Emotionally Distant Virgo

Hey All,

So I recently began a relationship with an Amazing Virgo (great guy) he has had a very traumatic past. His mother whom he was extremely close to passed away when he was 16, and his father was no where to be found. He basically took care of himself. This left him extremely emotionally distant from EVERYONE his family, friends, and me. i always feel like he is with me, but hes not really there, but he gets upset when I say that. In turn much like my scorpio characteristics i get really upset with him and start firing, and eventually I withdrawal too. I want to be with him but its hard to get him to open up to me. I know virgos are very private internal people, and he even admitted that hes distant with everyone, but wants me to stay.

WHAT DO I DO—

It gets very difficult at times, especially when he talks about his mom. It looks like his whole world shatters again and again. Ive had my own traumas as well, but I just don't know what he needs. I am willing to be patient with him if I feel like we are making progress. I can not handle and emotionless relationship

He's putting you in a precarious predicament because he's actually contributing to you feeling as if you need to abandon the relationship to save yourself.

In situations like this, relationship counseling to learn how to trust one another or yeah you'll most likely have to jump ship to save yourself or drown. Also firing at him doesn't HELP you at all. There is no way he can trust you when you're showing him you can't handle being with him. So the next time you feel like firing off at him just remove yourself from the situation. You can tell him you're not leaving him, you're going to focus on something productive and positive and you'll talk to him tonight or tomorrow.

It's important that you stop lashing out at him, stop allowing HIS ISSUES to turn you into a green monster. Instead show self control and just maybe he'll start to slowly open up.

Instead of behaving as a codependent who feeds off her partners pain. Protect your energy space by not reacting to his pain, just let him feel what he needs to feel and you show support by being there. You can't fix it, you can only be firm and strong and be a pillar of strength in front of his weakness. You can't continue to display weakness when he's weak or he'll never open up nor will he trust you not to abandon him.

He doesn't need anything from you. You're not his mother. Just be his girlfriend and if he's pulling you down then move on. Be his friend but not his lover because he doesn't seem to be ready for love b/c he's dealing with abandonment issues and he's way too fearful to allow himself to be vulnerable around you.

I agree with Tiki right now be his friend. And do not be upset if he is distant. Allow him to just be who he wants to be in the moment and not get upset over it. Its not you its him. Focus on empathy for him, but again as what Tiki said if you are not happy with the situation of him not opening up to you its not fair for you to take it out on him for him feeling what he is feeling, just move on.

I completely understand you Scorpheartbreak24. I see you care for him so deeply. And its because you care so much that It's easy to get frustrated with him. Which is completely natural because we are only human.

I live by this helpful example & you should to : If a blind man walks past you on the street & he accidentally steps on your foot, what do you do ? You cover him. You instantly forgive him because you know his situation.

This is how hurt people need you to respond. At all times. This is how he needs you to respond. At all times. Cover him with that Scorpio love....this is your only task. 🙂

Last point. One thing us Virgos really appreciate is someone that doesn't take the things we do sooo personally. Especially on the days we are not ourselves. I personally like people that can bounce back easily if I say something nit-picky. I like being around gentle, warm people that are tough & self assured.... someone that understands that i don't mean any harm when I'm distant.

One word sums it up: Steadfast.

We need someone thats steadfast. Meaning someone unwavering, immovable, unshakable & determined to hang in there with Us. If you're with a Virgo, study this one word & apply it to your life. Good luck.

Posted by Rapunzel
Last point. One thing us Virgos really appreciate is someone that doesn't take the things we do sooo personally. Especially on the days we are not ourselves. I personally like people that can bounce back easily if I say something nit-picky. I like being around gentle, warm people that are tough & self assured.... someone that understands that i don't mean any harm when I'm distant.

One word sums it up: Steadfast.

We need someone thats steadfast. Meaning someone unwavering, immovable, unshakable & determined to hang in there with Us. If you're with a Virgo, study this one word & apply it to your life. Good luck.

THIS!!

I know exactly what you mean lol. Your emotions make us emotional. Then our emotions make you emotional! Lol. From my experience, You scorpios seem to work well with us. You are full of strength & class. We admire that.

I think you well be fine with him. It's not by chance or luck that you met him. He needs your help 🙂

Ooops Typo *you will be fine with him

Posted by Scorpheartbreak24

... i always feel like he is with me, but hes not really there, but he gets upset when I say that.

What does this mean? Are you implying that you're having a one-sided emotional relationship?

If he is getting upset with your implications, then I would venture to guess your intention of telling him that is to guilt-trip him.

Another sign, I might think differently ... but, a Scorpio only knows how to manipulate, there is no other motive.

Posted by Scorpheartbreak24

I want to be with him but its hard to get him to open up to me.

Are you implying that you're only willing to be with him IF he is emotionally open with you?

In other words ... you won't allow him to be introspectively withdrawn, he is to be open as you decide him to be, or you won't be with him?

Looks to me like there is nothing wrong here ... except that you need to make something ... because according to you, this relationship is brand new, and he's a great guy ... but, that doesn't appear to be enough.

Lol Nope Cluelesscancer, i have a Scorpio rising & Im actually an August 23 Virgo.

Unfortunately we do not come with a list of instructions. Lol. But all is not lost with your Virgo. You being a cancer should instinctively know how to handle us 🙂

I remember one of you stating that when I get angry I back off. Did not work, We got into this HUGE argument, and he got overly offended. When I tried to STEP BACK just take me time, he wouldnt let me, eventually the argument accelerated and just took on a life of its own. Leaving us both wounded and hurt. He says now he is confused, but doesnt want to let me go, but there was a lot of damage done. Im not sure what to really do with this anymore.

What do you mean he wouldn't allow you to back away? He seems abusive to be honest if he's not allowing you to take a break and instead opts to fight. Has he ever mentioned if he's Bipolar/Borderline Personality disordered or mention any other mental illness he may have?

Whatever the case be it having a personality disorder or just a straight up miserable asshole, it's time for you to leave if he thrives off conflict because not allowing one to walk away to get a breather can lead into physical abuse because you're both already abusing one another verbally so STOP, verbally abusing one another, hurting one another with words is not love.