First fight with Virgo BF, is it over ?

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by Marib on Monday, March 10, 2014 and has 12 replies.
Background: I'm dating a virgo man who is actively trying to move out of state for work and I've been totally supportive but sometimes I get sad and upset thinking he'll leave one day, it could be tomorrow next month or next year (Ive helped him with his resume and stuff around the house) He's been really stressed at work and managing his side business and fixing his house. We don't live together but I'm over every moment when not at work. Both in our 30s been dating couple months known him for 2 years, he's divorced. I'm a cappy smile
So yesterday he asked me what's wrong. I had said I'm happy that your trying to move but sometimes my emotions get the best of me. I feel like our relationship has an expiration date. I just want a few minutes a day with you and nothing else no distractions (job search, packing..) I felt it got awkward so I went to the gym came back and he didn't talk to me for hours. He leaves the room and starts blasting his music so I asked him wassup, tells me I made him feel guilty and my timing couldn't have been worse since now I'm adding to his stress level which is the last thing I wanted. I told him I'm sorry I just wanted to tell him how I felt. I will miss him when he leaves but told him in no way am I asking him to stay. I told him "it's just hard for me to fall in love with you knowing one day you'll leave" and to put himself in my shoes. Whatever we go back and forth at this point.
Hours later no talking... I go to bed so does he. I couldn't take it anymore and just asked what's wrong. He says he's not mad, just I made everything WERID. I said how so... His reply: I dunno.?!?! Now he has to walk on eggshells. Then says I'm making it weirder because I keep asking and he just wants to go bed. I kept bugging asking why and that all I meant to do was tell him how I feel and I just want to be there for him during this stressful time. I ask if he still wants to be together he says it's up to me? At this point I told him just tell me how to fix this so we can go back to normal.. He says he doesn't know, he is extremely stressed and just wants to go to sleep.
Next morning I gather my stuff and ask him what's wrong and what I can do. He still says I'm not mad but that I'm also the one who is moving out. Yes I know I was being wayyyyy over dramatic but I was pissed and just left and went to work. I left work early cause I was a MESS, he texted me and asked if I was sick and tells me a short sentence about his day. Then I ask to
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CONT:
I asked him if I could come over to talk and he says : Later I have too much to do.
Haven't heard from him all day and tonight will be first night we haven't slept in the same bed in months. I'm afraid I've lost home which is the last thing I wanted. We both have a very hard time opening up about our emotions... But I' want to be with him until he moves regardless and I just dunno what I can do to resolve this. Don't want to lose him. HELP!
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just give him space until he calms down. welcome him warmly when he comes back.
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you guys have been dating a few months, what 2 or 3 months? and both tell each other you love each other? Or you told him that last night in the middle of all this work stress/moving etc?
"I told him "it's just hard for me to fall in love with you knowing one day you'll leave" and to put himself in my shoes"
That is a huge guilt trip especially if he doesn't or hasn't said he loves you. Also you packed up and left because you where mad over this stuff? So that just told him you can't handle chaos and turmoil in a relationship when it gets rough. Again give him space, Virgos need time to digest and analyze everything, especially feelings. But you should also apologize if you left his house pissed off and you '"et him know" in non verbal ways you where pissed. ie slamming shit around, slamming doors etc.
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We've been dating since July of las year. No we haven't said the L word..we took things really slow and I only said that to prove the struggle I'm having within myself. It wasn't meant as an "I love you".( now I can see how that freaked him out more) I agree it does show I just leave during drama but I asked him "did you still wanna be together?" And his response was : it's up to you. Not yes but... Or of course... So that set me off. I'm normally very chill and calm guess I was so hurt that I finally open up and it turned into a huge blowout. Ugh i just wanna tell him I'm sorry but in person. Guess text him I'm sorry and let him cool off? So are we done?:/
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+1 Rebirth
Marib why not take a break. If you have your own place go there and stay there for awhile.
You must get grounded FIRST before spilling your feelings out like that. There really can't be anxiety and fear around saying how you feel b/c if it is it will throw a man off, he'll feel bad, guilty and not really know what to do or know what you need which causes a disconnect.
If you want to know where you stand then get grounded first so you can feel secure with whatever his answer is.
If it bothers you that much ask him, if he's vague with you then he's being selfish, you deserve to know if he's willing to do a long distance relationship but don't cross that bridge until you definitively know he's leaving, meaning he has a set date, month, day on his calendar to leave.
I'm curious. You said you don't know when he's leaving. What does that mean? Does it mean he doesn't have a job opportunity yet?
If he doesn't have a definitive date to leave then don't worry about it, if he doesn't have a job lined up he probably won't be going anywhere anytime soon. You may be worrying for nothing.
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I've text him I'm sorry, hate that we're not talking and would like to see him today. Told me he'll just see me tomorrow...Sad so frustrating I wish I never said anything, just want it to go back to normal
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You have two months invested in him. That's not a lot.
He's leaving and not taking you with him.
Ask yourself why would you torture yourself and especially him when there is aboslutely no future for you? It makes no sense AT ALL.
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Posted by Marib
I've text him I'm sorry, hate that we're not talking and would like to see him today. Told me he'll just see me tomorrow...Sad so frustrating I wish I never said anything, just want it to go back to normal


The way you keep at him, my guess is he's going to disappear into the infamous Virgo zone where noone but Virgo can go. There's no phones there, no windows, no doors...just him and his sanity.
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Posted by Marib
I feel like our relationship has an expiration date. I just want a few minutes a day with you and nothing else no distractions (job search, packing..)



There's nothing wrong with telling him how you feel ... so long as you aren't doing it to try and manipulate him. If you have feelings for him, but, you express these feelings with intentions of making him feel guilty for not having the same feelings in return .... then yeah, that's fucked up.
To express your feelings in wanting to know where you stand seems acceptable. However, I don't get the impression that that was your intention.
You wanted him to react to you in a certain way .. you said words with an expectation on how he should react to you .. and when he didn't react as you expected, you got puffed up.
That's pretty fucked up on your part.
Posted by Marib
...tells me I made him feel guilty



And you did. On purpose, just as I stated above .... you only told him that to get an anticipated reaction out of him, a reaction where you would then feel secure.
You were expecting him to validate your feelings, and you used a guilt trip to try and get it.

Posted by Marib
I told him "it's just hard for me to fall in love with you knowing one day you'll leave" and to put himself in my shoes.

click to expand


And there is the guilt again. By your own admission, the "L" word had not been expressed, and when it comes out by you, you say it with intentions of making him for guilty for how hard he makes it for you.

Yes, you lost him and to be honest, I would ditch you also.
Using guilt associations with any potential partner will land you in the same place ....
And then I read further, where you texted him again.
Leave him alone ... you keep pestering him, and only thing you accomplish it making yourself look like a bigger fool.
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I don't get why the obvious escapes your perception.
Is your heart so invested that your brain has stopped working?

This man is leaving, we don't know when, but, we know he's leaving ... he's even packing for it.
In his spare time, he's doing job searches and trying to settle all his shit.
Ok, so while doing all of this - he isn't including you with the future.
That is the fucking writing on the wall that he has no desire to have you in his future ... so what the fuck are you all up on his dick for?

Have you no pride, at all?

:::: shakes head ::::

Get a grip ... and while doing that, look around for your integrity, you misplaced it somewhere because you all over a man who isn't thinking about you.
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Posted by Marib
CONT:
We both have a very hard time opening up about our emotions...


He has a very hard time opening up about his emotions.
Fixed that for you.
Marib,
You seem quite emotionally expressive, especially for such a short duration with this Virgo guy.
I would just relax. Go with the flow. You're giving yourself unecessary anxieties.
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