Friends with Benefits
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by Ebonyjade on Tuesday, June 21, 2011 and has 24 replies.
Hello! I have a question, won't bore you with details but basically I've been 'seeing' a Virgo man - (29th August) since Christmas. We get on very well when we're together, we make each other laugh but it's never gone anywhere further than just hooking up and having $ ex. When we are together, it's not just wham bam, we lay and talk, fall asleep holding each other. He's even asked on occassion if I'd like to get coffee or breakfast with him in the morning. Even at a social work function back in February, he displayed some interest and we stayed back after everyone had left and had a chat and a laugh He's a typical Virgo in pretty much every sense, very critical and sarcastic and also quite introverted. A couple of mnoths ago, I thought I'd take initiative and texted him mid week asking him how his Easter dinner was with family and said hope he was having a great week. He did not text back until 24 hours later, it was nice but very to the point and no questions back. I took that as a bit of a shut down. We've met up a few times since then, the most recent being on the weekend. Again, we got on very well and as always the $ ex was amazing! I'm a little confused as he does seem to really enjoy my company and seems to genuinely like me but I'm not sure how to take this anymore as my feelings for him are growing and I don't know whether to take it to the next level or confront him with how I'm feeling. I've never, ever indicated of my feelings and for all he knows, I could be in it for fun but my opinion is he would actually invest in some proper time with me (taking me out to dinner, show, etc) rather than just random hook ups once in a while.
He even seems to me very comfortable around me, at the beginning he was somewhat shy but now he's opened up and sincerely seems like he can feel he can be himself, perhaps not 100% but I can definetely sense him loosening up.
Some key pointers are: I'm an Aries (23rd March) and I'm 3.5 years older than me. We also work in the same organisation but in completely two different departments. It is rare for the two of us to actually ever see each other, occassionally waiting for the lift.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.
He even seems to me very comfortable around me, at the beginning he was somewhat shy but now he's opened up and sincerely seems like he can feel he can be himself, perhaps not 100% but I can definetely sense him loosening up.
Some key pointers are: I'm an Aries (23rd March) and I'm 3.5 years older than me. We also work in the same organisation but in completely two different departments. It is rare for the two of us to actually ever see each other, occassionally waiting for the lift.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.
Looks like you should have titled this...
Married Friends with Benefits.
If he is married....that could be trouble.
If he isnt. Have fun with it. Dont get all serious with him.
Just enjoy the Virgo ride.
Married Friends with Benefits.
If he is married....that could be trouble.
If he isnt. Have fun with it. Dont get all serious with him.
Just enjoy the Virgo ride.
Old Hollywood story. Communicate your feelings to HIM. But make sure you REALLY like him. So many times women tend to get confused when it comes to sex and feelings. Sex can make you emotionally attached but figure out first if there's really a mental click between the two of you. Virgo men are the most shy men I've ever met when it comes to love & sex. I surely think they make for the best partners in marriage and relationship, so honest and good-hearted. I'd say be honest and straightforward, tell him what you want, and I'm sure he'll be straightforward with you. Whatever respond you get, don't panic. Realize that there are more great men in the world! 
........................
A song to live by......
He's married? In that case I take my golden advice back lol.
Posted by DoubleGem2
You will get hurt no question....this is an affair...he takes you out occasionaly to make it look good and ease his conscience (what evers left of it). He figures if he just comes over, shop lifts the putty and leaves, you will stop giving it to him...the cuddling and all the other bullshit is to make u think its not just a fuck...
You better end it before u develope more feelings, then u will really be screwed. These kinds of things can go on for years.....wasted time, when u could be with someone who really cares for you...dont be stupid and dont ever take the back seat for anyone.....show some self respect.
He's married the world doesnt need another home wrecker.
^
^
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I concur..... If their married.
Sorry kid
Lobo's mind control)>> you will see him NO MORE!!!! And...... I release you!
I'm on my phone so cannot write an extended reply. He's not married, no way. He's a young guy. As far as I'm aware, there is no woman in his life. I'm not that stupid. I know he's def not married as I've been to his place a number of times. But I see it now, married or not, he's buttering me up to keep getting what he wants. Sucks in a way but it is what it is I guess, damn. Still unsure whether to ask him what the terms are or to just leave it altogether?? Thank you for your responses 
I see no 'benefit' to FWB. No reflection upon you OP, just my internal "Moo".
Well VB the guy benefits usually.
I would love to do FWB. B equaling laundry cooking cleaning blah blah blah. If anyone wants to do stuff for me let me know so we can be friends asap
Sorry I didn't read the OP but I'll still say cut him off tell him you decided to date someone else because you don't benefit from this. Don't call him ever again and then let him miss you and ask you out. If that doesn't happen you'll be free to fall for someone who will give you what you want.
For most women FWB = Fucking without benefit
I would love to do FWB. B equaling laundry cooking cleaning blah blah blah. If anyone wants to do stuff for me let me know so we can be friends asap
Sorry I didn't read the OP but I'll still say cut him off tell him you decided to date someone else because you don't benefit from this. Don't call him ever again and then let him miss you and ask you out. If that doesn't happen you'll be free to fall for someone who will give you what you want.
For most women FWB = Fucking without benefit
"For most women FWB = Fucking without benefit"
Yep. Unless one likes sniffing the pillow cases or sobbing into a vat of ice cream. If it works for two people, that's fine. But usually one or the other wants to take it somewhere. Unfortunately that "usually" means the one with fallopian tubes. I think I've actually seen someone use the 'evolved' argument about this sort of thing. If that's the case I'll be cave painting and waiting for Ooongowah to arrive home with a dead wildebeest over his shoulder.
Yep. Unless one likes sniffing the pillow cases or sobbing into a vat of ice cream. If it works for two people, that's fine. But usually one or the other wants to take it somewhere. Unfortunately that "usually" means the one with fallopian tubes. I think I've actually seen someone use the 'evolved' argument about this sort of thing. If that's the case I'll be cave painting and waiting for Ooongowah to arrive home with a dead wildebeest over his shoulder.
What has happened these days?
It seems that young women are so misguided about men. To give him the goods doesn't lead to a relationship and for some reason she is in error in believing that it does.
Why does she believe this? Where is this coming from?
Is it coming from being raised with an absent father, and so sees their mother enhancing their sex appeal to gain attention from males? Whereas when we were children, we witnessed our parents respectably relating and working together?
It's everywhere with these girls .... they actually have no clue that they aren't suppose to fuck the man to get the man. It's not a matter of being young, inexperienced, or confused .... it's the fact that they think this is the way to get the man ... and it must be coming from home since that is where we learn.
It's sad
It seems that young women are so misguided about men. To give him the goods doesn't lead to a relationship and for some reason she is in error in believing that it does.
Why does she believe this? Where is this coming from?
Is it coming from being raised with an absent father, and so sees their mother enhancing their sex appeal to gain attention from males? Whereas when we were children, we witnessed our parents respectably relating and working together?
It's everywhere with these girls .... they actually have no clue that they aren't suppose to fuck the man to get the man. It's not a matter of being young, inexperienced, or confused .... it's the fact that they think this is the way to get the man ... and it must be coming from home since that is where we learn.
It's sad
"What has happened these days?
It seems that young women are so misguided about men. To give him the goods doesn't lead to a relationship and for some reason she is in error in believing that it does.
Why does she believe this? Where is this coming from?
Is it coming from being raised with an absent father, and so sees their mother enhancing their sex appeal to gain attention from males? Whereas when we were children, we witnessed our parents respectably relating and working together?
First of all...I did not sleep with him in hoping it would lead to anything. The first time we did it I was less than a week out of a 5 year relationship where I was engaged. I was messed up in the head, lonely and it seemed like a good idea at the time as I was in semi high spirits as I'd had a fabulous night at the work Xmas party as well as thinking he was super cute, I always had. The opportunity presented itself so I figured why not. I NEVER in a million years would have thought it would lead to how I'm feeling now.
Second of all...no absent father. I do and always have had excellent role models as parents. God forbid, I like sex and I decided to go home with a hot guy on the rebound. It's not like I sleep around in hoping for a marriage proposal.
Anyway, I know that I have to figure out what it is that I actually want out of this guy. I have toyed with the idea that maybe my feelings are just a result of the great sex we have together. I haven't 'seen' him in three weeks but I have run into him at the elevators at work a couple of times and we were texting on the weekend. I'll be thinking that the longer I leave it, then the more I'll get over it but the more time passes, the more I want to see him again. It's like I'm addicted to him. I really want to ask him next time where I stand with him as we've never had this 'discussion'. From listening to other peoples' experiences and stories, "Friends with Benefits" don't usually spoon, cuddle, spend the night and hang around in the morning chatting. I've also heard that there is usually that talk of clarifying what the relationship is before it begins so as to prevent this exact situation from happening. I'm so new at this as I have been in a long term relationship since my early 20s. I need some guidance. If I do ask him, what do I say and how should I say it? I'm not the most tactful person in the world and I don't want to screw anything up.
It seems that young women are so misguided about men. To give him the goods doesn't lead to a relationship and for some reason she is in error in believing that it does.
Why does she believe this? Where is this coming from?
Is it coming from being raised with an absent father, and so sees their mother enhancing their sex appeal to gain attention from males? Whereas when we were children, we witnessed our parents respectably relating and working together?
First of all...I did not sleep with him in hoping it would lead to anything. The first time we did it I was less than a week out of a 5 year relationship where I was engaged. I was messed up in the head, lonely and it seemed like a good idea at the time as I was in semi high spirits as I'd had a fabulous night at the work Xmas party as well as thinking he was super cute, I always had. The opportunity presented itself so I figured why not. I NEVER in a million years would have thought it would lead to how I'm feeling now.
Second of all...no absent father. I do and always have had excellent role models as parents. God forbid, I like sex and I decided to go home with a hot guy on the rebound. It's not like I sleep around in hoping for a marriage proposal.
Anyway, I know that I have to figure out what it is that I actually want out of this guy. I have toyed with the idea that maybe my feelings are just a result of the great sex we have together. I haven't 'seen' him in three weeks but I have run into him at the elevators at work a couple of times and we were texting on the weekend. I'll be thinking that the longer I leave it, then the more I'll get over it but the more time passes, the more I want to see him again. It's like I'm addicted to him. I really want to ask him next time where I stand with him as we've never had this 'discussion'. From listening to other peoples' experiences and stories, "Friends with Benefits" don't usually spoon, cuddle, spend the night and hang around in the morning chatting. I've also heard that there is usually that talk of clarifying what the relationship is before it begins so as to prevent this exact situation from happening. I'm so new at this as I have been in a long term relationship since my early 20s. I need some guidance. If I do ask him, what do I say and how should I say it? I'm not the most tactful person in the world and I don't want to screw anything up.
He is the quintessential Virgo and I am an absolute typical Aries. We seem to mesh pretty well but I just don't want to be too forward with him and scare him away.
Thanks in advance
Thanks in advance
Posted by Ebonyjade
Anyway, I know that I have to figure out what it is that I actually want out of this guy. I have toyed with the idea that maybe my feelings are just a result of the great sex we have together. I haven't 'seen' him in three weeks but I have run into him at the elevators at work a couple of times and we were texting on the weekend. I'll be thinking that the longer I leave it, then the more I'll get over it but the more time passes, the more I want to see him again. It's like I'm addicted to him. I really want to ask him next time where I stand with him as we've never had this 'discussion'. From listening to other peoples' experiences and stories, "Friends with Benefits" don't usually spoon, cuddle, spend the night and hang around in the morning chatting. I've also heard that there is usually that talk of clarifying what the relationship is before it begins so as to prevent this exact situation from happening. I'm so new at this as I have been in a long term relationship since my early 20s. I need some guidance. If I do ask him, what do I say and how should I say it? I'm not the most tactful person in the world and I don't want to screw anything up.
Whoa..back up. I dropped the justification of what you chose to do with yourself from the above. There is no justification, take responsibility for your choices.
Now, regarding the "I know that I have to figure out what it is that I actually want out of this guy" statement... You don't get to choose that, you already made a choice to be a slab of meat and nothing more. Are you kidding me? He made that clear when you tried to communicate OUT OF BOUNDS of the bedroom over Easter. There's rules with FWB. If you'd like me to post them, I will. So you think that because he chooses to "spoon" and "cuddle" that MEANS SOMETHING? lol.... honey, you are practice for the woman he WILL end up settling with. Wake up.. Since you state you have an excellent upbringing, ask daddy what he thinks of a female who serves herself on a platter for just sex. I'd venture to say, you won't like what you hear from him either. Stop with the excuses. If you can't handle what you've made yourself with this guy...move on and think next time before you spread your legs.
Screw it...here, hang onto this, maybe next time you'll think twice.
He's just a rebound your feelings are an illusion of missing a committed relationship you had with an ex. The virgo has compartmentalize you as just a friend to have sex with and chats with. He is enjoying the time but doesn't see long term and can sense you are developing feelings for him. The feelings come from the attachment of sex that women typically have after sexing a man for a while. Don't worry you will get over him and realize it is just temporary a way for you to cope after your 5 year relationship.
Y'all do realize this post is 4 years old right...? lOL
Posted by justagirl
Y'all do realize this post is 4 years old right...? lOL
Yea..I did after, and normally I delete my responses, when someone decides to bump an old post and realize it after the fact, however, it's four years later and some women are just as dense if not more than the op, and it's getting worse. An epidemic of stupidity.
Posted by Kodak375
So quick to tell people what to do, without even realizing who they are talking to lmao
Yeah, I remember when you came in here bragging about being an entrepreneur and then a couple weeks later, you were talking about having to pull a shift you didn't want to work, and were complaining about your boss.
When brought this up to, how you must have lied ... if you have a boss making you pull a shift, then you don't own your own business.
You deleted your account within days ..... so really, it's you who doesn't realize who you're talking to, which means you just run your mouth about bullshit because it must make you feel like you have a bigger dick.
Posted by LetltBPosted by justagirl
Y'all do realize this post is 4 years old right...? lOL
Yea..I did after, and normally I delete my responses, when someone decides to bump an old post and realize it after the fact, however, it's four years later and some women are just as dense if not more than the op, and it's getting worse. An epidemic of stupidity.
click to expand
Very true lol
Posted by P-Angel
Posted by Kodak375
So quick to tell people what to do, without even realizing who they are talking to lmao
Yeah, I remember when you came in here bragging about being an entrepreneur and then a couple weeks later, you were talking about having to pull a shift you didn't want to work, and were complaining about your boss.
When brought this up to, how you must have lied ... if you have a boss making you pull a shift, then you don't own your own business.
You deleted your account within days ..... so really, it's you who doesn't realize who you're talking to, which means you just run your mouth about bullshit because it must make you feel like you have a bigger dick.
click to expand
You seem to mind everybody business but your own. People can be starting a business while temporarily working till they get their business off the ground. Rome wasn't built in a day and you were in a womb for 9 months before your cynical ass popped out.
Negative Nancy.
Posted by EbonyjadeI know it is a very old post but want to know how the story goes at the end?
"What has happened these days?
It seems that young women are so misguided about men. To give him the goods doesn't lead to a relationship and for some reason she is in error in believing that it does.
Why does she believe this? Where is this coming from?
Is it coming from being raised with an absent father, and so sees their mother enhancing their sex appeal to gain attention from males? Whereas when we were children, we witnessed our parents respectably relating and working together?
First of all...I did not sleep with him in hoping it would lead to anything. The first time we did it I was less than a week out of a 5 year relationship where I was engaged. I was messed up in the head, lonely and it seemed like a good idea at the time as I was in semi high spirits as I'd had a fabulous night at the work Xmas party as well as thinking he was super cute, I always had. The opportunity presented itself so I figured why not. I NEVER in a million years would have thought it would lead to how I'm feeling now.
Second of all...no absent father. I do and always have had excellent role models as parents. God forbid, I like sex and I decided to go home with a hot guy on the rebound. It's not like I sleep around in hoping for a marriage proposal.
Anyway, I know that I have to figure out what it is that I actually want out of this guy. I have toyed with the idea that maybe my feelings are just a result of the great sex we have together. I haven't 'seen' him in three weeks but I have run into him at the elevators at work a couple of times and we were texting on the weekend. I'll be thinking that the longer I leave it, then the more I'll get over it but the more time passes, the more I want to see him again. It's like I'm addicted to him. I really want to ask him next time where I stand with him as we've never had this 'discussion'. From listening to other peoples' experiences and stories, "Friends with Benefits" don't usually spoon, cuddle, spend the night and hang around in the morning chatting. I've also heard that there is usually that talk of clarifying what the relationship is before it begins so as to prevent this exact situation from happening. I'm so new at this as I have been in a long term relationship since my early 20s. I need some guidance. If I do ask him, what do I say and how should I say it? I'm not the most tactful person in the world and I don't want to screw anything up.
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