Do You Tend To Hold Grudges?

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by CLCNY30 on Monday, August 30, 2010 and has 16 replies.
I've read conflicting articles regarding Virgos and grudges. More articles than others stated we do tend to hold them, and for long periods of time. The few that disagreed stated that we will release issues/people if we find them irrelevant, as we loathe wasting time on things that fail to serve our needs.
Personally, I will hold a grudge against you if I care about you, and you hurt me. That grudge is my way of saying that I do care, and while I might not budge readily to erect a white flag or extend an olive branch (could also be my Taurus moon adding to my stubborn nature, lol) deep down inside, I'm praying we'll mend fences, and things will be even better than they were before.
I've surprised myself over the past few years though (a good surprise though) by learning how to release people I find insignificant, childish, idiotic, whiny, etc.--especially after making mistakes in my younger years by trying to reconcile with those types of people, and constantly finding myself breaking up then making up to break up then make up...
There are signs I've heard do NOT hold onto grudges, and yet I've seen differently--they will bitch and cry about something, even if they claim it means nothing to them--I've even had a chuckle or two on this site as well as other astrology forums at sh.it that's STILL eating away at someone, when it's in the past and should just stay there--namecalling that's still going on, and idiotic jabs and pokes long after the show's over--immature much? I always wonder if they know that just proves all that's been said of them, and that they're making themselves look like an a.ss? I love it when people put on a one-wo/man self-destruct show, especially over sh.it that's dead and buried (or should be). It's always Pop Secret + lawnchair worthy, not to mention proof that they're not mentally balanced Winking haha
So, how about the rest of you? Do you find you tend to hold on to negative things, events and people? Do you find that you're afraid of people being angry at you? Do you find yourself always being the one to apologize?
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Posted by CLCNY30

So, how about the rest of you? Do you find you tend to hold on to negative things, events and people? Do you find that you're afraid of people being angry at you? Do you find yourself always being the one to apologize?


For me to hold you a grudge, you have to 1) be someone I really care about and 2) do something that has really gotten under my skin and burned me to the core. I usually don't have the time or energy to waste on things that people have done (if I do, I just blow it up and it ssends me to a bad place), but if it's something I find major, I can hold a grudge. I also have scorp moon, so it's harder to let go of some things. The only person recently who I held a grudge against was the cap guy I was seeing for a bit; it took me a couple of months or so to finally let things go, and this was AFTER I got the last word with him.
However, I do find myself afraid of people getting angry with me. I do a lot so that I'm usually on the good side of people, and usually this is done effortlessly. But when people do get upset with me, I am quick to apologize, to figure out what happened, and to correct things. I don't do well with confrontation, and I'm usually such a calm and laid back person anyway, so if someone got upset with me, I truly feel sorry for it. I don't find it hard to apologize or admit when I'm wrong if I know it's true. Even if I'm not completely in the wrong, I will be the one to apologize first and talk about things to bury the hatchet quicker.
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Funnily enough, Candeh--I'm pretty good w/confrontation. I've found that it's because I have subconsciously rehearsed what I always wanted to say to a person, so I find words spilling from me with ease when the time comes to face them. If I feel I'm wrong about something, I'll apologize for it in total OR the PART(S) that I feel I was wrong for. But I find that people are usually egotistical that they just keep on flapping their gums, long after the fight is over and the smoke has cleared--there stands them, on an imaginary podium, putting on a jack.ass show for anyone who will oblige them. They have NO CLUE that they're not actually hurting me, but allowing me to nod my head knowingly at any negative thoughts I ever harbored about them; they're making themselves look bad without my help, and cementing the deal on me never speaking to them again. It's marvelous smile It's like they're handing me a beautifully wrapped gift when they do it, because they remove my guilt by showing me their true colors.
People usually never realize that--when you have a fight with someone, lie low. Allow things to settle, and don't pop off at the mouth. You make yourself look bad, and actually cancel out any chance of reconciliation in the future (at least with me). It's so hilariously sad!
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Posted by gemtaur
Yeah, but CL from the other's perspective, they haven't actually had a chance to express how your behaviour, words, etc., has hurt them since you don't like confrontation. So their running off at the mouth might be a by-product of pent-up frustration or a desperate move to break down the barricade in order to COMMUNICATE with you
Just my 2 cents


Gem, I know that feeling--but I haven't had it since high school (no later than my early 20's for sure). That's something you have to grow out of, or you'll get eaten up, chewed on, and spit out by the harsh world out there. I know adults who still have that mentality, and they stay crying and bitc.hing and moaning, and...it's sad. They waste their lives being angry or resentful, and don't realize until it's too late in most matters that there was a better way to go about things.
My method is to stay quiet, and watch the other party--if they seem to be as remorseful as I may be, I will judge the air between us and try to extend the olive branch then; we might not be able to go back to where we once were, or salvage everything we lost, but the fact that we're BOTH willing to take a step back, think on it and try to approach each other respectfully later is really all that's needed (in my pov) to resurrect SOMETHING between us again, and we can slowly build on it if it's meant to be.
As far as anything the other party may need to tell me, they can always express it to me personally--being rude, namecalling, making a public spectacle of their anger is one way, but it's not *the* way if they want to bury the hatchet with me. That shows me their negative extreme, and who they could turn into if we do manage to mend fences again in the future and have another falling out (it happens), and I don't want someone that angry/childish/immature/prone to temper tantrums around me--it's not healthy. They can always just call me up or pull me aside somehow, I'll always listen--even if I don't agree w/them, but further throwing stones at a phantom of a situation, just to pretend they don't care? Pointless...and scary, to be honest.
If the communication can't be civilized, after all has been said and done and time has passed enough for both of us to talk about things rationalliy, it's pointless, IMHO. All it's going to do is create a run-on situation that just tires the *both* of us out in the end, and wastes o
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Posted by wgamador
I have ONE Grudge........and im pretty sure he has no fucking idea and I like it that way.
There will be one day......oh sweet day.


LOL!!! I so hope it's not the one that got away--don't hold that grudge, that's not good, wg. You're so much better than that!
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*continued from above*
our time.
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Posted by gemtaur
at Wag, sweetie, not you smile


He doesn't mean it smile I know he doesn't, he's a sweetie. We all feel hurt and resent certian people/situations, but deep down we want to find peace, I truly believe that. And if someone hurt you enough to create a grudge, you desperately want that peace with them, I know you do.
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Oh--and I actually do like confrontation, gem :") I like to talk, so confrontation's fun for me.
A LOT of misunderstandings in my life were settled wonderfully (and tearfully--good tears, filled w/hugs, etc. and I'm not even a touchy-feely person! So you KNOW it was beautiful) by confrontation. It starts out with both parties folding their arms, and refusing to look at each other, and then saying short words, rolling into anger-filled sentences, tumbling into accusations, erupting into shock and explanations, coming to a slow down of whispered confessions, and finally halting at understanding and apologies. I do love it all.
I'm a writer, so it's the stuff novels are made of to me Winking
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I agree, gem. In my late 20's I started releasing people from my life that it seemed were nothing but constant pain, misery, and grudge-holding for me. I mean, I still cared about them, but had no use for them in my life. If you have more awful times with someone than you have great times...what's the use? It felt so good, and I don't regret letting any of them go. It brought me great peace.
Like I said, I will watch someone's actions--and, you know sometimes I'm like "DAMN I f'ed up...that was wrong of me", and I make a move to correct it but if that person just continues with their one-wo/man show and just builds more and more of a wall between us, I will casually walk away. I refuse to spend the rest of my life catering to people like that.
I see my sister-in-law (a cap) getting knocked around and making excuses for it
An ex of mine (a cap) who allowed his ex wife to seriously abuse him, and then chased after more abusive women after we broke up
I see a few Taurus that I know allowing themselves to be beaten up on and cheated on, etc...
and I vow never to be them.
I think that's why a lot of people get frustrated with me--I will never be your fan club; I'm too much of a challenge to them, because I don't gush after everything they say/do nor do I chase them. I let the punching bags who don't mind you treating them like crap one second then trying to mend it with a hug later do that. I'll give you a pat on the back, shoulder to lean on, and ear to listen if you treat me right if I feel you deserve it, but chase after you? Never.
The only people I've ever met who needed fan clubs to make them feel better were the ones who either tried to take their own lives (and I do know a few), tried to take OTHER'S lives (I know 2) or stay in a constant state of tears and depression.
People expect me to praise them and lift them up to the sun like baby Simba, for no reason at all--just for being them, ego-inflated big head and all, and when I won't do it, they start with the insults, and the childish tantrums, etc.
In this life, you got to learn how to make yourself happy. "Yes Men" are only fun, but for so long. After a while, you start to question how people *really* feel about you.
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Posted by wgamador
Posted by CLCNY30
Posted by wgamador
I have ONE Grudge........and im pretty sure he has no fucking idea and I like it that way.
There will be one day......oh sweet day.


LOL!!! I so hope it's not the one that got away--don't hold that grudge, that's not good, wg. You're so much better than that!


Nope. Its not her. LOL.
Im sure th euniverse has taken care of this guy im talking baout cause everyon egets hurt in Love. BUt his blatant joke at my expense will never be forgotten.
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Oh, you got one of those too, huh? Sad, ain't it?
No worries, people like that end up hurting themselves in the end.
Never fails.
Karma ftmfw.
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No. Grudges are pathetic. When you hold onto something negative and won't let go, the only person it's damaging is YOU.
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Not to sound1 arrogant at all or anything, but people don't usually get mad at me. I don't know whether it's something I've developed or my demeanor in general, but I just usually have a calm and friendly demeanor. I'm really empathetic, so I know how individual people work. And I randomly mold myself to support the person without really losing myself. The only person who I've had a full blown argument with was with my mother, but we have reached common ground after several years. I do get into tiffs with my friends, but they are really minor and forgotten after 10 minutes. And if someone does get upset with me, I don't allow it to get out of hand if I can. Regardless, I don't allow anyone to walk over me, but I'm not one to try to one up the other person either.
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Posted by catguy
Posted by gemtaur
Yeah, but CL from the other's perspective, they haven't actually had a chance to express how your behaviour, words, etc., has hurt them since you don't like confrontation. So their running off at the mouth might be a by-product of pent-up frustration or a desperate move to break down the barricade in order to COMMUNICATE with you
Just my 2 cents


Now that's a smart post.
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agreed.
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I don\'t get mad, i get even. No grudges, I cut out people who try to leave negative influences on me. ;D
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http://freeproxyserver.net/index.php?q=aHR0cDovL3d3dy5keHBuZXQuY29tL29waW5pb24vbWVzc2FnZXMuYXNwP3A9MSZpZD0yMTQ0MzQ1IzIxNDQzNDY% 3D#essages.asp?p=1&id=2144345#2144346\">Posted by CLCNY30
I\'ve read conflicting articles regarding Virgos and grudges. More articles than others stated we do tend to hold them, and for long periods of time. The few that disagreed stated that we will release issues/people if we find them irrelevant, as we loathe wasting time on things that fail to serve our needs.


Most articles and books will state that virgos are to be the worst of the entire zodiac, and they are the ones to have psychological problems, second to Gemini, but i find that to be on an extreme because I\'ve read too many books on astrology and many people i know born on various signs don\'t have such tendencies, and if they do they aren\'t blown out as the books or articles say we all are.
But I have decided to be the stronger person and cut out the people i found to be worthless, like how the articles states. We all know the reasons, but I love my time, and i love to enjoy my time better with friendly people rather than grumpy ones.
Personally, I will hold a grudge against you if I care about you, and you hurt me.


This is universal, and it can be found within many people within many signs. Example: Your best friend P-angel, she claims that she doesn\'t hate people; yet, she doesn\'t like Gemini\'s or Cancers.

So, how about the rest of you? Do you find you tend to hold on to negative things, events and people? Do you find that you\'re afraid of people being angry at you? Do you find yourself always being the one to apologize?
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Not anymore, if i don\'t mention a person, or somebody mentions this particular being, I would usually ignore the question or make a joke out of it. I find the way how people describe others in such description or tone to show if they still care about the person, and i usually see people (many of every sign) talk about past lovers or friends in loathing them, or loving them.
Yet, everyone can agree, A person feels more worthy when they are hated and noticed than not having any influence or attention, and virgos are perfectly known to throw this card out to everyone they find worthless, which is why so many people turn away from \"us\".
Ah WELL, SHIT HAPPENS!
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To be honest yes I do hold grudges: sometimes for a long time, but not forever. I think that we are somewhat like Scorpios in this, although in my case anyway although I sometimes think about taking revenge I seldom do it! I think that Tauruses, Cancers and Capricorns are also inclined to harbour grudges. We are all sensitive people and when hurt we do not necessarily heal easily and therefore do not forgive (the hurt) easily.
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