive, but the only person I want to share any of my little successes with is her. It takes a great deal of self control to not text when I got promoted at work for example, or just little things. But other then that no definitely for me. I knew I needed to get help and fix myself.click to expand
Posted by LostinmyMind11Thank you for your kind words, and I hope you are right and I do got this. But "this" is not for her its for me, regardless of the outcome, I just really miss her, its difficult.
First and foremost... kudos to you sir!! That is truly amazing and I hope you continue your sobriety.
Now...I'm a fixed fire dominant Virgo .. so take my words with a grain of salt.
6 months of space isn't long...like someone else said...after 19 yrs of dealing with your addiction (and yes, she was dealing with them also) takes a toll. Her willing to meet up, holding your hand while walking and talking is a good sign....not a definite sign but good none the less. She didn't up and decide to leave...this has been an on going struggle for her... guarantee it. She finally had the courage to walk away and was probably pretty set in that decision. Then you went and cleaned up your life... something she probably begged you to do or wanted to happen when you were together...now she is probably struggling with that....part of her let go already and part of her is now contemplating that decision and probably wants to see if this is a temporary thing on your end or if it is legit and continuous. Also she is 37...you were her first and together for a long time...she may want to experience life on her own for a bit.
Me personally, if I really truly loved someone and can see that they have gotten their life back on track and have done so for a while...I may give it another go and this is where my fixed nature comes into play...I don't let go and give up that easily but depending on the rest of her chart...that might not be the case with her.
So yes, sometimes we do come back. My advice is to continue to focus on your sobriety and all that you have accomplished because that really is amazing. Give her the space she requested in the mean time and maybe reach out every so often to keep the lines of communication open and who knows what might happen. It's going to take time no matter what.
I truly wish you the best tho...you seem like a good guy thats just been thru some hard shit and it sucks but you got this! 🙂
Posted by LostinmyMind11I can deal with the uncertainty of staying clean, I kicked a bad drug habit prior to meeting her, I gave up a 2 pack a day cigarette habit and never looked back.... its the uncertainty of not having her in my life that difficult to deal with, its the uncertainty of her saying I don't know. I'd honestly prefer she just said no it's done I am never coming back. Its like being in a weird emotional purgatory. Anyway I really appreciate everything everyone has added its nice to just have different points of view, and to be able to get outside view of the situation.
As for the obsessive thoughts and feelings...it's hard, you gotten remember that you have been numbing the pain of things for a long time...try not to beat yourself up about it. You're a Leo, a lion who has the strength and will to overcome majority of things. Know that you are going to have to sit, sober in these thoughts and feelings and work thru them.. they are going to come and go no matter what and it's not going to be easy ..I think as long as you know this...you can make it to the other side of it or the very least find healthy alternative ways to handle it. It's a process and you can't rush it.
Continue to talk with your therapist and counselor...they have the means to help when things become too much and make sure you reach out if they do... you're never alone.
Posted by deargodhelpmeplsYeah I can understand how hard that is to deal with...I personally wouldn't like a I don't know either...much rather have someone give it to me straight too but not everyone is me lol. I wish I had better advice when it comes to obsessive thoughts and feeling about someone ....I too tend to be that way and it's not fun.Posted by LostinmyMind11
As for the obsessive thoughts and feelings...it's hard, you gotten remember that you have been numbing the pain of things for a long time...try not to beat yourself up about it. You're a Leo, a lion who has the strength and will to overcome majority of things. Know that you are going to have to sit, sober in these thoughts and feelings and work thru them.. they are going to come and go no matter what and it's not going to be easy ..I think as long as you know this...you can make it to the other side of it or the very least find healthy alternative ways to handle it. It's a process and you can't rush it.
Continue to talk with your therapist and counselor...they have the means to help when things become too much and make sure you reach out if they do... you're never alone.
I can deal with the uncertainty of staying clean, I kicked a bad drug habit prior to meeting her, I gave up a 2 pack a day cigarette habit and never looked back.... its the uncertainty of not having her in my life that difficult to deal with, its the uncertainty of her saying I don't know. I'd honestly prefer she just said no it's done I am never coming back. Its like being in a weird emotional purgatory. Anyway I really appreciate everything everyone has added its nice to just have different points of view, and to be able to get outside view of the situation.click to expand
Posted by maidenTruly. They are so lovable 🥺 Leo men are cuties 💓
*takes notes*
"Find...a...l..e..o..."
Posted by virgoOPPPyou just put in words, how im feeling right now after my fiancé left me for his ex. Im a virgo and everything you said resonates with how I am currently feeling.
wow 19 years is a long time.
but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.
i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.
it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.
sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.
Posted by coldwateryvirgoare we all having a bad year?Posted by virgoOPPP
wow 19 years is a long time.
but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.
i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.
it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.
sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.
you just put in words, how im feeling right now after my fiancé left me for his ex. Im a virgo and everything you said resonates with how I am currently feeling.
I want so much to forgive him but I know I will never trust him again, therefore , no future is possible no matter how bad I want itclick to expand
Posted by virgoOPPPInteresting read.
wow 19 years is a long time.
but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.
i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.
it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.
sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.
Posted by iamlanaxxxPosted by virgoOPPP
wow 19 years is a long time.
but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.
i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.
it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.
sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.
Interesting read.
What about when they leave you? Do you feel the same as this or is it completely different?click to expand
Posted by Black-Mamba
I see no issues with you texting her your accomplishments as friends
especially since you've lived together for 19 years
but you were with her for 19 years and you didn't marry her?
interesting