help me keep my mouth shut

okay.. I need to learn how to control my emotions and not think to much with this guy. Help me out here..

My guy has been acting quiet and standoffish for a week now..He says everything is ok..We have plans tomorrow.

He calls but sits quietly on the phone. I try to talk but he doesn't have much input. I was upset 2 days ago and posted something on facebook, just that I was having a bad day and he immediately called and asked what's wrong..and I said "I think you are getting bored with me"..He got defensive and said no..just bored in general. Said we could go to a movie but he had a meeting and wouldn't be out in time. Talked some on the phone that night, but he was still pretty quiet.

Yesterday I texted him and got one short answer and I tried calling last night and he didn't answer. Then I saw him online and called back and he answered still not talking much and said he was tired. I think he could here the bitterness in my voice and he asked what was wrong. I said "Is everything ok between us?"..He got irritated and say "yes..the only thing that is wrong is when you ask this."

This lack of communication between us is killing me. Im trying to be open and talk but he just won't open up to me. We only talk about once a day or so. So it's not like I am texting him constantly or calling all the time.

I feel like if he isn't interested he should just say so. If he is interested, act like it, maybe?

I feel bad for questioning him though and wish I would have just not spoken my feelings. Everytime I do it seems like I say the wrong thing.

Where should I go with this? Just be quiet—?? and wait—?

You can be critical of me..I'm not fainthearted..lol

Yeah... and that is why I feel bad now for blowing it out of proportion. I guess I have insecurity issues I need to deal with on my own.

Thanks for replying..
I just never had a guy act like this before and having a hard time with the lack of communication.

Date other men while you date him to quench your needs and wants, another option is to dump this guy and find another lover that has your same love style or keep him, accept him as he is cuz he won't change and thus forever remain frustrated as long as you choose for him to be your #1...I also agree with the other posters, don't take his lack of interaction personal, it's how he is, he obviously doesn't require nor need as much love, interaction and communication as you do...gotta stay busy when you decide to date a man that is this self sufficient, he will not need you for much, he will appreciate his time with you but out of sight out of mind, once your gone he's back into his reclusive comfortable world doing his own thing, the reclusive types have pretty much learned how to manage and self soothe there own emotional needs so he's going to seem distant and aloof to you and it may even hurt and confuse you but the reality of it is he's emotionally independent and non-needy of any kind of intimacy from women and as long as he's like that your going to feel like your in it alone. If you keep chasing him by calling/text messaging and following him online he will tire of it and force you to leave by being a jerk (once he gets fed up with your neediness) so be careful or you will get dumped without so much as one word of feedback from him.

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
The only wrong thing thats happening here is you assuming everything he says or does, or the way he behaves, that it somehow has anything to do with you. Please stop that and focus your energy on bringing positive energy into the relationship instead of being suspicious of every little single thing. Rather spend your thinking in how to make your next date with him as much fun as possible.

Yeah LakeLady, he'll communicate on his own time.

You asking if you two are alright is just making him wonder if YOU question the status of the relationship.
Be patient, give him time.

Shaka_laka_boomboom is very correct here, stay positive and share positivity with him. I LOVE positive women to death.

Kaleidescorp your post makes a lot of sense..thanks for the insight. Im trying to understand more about him everyday. If anything has came out of this relationship its that he has challenged me mentally and made me somewhat stronger.

tiki33 you made some really good points. I am figuring out that I am going to have to decide whether or not I can handle him emotionally.


moon_eyes...LOL..your post made me smile..I feel like a crazy ass psycho sometimes, but that is not really who I am..usually very quiet and reserved.. The last thing I want to do is push and I hated myself for doing it..

Cajunspirit you are so right. When I asked the question to him.. he ask what was wrong with me. I am really tryin to be patient.

DyTryin Glad you have a scorp..you can relate to me somewhat. I battle with myself daily to control my tendencies in all areas..

Im done stressin, if it happens it happens if not I will move on..

Thanks to you all..

Posted by Sekhmet
It's good to learn from challenging people, but at some point you have to stop cutting them so much slack.

If the guy knows enough about how to wrok with people to get a job, or knows that you have to flush the toilet after you take a dump, then he knows there are some things you do to make a relationship work. If he's not doing those things then he's either 'broken' or an asshole.

Give him 3 more chances (and tell him you're giving him 3 more chances) and if he chooses not to work shit out then dump him.

Hello Bingo! Exactly right@If the guy knows enough about how to wrok with people to get a job, or knows that you have to flush the toilet after you take a dump, then he knows there are some things you do to make a relationship work. If he's not doing those things then he's either 'broken' or an asshole.

He just seems quite disinterested in you and to me if it were me that kind of avoiding type temperment would send up a red flag that something is seriously wrong and to disengage from the relationship, things do dye down after the honeymoon but for a man to run from you is classic commitment phobic behavior.

Let it be I respect your opinion and I don't necessarily disagree with you but I don't see it the way you see it, it's his behavior patterns that tell the truth and lead to the glaring signs of unavailability, when these kind of men IGNORE a woman that is classic commitment phobic behavior, it's also a sign that he's not going to be a healthy source for her emotionally because he's emotionally unavailable to her when she needs to connect with him. It's not that she's needy nor is she clingy her mistake is choosing a man that isn't interested in connecting with her which will only exasperate her feelings so much so that she begins to feel needy and out of control and begin to act out.

She can be patient to the day is long but together or apart he's not going to change how much of himself he's comfortable with giving to her, she either adjust to his behavior or get out. He will show small significant changes to try to keep her in his life to get his needs met but inevitably her needs will not be met on a constant basis which weill create conflict and distance because there has to be a balance, it's simple and clear that she will do what it takes to make sure he's happy and pleased with her but that standard does not apply to him, he pretty much will disregard her needs and do things on his terms be it good for her/the relationship or not, he's eventually going to feel pressured and he's going to get out of the relationship by either walking away or being so distant that he forces her to leave....His patterns are classic...she can lower her expectations and that may help create connection between them one were he feels safe and free enough to give the kind of connection, love and attention he's comfortable with.