Guidance on giving support to my Virgal
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by justledouxit86 on Tuesday, April 30, 2019 and has 6 replies.
So my Virgal's ex is taking her to family court over visitation of their son. They have had a verbal arrangement for years now, but he rarely follows up on it. He moved into his girlfriend's house and my Virgal's 10yr old boy has to share a room with a 9 yr old girl and isn't comfortable with it The father is in the middle of a remodel and rather have a large game than add another bedroom... Shows how little he cares.
Anyway, cuz of this little spat, he is taking her to court. I've been through 4 years of custody stuff w/ my boys, so I tried to explain that though are situations are different, that I understand what she is going through and I'd be there to help if she needed anything. She is surprising open and honest about what is going on, despite being so early in our relationship
So, I've got new questions:
1) Is there anything I can do to help keep her from letting her anxieties get the best of her?
2) What should/shouldn't I do to help her?
I don't want to get inappropriately involved, since it's not my kid, but also want to help her however I can. She needs a $ 2500 retainer for an attorney... she is looking for a new job, as her boss no longer needs a nanny.
I know she doesn't have that kind of money or any family that does. Thing is, I do and and am tempted to help her. However, I'm worried she will always feel I have that over her and she might resent it or feel obligated to me. I never want to put anything between us. Should I help her?
3) Do I just keep talking to her when she gets distant, but give her space when she isn't being talkative? Do I continue like I always do and act normal or just kind of let her control the flow of the conversation?
Anyway, cuz of this little spat, he is taking her to court. I've been through 4 years of custody stuff w/ my boys, so I tried to explain that though are situations are different, that I understand what she is going through and I'd be there to help if she needed anything. She is surprising open and honest about what is going on, despite being so early in our relationship
So, I've got new questions:
1) Is there anything I can do to help keep her from letting her anxieties get the best of her?
2) What should/shouldn't I do to help her?
I don't want to get inappropriately involved, since it's not my kid, but also want to help her however I can. She needs a $ 2500 retainer for an attorney... she is looking for a new job, as her boss no longer needs a nanny.
I know she doesn't have that kind of money or any family that does. Thing is, I do and and am tempted to help her. However, I'm worried she will always feel I have that over her and she might resent it or feel obligated to me. I never want to put anything between us. Should I help her?
3) Do I just keep talking to her when she gets distant, but give her space when she isn't being talkative? Do I continue like I always do and act normal or just kind of let her control the flow of the conversation?
Been a couple days, so figured I'd give this a bump.. Could definitely use opinions/advice 
Not much you can control here.
Maybe take her out to lunch and get her a massage or nails done or some kinda pampering so she can feel more relaxed.
Maybe take her out to lunch and get her a massage or nails done or some kinda pampering so she can feel more relaxed.
Posted by LadyNeptuneThanks for the reply! That's what I'm afraid of... I've been thinking about about getting her a gift certificate for a spa or something, but I don't know when she would even have time to go right now. Probably do it anyway though... Appreciate the advice
Not much you can control here.
Maybe take her out to lunch and get her a massage or nails done or some kinda pampering so she can feel more relaxed.
Posted by justledouxit86Just kidnap her for a few hours.Posted by LadyNeptuneThanks for the reply! That's what I'm afraid of... I've been thinking about about getting her a gift certificate for a spa or something, but I don't know when she would even have time to go right now. Probably do it anyway though... Appreciate the advice
Not much you can control here.
Maybe take her out to lunch and get her a massage or nails done or some kinda pampering so she can feel more relaxed.click to expand
My sister was afraid to leave her newborn and I basically strong armed her out the house and into the car for an hour foot massage down the street. We got back and babe was still snoozing and baby sitter (aka my friend) was in the same spot on the couch where we left him.
She told me she felt like a new person. So mission accomplished.
Posted by LadyNeptuneYeah, I'm 6' and 265lbs and muscular, but she would probably kick my butt if I tried to force her to do anything! haha jk Funny part is she is super feminine but tries to be tough (comes with our life style I guess lol)... She pulls it off somehow without becoming toooo unlady-like lol
Just kidnap her for a few hours.
My sister was afraid to leave her newborn and I basically strong armed her out the house and into the car for an hour foot massage down the street. We got back and babe was still snoozing and baby sitter (aka my friend) was in the same spot on the couch where we left him.
She told me she felt like a new person. So mission accomplished.
I probably could get her away, but would definitely have to be the right time... She is a nanny and watches two baby girls most of the day and then has her 10yr old when he gets out of school and occasionally she watches other kids from her place in the evening. Just have to catch her in between all that or on a day off that she doesn't have 100 plans already lol
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