For a cold demeanor, Virgos sure are sensitive..

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by sunnydiamond on Friday, November 8, 2013 and has 54 replies.
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I thought Virgos walk away from people easily?
Long story short, I fell into a FWB relationship with a Virgo guy (3rd decan). Found myself getting attached and we were seeing each other less frequently, so I told him goodbye because I know he doesn't want a relationship. Completely rational, right? He starts blowing up my phone asking for an explanation and that he doesn't want to lose me and our friendship. I tell him I can't be friends with him right now and need to date other people, but he won't let up and wants to talk in person.
I know him well enough to know he cuts people off very easily, which I thought he would do when I decided to cut him out of my life. We never had a friendship before the sex, it kind of formed while being intimate. He's taking it SO personally that I don't want to be friends with him, when I'm just pulling myself out of a situation to try and save the friendship in the long run before I grow to resent him in our FWB situation. I've explained that to him in several different ways but he's just making it seem like I'm hurting him.
I grew up with a Virgo godfather and I see little similarities. He was always cold with me and not very affectionate (even though he was my father figure) and I always saw him as this statue with little emotional depth. As I grew older, I noticed he took things very hard when my godmother asked for a divorce.
I don't know what my point in posting this topic really is. I guess it's just a mix of realizing how sensitive Virgos are deep down, and how confused I am about what to do with my situation.
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i guess he just cant stand not having that aqua booty~
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No we don't leave people easily, just depends on the person. The past is always present.
well put it this way, you made your boundaries clear and he should respect them regardless of how he feels. Explain to him again why and do it in a way that you mean business. Be firm, direct and don't go back on what you say. Unless you leave the door open for friendship later.
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Posted by soultalk
Because you guys had an arrangement and he doesn't get what hit you. He thinks that is what you both wanted and so he can't digest it. And yes, he is taking it personally in the typical virgo way and not able to accept it. So if you have started having feelings for him does he know? Do you want to get into a relationship? and have discussed it with him. Maybe he wants it too?


@Tomberjack, lol but see, that's what I don't get. If he wants booty, there's plenty of other girls who are more than happy to give it to him. FWBs are just not for me.
I've walked away once, and he went after me and we reconciled...but the same bs keeps happening w/ him wanting me around but wanting his freedom as well. And I have NEVER made him feel like his freedom was being taken away. If he wants to be with his boys, do it. If he wants to go to clubs, go for it. If he wants to hang out with his many girl-friends (which I am always secretly uncomfortable with), do it. I've never told him about my attachment but shouldn't my wanting to step back and deal with my sh*t be enough for him to know that and respect it? He made it clear he doesn't ever want a relationship again because he had a bad LTR previously. Whether he doesn't want a relationship with me specifically or just something he's dealing with himself is beyond me, but I'm taking his word for it. I'M TAKING HIS WORD FOR IT so why is he complicating it?
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Virgo women are very loving in a reserved way.
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Virgos wont walk away from people easily though it appears that way. Yes virgos are sensitive deep down as are all other people. Why are you confused about the situation?
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You have stood back, he has stood back and now you think he is complicating it? How?
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just because they cut people off occasionally doesnt mean its done easily, just that they felt do to some stimuli that it had to be done.
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SMH
Another one who thought FWB has anything to do with feelings and lacks knowledge of the FWB RULES.
Why haven't these so called "liberated women" figured out instead of hiding behind FWB, become a prostitute, pick and choose their lays and get paid for it while trying to land the man of their dreams? Wouldn't that be a little more liberating and at the same time burning off some brain cells?
At the very least, when a man has to pull out his wallet, there might be a little more respect involved.
On the other side of the coin, men who jump at a female giving it up on a silver platter with the FWB facade deserves the drama that comes with it! Stop being so cheap, buy a professional. No questions asked, no whining, and you get exactly what you pay for. No headaches..
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@mfwb55 No, he stepped back, so I stepped back. and now he can't handle that I stepped back. I just thought if I stepped back, he wouldn't care and I could move on, but I'm just getting persistent phone calls from him.
@LetitB If you read my post entirely, you can see that I chose to take myself away from the situation. I'm well aware of the FWB rules and he and I will go out to dinner and movies and HE pays for it. *GASP* so that makes me an escort, right? I guess it's a step up from being a prostitute.

I rationally explained to him in many ways that I need to move on. Stone cold. And he's now mixing emotions with my decision, which is surprising to me because he is the most rational person I know.
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Posted by VirgoChyld
Explain to him again why and do it in a way that you mean business. Be firm, direct and don't go back on what you say.




Why should a person HAVE to do that?
Virgos go on and on and on and on in here, and probably in RL, about how they choose their emotions, and how it's their decision to go cold on someone and nobody should have the audacity to question them.
But, then if the other person decides they don't want the Virgo ... then the Virgo cannot tolerate the other wanting to exercise their own standards?

seriously?

How fucked up !!!!
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The Virgo is, without a doubt, the most double standard person on the planet .. they absolutely do NOT practice what they preach.

They reserve for themselves, the right to make their own emotional choices and one better not question them on this ... but, utterly can NOT handle letting the other person have the same right .. and will use any manipulative tactic at their disposal as an emotional weapon against them.

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I agree with LIB .... people should have enough sense not to use sex. If you don't have enough sense, and use sex in FWB situation ... then you are getting what you deserve.
Next time, use some fucking common sense.
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Posted by sunnydiamond
..... he and I will go out to dinner and movies and HE pays for it.




I suppose I needed to read further before posting ..... because here it is ^^^^
You're fucking leading him on .. you are letting him PAY for you, which is giving him the signal
GO
And then you pull back and say NO
You're not fooling anyone ... you're a fucking player. You are attempting to manipulate him.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by VirgoChyld
Explain to him again why and do it in a way that you mean business. Be firm, direct and don't go back on what you say.




Why should a person HAVE to do that?
Virgos go on and on and on and on in here, and probably in RL, about how they choose their emotions, and how it's their decision to go cold on someone and nobody should have the audacity to question them.
But, then if the other person decides they don't want the Virgo ... then the Virgo cannot tolerate the other wanting to exercise their own standards?

seriously?

How fucked up !!!!
click to expand


I see what your saying, who knows what else happened. Make things clear cant be ambiguous, and don't go back to him, not saying she did, but establish boundaries to follow. As a virgo we are twisted to the point we want or control things to our way, that what it seems that is his aim.
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Posted by sunnydiamond

We never had a friendship before the sex, it kind of formed while being intimate.


The initial arrangement was a FWB. There was never an initial friendship.

Posted by sunnydiamond
He's taking it SO personally that I don't want to be friends with him, when I'm just pulling myself out of a situation to try and save the friendship in the long run before I grow to resent him in our FWB situation.
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What are you attempting to save? There was never an initial friendship.
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Posted by TaurusBull1977
Posted by sunnydiamond

We never had a friendship before the sex, it kind of formed while being intimate.


The initial arrangement was a FWB. There was never an initial friendship.

Posted by sunnydiamond
He's taking it SO personally that I don't want to be friends with him, when I'm just pulling myself out of a situation to try and save the friendship in the long run before I grow to resent him in our FWB situation.


What are you attempting to save? There was never an initial friendship.

click to expand



Right..and I told him that. But to him, we apparently have an important friendship.
& @PAngel, I have also paid for him when we go out, not just him.
Someone on here made a point that Virgos like to control the way things go, which made me realize I threw him for a loop when I decided to cut things off. I don't think the "friendship" is important to him, I'm just hurting his ego. C'est la vie.
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Posted by sunnydiamond
@mfwb55
I rationally explained to him in many ways that I need to move on.


Keep telling yourself that.
Posted by sunnydiamond

Found myself getting attached and we were seeing each other less frequently, so I told him goodbye because I know he doesn't want a relationship. Completely rational, right?
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Not rational at all.
Just the actions of an emotional coward. No pun intended.
If you're woman enough to enter an engagement with no strings-attached-sex, then be emotionally mature enough to address the prospect of a relationship and bring it to the table. Your feelings changed...what makes you think his didn't?
Isn't this what you really want anyway?
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Because when a man tells you several times he doesn't want a relationship, you believe him.
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Posted by sunnydiamond
Because when a man tells you several times he doesn't want a relationship, you believe him.


...And I'm sure you reminded him several times when you were fucking him that you didn't want a relationship either.
Should he have believed you?
Spare me the politics.
You took the cowardly way out and put in your resignation prematurely.
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Hes mad you ended it an he didn't get the chance to on his terms
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Posted by sunnydiamond
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Posted by sunnydiamond

We never had a friendship before the sex, it kind of formed while being intimate.


The initial arrangement was a FWB. There was never an initial friendship.

Posted by sunnydiamond
He's taking it SO personally that I don't want to be friends with him, when I'm just pulling myself out of a situation to try and save the friendship in the long run before I grow to resent him in our FWB situation.


What are you attempting to save? There was never an initial friendship.




Right..and I told him that. But to him, we apparently have an important friendship.
& @PAngel, I have also paid for him when we go out, not just him.
Someone on here made a point that Virgos like to control the way things go, which made me realize I threw him for a loop when I decided to cut things off. I don't think the "friendship" is important to him, I'm just hurting his ego. C'est la vie.
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^^^^^
Seriously? This isn't how I treat people I e developed feelings for... You sound like a bitch IMO
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@Shescomeundone if you were in my shoes, what would you have done? Tell him how you feel? I did. Cry? I did. Beg him to be in a relationship with me? Hell no. Leave and tell him I need space to move on and we can continue a friendship later on when I'm not so attached? I told him. He doesn't want that.
Believe me, this was painful for me to do and I can admit I'm not perfect. I'm planning on having a heart-to-heart with him some time in the next couple weeks. HE decided to go cold on me. And when I mirrored what he did, he decided I can't do that to him. How is that fair?
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Ok well what is it that you want from him then?
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I think the better question is what he wants from me. I ask and he says he wants me. I tell him he doesn't want a relationship with me. He says I know...but I don't want you to leave. And then is silent because he realizes he got too vulnerable and just sits there and thinks. and thinks. and thinks.
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Posted by sunnydiamond
@LetitB If you read my post entirely, you can see that I chose to take myself away from the situation. I'm well aware of the FWB rules and he and I will go out to dinner and movies and HE pays for it. *GASP* so that makes me an escort, right? I guess it's a step up from being a prostitute.



um, no, I'm sorry that does not upgrade you to escort. In fact escorts make more money than a street prostitute, and are paid for class. The dinners/drinks are mere benefits of having class and more intelligence.
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Posted by sunnydiamond
Because when a man tells you several times he doesn't want a relationship, you believe him.



Well he does, however you are confused as to what type of relationship and refuse to believe it's what you led him to believe it was: FWB! It simply backfired on you.
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First HELLO FELLOW SOUTH FLORIDIAN!!!
Second - whether he wants to admit it or not, he got attached to you. If you want to be with him then I would meet him in person and discuss what you want and why you feel it would or wouldnt work. Being a Virgo he may become distant to digest how he feels but if he wants you he will be back relatively quickly.
I can assume thats the case 1. because I am a Virgo and 2. I have typical Virgo male friends where your story sounds very familiar. They try to close themselves off but they fall and when they do they fall HARD. But dont settle. If its NOT for you then tell him so and cut ties.
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Can FWB become something more? I think anytime your intimate with someone more than a couple times the possibility is very real... Having sex creates hormones for us women that make us want you men... Otherwise we would be disgusted by you! LMAO!
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Posted by Shescomeundone
Can FWB become something more? I think anytime your intimate with someone more than a couple times the possibility is very real... Having sex creates hormones for us women that make us want you men... Otherwise we would be disgusted by you! LMAO!


I agree with this. Unless you have sex few and far in between, whether you want to or not you will fall for the "idea" of that person. Some people have matured enough to cut it off because they realize it wont work however others stay and prolong the drama or find out they genuinely like the person and want to give it a go.
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Posted by trashedbliss
First HELLO FELLOW SOUTH FLORIDIAN!!!
Second - whether he wants to admit it or not, he got attached to you. If you want to be with him then I would meet him in person and discuss what you want and why you feel it would or wouldnt work. Being a Virgo he may become distant to digest how he feels but if he wants you he will be back relatively quickly.
I can assume thats the case 1. because I am a Virgo and 2. I have typical Virgo male friends where your story sounds very familiar. They try to close themselves off but they fall and when they do they fall HARD. But dont settle. If its NOT for you then tell him so and cut ties.


Hello South FLO! Btw, thanks for everyone's input...We've reconnected after he called me relentlessly to talk it out. He still doesn't want a commitment, mainly because he was really hurt in his last relationship (which I may have forgotten to add, ended shortly before him and I started seeing each other) and he's in the middle of possibly making a big career change...but he's been really consistent, more affectionate, and says "i love you" to me, even though I haven't said it back (Not because I'm trying to be mean, but just being cautious of if he really means it or just trying to humor me)
It's a little confusing but I'm much happier and just taking it day by day. Oh, & I finally got around to his natal chart...
ME
Sun: Aquarius
Moon: Cap
Venus: Pisces
Mars: Gemini
HIM
Sun: Virgo/Libra Cusp
Moon: Pisces
Venus: Leo
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Posted by sunnydiamond
We've reconnected after he called me relentlessly to talk it out. He still doesn't want a commitment, mainly because he was really hurt in his last relationship (which I may have forgotten to add, ended shortly before him and I started seeing each other) and he's in the middle of possibly making a big career change...but he's been really consistent, more affectionate, and says "i love you" to me, even though I haven't said it back (Not because I'm trying to be mean, but just being cautious of if he really means it or just trying to humor me)
It's a little confusing but I'm much happier and just taking it day by day. Oh, & I finally got around to his natal chart...




If you are still screwing him it's simply a FWB and nothing more.
In this case "I Love You" is equivalent to "bend over I'm not done using you yet" ie HUMOR
I cannot believe how naive you are. When he moves on, please don't come back to this forum and complain or make dergoatory comments about Virgos, instead hold up a mirror and keep it to yourself.
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Posted by sunnydiamond
He still doesn't want a commitment, mainly because he was really hurt in his last relationship ....




Of course, he doesn't want a commitment with YOU ... YOU open your legs and let a man fuck you with no strings attached. No decent man with respect is going to want to a commitment with you.
And it has absolutely nothing to do with prior relationships. Once feelings are obtained for another person, then they are developed, regardless of the past .... people do this every fucking day. Are you living a rock or summat?
The reason why he won't commit is because you're his whore. That is the role the woman plays in a fwb relationship !!!!

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kquote>Posted by sunnydiamond
...but he's been really consistent, more affectionate, and says "i love you" to me, even though I haven't said it back (Not because I'm trying to be mean, but just being cautious of if he really means it or just trying to humor me)



Men aren't stupid .... they know how to get a females panties to fall off. Alls he has to say is the "L" word, and she is pudding in his hands.
YOU are the one who typed in here that he doesn't want strings attached, so now you're all giddy over him playing the cards in his hands. Are you really that stupid, in that you cannot put two and two together?
What the fuck has happened to this generation? Why are they so emotionally stupid?
Serious question ... why?

Posted by sunnydiamond
... I'm much happier and just taking it day by day ....

click to expand



What the fuck does that mean?
So, it doesn't matter if his sentiments are real .. it only matters that you get to hear them?
and that makes you happy?
Serious question ... what the hell has happened to people of late? It's like the world tilted on its axis last year, and everyone has become morons.
The man wants your ass, he plays his game on you, which you are too oblivious to recognize eventhough you type it in here for us to be aware of, you fall to the ground in ignorant bliss ... and all is peachy now that you're emotionally pacified.

:::: shakes head ::::
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Um.
First, P-Angel, calm down.
Second, we have not had sex again. So calm down.
Third, calm down.
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Yea I have to agree with P-Angel & LIB in this situation. This guy is feeding you game and you're eating it up like your starving. Clearly the thirst is real AND he can see that! Look at how you said the conversation with him went. He said FLAT OUT: I DON'T WANT A COMMITMENT. Ok game over why are we still even talking? Ofcourse he's going to be more affectionate, ofcourse he's gonna pull out his ace and tell you he loves you. But did ANY of that change anything? Did you get what you need to truly be happy? Are you no longer in a FWB relationship? NO! so why on earth do you feel better? All he gave was some easy lip service. TIP: He wanted to meet with you in person because he knows that you seeing him will get you all emotional and confused making it easier to lure you back in. And clearly it worked.
Funny thing is he's not wrong or a liar. He told you straight up he doesn't want a relationship but he does want you, he does love you and he likes your presence in his life. Those words are not to be mistaken for I want to be with you OR I will want to be with you at some point. Please do not mistakes his words for hope for the future, they are what they are. The truth if you're willing to accept it.
As a Virgo, I love everyone in my life and I don't want any of them to leave before I am ready for them to go. If they try to leave abruptly I will do what I can to keep them from leaving because I HATE when things happen before I'm ready for them to happen. Now let me tell you about my shadow side. If someone tries to leave me before I'm ready for it to happen I will convince them to stay and then (knowing that they will probably leave again soon) I begin weaning myself off this person so I can either leave them 1st or be able to accept it when they leave the 2nd time around. I'm never confused or too afraid to move forward. I know exactly who I want in my life and exactly what role I want them to play. Please don't mistake his little show for the real thing. He's given you his answer if you stick around it's because you're accepting your role in his life.
...and why are you even answering his calls or meeting him. You ended it...hence it's OVER. Don't use ending it as a powerplay to get what you want. If he wanted more he'd get it. And would you really want to be with someone you had to manipulate into a relationship? No Contact...give it a try and really end it...IF that's what you really want
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Maybe he liked you
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No one should expectations on you like that though. It seems as though casual sex doesn't exist anymore
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The original post doesn't show me any example of virgo sensitivity. For myself I just see a guy who really really wants to have sex with no strings.
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Posted by virgodreamz
The original post doesn't show me any example of virgo sensitivity. For myself I just see a guy who really really wants to have sex with no strings.


No strings? Sounds like there are strings since he's trying to manipulate her into not leaving. He just should just cut his losses n find someone else if he is so "unattached" that is what real unattached sex is.
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I guess there is no light going off in your head ..... so you came here to get pity for being a fool because you don't know any better, and believe yourself to be some kind of victim.

::: shakes head :::

I don't suffer idiots easily .... and you are one
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Posted by Sag89
Posted by virgodreamz
The original post doesn't show me any example of virgo sensitivity. For myself I just see a guy who really really wants to have sex with no strings.


No strings? Sounds like there are strings since he's trying to manipulate her into not leaving. He just should just cut his losses n find someone else if he is so "unattached" that is what real unattached sex is.
click to expand


When I say no strings I'm referring to no commitment and no relationship. Him trying to "manipulate" her into not leaving looks to me as if he wants to continue to have commitment free sex and not because he feels hurt that she wants to move on. If he was really concerned and sensitive to her needs he would want her to be happy and be with someone who can give her what she wants.
It's useless for her to waste her time dwelling on what he should or shouldn't do. It's up to her to cut her losses and find someone else since she only has control over her actions and not his. She teaches him how to treat her by how she's treating herself.
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Posted by virgodreamz
If he was really concerned and sensitive to her needs he would want her to be happy .....





It just boggles my mind that people are so ignorant to this fact. It's like they ee it over, and can even describe it ... but, then can't apply to themselves.
And if you say that to someone, they come back with something like .... I know right **sniff**, I'm so abused, and I didn't do anything except love him, I'm treated so bad ...
They are totally and utterly incapable of including themselves in this actualizing.

It's like .... people walk around watching their life, rather than realizing their fucking participating, for reals.
And people think Pisces are in la-la-land ... I guarantee you, Pisces may be incredible dreamers and fantasizers, but, we might be the only sun sign, as a whole, who comprehends that we are actually living in reality.
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Posted by P-Angel
And people think Pisces are in la-la-land ... I guarantee you, Pisces may be incredible dreamers and fantasizers, but, we might be the only sun sign, as a whole, who comprehends that we are actually living in reality.




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+ 1 Fembot
"I fell into a FWB relationship with a Virgo guy (3rd decan). Found myself getting attached and we were seeing each other less frequently, so I told him goodbye because I know he doesn't want a relationship. Completely rational, right?"
No it's not rational, it's emotional and emotions tend to be irrational. You only ended things because he was seeing less and less of you.
You didn't end things because you know he doesn't want a relationship, you ended things because he wasn't doing what you NEEDED him to do.
FWB situations rarely turn into real relationships, there are exceptions but in your case you are not the exception.
You're manipulating him by attempting to drop him so now he's manipulating you with the "I love you" bullshit so he can drop you once he's sure you're buying the shoveled shit he's selling...
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Posted by virgodreamz
Posted by Sag89
Posted by virgodreamz
The original post doesn't show me any example of virgo sensitivity. For myself I just see a guy who really really wants to have sex with no strings.


No strings? Sounds like there are strings since he's trying to manipulate her into not leaving. He just should just cut his losses n find someone else if he is so "unattached" that is what real unattached sex is.


When I say no strings I'm referring to no commitment and no relationship. Him trying to "manipulate" her into not leaving looks to me as if he wants to continue to have commitment free sex and not because he feels hurt that she wants to move on. If he was really concerned and sensitive to her needs he would want her to be happy and be with someone who can give her what she wants.
It's useless for her to waste her time dwelling on what he should or shouldn't do. It's up to her to cut her losses and find someone else since she only has control over her actions and not his. She teaches him how to treat her by how she's treating herself.

click to expand


I agree. I'm just saying he obviously thinks of her as an object in some way. And is attached to "his" object. He isn't a uncommitted person. He's an overattached person. That was the point I was making.
Healthy attachment lets go when it's over cause they don't need someone to fill their needs cause they can do it their self ( Like you were saying ) He got attached and thinks she owes him something whether that is sex, attention or whatever.

He obviously missed the memo in life that no one owes you anything in that way. I just hate how woman call these men UNATTACHED. No they
overrattached and think human beings are possessions and need fucking therapy.
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Posted by Sag89
Posted by virgodreamz
Posted by Sag89
Posted by virgodreamz
The original post doesn't show me any example of virgo sensitivity. For myself I just see a guy who really really wants to have sex with no strings.


No strings? Sounds like there are strings since he's trying to manipulate her into not leaving. He just should just cut his losses n find someone else if he is so "unattached" that is what real unattached sex is.


When I say no strings I'm referring to no commitment and no relationship. Him trying to "manipulate" her into not leaving looks to me as if he wants to continue to have commitment free sex and not because he feels hurt that she wants to move on. If he was really concerned and sensitive to her needs he would want her to be happy and be with someone who can give her what she wants.
It's useless for her to waste her time dwelling on what he should or shouldn't do. It's up to her to cut her losses and find someone else since she only has control over her actions and not his. She teaches him how to treat her by how she's treating herself.



I agree. I'm just saying he obviously thinks of her as an object in some way. And is attached to "his" object. He isn't a uncommitted person. He's an overattached person. That was the point I was making.
Healthy attachment lets go when it's over cause they don't need someone to fill their needs cause they can do it their self ( Like you were saying ) He got attached and thinks she owes him something whether that is sex, attention or whatever.

He obviously missed the memo in life that no one owes you anything in that way. I just hate how woman call these men UNATTACHED. No they
overrattached and think human beings are possessions and need fucking therapy.
click to expand


I think YOU missed the memo, right along with the OP ... in that you are talking about him, and what he needs/should do, or not do .... she directs her life, not him.
Alls you talk about it misplaced blame because she can't get her shit together enough to make good decisions for herself.
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Posted by Sag89
I'm just saying
... he obviously thinks of her as
... to "his" object.
He isn't a uncommitted person.
He's an overattached person.
That was the point I was making.




The point you were making is that it's up to another person, in this case, him, to make her life for her ... why else were you talking about what he should do?

::: shakes head :::

People are so fucked up ......
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Posted by Shescomeundone
Can FWB become something more?


Yup. I live with the person I was fwb with. It was that at first, then we developed into a relationship. A lot of bumps along the way, but we made it, & we're living together, happily & annoyingly...lol.
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Posted by P-Angel

I guess there is no light going off in your head ..... so you came here to get pity for being a fool because you don't know any better, and believe yourself to be some kind of victim.

::: shakes head :::

I don't suffer idiots easily .... and you are one


P, i have not called you any names amongst all of your aggravated responses, so I would hope you don't start name-calling, because it's unnecessary.
I agree with you, as well as everyone else who have been against this Virguy. I cut ties with him yesterday, told him to not call me again. Nothing happened this time around, just pure clarity.
My original intention with this post was confusion. I've seen Virguy have falling outs with friends and girls he was seeing, and he never gave a damn when things fell apart. He would just not talk to the person ever again and MOVE ON. He even told me he can be heartless, so my thinking when I left was that he wouldnt think twice and move on as well. Then I can start over with a clean slate without him persistently contacting me. His reaction just wasn't what I expected, but it doesn't mean anything has changed. Can't beat a dead horse when it's dead, right?
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