He Hasn't Spoke to Me

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by karebear on Friday, May 24, 2019 and has 53 replies.
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This was my third trip to see my Virgo interest and I really expected things to go well as they did the last two visits. I took a later flight than usual, so I checked in the hotel at 8:45 PM. Upon arrival I text him to let him know that I made it there safely and asked if he would see me that night or the next day. It wasn't a big deal if he waited until the next day because I was tired and wanted to rest. At first he said that he wouldn't see me that night because he had to be at work the next day, but then he immediately responded that he would stop by. He said that we needed to talk. I wasn't expecting this to be good, but he let me know that everything was good between us. He arrived at my hotel and told me that he has custody of his daughter and gave details as to what was going on. I won't go into details, but it is a good thing he has his child. I asked him why he didn't let me know before I came to town because being there for his child is way more important. I would have postponed the trip. (Him being a great Dad is one of the reasons I am attracted to him.) He stated that this was not an issue to discuss over the phone, and that he doesn't like to talk about his issues. He said that he handles things on his own. I assured him that communication between us is okay and that him being a Father is important. I followed that with a hug. After that conversation we talked some more and I asked him how he felt about me. He asked me wasn't it obvious. I explained that I just needed to hear it. His response was that he liked me and could see that this is going somewhere, but distance plays a part. I responded that if we got to the point where we wanted to be exclusive I would move. My job allows me to live anywhere and continue to work and I don't have anything to keep me in my hometown. Also, I love his city. He seemed okay with my response and we finished the night being intimate. He told me he couldn't see me the next day, but could make plans for the day after. I was fine with that arrangement, however, he started to seem distant. I didn't see him for the rest of the time I was in town, or did he contact me to check up on me. I asked him what we were going to do while I was in town and he claimed that he had to see if his daughter wanted to go over her Grandmother's house. The next thing I knew I see pictures of him at his God child's birthday party. I was livid. In the past, he would tell me if he had something to do, so I am not understanding why he was being distant this time around. We always met up once he was finished. Of course I sent text messages, and even tried to call him, telling him how pissed I was. No response, and still no response after 3 weeks. I feel like I haven't done anything wrong, but I can't make sense of any of this. Help.
reading this, i'd dump you too

too much pressure
Posted by virgoOPPP

reading this, i'd dump you too

too much pressure


Just how is that too much pressure? I took my hard earned money and time to visit him, which by the way, he agreed that it was a good time when I made arrangements two months prior. I just don't pop up unexpectedly. I ask and he agrees. If it was too much pressure than he needs to act like an adult and say what is in his mind. You just don't ignore someone that travels to see you. GTFOH!
You did nothing wrong, I just feel like he lost interest. Or he never cared to begin with, don't believe anyone who tells you you pressured him in any way, I don't see anything like that, now what I want to know is that why were you the only one to make trips to his town? it seems to me like you have been taken granted. Having questions is normal, especially when someone ignores you and doesn't clarify the situation. The only thing I didn't like was that you got pissed off, I'd too, again it's difficult to control one self when you care for someone, but making a point in a calm and relaxed manner would have been better. But I don't suppose that would have changed anything. From my point of view he had lost interest way before you got to his town and I believe there's more to the story, if you were to pay attention maybe you could have seen that coming. I'm sorry hun, sending you hugs.
Posted by pisceanloves

You did nothing wrong, I just feel like he lost interest. Or he never cared to begin with, don't believe anyone who tells you you pressured him in any way, I don't see anything like that, now what I want to know is that why were you the only one to make trips to his town? it seems to me like you have been taken granted. Having questions is normal, especially when someone ignores you and doesn't clarify the situation. The only thing I didn't like was that you got pissed off, I'd too, again it's difficult to control one self when you care for someone, but making a point in a calm and relaxed manner would have been better. But I don't suppose that would have changed anything. From my point of view he had lost interest way before you got to his town and I believe there's more to the story, if you were to pay attention maybe you could have seen that coming. I'm sorry hun, sending you hugs.
I thought about that also, but what threw me off was that he seemed excited about me coming to see him. He went as far as sending me love songs 2 weeks before my arrival. Thanks for your understanding.
Posted by Sleepyquantro

I'm sorry this happened to you! Even if he was no longer interested, he still should have shown some common decency and spent time with you until you left to go back home. Smh 🤦🏽‍♀️

That was extremely thoughtless! It's one thing if you lived close and he ghosted because he lost interest, but it's a completely diff ball game when someone spends money traveling to see you! This guy lacks integrity!
Thank you
I will go back to my previous statement "maybe you just have poor taste in men"

jokes aside there could be so many issues with the reason he went distant.

Some may be reasonable and some maybe selfish... possibly didn't help that you got mad he went off by himself.
Posted by Sonia1

Have you been intimate before?

After you were intimate, he became distant and no response for 3 weeks.

Ouch
Yes, we've been intimate before. This is someone that I have had dealings with for a while. He has always been open and honest in the past, so this one throws me off.
Posted by Weeds

I will go back to my previous statement "maybe you just have poor taste in men"

jokes aside there could be so many issues with the reason he went distant.

Some may be reasonable and some maybe selfish... possibly didn't help that you got mad he went off by himself.
I don't think I reacted wrong in that situation. A bit of communication would have made the difference. He has communicated in the past about things he had to do, so what has changed? Three days by myself in a town where I don't know anyone but him and he all of a sudden chose not to communicate...he doesn't get a pass for that.
Posted by Weeds

I will go back to my previous statement "maybe you just have poor taste in men"

jokes aside there could be so many issues with the reason he went distant.

Some may be reasonable and some maybe selfish... possibly didn't help that you got mad he went off by himself.
I don't think I reacted wrong in that situation. A bit of communication would have made the difference. He has communicated in the past about things he had to do, so what has changed? Three days by myself in a town where I don't know anyone but him and he all of a sudden chose not to communicate...he doesn't get a pass for that.
Posted by karebear

Posted by Weeds

I will go back to my previous statement "maybe you just have poor taste in men"

jokes aside there could be so many issues with the reason he went distant.

Some may be reasonable and some maybe selfish... possibly didn't help that you got mad he went off by himself.
I don't think I reacted wrong in that situation. A bit of communication would have made the difference. He has communicated in the past about things he had to do, so what has changed? Three days by myself in a town where I don't know anyone but him and he all of a sudden chose not to communicate...he doesn't get a pass for that.
click to expand


"Three days by myself in a town where I don't know anyone but him and he all of a sudden chose not to communicate"

three days by yourself in a town where you said you would move, if you 2 were exclusive …. maybe he got scared by this, that if you move that he would be responsible for your entertainment all the time, since you dont know anybody?
His intent was to break-up face to face.
Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by VenusAquarius

His intent was to break-up face to face.
You really think so? If that was the case, that (bleep) is just rude! Lol

To hell with that, I'd rather someone break up with me through text than to have me waste my hard earned money to travel to them, for them to break up with me.

I thought it possibly was the sex, until OP said they had sex before, although that doesn't mean anything. I have sex with someone and the 1st time it was ok, but 2nd time I felt like I'd just slept with an inexperienced school boy. 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

I was kinda turned off the 2nd time.

The possibility of him thinking OP was moving to fast/or appearing clingy (at the mention of moving) also crossed my mind, but she traveled to see him! The least he could have done was to be a good host/tour guide while she was in town.
click to expand
She was so oblivious with the "how do you feel about me," he chickened out and took the easy out:

"He said that we needed to talk. I wasn't expecting this to be good..."


Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by VenusAquarius

His intent was to break-up face to face.
You really think so? If that was the case, that (bleep) is just rude! Lol

To hell with that, I'd rather someone break up with me through text than to have me waste my hard earned money to travel to them, for them to break up with me.

I thought it possibly was the sex, until OP said they had sex before, although that doesn't mean anything. I have sex with someone and the 1st time it was ok, but 2nd time I felt like I'd just slept with an inexperienced school boy. 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

I was kinda turned off the 2nd time.

The possibility of him thinking OP was moving to fast/or appearing clingy (at the mention of moving) also crossed my mind, but she traveled to see him! The least he could have done was to be a good host/tour guide while she was in town.
click to expand
I don't think that his intent was to break up with me. He made it known what we had to talk about wasn't about us because he said we were good. Also, he said that he could see this going somewhere. The issue he discussed was about his child coming to live with him, which the details I will not discuss. However, this is not our first conversation about his child living with him. He had some concerns about her wellbeing on another trip. Plus, if he lied about what happened with her, I would consider him a sociopath. I don't feel like he lied about the situation, but I can see him having 2nd thoughts about me moving down there. However, when we communicate about things he has to do I always find things to do to occupy my time. He knows this
Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by VenusAquarius

His intent was to break-up face to face.
You really think so? If that was the case, that (bleep) is just rude! Lol

To hell with that, I'd rather someone break up with me through text than to have me waste my hard earned money to travel to them, for them to break up with me.

I thought it possibly was the sex, until OP said they had sex before, although that doesn't mean anything. I have sex with someone and the 1st time it was ok, but 2nd time I felt like I'd just slept with an inexperienced school boy. 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

I was kinda turned off the 2nd time.

The possibility of him thinking OP was moving to fast/or appearing clingy (at the mention of moving) also crossed my mind, but she traveled to see him! The least he could have done was to be a good host/tour guide while she was in town.
She was so oblivious with the "how do you feel about me," he chickened out and took the easy out:

"He said that we needed to talk. I wasn't expecting this to be good..."


click to expand



He brought it up in the initial text that we needed to talk. At that point I hadn't asked him how he felt about me. I didn't think it was good either and he saw that on my face. That is when he said we were good. He then told me about his daughter and the issue. Me asking him about how he felt about me came much later in the conversation.
Posted by karebear

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by VenusAquarius

His intent was to break-up face to face.
You really think so? If that was the case, that (bleep) is just rude! Lol

To hell with that, I'd rather someone break up with me through text than to have me waste my hard earned money to travel to them, for them to break up with me.

I thought it possibly was the sex, until OP said they had sex before, although that doesn't mean anything. I have sex with someone and the 1st time it was ok, but 2nd time I felt like I'd just slept with an inexperienced school boy. 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

I was kinda turned off the 2nd time.

The possibility of him thinking OP was moving to fast/or appearing clingy (at the mention of moving) also crossed my mind, but she traveled to see him! The least he could have done was to be a good host/tour guide while she was in town.
She was so oblivious with the "how do you feel about me," he chickened out and took the easy out:

"He said that we needed to talk. I wasn't expecting this to be good..."





He brought it up in the initial text that we needed to talk. At that point I hadn't asked him how he felt about me. I didn't think it was good either and he saw that on my face. That is when he said we were good. He then told me about his daughter and the issue. Me asking him about how he felt about me came much later in the conversation.
click to expand
Your instincts were right... it's quite apparent now... isn't it?
No, I'm saying that his talk had nothing to do with me. I'm confused as to how you are getting that we he assured me that things between us were good. If our conversation wasn't about us, but his child, than why would I expect it to be about me?
No, I'm saying that his talk had nothing to do with me. I'm confused as to how you are getting that we he assured me that things between us were good. If our conversation wasn't about us, but his child, than why would I expect it to be about me?
Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by VenusAquarius

His intent was to break-up face to face.
You really think so? If that was the case, that (bleep) is just rude! Lol

To hell with that, I'd rather someone break up with me through text than to have me waste my hard earned money to travel to them, for them to break up with me.

I thought it possibly was the sex, until OP said they had sex before, although that doesn't mean anything. I have sex with someone and the 1st time it was ok, but 2nd time I felt like I'd just slept with an inexperienced school boy. 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

I was kinda turned off the 2nd time.

The possibility of him thinking OP was moving to fast/or appearing clingy (at the mention of moving) also crossed my mind, but she traveled to see him! The least he could have done was to be a good host/tour guide while she was in town.
She was so oblivious with the "how do you feel about me," he chickened out and took the easy out:

"He said that we needed to talk. I wasn't expecting this to be good..."


I did notice that part, but once she mentioned her worries, he assured her that it wasn't anything she needed to worry about. I wouldn't assure someone nothing was wrong if I was going to break up with them. 🤷🏽‍♀️
click to expand
A faux pas on his part but point remains the same... shortly after, no phone calls and he diappears.

He tried but just couldn't muster up.
Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by karebear

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by VenusAquarius

His intent was to break-up face to face.
You really think so? If that was the case, that (bleep) is just rude! Lol

To hell with that, I'd rather someone break up with me through text than to have me waste my hard earned money to travel to them, for them to break up with me.

I thought it possibly was the sex, until OP said they had sex before, although that doesn't mean anything. I have sex with someone and the 1st time it was ok, but 2nd time I felt like I'd just slept with an inexperienced school boy. 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

I was kinda turned off the 2nd time.

The possibility of him thinking OP was moving to fast/or appearing clingy (at the mention of moving) also crossed my mind, but she traveled to see him! The least he could have done was to be a good host/tour guide while she was in town.
I don't think that his intent was to break up with me. He made it known what we had to talk about wasn't about us because he said we were good. Also, he said that he could see this going somewhere. The issue he discussed was about his child coming to live with him, which the details I will not discuss. However, this is not our first conversation about his child living with him. He had some concerns about her wellbeing on another trip. Plus, if he lied about what happened with her, I would consider him a sociopath. I don't feel like he lied about the situation, but I can see him having 2nd thoughts about me moving down there. However, when we communicate about things he has to do I always find things to do to occupy my time. He knows this
I didn't think he wanted to break up with you either, but idc what his reason was either way, completely unacceptable. It doesn't take much for someone to pick up a phone. You could have used that time off from work to take a real vacation but instead u went to see him, and he does that? (Bleep) no

From the way you talk, I already have I'm mind mind what I think happened with his daughter.
click to expand
Elaborate please, for OP s and our sake lol

I'm watching closely this topic
Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by pisceanloves

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by karebear

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by VenusAquarius

His intent was to break-up face to face.
You really think so? If that was the case, that (bleep) is just rude! Lol

To hell with that, I'd rather someone break up with me through text than to have me waste my hard earned money to travel to them, for them to break up with me.

I thought it possibly was the sex, until OP said they had sex before, although that doesn't mean anything. I have sex with someone and the 1st time it was ok, but 2nd time I felt like I'd just slept with an inexperienced school boy. 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

I was kinda turned off the 2nd time.

The possibility of him thinking OP was moving to fast/or appearing clingy (at the mention of moving) also crossed my mind, but she traveled to see him! The least he could have done was to be a good host/tour guide while she was in town.
I don't think that his intent was to break up with me. He made it known what we had to talk about wasn't about us because he said we were good. Also, he said that he could see this going somewhere. The issue he discussed was about his child coming to live with him, which the details I will not discuss. However, this is not our first conversation about his child living with him. He had some concerns about her wellbeing on another trip. Plus, if he lied about what happened with her, I would consider him a sociopath. I don't feel like he lied about the situation, but I can see him having 2nd thoughts about me moving down there. However, when we communicate about things he has to do I always find things to do to occupy my time. He knows this
I didn't think he wanted to break up with you either, but idc what his reason was either way, completely unacceptable. It doesn't take much for someone to pick up a phone. You could have used that time off from work to take a real vacation but instead u went to see him, and he does that? (Bleep) no

From the way you talk, I already have I'm mind mind what I think happened with his daughter.
Elaborate please, for OP s and our sake lol

I'm watching closely this topic
U mean the last part of my post? I won't say what I think, she hasn't mentioned it bc she doesn't want to publicize (I'm guessing) !

Sorry 😐, although doesn't mean that I'm right, just my thoughts 💭
click to expand
Now I remembered her previous topic, where she spoke briefly about virgos daughter and his ex, all clear.

If that's what I'm thinking she may need to talk to him. I don't know, it all sounds too difficult but the virgo himself isn't doing his best imo
Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by pisceanloves

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by karebear

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by VenusAquarius

His intent was to break-up face to face.
You really think so? If that was the case, that (bleep) is just rude! Lol

To hell with that, I'd rather someone break up with me through text than to have me waste my hard earned money to travel to them, for them to break up with me.

I thought it possibly was the sex, until OP said they had sex before, although that doesn't mean anything. I have sex with someone and the 1st time it was ok, but 2nd time I felt like I'd just slept with an inexperienced school boy. 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

I was kinda turned off the 2nd time.

The possibility of him thinking OP was moving to fast/or appearing clingy (at the mention of moving) also crossed my mind, but she traveled to see him! The least he could have done was to be a good host/tour guide while she was in town.
I don't think that his intent was to break up with me. He made it known what we had to talk about wasn't about us because he said we were good. Also, he said that he could see this going somewhere. The issue he discussed was about his child coming to live with him, which the details I will not discuss. However, this is not our first conversation about his child living with him. He had some concerns about her wellbeing on another trip. Plus, if he lied about what happened with her, I would consider him a sociopath. I don't feel like he lied about the situation, but I can see him having 2nd thoughts about me moving down there. However, when we communicate about things he has to do I always find things to do to occupy my time. He knows this
I didn't think he wanted to break up with you either, but idc what his reason was either way, completely unacceptable. It doesn't take much for someone to pick up a phone. You could have used that time off from work to take a real vacation but instead u went to see him, and he does that? (Bleep) no

From the way you talk, I already have I'm mind mind what I think happened with his daughter.
Elaborate please, for OP s and our sake lol

I'm watching closely this topic
U mean the last part of my post? I won't say what I think, she hasn't mentioned it bc she doesn't want to publicize (I'm guessing) !

Sorry 😐, although doesn't mean that I'm right, just my thoughts 💭
click to expand
I will say this much; it's a bad situation when CPS is called. He was livid about the situation and I don't blame him. He really is a great Father and I know he doesn't play about his children.
Posted by karebear

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by pisceanloves

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by karebear

Posted by Sleepyquantro

Posted by VenusAquarius

His intent was to break-up face to face.
You really think so? If that was the case, that (bleep) is just rude! Lol

To hell with that, I'd rather someone break up with me through text than to have me waste my hard earned money to travel to them, for them to break up with me.

I thought it possibly was the sex, until OP said they had sex before, although that doesn't mean anything. I have sex with someone and the 1st time it was ok, but 2nd time I felt like I'd just slept with an inexperienced school boy. 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

I was kinda turned off the 2nd time.

The possibility of him thinking OP was moving to fast/or appearing clingy (at the mention of moving) also crossed my mind, but she traveled to see him! The least he could have done was to be a good host/tour guide while she was in town.
I don't think that his intent was to break up with me. He made it known what we had to talk about wasn't about us because he said we were good. Also, he said that he could see this going somewhere. The issue he discussed was about his child coming to live with him, which the details I will not discuss. However, this is not our first conversation about his child living with him. He had some concerns about her wellbeing on another trip. Plus, if he lied about what happened with her, I would consider him a sociopath. I don't feel like he lied about the situation, but I can see him having 2nd thoughts about me moving down there. However, when we communicate about things he has to do I always find things to do to occupy my time. He knows this
I didn't think he wanted to break up with you either, but idc what his reason was either way, completely unacceptable. It doesn't take much for someone to pick up a phone. You could have used that time off from work to take a real vacation but instead u went to see him, and he does that? (Bleep) no

From the way you talk, I already have I'm mind mind what I think happened with his daughter.
Elaborate please, for OP s and our sake lol

I'm watching closely this topic
U mean the last part of my post? I won't say what I think, she hasn't mentioned it bc she doesn't want to publicize (I'm guessing) !

Sorry 😐, although doesn't mean that I'm right, just my thoughts 💭
I will say this much; it's a bad situation when CPS is called. He was livid about the situation and I don't blame him. He really is a great Father and I know he doesn't play about his children.
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I see so many woman disregard a man's troubles continuing with single mind towards romance.... whether he has a death in the family, lost a job, etc.

In the past, when faced with the same, instance with romance is extremely annoying.
Posted by VenusAquarius

*Insistence with romance
I am not insisting with anything. You made a wrong statement and I corrected you. There is a big difference, and had you paid attention to what I said, than you would know that. You keep stating that he chickened out of not telling me that we had no issue, yet you keep overlooking the part where HE said from the beginning that we were okay. I asked about how he felt about me much later. Therefore, if it's annoying that I am trying to understand his Virgo mind...move along.
Posted by karebear

Posted by VenusAquarius

*Insistence with romance
I am not insisting with anything. You made a wrong statement and I corrected you. There is a big difference, and had you paid attention to what I said, than you would know that. You keep stating that he chickened out of not telling me that we had no issue, yet you keep overlooking the part where HE said from the beginning that we were okay. I asked about how he felt about me much later. Therefore, if it's annoying that I am trying to understand his Virgo mind...move along.
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You poor thing.

Sorry... you can insist I move along but I will stay if I please and there is absolutely nothing you cam do about it.

The man was facing challenges he was overwhelmed by. He probably wanted to make his child his sole focus considering the situation.

The fact that you breezed by that fact tells it all.

I stated just today in another thread how posters... wait let me quote myself...

People hide all kinds of details in their narratives on DXP...

Strangely, sometimes they lie because they are in denial about just how basic and simple the circumstances are because of needing to think their feelings or situation is unique and want responders to think so too.
Posted by VenusAquarius

I stated just today in another thread how posters... wait let me quote myself...

People hide all kinds of details in their narratives on DXP...

Strangely, sometimes they lie because they are in denial about just how basic and simple the circumstances are because of needing to think their feelings or situation is unique and want responders to think so too.

I never breezed by that. I stated it. Regardless of what he has going on it does not mean it is okay to disregard me, especially since I came from out of town. As I stated in my original post, I would have postponed the trip out of respect for his child had he told me before I hopped on a plane. I have no reason to lie about anything.
Posted by karebear

Posted by VenusAquarius

I stated just today in another thread how posters... wait let me quote myself...

People hide all kinds of details in their narratives on DXP...

Strangely, sometimes they lie because they are in denial about just how basic and simple the circumstances are because of needing to think their feelings or situation is unique and want responders to think so too.

I never breezed by that. I stated it. Regardless of what he has going on it does not mean it is okay to disregard me, especially since I came from out of town. As I stated in my original post, I would have postponed the trip out of respect for his child had he told me before I hopped on a plane. I have no reason to lie about anything.
click to expand
Did not accuse you of lying and you know I didn't.

His conversation and details of custody, the situation surroung it is not of importance to you.

You will not be distegarded and he probably thought it will continue to be that way.

He has a greater challenge ahead than you do with getting over this.
Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by karebear

Posted by VenusAquarius

I stated just today in another thread how posters... wait let me quote myself...

People hide all kinds of details in their narratives on DXP...

Strangely, sometimes they lie because they are in denial about just how basic and simple the circumstances are because of needing to think their feelings or situation is unique and want responders to think so too.

I never breezed by that. I stated it. Regardless of what he has going on it does not mean it is okay to disregard me, especially since I came from out of town. As I stated in my original post, I would have postponed the trip out of respect for his child had he told me before I hopped on a plane. I have no reason to lie about anything.
Did not accuse you of lying and you know I didn't.

His conversation and details of custody, the situation surroung it is not of importance to you.

You will not be distegarded and he probably thought it will continue to be that way.

He has a greater challenge ahead than you do with getting over this.
click to expand



Communication is key. He could have stated this again...before I came to see him. Whatever his challenges are he should be able to say that without leaving me hanging. Just because he has a child does not mean he gets to be disrespectful. I would have understood, but coming out there to be blind sighted and lied to is wrong.
Posted by karebear

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by karebear

Posted by VenusAquarius

I stated just today in another thread how posters... wait let me quote myself...

People hide all kinds of details in their narratives on DXP...

Strangely, sometimes they lie because they are in denial about just how basic and simple the circumstances are because of needing to think their feelings or situation is unique and want responders to think so too.

I never breezed by that. I stated it. Regardless of what he has going on it does not mean it is okay to disregard me, especially since I came from out of town. As I stated in my original post, I would have postponed the trip out of respect for his child had he told me before I hopped on a plane. I have no reason to lie about anything.
Did not accuse you of lying and you know I didn't.

His conversation and details of custody, the situation surroung it is not of importance to you.

You will not be distegarded and he probably thought it will continue to be that way.

He has a greater challenge ahead than you do with getting over this.



Communication is key. He could have stated this again...before I came to see him. Whatever his challenges are he should be able to say that without leaving me hanging. Just because he has a child does not mean he gets to be disrespectful. I would have understood, but coming out there to be blind sighted and lied to is wrong.
click to expand
Perhaps so... but it's was too difficult for him for some reason. Seems he was already distracted. May have even changed his mind a time or too.

Also, when saying nothing's wrong between the two of you... he may have interpreted the situation that way... meaning it's not us, it's my situation.
Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by karebear

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by karebear

Posted by VenusAquarius

I stated just today in another thread how posters... wait let me quote myself...

People hide all kinds of details in their narratives on DXP...

Strangely, sometimes they lie because they are in denial about just how basic and simple the circumstances are because of needing to think their feelings or situation is unique and want responders to think so too.

I never breezed by that. I stated it. Regardless of what he has going on it does not mean it is okay to disregard me, especially since I came from out of town. As I stated in my original post, I would have postponed the trip out of respect for his child had he told me before I hopped on a plane. I have no reason to lie about anything.
Did not accuse you of lying and you know I didn't.

His conversation and details of custody, the situation surroung it is not of importance to you.

You will not be distegarded and he probably thought it will continue to be that way.

He has a greater challenge ahead than you do with getting over this.



Communication is key. He could have stated this again...before I came to see him. Whatever his challenges are he should be able to say that without leaving me hanging. Just because he has a child does not mean he gets to be disrespectful. I would have understood, but coming out there to be blind sighted and lied to is wrong.
Perhaps so... but it's was too difficult for him for some reason. Seems he was already distracted. May have even changed his mind a time or too.

Also, when saying nothing's wrong between the two of you... he may have interpreted the situation that way... meaning it's not us, it's my situation.
click to expand



That I can appreciate. I just needed clarity.
Posted by karebear

Posted by virgoOPPP

reading this, i'd dump you too

too much pressure


Just how is that too much pressure? I took my hard earned money and time to visit him, which by the way, he agreed that it was a good time when I made arrangements two months prior. I just don't pop up unexpectedly. I ask and he agrees. If it was too much pressure than he needs to act like an adult and say what is in his mind. You just don't ignore someone that travels to see you. GTFOH!
click to expand
Sis don’t ever pay to go see a man

He should be paying for that wtf

He’s an ass though but this could have been avoided
Posted by karebear

Posted by Sonia1

Have you been intimate before?

After you were intimate, he became distant and no response for 3 weeks.

Ouch
Yes, we've been intimate before. This is someone that I have had dealings with for a while. He has always been open and honest in the past, so this one throws me off.
click to expand
Oh hell no

You slept with him?!!! And he couldn’t pay for you to see him
Posted by bkbella86

Posted by karebear

Posted by Sonia1

Have you been intimate before?

After you were intimate, he became distant and no response for 3 weeks.

Ouch
Yes, we've been intimate before. This is someone that I have had dealings with for a while. He has always been open and honest in the past, so this one throws me off.
Oh hell no

You slept with him?!!! And he couldn’t pay for you to see him
click to expand



There was more than just sex, and it was my choice to visit. I didn't expect him to pay for me to come down and I didn't ask. That is my decision based on what I felt was right based on the situation. I'm certainly not going to feel any sort of way because having sex is just that. I'm certainly not paying for it, and it doesn't make it any better to be paid for it.
You went into moving your life to his city for him...that puts a lot of pressure on someone, you're moving to a new town where you dont know anyone, and for him specifically...if that relationship didnt work you'd have done all that for him. I'd distance myself too, its a lot to put on someone whether you meant it that way or not. Not to mention the instability with his family/kids lives. He's got a lot on his plate. You should focus on yourself and your own best interest, moving anywhere for a relationship isnt a good idea unless y'all are married, and even then its difficult.
Posted by karebear

Posted by virgoOPPP

reading this, i'd dump you too

too much pressure


Just how is that too much pressure? I took my hard earned money and time to visit him, which by the way, he agreed that it was a good time when I made arrangements two months prior. I just don't pop up unexpectedly. I ask and he agrees. If it was too much pressure than he needs to act like an adult and say what is in his mind. You just don't ignore someone that travels to see you. GTFOH!
click to expand
Sorry this happened. He's a *Fu**ing* prick! The least he could've done was let you know the timing wasn't good or that he was pondering calling things off. But, apparently, he's a coward and a liar who wanted to get his rocks off one last time w you. He's a douche.

This is WHY I tell women NEVER have just one. Never. It's a far riskier game. They have options. As women, we do too.
Posted by karebear

Posted by Weeds

I will go back to my previous statement "maybe you just have poor taste in men"

jokes aside there could be so many issues with the reason he went distant.

Some may be reasonable and some maybe selfish... possibly didn't help that you got mad he went off by himself.
I don't think I reacted wrong in that situation. A bit of communication would have made the difference. He has communicated in the past about things he had to do, so what has changed? Three days by myself in a town where I don't know anyone but him and he all of a sudden chose not to communicate...he doesn't get a pass for that.
click to expand


How long are you going to be in his town? Did you go there just to see him? Maybe you should just go back to your home without informing him. It is rude of him to leave you alone without communication while in his home town, unless the trip was for some other purpose besides meeting him and he thinks you have other things to do. Still rude though.
It doesn't matter what a man tells you it's his actions that matter. He treated you like someone he couldn't care less about. He basically ghosted you after having sex with you one last time. He probably thought you were moving too fast by wanting to move to his town. He may also have another woman he's seeing in that town that you don't know about. If I were you I would never contact this man again and block him from contacting you. He treated you like a piece of bullbutter.
Posted by karebear

No, I'm saying that his talk had nothing to do with me. I'm confused as to how you are getting that we he assured me that things between us were good. If our conversation wasn't about us, but his child, than why would I expect it to be about me?
He was happy with the current arrangement of you flying in the pussy to him on your dime.

On the phone it really was all good between you, he didn’t lie.

However at the hotel you pushed him to give you his feelings. He shrugged it off with the diplomatic answer of ‘I can see this going somewhere but distance plays a part

‘Distance plays a part’ is his out from having to commit to anything. You took that safety net away when you declared your willingness to move for him. So he faded to black.

Sorry your being ghosted. 3 weeks no communication, he’s either been hiding a serious relationship and she found out about you and had him cut it off. Or, he really doesn’t see ‘going somewhere’ with you.

My advice for the future: don’t do so much. Next time have the guy pay for your flight and hotel, or stay with him. Anytime I did too much at the start the relationship it didn’t get off the ground. Let him lead and match his fervor. Especially at the beginning during the dating phase.
Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by virgoOPPP

reading this, i'd dump you too

too much pressure


It's fascinating how your sign always acts if other people are suffocating you, completely unaware how suffocating you can be to other people. If someone is being a normal human being who wants to know where they stand it doesn't man they can't breath without you.
click to expand
they'd breathe better without us then so it's a GOOD thing we dumped them

what a contradiction of a last sentence
Posted by karebear

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by karebear

Posted by Sonia1

Have you been intimate before?

After you were intimate, he became distant and no response for 3 weeks.

Ouch
Yes, we've been intimate before. This is someone that I have had dealings with for a while. He has always been open and honest in the past, so this one throws me off.
Oh hell no

You slept with him?!!! And he couldn’t pay for you to see him



There was more than just sex, and it was my choice to visit. I didn't expect him to pay for me to come down and I didn't ask. That is my decision based on what I felt was right based on the situation. I'm certainly not going to feel any sort of way because having sex is just that. I'm certainly not paying for it, and it doesn't make it any better to be paid for it.
click to expand


Him paying for your flight isn’t being paid for sex but it’s the least he could do. Paying to go get pumped and dumped is not the move.
Posted by bkbella86

Posted by karebear

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by karebear

Posted by Sonia1

Have you been intimate before?

After you were intimate, he became distant and no response for 3 weeks.

Ouch
Yes, we've been intimate before. This is someone that I have had dealings with for a while. He has always been open and honest in the past, so this one throws me off.
Oh hell no

You slept with him?!!! And he couldn’t pay for you to see him



There was more than just sex, and it was my choice to visit. I didn't expect him to pay for me to come down and I didn't ask. That is my decision based on what I felt was right based on the situation. I'm certainly not going to feel any sort of way because having sex is just that. I'm certainly not paying for it, and it doesn't make it any better to be paid for it.


Him paying for your flight isn’t being paid for sex but it’s the least he could do. Paying to go get pumped and dumped is not the move.
click to expand
Sheeet at least if he paid for the flight or went 50/50 on it you'd know he at least wanted to see you and spend time with you.
Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by karebear

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by karebear

Posted by Sonia1

Have you been intimate before?

After you were intimate, he became distant and no response for 3 weeks.

Ouch
Yes, we've been intimate before. This is someone that I have had dealings with for a while. He has always been open and honest in the past, so this one throws me off.
Oh hell no

You slept with him?!!! And he couldn’t pay for you to see him



There was more than just sex, and it was my choice to visit. I didn't expect him to pay for me to come down and I didn't ask. That is my decision based on what I felt was right based on the situation. I'm certainly not going to feel any sort of way because having sex is just that. I'm certainly not paying for it, and it doesn't make it any better to be paid for it.


Him paying for your flight isn’t being paid for sex but it’s the least he could do. Paying to go get pumped and dumped is not the move.
Sheeet at least if he paid for the flight or went 50/50 on it you'd know he at least wanted to see you and spend time with you.
click to expand
This is not my first visit. I know we are not at the place to where I would just move down there. I even stated when time is right.
Posted by karebear

Posted by virgoOPPP

reading this, i'd dump you too

too much pressure


Just how is that too much pressure? I took my hard earned money and time to visit him, which by the way, he agreed that it was a good time when I made arrangements two months prior. I just don't pop up unexpectedly. I ask and he agrees. If it was too much pressure than he needs to act like an adult and say what is in his mind. You just don't ignore someone that travels to see you. GTFOH!
click to expand
I am dating a man with a child and I don’t see you did anything that is pressure.

However I see that he is apparently changed his mind about your rahips.

He must had told you. He had no rights to have you travel if he wasn’t about to give you time. And not contacting you after screams THE END!!!

Also he maybe a good father but shitty partner. You lucky to find this out sooner than later. Good luck in future...
Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by karebear

Posted by VenusAquarius

I stated just today in another thread how posters... wait let me quote myself...

People hide all kinds of details in their narratives on DXP...

Strangely, sometimes they lie because they are in denial about just how basic and simple the circumstances are because of needing to think their feelings or situation is unique and want responders to think so too.

I never breezed by that. I stated it. Regardless of what he has going on it does not mean it is okay to disregard me, especially since I came from out of town. As I stated in my original post, I would have postponed the trip out of respect for his child had he told me before I hopped on a plane. I have no reason to lie about anything.
Did not accuse you of lying and you know I didn't.

His conversation and details of custody, the situation surroung it is not of importance to you.

You will not be distegarded and he probably thought it will continue to be that way.

He has a greater challenge ahead than you do with getting over this.
click to expand
Are you assuming he found out he has something to deal with same day she flew in?

He doesn’t seem gave a fuck about her traveling for him.

I KNOW how man who cares dealing with kid issues and having a woman in his life whom he respects. He isn’t the one! He needs to treat her better.
Posted by stope

Posted by Arielle83

Sounds like he has too much going on and you overtexting and then calling him just gave him reason to not care enough.
Bingo.

As a dad having to deal with child complications of this nature way back when, i had no emotional time for anyone. For much longer than you'd think, OP.

Kids > you.
click to expand
Apparently you haven’t met someone who would care about you and your child and you would care about her to the point you would WANT to make it work.

I don’t know about anyone else but to me this thread is an eye opener and huge help! 🤝
Posted by stope

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by stope

Posted by Arielle83

Sounds like he has too much going on and you overtexting and then calling him just gave him reason to not care enough.
Bingo.

As a dad having to deal with child complications of this nature way back when, i had no emotional time for anyone. For much longer than you'd think, OP.

Kids > you.
Apparently you haven’t met someone who would care about you and your child and you would care about her to the point you would WANT to make it work.

I don’t know about anyone else but to me this thread is an eye opener and huge help! 🤝
Case by case i guess.
click to expand
Yeah...I do realize how unlikely is this to happen and I’ve heard ‘maybe I am not ready for rships’ but only once...

Were you a single dad?
Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by karebear

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by karebear

Posted by Sonia1

Have you been intimate before?

After you were intimate, he became distant and no response for 3 weeks.

Ouch
Yes, we've been intimate before. This is someone that I have had dealings with for a while. He has always been open and honest in the past, so this one throws me off.
Oh hell no

You slept with him?!!! And he couldn’t pay for you to see him



There was more than just sex, and it was my choice to visit. I didn't expect him to pay for me to come down and I didn't ask. That is my decision based on what I felt was right based on the situation. I'm certainly not going to feel any sort of way because having sex is just that. I'm certainly not paying for it, and it doesn't make it any better to be paid for it.


Him paying for your flight isn’t being paid for sex but it’s the least he could do. Paying to go get pumped and dumped is not the move.
Sheeet at least if he paid for the flight or went 50/50 on it you'd know he at least wanted to see you and spend time with you.
click to expand
Facts

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by stope

Posted by Arielle83

Sounds like he has too much going on and you overtexting and then calling him just gave him reason to not care enough.
Bingo.

As a dad having to deal with child complications of this nature way back when, i had no emotional time for anyone. For much longer than you'd think, OP.

Kids > you.
Apparently you haven’t met someone who would care about you and your child and you would care about her to the point you would WANT to make it work.

I don’t know about anyone else but to me this thread is an eye opener and huge help! 🤝
click to expand
Add long distance relationship and child protective services "situation..." and, it's tew much.
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