Do You Have A Relationship Timeframe?

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by CLCNY30 on Wednesday, May 18, 2011 and has 57 replies.
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Any sign can answer--I'd like to hear answers from all signs/both sexes...
Do you find yourself operating on timeframes when in a relationship?
ex: Needs to say "I love you" by at least the 6th month
Cohabitation by 1 year mark
Engagement by 2 year mark
Or do you find yourself less rigid, free to possibilities all dependant on your relationship with each partner?
Would you mind being in a relationship with someone for 5 years with no ring, or cohabitation?
Have you ended relationships because you felt they "went on too long" with no set "dates"?
I guess the question of "do you ever see yourself getting married" would come into play here, as that might be ideal if you don't (having a long term relationship with no strict rules).
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no. But I have a virgo friend that does this, very picky..I find it endearing.
I'll say I love yoyu whenever the mood strikes...they are the ones that usually make it a big deal..i'd never cohabitate with someone unless we're engaged...or if it's someone i'm going to marry and for financial or living reason, it'd be better to live together. Other than that, I love my space.
I knew a Capricorn that did this with his girl...poor girl, she waited 8 years, she finally got that ring though, getting married this month. I'm happy for them.
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Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle
no. But I have a virgo friend that does this, very picky..I find it endearing.
I'll say I love yoyu whenever the mood strikes...they are the ones that usually make it a big deal..i'd never cohabitate with someone unless we're engaged...or if it's someone i'm going to marry and for financial or living reason, it'd be better to live together. Other than that, I love my space.
I knew a Capricorn that did this with his girl...poor girl, she waited 8 years, she finally got that ring though, getting married this month. I'm happy for them.


HAHA!!! That's what I was waiting onLaughing!!! I've found Virgos do this A LOT!!! LOL!
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Do you find yourself operating on timeframes when in a relationship? No, but let's be making that "MINE" stuff snappy.
ex: Needs to say "I love you" by at least the 6th month
Cohabitation by 1 year mark
Engagement by 2 year mark : No, no, and no. I want to hear it and have it occur naturally. i.e. If he's feeling it, I'll be hearing it/having it.
Or do you find yourself less rigid, free to possibilities all dependant on your relationship with each partner? Yes, as long as I'm standing firm and know right where I stand. Anything goes.
Would you mind being in a relationship with someone for 5 years with no ring, or cohabitation? Nope. Long as I know I'm his, he's mine, it's all good.
Have you ended relationships because you felt they "went on too long" with no set "dates"? No. See above.
I guess the question of "do you ever see yourself getting married" would come into play here, as that might be ideal if you don't (having a long term relationship with no strict rules). Been married, I'm sure I eventually will re-marry if conditions are right, it's a natural flow on into the other; but there again..see above. Winking
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Aww smile
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???
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LOL!!! Making my crooked heart look all sad and patheticLaughing!!!
SHOWOFF! Tongue
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I'm kind of the opposite. I think I love you shouldn't be spoken until it's meant (because those words have BIG meaning for me)
My partner wanted to move in way too early. I said to him "In one year AT THE LEAST"..so I kinda do the opposite to what you've asked. Instead of "Bla bla bla BY such and such time frame" mine would be "NO bla bla bla UNTIL atleast such and such time frame." Even when those time frames come up I might still make it longer.
But my Venus is in Capricorn so maybe that's why. I want to make sure it's stable and worth it in the long run so I will wait as long as I have to in order to get there smile
Like Venusianbull said about wanting to hear it and have it occur naturally. I'm pretty much in the same opinion. Even though I say nothing before such and such time...if they are pretty much staying the night every day of the week then it would be silly not not make it offical just because it hadn't been a year.
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Posted by CLCNY30
LOL!!! Making my crooked heart look all sad and patheticLaughing!!!
SHOWOFF! Tongue


LOL!!! NEVAH! ALT+3, heart problem FIXED! Big Grin
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Posted by Yossarian
"Love has reason that reason knows nothing of" You can't schedule love it just happens, and if you are aware it's happening you get to let go and enjoy the ride!


That's it--I'd like to see your chart, sir, LOL
I'm trying to guess where your moon and rising is...
I'm going to guess Sag/Leo/Gem placements...you don't seem to have that stick-up-the-ass quality most Virgos sometimes have, and you seem calm as all hell...
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...you have a rising in scorp?? wow. Never would have guessed. I do too, but calm I am not, LOL
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lol, touch?
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Posted by TypicalScorpio
I'm kind of the opposite. I think I love you shouldn't be spoken until it's meant (because those words have BIG meaning for me)
My partner wanted to move in way too early. I said to him "In one year AT THE LEAST"..so I kinda do the opposite to what you've asked. Instead of "Bla bla bla BY such and such time frame" mine would be "NO bla bla bla UNTIL atleast such and such time frame." Even when those time frames come up I might still make it longer.
But my Venus is in Capricorn so maybe that's why. I want to make sure it's stable and worth it in the long run so I will wait as long as I have to in order to get there smile
Like Venusianbull said about wanting to hear it and have it occur naturally. I'm pretty much in the same opinion. Even though I say nothing before such and such time...if they are pretty much staying the night every day of the week then it would be silly not not make it offical just because it hadn't been a year.


Refreshing to hear smile
I agree with you and VB--I don't want someone telling me they love me just because "it's been long enough". If they don't mean it, I'd rather not hear it.
Yeah...moving in is huge to me. I had ONE guy move in with me years ago, and I still cringe at the memories. I was so happy when it ended. So...very happy...
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Eheheheee.
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For me, no time frame on saying "I Love You". But I won't say it first.
By 6 months I will know if its a relationship I want to continue.
At this stage in my life (just recently divorced) I do not want to co-habitate(doesnt mean I dont love you, just that I want my own space for now).
Not sure about marriage again...time will tell
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@ CLC...love the baby pic!
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Posted by TheLadySagittarius
@ CLC...love the baby pic!


Aww, thx. I'm in a baby type of mood lately, so many friends are preggers smile
I found this one in a stock photo pile, and thought it was so cute. Those cheeks!!!! smile
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Posted by 25thDecan
I DID have a time-frame per se. No more. It was the cause for much disappointment. It was right up there with expectations of women. Wrong way to go about it. Just like longing to be understood and appreciated. By a mate in a relationship. *shrugs


Awwww *hugs*
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^^^agreed.
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Posted by 25thDecan
I DID have a time-frame per se. No more. It was the cause for much disappointment. It was right up there with expectations of women. Wrong way to go about it. Just like longing to be understood and appreciated. By a mate in a relationship. *shrugs


Right one is the important bit der sir.
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No.
Needs to be natural.
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I don't have a time frame but I do have certain conditions. I won't say "I love you" first because that's major for me. The best you'll get is "I like you" which is SRV-speak for "so long as you don't majorly screw up or turn me off, loving you is a possibility." I also refuse to live with a woman unless I've proposed to her. I see no point in it otherwise, I was raised not to "play house" with the ladies.
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Someone should say something....Well,around 7 or 8 months is long enough to decide if the relationship can support the declarative.Sure there are things that people would love about each other right away,but do the things you love about that person are the things that are important to you? Is it their actions words or perspective that you love?At 6 months I feel that you really don't know a person.Especially if it's a random diet of dating them.It's still the discovery stage.If you are locked in and declared love for this person and later that doesn't prove to be the case,you're taken everything up serious notches.Where do you go from there in order to make yourselves comfortable with this new revelation.It's like,oh really that's the real you?It is a situation where you grow together despite this discovery or do you throw in the towel,depending on what the what is.This is why things should unfold naturally.
Shacking up,sure....As far as cohabiting goes,a weekend here or there is fine.I mean stay over 'til a Monday morning to see the workweek person,now that they have put their weekend frame of mind away.I think engagement should be discussed before you fully move into together,if not the relationship stays in a holding pattern.He's got you there,so congratulations,you are a roomate that he has sox with.And the engagement now has a shelf life.Unless it just makes better sense not to wed.Say if you are seniors on social security,benefits get cut deeply.
Sure living apart might be healthier....If you both have the same expectations of not having a ring or rooming in ,then by all means if it works, so be it.
Run if you see red flags being unfurled...The only relationship that is too long ,is the one that I want out of like yesterday.If you have to return the idiot to their village,don't hesitate.
I asked an accountant......if people are talking about living together,how you handle the financials are just as important as each getting tested for diseases before before hunching.Longterm planning in all aspects of couplehood is important.As far as getting married later,it depends on many factors.If you felt from the begining that this person is the soulmate you'd marry ,but just aren't ready to .Fine.Whatever makes sense to the couple.
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I used to have a time frame...
I threw that out of the window after I realized that it wasn't doing me any good. I had a time frame for sex, I love you's, all the other important knick knacks. Now I just kind of allow my feelings to guide me, and if I feel it's right or okay, I'll do something. I'd rather go for it and have something not work than wait and have it all fall apart. But, I also only like to say I love you when I truly feel it and I'd rather not say it first.
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"Run if you see red flags being unfurled...The only relationship that is too long ,is the one that I want out of like yesterday.If you have to return the idiot to their village,don't hesitate"
@VL, I love this ...lol
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nice
kind of similar to mine
Sun Virgo 17.21 (rising in Scorp)
Moon Taurus 15.13
Mercury Virgo 15.01
Venus Virgo 21.46
Mars Cancer 21.20
Jupiter Leo 26.11
Saturn Virgo 17.16
Uranus Scorpio 17.49
Neptune Sagittarius 17.46
Pluto Libra 17.56
Lilith Virgo 6.59
Asc node Virgo 8.26
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Posted by TheLadySagittarius
"Run if you see red flags being unfurled...The only relationship that is too long ,is the one that I want out of like yesterday.If you have to return the idiot to their village,don't hesitate"
@VL, I love this ...lol


VL is crazyLaughing
I just saw that and stifled laughter
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Honestly no--def didn't expect the same moon/rising/mercury/mars as me
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lmfao. No. You're a bit of a smartass, but freak of nature you are not.
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My MTTB (Mean Time To Breakup) is 3 months.
Cohabitation 1 year waiting time.
Marriage should be at least after 2 years, no divorce possibilities.
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Okay--so, situation...
2 friends of mine have been dating 5 years (they took a 1 year break in between so, really 4).
He lives w/his folks, she lives with hers
Mid 20's, both with jobs
They're both in school
She seems kind of lovey dovey, he seems kind of cold
No talk of cohabitation
Talk of kids though
No talk of marriage
2 other friends met through these two above ^^^ back in Feb
Mid 20's, both with jobs
They've been dating for almost 4 months now
VERY lovey dovey--both claim to never have felt this way about anyone else before
They're about to move in together
Have spend just about every day of said 4 months together
Couple #1 is scoffing at them, claiming they're moving too fast
...meanwhile, the rest of us are scoffing at couple #1 for bullsh*tting each other (no one believes they really want to end up together/marriage)
I know all the details are out, but based on these facts, what's your take on the two situations?
Personally, I think one's moving too slow and the other too fast...but I'd rather be in the one that's moving too fast--taking 5 years to decide if I want to be with someone seems...wasteful...If I don't already know by year 1 or 2...yeah...no...
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RIGHT ON, Decan! smile!
Like I said, I'd rather be moving forward with as much positivity, and confidence as couple #2 (I do root them on smile I'm so happy for them, they move in together this weekend). I keep my mouth shut around couple #1--they and they alone truly know why they're choosing to take things as they are, but I really wish they'd stop bashing couple #2.
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Posted by 25thDecan
Bashing could mean they desire something the other couple has/shares.....


That could very well fit in somewhere...
I just can't see myself with a guy for 5 years--no co-habitation, no engagement ring, him living in another town, not being lovey dovey towards me (and I'm not even talking about gushy in front of everyone, but this dude doesn't even acknowledge her "I love you"s on Facebook--not publically. It's like, "dude! Damn, at least a smiley back!")
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Posted by CLCNY30
Posted by 25thDecan
Bashing could mean they desire something the other couple has/shares.....


That could very well fit in somewhere...
I just can't see myself with a guy for 5 years--no co-habitation, no engagement ring, him living in another town, not being lovey dovey towards me (and I'm not even talking about gushy in front of everyone, but this dude doesn't even acknowledge her "I love you"s on Facebook--not publically. It's like, "dude! Damn, at least a smiley back!")

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Wait, do you mean you can't see yourself with a guy for five years in general, or with a guy and he doesn't tell you "I love you" after being together for five years?
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awwwwwwwwwwww look at cd in her prom dress looking all cute lmao.
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Posted by Candeh15
Posted by CLCNY30
Posted by 25thDecan
Bashing could mean they desire something the other couple has/shares.....


That could very well fit in somewhere...
I just can't see myself with a guy for 5 years--no co-habitation, no engagement ring, him living in another town, not being lovey dovey towards me (and I'm not even talking about gushy in front of everyone, but this dude doesn't even acknowledge her "I love you"s on Facebook--not publically. It's like, "dude! Damn, at least a smiley back!")



Wait, do you mean you can't see yourself with a guy for five years in general, or with a guy and he doesn't tell you "I love you" after being together for five years?
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I can't see myself with someone for 5 years without more than him living at his place, me living at mine, reserved feelings towards me, no talk of marriage, or cohabitation. I think that's too long an amount of time, FOR ME, to be with someone and for it not to go further than seeing them twice a week.
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@TheLadySagittarius ,thanks,but don't some people make you that crazy tho'?
@CL,being in their 20's ,they are just starting out,unless a person is 200% sure about someone ,love can unfold.I think both Cap women were throwing up a smoke screen of attitude to cover the real,soft underside of their relationships.It seemed to be a game of one upmanship.Let me ask,do you only hear from them,when things are rocky with them??I had friends like that,when it was good,you'd never hear from them.
With couple #1,she seems to be more into him than he into her,unless he is a different person in private.If they are both in school,that's alot of debt to carry.Maybe she is hoping for more later or they are comfortable in the pattern that they have created for themselves.Maybe the guys family put some limits on him,as long as we are paying for.....our rules will be....If they wed now,they would be responsible for each others' loans.Maybe they are a habit to each other.
With couple #2,four months isn't a really long time to know someone,to know whether they really should be moving that fast.Time will time tho'.
I can understand you view of 5 years ,no ring, no go.It is according whether you've had that talk with someone early in the relationship as to what is going on and where it is headed. Men are really straight forward,when they say they don't want to get married,some girls take it as a challenge or he didn't mean that ,rather than the truthful statement that it is.If a person wants to get married,they should have that talk early on to find out what the other person expectations are at.If a person puts it out in the universe that they want to get married,then they end up moving towards someone who has the same expectations.
I met one guy who wanted to take me back to his family farm ,miles from my home.I said I wasn't going anywhere.I then asked him,isn't there some girl back at your home,that wants what you want?Some girl that you really hadn't thought about in that way?Someone who wants the life style that you do?I wasn't be mean,I wanted him to think about it.He thought about it and said yes there was.
The bottom line is we aren't behind closed doors with them,so we only get the relationship dynamics that they choose to show and share.
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Posted by CLCNY30
Posted by Candeh15
Posted by CLCNY30
Posted by 25thDecan
Bashing could mean they desire something the other couple has/shares.....


That could very well fit in somewhere...
I just can't see myself with a guy for 5 years--no co-habitation, no engagement ring, him living in another town, not being lovey dovey towards me (and I'm not even talking about gushy in front of everyone, but this dude doesn't even acknowledge her "I love you"s on Facebook--not publically. It's like, "dude! Damn, at least a smiley back!")



Wait, do you mean you can't see yourself with a guy for five years in general, or with a guy and he doesn't tell you "I love you" after being together for five years?


I can't see myself with someone for 5 years without more than him living at his place, me living at mine, reserved feelings towards me, no talk of marriage, or cohabitation. I think that's too long an amount of time, FOR ME, to be with someone and for it not to go further than seeing them twice a week.
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Ah okay. Thanks for clarifying. Yeah, I understand that. It's so strange because in a way, I think I could do that (with some exceptions) but that might be because of my mother's influence. I mean, she's an aqua and she's had a couple of LTRs where she really made no talks of cohabitation (except once or twice), marriage, ect. I need a healthy balance of space and quality time.
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Posted by LeGendary ViRGo

awwwwwwwwwwww look at cd in her prom dress looking all cute lmao.


bahahaha prom dress. Tongue It was semi-formal. But thank you LV, you made me all bashful...
*goes to hide in a corner*
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Posted by Yossarian

Sooooo here's my chart, and oh yeah all this time I though I had a Scorpio ascendant turns out my ascendant is Sagittarius
Ascendant Sagittarius
Sun Virgo
Moon Taurus
Mercury Virgo
Venus Cancer
Mars Cancer
Jupiter Taurus
Saturn Pisces
Uranus Virgo
Neptune Scorpio
Pluto Virgo
Lilith Sagittarius
Asc node Gemini
So, there it is, no clue what it means but there it is.


I couldn't resist but this is what I thought when I saw your chart. I really hope you can get my humor.
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*sigh* don't worry about it. *kicks rocks*
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I'm understanding that cynicism all too well, which is probably why I dumped the time frame a while ago.
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So--curious, have any of you ever found your relationships last for about the same amount of time? Like they usually make it to a year, then it just starts to fall apart after that 1 year mark?
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*bops in seat to "Solid as a rock"*
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Posted by Yossarian
Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle
*sigh* don't worry about it. *kicks rocks*




Aw now , there there; we can't all be 'Rocket Surgeons' what would Bush do with all the extra competition?
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yes because I was OBVIOUSLY giving you an insult..just because someone makes a joke revolving around you, doesn't mean it was mean-spirited.
Look at your chart placements, listen to the song. Look at your placements again. If I have to spell it out to you, don't worry about it.
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Posted by CLCNY30
*bops in seat to "Solid as a rock"*



I've been watching the children dance to this song for the past hour. fun stuff.
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Posted by Yossarian
I am guessing you are not a native English speaker right?
Because that last post of yours, is dangerously close to gibberish.


What the hell is wrong with you?
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Posted by 25thDecan
Posted by CLCNY30
So--curious, have any of you ever found your relationships last for about the same amount of time? Like they usually make it to a year, then it just starts to fall apart after that 1 year mark?


No. One or two that lasted a few months...under 6 months. The rest were 2-3yrs or more(1 relationship). Now...days...weeks...lol
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You have your saturn in libra right? Trust, it's prolly better you're going thru these growing pains now than after, you're meant to learn something from it and I dont know what house your saturn is in, but it might be relative to this aspect of your life.
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Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle

(sarcasm tag)yes because I was OBVIOUSLY giving you an insult..just because someone makes a joke revolving around you, doesn't mean it was mean-spirited. (/sarcasm tag)
Look at your chart placements, listen to the song. Look at your placements again. If I have to spell it out to you, don't worry about it.


Your first three placements are in Earth..hence.."solid as a rock" you talk lovey dovey about your wife, the tone of the song is about a relationship as being and your marriage as "solid as a rock" you have a sag ascendant and its' "hot-hot-hot-hot"
Again, just because someone made a joke at your expense doesn't make mean-spirited. I NEVER insulted you, but you just can't get that will you?
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Posted by 25thDecan

I don't know where my saturn is. My venus is in libra...*shrug...I don't subscribe to it. What is there to learn? I just don't see it. Correct my mistakes? Doing that...that involves consious efforts. Let go of the past( the abuse I endured and the abuse I endured growing up)? Doing that. *shrug...I got music. Soon...money...I'm smiling now...money's kinda comforting.


Saturn is a generational, if you're 29, than we were born in the same year..hence why i'm assuming we have the same saturn. I have a saturn in libra as well...before my return I graduated out of college, I gotten away from a horribly draining and manipulative relationship, I met the 'one' and got married, I had my first child, during my saturn return, I've been trying to reconnect with all the past friendships I used to have, my marriage is going thru a rough patch relating to communication problems...I'm probably THE most isolated that Iv'e ever been in my entire life. It's just me, family, him...I'm trying to find ways to balence and it's a strain but it's slowly coming together, I'm trying to figure a way to work on my career, or plan for long term goals in addition to supporting myh usband in his goals.
I'm talking about introspective analysis of where your life is right now, what you want, where do you want to go, and to slowly align yourself to what works and what doesnt. I'm realizing that alot of the friendships I had that I thought were close were superficial. I'm learning to figure what's important to me, I'm relearning to trust someone after years of being hurt by others. I'm trying to let go of past hurts so they don't crossover to my current relationship..etc. etc.
Even if you don't believe in it, the return usually comes right before you reach a milestone in your life, that big thirty..haven't you thought of it before? Is it becoming more clear, or more cloudy, are you struggling? Is it a breeze? That's the type of stuff I'm talking about.
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