CLCNY30
@CLCNY30
16 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 3561 · Topics: 85
Giving/Getting Advice
Posted by 25thDecan
I say what I say and let the chips fall where they may. I DO try to not be insensitive. However, lately, I don't want to hear many people's problems in person. Many of them weren't and haven't been there for me in my time/times of need. And I'm no longer the service-oriented person I used to be. Me first. Everyone else....somewhere else.
LMFAO! I hear that.
I feel bad when people come to me though...people have told me some really crazy things that they didn't want to tell anyone else, and I feel obligated to say SOMETHING...Iono...
As far as advice I seek, It's usually the same 3 people -- the optimistic but realistic at the same time miss Neka, my bestie Jose who is a sarcastic Scorpio realist, lmfao, and my Virgo (but shoulda been Leo) friend Lori who can go either way, but is a sweetie about her words. I don't need the advice I'm given sugarcoated, but if I'm actually coming out of my hermit's cave to ask for help, I don't need harsh words either. All 3 understand that, and try to be blunt, but polite about it.
Posted by CLCNY30
Do you think you can take what you dish out (especially if your advice giving is done ruthlessly)?
Nope. I never like it back the way I give it and sometimes I'm too harsh so it's not well recieved. Working on that though.
Do you find you're a "do as I say, not as I do" type person?
Sometimes. I honestly don't realize it until someone points it out. Working on that too.
Or do you just not bother to give advice, either because you know YOU wouldn't follow it if someone gave it to you, or because you just don't want to be bothered hearing other people's problems/wasting your breath with a solution?
Lol.
Depends on what the advice is. Usually, it's the love dept where I don't take advice from others. lol
Posted by 25thDecan
I think though, personally that what you're doing is commendable. And, since it is a part of you....continue. and, don't feel as if your uniqueness in this is wimpy or out of place. What you're doing and the way you've said you go about it...id be proud to call you an amiga if I knew you. LOL....is that right? Amiga? LOL
Awww, thanks! 🙂
Yes, Amiga is correct, lol.
Truth is that I don't know how much longer I can be an advice giver. I'm losing my patience with the whole process, and would like to focus on my own problems. I've put people before me in the past, and it got me nowhere, it's time for a new approach, so it's actually ME who's digging YOUR outlook.
Posted by VirgoVixxxenPosted by CLCNY30
Do you think you can take what you dish out (especially if your advice giving is done ruthlessly)?
Nope. I never like it back the way I give it and sometimes I'm too harsh so it's not well recieved. Working on that though.
Do you find you're a "do as I say, not as I do" type person?
Sometimes. I honestly don't realize it until someone points it out. Working on that too.
Or do you just not bother to give advice, either because you know YOU wouldn't follow it if someone gave it to you, or because you just don't want to be bothered hearing other people's problems/wasting your breath with a solution?
Lol.
Depends on what the advice is. Usually, it's the love dept where I don't take advice from others. lolclick to expand
You are smart as hell, LOL! That's the ONLY dept. I usually ask for advice in, because my head and heart are usually battling like crazy, and I need an intermediate.
People get ruthless when they give advice? Never heard of that because I'm thinking what they're giving when they give advice is concern and help, they're trying to help the asker even though they know the asker will not listen.
Good example: I heard these two women on line at the bank, and one said "My son is the class chatterbox, and because of that, his grades are failing--he's still passing, but he's getting B's when we both know he's capable of getting A's"
The other woman responded: "That's what you get for letting your children go hogwild at home, watching tv and eating red meat--seriously, if you can't be bothered to raise them right why are you complaining? It's not their fault, it's yours..."
I was like "that bich woulda been on the floor with both a broken nose and teeth swinging from tendrils of her gums if she said some chit like that to me".
Like, seriously?!
I would have said, "you may need to tell him that if he keeps it up at school, and lets his grades slack because of his talkative habit, he'll be spending less time watching TV and more time studying, because he's smart enough to earn that A."
Red meat? Hogwild? LOL. That's just it, some people put their beliefs out there as "written on Moses' tablets" when it's like "woman, stfu--you were huge, I'm sure you eat your red meat while it's still moving".
And I could just tell that if someone had given her advice in the same callous manner that she gave her "friend", she'd blow a fuse, and catch a coronary.
I just find that people forget they're giving advice to other human beings sometimes--there's no need to go overboard.
Posted by LoveBucketPosted by CLCNY30Posted by VirgoVixxxenPosted by CLCNY30
Do you think you can take what you dish out (especially if your advice giving is done ruthlessly)?
Nope. I never like it back the way I give it and sometimes I'm too harsh so it's not well recieved. Working on that though.
Do you find you're a "do as I say, not as I do" type person?
Sometimes. I honestly don't realize it until someone points it out. Working on that too.
Or do you just not bother to give advice, either because you know YOU wouldn't follow it if someone gave it to you, or because you just don't want to be bothered hearing other people's problems/wasting your breath with a solution?
Lol.
Depends on what the advice is. Usually, it's the love dept where I don't take advice from others. lol
You are smart as hell, LOL! That's the ONLY dept. I usually ask for advice in, because my head and heart are usually battling like crazy, and I need an intermediate.
And, because the way I know it, nobody listens to [love] advice, do YOU listen when you ask and it's given to you? 🙂click to expand
When it's given to me by people that know me and my situation, I might not follow it to a tee, but I do listen to it and mull it over. And even if I don't take it in its entirety, I might take snippets from it that I feel will help my situation.
I always learn and i always give.
People tell me problems, i learn about them, and i tell them something for themselves, so they can learn from themselves, but not from me.
People tell me problems, i learn about them, and i tell them something for themselves, so they can learn from themselves, but not from me.
Posted by LoveBucket
People get ruthless when they give advice? Never heard of that because I'm thinking what they're giving when they give advice is concern and help, they're trying to help the asker even though they know the asker will not listen.
Oh, I have witness with mine own eyes just how ruthless some people can be when giving advice and I just shake my head. I wouldn't call my advice giving ruthless per se but, as I mentioned, I have a tendency to be harsh sometimes and it's really only because I honestly want the person to do well and really care about them. The harshness is in the delivery and my constant 'constructive criticism' has had me in many an argument. I'm working on it and trying to choose my words carefully/work on tone etc.
Posted by CLCNY30
You are smart as hell, LOL! That's the ONLY dept. I usually ask for advice in, because my head and heart are usually battling like crazy, and I need an intermediate.
I don't want 'love advice' from someone who can't manage their own relationship. lol
Posted by 25thDecan
I CAN take what I dish out though. Just not doing much dishing. And yeah CC, at the ripe ol age of 29, I've come to see the world and the collateral friends as is......very real in their legitimate form. So, I don't speak. I have a good time. Don't come to me for advice unless you're my lil sis, or a child I teach from time to time. All else is good...just keep it where need be. Aloof? Fine with me. Some people and the energy the thrive on WILL BURY YOU from even seeing what needs to change within yourself. Its also led to me being waaaaay less of a "critical person". I do a lot of encouraging nowadays when I hear something and it feels good. Even when people laugh and say things like "what're you so happy about"? I mean, my crisis belongs to me but if you need a good word I'll give it. No critique. If you step out of line then you get verbal assault. Lmao
You ain't neva lied!!! I have learned so much about myself from the problems people bring to my doorstep, and I fear becomming what they may be. I usually don't ask for advice, I'll ask people "what would you do if it were you" but I don't really see that as advice, it's more like a "I'd like to know how you'd handle it" type thing--doesn't mean I'm going to handle it the way you describe you would, just means I'd like to know your mindset is all.
The only thing I think is a damn shame is that there are people who can give pretty good advice, but they don't know how to talk to others--they speak AT them, or DOWN to them instead of TO them. It takes away from their message, and while it's like "well, if you really want that advice, you'll not care how it's given" but that's bullshat, especially because when these people get a taste of their own medicine, they turn into Tazmanian Devils. Fek outta here. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, no?
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Posted by CLCNY30
You are smart as hell, LOL! That's the ONLY dept. I usually ask for advice in, because my head and heart are usually battling like crazy, and I need an intermediate.
I don't want 'love advice' from someone who can't manage their own relationship. lolclick to expand
LMFAO! That's just it--I take mine from people in loving unions. You are dead on about that! LOL!
I either take mine from people who are in loving unions, or will not put up with other people's bull--I admire their strength, especially if they walked away from someone who was abusing them, and I will def. grab a seat and listen to what they have to say, simply because I know they wouldn't tell me to do something they themselves couldn't/wouldn't/haven't done.
Posted by CLCNY30Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Posted by CLCNY30
You are smart as hell, LOL! That's the ONLY dept. I usually ask for advice in, because my head and heart are usually battling like crazy, and I need an intermediate.
I don't want 'love advice' from someone who can't manage their own relationship. lol
LMFAO! That's just it--I take mine from people in loving unions. You are dead on about that! LOL!click to expand
You and Joe ain't got ya'll shit together well then don't talk about you giving me advice about me and John. lol
Posted by VirgoVixxxenPosted by CLCNY30Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Posted by CLCNY30
You are smart as hell, LOL! That's the ONLY dept. I usually ask for advice in, because my head and heart are usually battling like crazy, and I need an intermediate.
I don't want 'love advice' from someone who can't manage their own relationship. lol
LMFAO! That's just it--I take mine from people in loving unions. You are dead on about that! LOL!
You and Joe ain't got ya'll shit together well then don't talk about you giving me advice about me and John. lolclick to expand
LMFAO! Ok, I def. respect that.
First off, Lovebucket, don't ever tell a grown ass woman what she really meant to say. She's grown, you can be pretty sure she meant every word. Your lack of understanding for said words is YOUR problem, not hers.
Second, from the minute you came into the thread, you were totally off the point. The initial post lead to 3 questions:
1) Do you give advice?
2) If you give advice, is it blunt/harsh/crude?
3) If you give blunt/harsh/crude advice, can you take it when someone dishes it back?
Those were the 3 questions.
Third, not only were you OFF the entire point, but you took this thread personally, as if someone called you the fuk out. Boo Boo, no one did. Is that...*sniffs*...is that GUILT I'm smelling? Let me guess, people tell you your advice giving sucks, you're a rude ass about it, and this thread struck a nerve with you...awwww
Don't take that sht out on me. Deal with it on other ways, ways that won't get you cursed the fuk out.
Fourth, how...in...the...FUKIN...HELL are you going to come into MY thread, and tell me that the example that I gave, in MY THREAD, to elaborate the POINT of MY THREAD is a wrong example? Are you high? Drunk? Who the fuk do you think you are? OBVIOUSLY, the example I gave CLEARLY highlighted what the topic was about--once again, your lack of understanding of MY THRAD is YOUR problem. Deal with it in more constructive ways.
Fifth, how in the fuk did EVERYONE ELSE who answered gather enough information to ANSWER CORRECTLY, STAY ON TOPIC, and GET THE POINT OF THE THREAD, and you couldn't? Did you BOTHER to take a look around, and see that your ass was the only one with question marks over your head? Hell, did you even BOTHER to read the initial post in its entirety? No, I'm sure you did not. You fail.
Second, from the minute you came into the thread, you were totally off the point. The initial post lead to 3 questions:
1) Do you give advice?
2) If you give advice, is it blunt/harsh/crude?
3) If you give blunt/harsh/crude advice, can you take it when someone dishes it back?
Those were the 3 questions.
Third, not only were you OFF the entire point, but you took this thread personally, as if someone called you the fuk out. Boo Boo, no one did. Is that...*sniffs*...is that GUILT I'm smelling? Let me guess, people tell you your advice giving sucks, you're a rude ass about it, and this thread struck a nerve with you...awwww
Don't take that sht out on me. Deal with it on other ways, ways that won't get you cursed the fuk out.
Fourth, how...in...the...FUKIN...HELL are you going to come into MY thread, and tell me that the example that I gave, in MY THREAD, to elaborate the POINT of MY THREAD is a wrong example? Are you high? Drunk? Who the fuk do you think you are? OBVIOUSLY, the example I gave CLEARLY highlighted what the topic was about--once again, your lack of understanding of MY THRAD is YOUR problem. Deal with it in more constructive ways.
Fifth, how in the fuk did EVERYONE ELSE who answered gather enough information to ANSWER CORRECTLY, STAY ON TOPIC, and GET THE POINT OF THE THREAD, and you couldn't? Did you BOTHER to take a look around, and see that your ass was the only one with question marks over your head? Hell, did you even BOTHER to read the initial post in its entirety? No, I'm sure you did not. You fail.
Sixth, since when is advice not someone's opinion on a matter? What in the hell...? You're making me dizzy, please just stop. Either pass some of what you're smoking over, or gtfoh.
Seventh, instead of TELLING ME what I took insult from, concerning the bank situation, why not ask? Are you so goddamn high and mighty in your own fukin head that you think you know people you've never even met? Go siddown somewhere with that sht. I took muthafukn offense because you don't speak to people that way. Fuk that lady's kids. I don't fukin know her, I don't know her damn ragamuffin them, fuk em all as far as I'm concerned. The so called "advice giver" was rude, embarrassed her in public, and could have went about giving the same exact advice in a polite way and IN PRIVATE, but she was obviously raised by wolves, and only knew how to bark and howl. What she said was out of line, the delivery was disgustingly cruel, and the setting was uncomfortable for everyone involved. She failed just as badly as you do--you should find her, become best friends, crap in your hands and throw your feces at each other, since you have so much in common.
Good for you thinking the only truth that exists is one delivered in a handbag full of puke and used condoms--glad you're made of tough stuff that seems to make you unable to relate properly to other human beings.
Good for you letting people speak to you as if you're a damn dog. Maybe that makes your nips hard? Iono...in any event, you're damn tootin' we think differently.
And thank God for that.
Seventh, instead of TELLING ME what I took insult from, concerning the bank situation, why not ask? Are you so goddamn high and mighty in your own fukin head that you think you know people you've never even met? Go siddown somewhere with that sht. I took muthafukn offense because you don't speak to people that way. Fuk that lady's kids. I don't fukin know her, I don't know her damn ragamuffin them, fuk em all as far as I'm concerned. The so called "advice giver" was rude, embarrassed her in public, and could have went about giving the same exact advice in a polite way and IN PRIVATE, but she was obviously raised by wolves, and only knew how to bark and howl. What she said was out of line, the delivery was disgustingly cruel, and the setting was uncomfortable for everyone involved. She failed just as badly as you do--you should find her, become best friends, crap in your hands and throw your feces at each other, since you have so much in common.
Good for you thinking the only truth that exists is one delivered in a handbag full of puke and used condoms--glad you're made of tough stuff that seems to make you unable to relate properly to other human beings.
Good for you letting people speak to you as if you're a damn dog. Maybe that makes your nips hard? Iono...in any event, you're damn tootin' we think differently.
And thank God for that.
I don't like to give advices... maybe because I hate hearing "I took your advice and it went wrong". Anyway...
I like to hear the story, to hear the updates, what that person did until then, ask questions that helps that person to see other points of view... And when my advice comes... it sounds like this "I don't like giving advices, but here is how I would handle the problem: (give the solution). This is how I see it, remember that I am from outside and that's how I see it from what you are describing to me. You should look inside and balance all your thoughts and take action in the way that you want it to be and choose what is best for you."
When I need an advice, I ask what would you do if... or how do you see this problem. I like to hear others opinions (but not too many because you will get dizzy) and think about it during the night, usually until I come to the point "this is what I will do". I also like to say: thanks for your opinion, it helped, even if I don't use the entire advice but only part of it. And also, if people are hard on me when giving the advice, I don't feel bad, I just listen and consider it just an opinion.
I like to hear the story, to hear the updates, what that person did until then, ask questions that helps that person to see other points of view... And when my advice comes... it sounds like this "I don't like giving advices, but here is how I would handle the problem: (give the solution). This is how I see it, remember that I am from outside and that's how I see it from what you are describing to me. You should look inside and balance all your thoughts and take action in the way that you want it to be and choose what is best for you."
When I need an advice, I ask what would you do if... or how do you see this problem. I like to hear others opinions (but not too many because you will get dizzy) and think about it during the night, usually until I come to the point "this is what I will do". I also like to say: thanks for your opinion, it helped, even if I don't use the entire advice but only part of it. And also, if people are hard on me when giving the advice, I don't feel bad, I just listen and consider it just an opinion.
And, if you look around the same damn room, Lovebucket, you will see that the others came in to say they were "different thinking" too, in that they either did not give or accept advice, so you're not as "different thinking" as you may think. I care not if you agree/disagree with what *I* do, that wasn't my question as I'll do what I damn well please no matter WHO likes it. My question asked how YOU approach advice-giving, and taking, and you veered right the fuk off course, trying to tell me about myself when you don't know me from Eve. Stop trying to be such an "individual" that you completely go off course, leaving the path and careening into the trees; just remember that the kid with the helmet riding the short bus is "different thinking" too, and that should keep you trying to be "respectfully unique" instead of "different".
Lol, hey Gem. How was your halloween?
Posted by gemtaur
🙂
very low key. yours? i just imagine you getting a kick out of scaring the neighbourhood kids coming to your door 😉 lol
LOL. Virgo = hermit.
Those kids didn't even know I was home.
Oh, trust that my Pisces landlord built a goddamn maze funhouse on the front lawn, and was there in costume to scare the kids at the end of the tunnel, and hand out candy. Good for him. I just waited for all the friggin' screaming to end, and thanked God it was a Sunday so it all stopped around 7:30pm.
If you didn't bother to read the thread, then try going the fuk away.
You failed before you even started typing, and being wrong and strong about it only makes you look like a fool.
Quit while you're ahead.
You failed before you even started typing, and being wrong and strong about it only makes you look like a fool.
Quit while you're ahead.
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I caught myself late last night talking a friend who's going through relationship issues.
She came to me to complain about something with her partner that I felt was just the last straw between them, as in "it sounds like it's time to move on, babe..." and I wanted to be really callous about it, but I caught myself before I was...
Bottomline is that it's SOOOOO easy to be a biznitch with someone when telling them what you think they should do. It's so easy to say "leave him/her", "quit the job", "you can't take care of that baby, either give it up for adoption or abort it while you still have time", but seriously...if someone is callous with advice given to me, I will strike the fek out at them, so I try to watch how I hand someone advice.
The way I see it, there's a way to tell someone what you think they should do, and that's just it "what YOU THINK they should do..." there's no gaurantee that what you tell them will work, and it's ultimately THEIR life choice(s)--it'll affect THEM not you, so getting uppity because you feel your advice wasn't respected/taken to me is 'tarded. In the end, all you can do is try to be there for them, try to help them see reason--lead a horse to water/can't make it drink style .
So I did catch myself before being mean to her, as I know love is never cut and dry, and I know the issues I'm going through with it myself. I do hope she really heard what I said and is mulling it over, but I wish her the best whatever she decides to do. If I find her coming to me in the future w/the same problem I can always choose to just say "iono" and keep it moving, no one says I have to keep trying to help her, it's just that simple.
So, anyways, how are you with advice giving/receiving? Do you think you can take what you dish out (especially if your advice giving is done ruthlessly)? Do you find you're a "do as I say, not as I do" type person? Or do you just not bother to give advice, either because you know YOU wouldn't follow it if someone gave it to you, or because you just don't want to be bothered hearing other people's problems/wasting your breath with a solution? Lol.