Help!! :(
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by Libra67 on Thursday, August 31, 2006 and has 24 replies.
Virgos just do not enjoy B Days like everyone else. I know I usually let mine pass without any grand announcements.
Most of us just don't want that kind of attention.
Most of us just don't want that kind of attention.
Libra67,
Is this "brushing off" something that happens often? Or, only this time, on his birthday?
Is this "brushing off" something that happens often? Or, only this time, on his birthday?
He sounds pretty unappreciative of your kind gesture. Leave him the hell alone until he contacts you. If you haven't done anything to him personally then you are not the one deserving of the cold shoulder.
And if this is the level of communication that is going on after nearly 4 years I'd say consider couples' counselling...have you been putting up with this during all this time???
Libra67 - I doubt there is much that will put your mind at ease except having your Virguy back!
It could be something else or it could be you... If it is something else he will come to you when he's ready. And if it's about you he will come to you when he's ready
... My experience though, if it isn't about you and you are understanding and give him space he will appreciate that very much. If it is about you and you push him for answers, you may hear things that you don't want to hear. Been there - done that so many times that I SHOULD know better by now (sigh...)
As hard as it is, I suggest trying to busy yourself for a couple more days and see??
It could be something else or it could be you... If it is something else he will come to you when he's ready. And if it's about you he will come to you when he's ready
... My experience though, if it isn't about you and you are understanding and give him space he will appreciate that very much. If it is about you and you push him for answers, you may hear things that you don't want to hear. Been there - done that so many times that I SHOULD know better by now (sigh...)As hard as it is, I suggest trying to busy yourself for a couple more days and see??
Libra67: Today he won't even answer my calls. I'm going to let him be as hard as it is.
That is probably a good idea. If it goes on too much longer I think he does owe you an explanation! But if there are things that he is trying to work out in his head it is much better to allow him the space to do so. Virguys can spend a lot of time 'inside their heads' thinking things through. Maybe decide on a time frame for you to wait for him to contact now so you can make plans to busy yourself in the meantime? If he has still not contacted you by then - well it's probably time to put him on the spot.
That is probably a good idea. If it goes on too much longer I think he does owe you an explanation! But if there are things that he is trying to work out in his head it is much better to allow him the space to do so. Virguys can spend a lot of time 'inside their heads' thinking things through. Maybe decide on a time frame for you to wait for him to contact now so you can make plans to busy yourself in the meantime? If he has still not contacted you by then - well it's probably time to put him on the spot.
One other thing too Libra67...
When my Virguy has failed to contact me as expected he is very cautious when he does call as he is worried about me being snotty to him. To be fair to him - I have been in the past. If I can keep from sounding that way when he does contact me after an 'absence' he is MUCH more willing to discuss what was wrong - otherwise he will hold out and not tell me.
Yeah - not the greatest communication style , but it is his none the less... It does force me to be more open minded and understanding rather than taking a "Why didn't you call me like you said you would" kind of attitude which I think he interprets as being selfish and/or controlling.
When my Virguy has failed to contact me as expected he is very cautious when he does call as he is worried about me being snotty to him. To be fair to him - I have been in the past. If I can keep from sounding that way when he does contact me after an 'absence' he is MUCH more willing to discuss what was wrong - otherwise he will hold out and not tell me.
Yeah - not the greatest communication style , but it is his none the less... It does force me to be more open minded and understanding rather than taking a "Why didn't you call me like you said you would" kind of attitude which I think he interprets as being selfish and/or controlling.
"P-Angel...
Not often and not for days maybe one day at most. That's why I'm confused. I asked if what's bothering him had anything to do with me, and he said no. But so many times he says this and doesn't mean it.
I'm lost right now"
I hear ya on that, "I asked if what's bothering him had anything to do with me, and he said no. But so many times he says this and doesn't mean it"
This is sort of what I was just saying on the sex thread I started. Virgo's are so direct and blunt to people that it's infuriating . . but, just as infuriating is that when it comes to their love partners, they are the complete opposite. They never really say what's on their mind directly to you, if they think your feelings will be involved. It's maddening.
If your Virgo is anything like mine, then the silence is due to you, somehow, for some reason, because if it wasn't, he would tell you what it is.
Not often and not for days maybe one day at most. That's why I'm confused. I asked if what's bothering him had anything to do with me, and he said no. But so many times he says this and doesn't mean it.
I'm lost right now"
I hear ya on that, "I asked if what's bothering him had anything to do with me, and he said no. But so many times he says this and doesn't mean it"
This is sort of what I was just saying on the sex thread I started. Virgo's are so direct and blunt to people that it's infuriating . . but, just as infuriating is that when it comes to their love partners, they are the complete opposite. They never really say what's on their mind directly to you, if they think your feelings will be involved. It's maddening.
If your Virgo is anything like mine, then the silence is due to you, somehow, for some reason, because if it wasn't, he would tell you what it is.
P-Angel: This is sort of what I was just saying on the sex thread I started. Virgo's are so direct and blunt to people that it's infuriating . . but, just as infuriating is that when it comes to their love partners, they are the complete opposite. They never really say what's on their mind directly to you, if they think your feelings will be involved. It's maddening.
True P-Angel unless you keep pushing them. Then you get that direct and blunt that can be totally infuriating and sometimes devastating too!!! If you did by chance upset him Libra67, let him decide how to best tell you.
And to answer your question Libra67 - let's just say that I definitely have a 'relationship' with a Virgo. The dating part has been on and off - thus my experience with some of the most frustrating parts of dealing with a Virguy..
True P-Angel unless you keep pushing them. Then you get that direct and blunt that can be totally infuriating and sometimes devastating too!!! If you did by chance upset him Libra67, let him decide how to best tell you.
And to answer your question Libra67 - let's just say that I definitely have a 'relationship' with a Virgo. The dating part has been on and off - thus my experience with some of the most frustrating parts of dealing with a Virguy..
How long did it take you to adapt to being more understanding if I may ask?
Hmm - I'm not sure that I have altogether yet. Intellectually it's easy to tell myself that I shouldn't be upset or worried and I don't usually say anything to him, but it's VERY hard to keep the tension out of my voice and he knows me so well... I'm working on it
...
Hmm - I'm not sure that I have altogether yet. Intellectually it's easy to tell myself that I shouldn't be upset or worried and I don't usually say anything to him, but it's VERY hard to keep the tension out of my voice and he knows me so well... I'm working on it
..."Not him he'll carry things in his head for days"
lol, years, even
As much as I'd like to believe that I completely understand the Virgo . . the next day, he'll do or say something that totally blows me away and I'm thinking he's really a stranger. The only constant thing I've found in the communication part of my Virgo, is that . . it's up to me. If I remain quiet, he'll sit silently and not share thoughts. If I push too hard, he'll clam up and wild horses won't be able to drag it out of him.
I'm not sure why this is. I'm thinking, what I'm always left to believe . . if it involves my feelings being injured, he won't say, no matter what.
I don't know if you said anything wrong. Did you mean the part about, "I haven't heard anything from you today. I sent you a nice birthday card, texted you first thing this morning, why are you avoiding me today?" Meaning . . you pushed him a tad for a response? Yet, if you don't nudge, you won't get anything. I know my man, he won't ask me questions like, "How was your day". The initation of conversation is left up to me. People say they are just shy, but, that's not it. How could a man be shy when he's been knowing you for years? That just doesn't make sense.
lol, years, even
As much as I'd like to believe that I completely understand the Virgo . . the next day, he'll do or say something that totally blows me away and I'm thinking he's really a stranger. The only constant thing I've found in the communication part of my Virgo, is that . . it's up to me. If I remain quiet, he'll sit silently and not share thoughts. If I push too hard, he'll clam up and wild horses won't be able to drag it out of him.
I'm not sure why this is. I'm thinking, what I'm always left to believe . . if it involves my feelings being injured, he won't say, no matter what.
I don't know if you said anything wrong. Did you mean the part about, "I haven't heard anything from you today. I sent you a nice birthday card, texted you first thing this morning, why are you avoiding me today?" Meaning . . you pushed him a tad for a response? Yet, if you don't nudge, you won't get anything. I know my man, he won't ask me questions like, "How was your day". The initation of conversation is left up to me. People say they are just shy, but, that's not it. How could a man be shy when he's been knowing you for years? That just doesn't make sense.
Yeah, that whole backing off thing that my Virgo does, which makes you feel unloved, unwanted and not important to them. I was bitching about this very thing a couple days ago, just on another topic. If there was just some way to get through to them that by doing this . . they alienate themselves from a person who might very well be their life partner.
Honey, there's really nothing you can except sit back and wait for him to decide when it's time to contact you. But, just think about that for a second . . how fair is that really? He backs off with no explanation, hurts your feelings because there is no explanation . . yet, you have to wait for HIM to decide, or, some people condone the scorned of a Virgo partner by saying things like, wait a couple days and go to him, make up to him, let him know that everything is ok . . . yet, he's the one who did this. How backwards is that? HE'S the one who should be coming to you, saying he's sorry. But, it doesn't work that way, does it? They won't bend to the level of saying they are wrong, and that is so . . wrong.
Honey, there's really nothing you can except sit back and wait for him to decide when it's time to contact you. But, just think about that for a second . . how fair is that really? He backs off with no explanation, hurts your feelings because there is no explanation . . yet, you have to wait for HIM to decide, or, some people condone the scorned of a Virgo partner by saying things like, wait a couple days and go to him, make up to him, let him know that everything is ok . . . yet, he's the one who did this. How backwards is that? HE'S the one who should be coming to you, saying he's sorry. But, it doesn't work that way, does it? They won't bend to the level of saying they are wrong, and that is so . . wrong.
I suppose I better add here, so you Virgo's won't get all sensitive and come in here and yell at me . . I'm talking about MY VIRGO, not you. lol
I know, I feel ya. I'm sure he'll come around.
I'll have to check that book out, thanks for suggesting it to me.
Cheer up, here's a hug !!!!1
I'll have to check that book out, thanks for suggesting it to me.
Cheer up, here's a hug !!!!1
P-Angel: Yeah, that whole backing off thing that my Virgo does, which makes you feel unloved, unwanted and not important to them.
Actually, I'd love to send that whole post to my Virguy... You are right, of course it isn't fair!!! But it does seem to work that way (sigh...)
If there is any consolation in it, I think my Virguy does know that it isn't fair and tries to make up for it in his own ways after (but only if I don't give him 'drama').
Actually, I'd love to send that whole post to my Virguy... You are right, of course it isn't fair!!! But it does seem to work that way (sigh...)
If there is any consolation in it, I think my Virguy does know that it isn't fair and tries to make up for it in his own ways after (but only if I don't give him 'drama'
).Your welcome and we'll be thinking about you. Talk to you later.
That's the thing, I always seem to bring the drama. I don't know what it is with me. But sheesh when something's bothering me I can't keep my mouth shut.
Yeah - me too!!! ... Well, if we put up with their idiosyncrasies I think they can darn well put up with ours!!
Take care and try to be positive - I'm sure this wont be the last you hear from him...
Yeah - me too!!!
... Well, if we put up with their idiosyncrasies I think they can darn well put up with ours!!Take care and try to be positive - I'm sure this wont be the last you hear from him...
Well if he thinks he should have done more with his life, and is bummed out, maybe he just need to think about it a bit.
Get his ungrateful ass a cupcake with a candle and drop it at the door.
Then wait for the phone call.
Get his ungrateful ass a cupcake with a candle and drop it at the door.
Then wait for the phone call.
Ah ladies, you are all amazingly patient with your man. Can't imagine us guys being so understanding if the situation is reversed.
Lib67 - perhaps your guys just wish you two are together on his b-day.
Lib67 - perhaps your guys just wish you two are together on his b-day.
tazman Ah ladies, you are all amazingly patient with your man. Can't imagine us guys being so understanding if the situation is reversed.
You're probably right
... I'm never sure if I'm crazy, in love or just plain stupid LOL!!!
You're probably right
... I'm never sure if I'm crazy, in love or just plain stupid LOL!!!I didn't say force him, just drop a fast hint and go on with your week. If he doesn't call, text him and let him know you are going out with friends, etc., and if he needs time, great! But that doesn't mean you have to wait for him to finish his analysis before doing things you like to do.
I had a Pisces women tell me once "You aren't getting any tonight!" during a spat.
My reply was " Yes I am Dear, the only question that remains, is will you be involved or the woman down the street?"
Don't let people put you on hold Hon. You gain more respect that way.
Besides, Fed Ex the damn cupcake! lol
I had a Pisces women tell me once "You aren't getting any tonight!" during a spat.
My reply was " Yes I am Dear, the only question that remains, is will you be involved or the woman down the street?"
Don't let people put you on hold Hon. You gain more respect that way.
Besides, Fed Ex the damn cupcake! lol
Jesus, some of you have been in LTRs with Virgo men and they still aren't communicating? Maybe I have had a lucky escape with mine. Sent him a birthday message and got nothing back... Like you Scorpgal, I'm never sure if I'm crazy, in love or just plain stupid either!
Greetings,
For months now I have been snooping around this board laughing at some of the stories that people post regarding their (usually) male Virgo. I have to say though Ive met 4 female Virgos and let me tell you.......they are complete basket cases one is crazier than the other. Ive been reading that "Oh its not the Virgos its you" and stuff like that but can anyone explain why almost every person that has Virgo questions and comes to this board has more less the same issues. I feel for you Libra, I had a similar situation regarding a Virgo gal along with her Birthday and let me tell you, No ! its not you its Virgos thyre strange birds. Rude as hell and could care less of other peoples feelings. A simple thank you would have been nice when you wished him happy birthday, but did you get that No! of course not, why would you. Move on and find someone who will appreciate the littel things you do for then, becuase ultimately thats whats important. If i got a birthday card from someone I would go out of my way to show them my appreciation. Its just being a human being. I wish you well in your quest, ive given up on mine, my life is much better that I have.
XOXOXO
For months now I have been snooping around this board laughing at some of the stories that people post regarding their (usually) male Virgo. I have to say though Ive met 4 female Virgos and let me tell you.......they are complete basket cases one is crazier than the other. Ive been reading that "Oh its not the Virgos its you" and stuff like that but can anyone explain why almost every person that has Virgo questions and comes to this board has more less the same issues. I feel for you Libra, I had a similar situation regarding a Virgo gal along with her Birthday and let me tell you, No ! its not you its Virgos thyre strange birds. Rude as hell and could care less of other peoples feelings. A simple thank you would have been nice when you wished him happy birthday, but did you get that No! of course not, why would you. Move on and find someone who will appreciate the littel things you do for then, becuase ultimately thats whats important. If i got a birthday card from someone I would go out of my way to show them my appreciation. Its just being a human being. I wish you well in your quest, ive given up on mine, my life is much better that I have.
XOXOXO
Beelieve me when I tell you there is nothing you can say to me that I havnt experienced with a Virgo. I swear thyre like little kids, when I think about it I wonder what kind of man would behave like a jackass to a girl that goes out of her way to make him feel special, its unreal, why dont he just tell you what the problem is and vouala ! problem solved but instead they play these stupid childish games. Im so disgusted by Virgos its not even funny, my very best friend is a virgo, although I love him ot death the shananagans he pulls is surreal! Ive been so pissed at my virgo my head almost exploded ! One day though, she will look back and remember what could have been trust me. I wish you luck but if you ask me dont even bother with this non sence.
John
John
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