Help with Virgo husband mess please!!!!!

Hello, all I'm new to the forum, My Virgo husband just decided to leave our 7yr relationship to be with a co- worker. We have a 4yr old together, but he has other kids from two other women. I'm also his 3rd wife. We have been having issues mostly with his insecurity. He thinks I am flirting if a man speaks to me too long, even if it is a friend. He also doesn't want me to have any male friends, yet he has so many female friends. I recently spoke to a male friend from long ago because I wanted some insight on what was happening in my relationship with my husband. My husband wasn't answering my calls and stayed out late, he found out thru my phone records. I now feel I added strength to his insecurities, because he now says he can't trust me. I've tried getting him to go to counseling but he won't, yet when we talk during one of our late night conversations he confesses that he loves me but can't trust me, ugh! Yet he is with this women who he says means nothing, but he can't come back to me yet. We have great sex together and he keeps coming back for more. After learning about Virgo's traits, I've resisted calling and texting as before. He talks about divorcing then cancels the thought. I'm confused and don't know what to do now? I want my husband back but I don't know if it's possible. He now wants to have our son stay with him at this woman??s house. Is there any hope, do I continue to ignore him and hope he comes back or do I prepare to move on and wait for the divorce, HELP!!!!!!

You've got a broken man, darling. Why fight for something that doesn't want to be won?

From your writing, are you a Libra or Scorpio?

He's insecure because he knew what he was doing behind your back. I know that game far too well. Let him go, good riddance, he won't change. Why waste anymore of your good time on earth trying to make someone be who they aren't. It hurts, you'll get over it. Dealing with someone who plays mind games is unhealthy, think more of yourself, especially for the sake of your child.

Posted by BellaBulleautiful

Posted by *~ariesgal~*
He's insecure because he knew what he was doing behind your back. I know that game far too well. Let him go, good riddance, he won't change. Why waste anymore of your good time on earth trying to make someone be who they aren't. It hurts, you'll get over it. Dealing with someone who plays mind games is unhealthy, think more of yourself, especially for the sake of your child.

Exactly.he's been projecting on to you what he's guilty of.classic douchebag,love your child and yourself to force through the pain and let him go.you deserve better sweetie.
and I'm sorry.

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BINGO! I was married to one of those, for a very long time. Could never quite understand why he was so insecure...then I found out. Needless to say...good riddance. Life has never been better.

SOME men need validation more than others. Often guys will seek validation of their masculinity or status. these men are insecure. and once they do this with another woman, it's like an addiction. men have been taught over the years they can't express emotions other than anger. i think sometimes guys don't feel they can talk to their wives on a deep level. it will show a sign of weakness. men are taught that having sexual prowess is the way to fulfill their needs overall. but it only goes so far. i've read studies that men who have cheated actually just wanted a woman who would listen to them without questioning their needs etc. i'm sure this is true in some cases. but you really have to look at the differences between men and women and how we view love.

i had a friend who went through much of the same that you are experiencing. she thought if she gave it enough time, she could "fix him" and save her marriage. i knew it was a lost cause because she was the ONLY one doing the work. marriage takes two partners fully committed to each other. you can not change a person no matter how hard you try.
only they can change their behavior. from the pattern your husband has had, it's crystal clear he isn't changing anytime soon. sure the sex is great with him because that is the ONLY thing he values in you at this time. your emotional needs and health take second place. can't you see how selfish and controlling he is? seriously, marriage and real love isn't about sex.
it's about unconditional love and respect. sex between a husband and wife is about a connection of souls; feeling a passion so deeply for your partner, it moves you emotionally. can you honestly say that is what he gives you?

you need to get help for yourself before he takes you down with him. he is on a personal path of destruction. you can not save him, but you can save yourself. you are worth that and deserve a man who loves you for who and what you are; not just for what you can do for him in the bedroom. i'm no expert, but i'd recommend getting some professional counseling for yourself. you need to remain strong and confident in yourself. he is the one who is completely insecure. the longer you stay with him, the less secure you will become. don't allow it to go that far. if you have friends/family you trust and can confide in, go to them and get yourself a support group.

i believe the signs one is born under do play a role, but in all honesty, your husband

Thank you all for your input, I know what's needed but working towards that is so difficult. I wanted so much for my child to live in a two-parent household. Those dreams caused me to keep hope even though as the days go on I see none. In addition, because his leaving was so sudden it felt like a death in the family,I'am depressed. It's taking so much for me to get up in the morning, and many times I wouldn't if not for my son being active. I have always been strong and this loss has broken me down completely. Today I'm finally feeling better, but my nights are still sleepless. I'm working on getting my weight back as well as my life. I never though I would have to be out on the dating track again but I'm so alone. I gave my all in this love, marriage so I'm still devastated. How can someone move on so quickly is something I will never understand? I knew it was his insecurities, which caused most of the problems, and every time I adjusted my ways, something else would cause a problem. I found I could not be myself with him around other people, mostly men. yet he would want me to dress sexy an that would cause the men to look. I was hoping to get him to therapy so someone else can show him that he had issues he needed to deal with, but he doesn't believe in therapy.

:::: shakes head at responsers who keep implying and/or saying fuck him, leave him, he's nothing ::::



How easy it is for people who don't have feelings invested to so casually tell you to forget about him ... like it's nothing.

Keep hanging around this board and asking .... women who can help you will show up.

Hello everyone, I did speak with his exes once before, long ago, they left both told me they left him for another man after he mentally left them. During their relationship he stayed with them and cheated, I'm almost glad he decided to leave me instead of staying and putting me through more heartache, although I do miss his being in my life. His exes needed him financially, so they put up with it the unfaithfulness for a very long time. I didn't count on his finance, so he said he felt I would be all right without him, he doesn't know that marriage is not only about finance there are so many more obligations, his responsibility as a father for one . I don—t believe he ever learned what marriage truly is about, I think he puts up a fa?ade to hide his true self, what that is I don—t know and I don—t think he does. I wanted his love attention, but I couldn't count on him for that anymore. He was my security blanket in the beginning; we gave to each other tirelessly until every need was met. When the one need he was accustom to giving his women was not important he became less responsible. I now only hold him responsible for his son, because I know he needs to do that for himself and our child. I'm coming to the realization that he has made himself believe that I am a flirtatious therefore I cause him to leave and he needs that to be ok with his decision to leave. I believe we got away from each other in our marriage; we were both busy and didn't find the time needed to give to each other, him more than me, but I'm sure I am at some fault as well. I saw that we were drifting and the more I tried to hold on and bring us back together the more he pushed away. Now I have to figure out how to get me back into my life.

sorry about the errors.

What's your sign cc?

Hi, I am an Aquarius. So we had a long three hour talk yesterday, he bared his soul as much as I think he is capable of doing. He confessed that this woman his co-worker was just a place saver while he found a way to get his head clear. He made he called her a book mark, what kind of person does that? He admitted he has a problem being by himself and he needs to be needed. He says I wasn't showing I needed him anymore. He confessed that he can't seem to get over the fact that I'm a flirt and he wanted me to admit that I do, but I won't. He thinks my niceness to people leaves the door open for trouble. He can't figure out why he has messed up so many lives this way and he doesn't know how to fix the problem he has with himself because he doesn't know what it is. He doesn't know what he wants in a woman anymore, and he's not sure being with me is what he wants. Even though he misses the life we had with me he's not sure he can come back to it. He seems to be questioning his life for the past 30 years and the effect he has had on so many women and what it has done to his children, including his youngest one with me. He says my words I've recently said hit him to the core and makes him think about the life he is leading. He seems to be questioning everything our marriage, his appearance, his workers and his job. He no longer cares about what happens at work and I never thought I would have heard that from him ever. Everything involved with him is being evaluated. His dad who was 96 died almost 8 months ago I wonder if that is affecting him now, I don't know, but I left him thinking what I considered a marriage was hopeless. He doesn't know if he wants to do the work, which would be needed to make us work, he knows that he has turned his back on our marriage, but he doesn't know how to get the spark back and I don't know if I can do anything to spark it. CCdarling you are so right he is a broken man; I can't fix him this he has to do for himself.

Posted by cc

He admitted he has a problem being by himself and he needs to be needed. He says I wasn't showing I needed him anymore. He confessed that he can't seem to get over the fact that I'm a flirt and he wanted me to admit that I do, but I won't. He thinks my niceness to people leaves the door open for trouble.

If this niceness you speak of is flirting, then he is probably correct in his assessment ..... it leaves the door open for trouble.

Why won't you admit to it if this is what he needs to feel needed? I'm curious to know why you would deliberately withhold from him what it is he needs?

Posted by cc

... but I left him thinking what I considered a marriage was hopeless.

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I'm uncertain what you meant here. Are you saying that you told him what you considered to be a hopeless marriage? Or, were you telling him that you think the one you two share is hopeless?

If it's that latter ... then why are you even here?


You said that he doesn't know if he can do the work on the marriage, and you said that it is what is needed to make it work ... but, didn't you just tell him that the marriage is hopeless?


What the fuck kind of mind game are you playing at?

I refuse to admit to the flirting, because I didn't. I love my husband and I only want to flirt with him. I told him all I have is my truth, and I won't lie to make him feel better. I want to make my marriage work, but the more I try, the more I feel it won't. He's not at a place where he is willing to do the work to help. I'm 35 and all I wanted was to settle down with the man I love, traveling and doing all the things married couples enjoy. I was in a long relationship with a Gemini and we grew apart, that was easier to deal with. This break up being so sudden, was heart breaking like a nightmare never ending. I left our conversation the other day feeling sad, mostly because I knew he was confused about himself and us. There didn't seem to be any hope in our marriage to save after listening to him. I know lying to him and telling him I flirted would not get me where I want to be, it would only justify the lies he is convincing himself of everyday. During the conversation, he kept saying untruthful things about me to me, when I called him out on it; he would lower his head and say your right that's not true. I told him he was trying to demonize my image, to make himself feel better. I believe because we were both so busy in our lives we got in a rut and neglected each other??s needs. not because we want to but because life was getting in the way with kids and work. I kept doing all he wouldn't, and that caused him to feel less needed. Does anyone see any hope in this marriage? If so, what can I do to save it inspire him to try to make it work. I want to say the right words to give him hope. I want to believe we can find a way back into each other??s life. Isn't this the year of HOPE?

Omg CC i feel for u soo much im dam near in tears,... well im aquarius also im 24 yrs old and i been dealing with a virgo man off and on for the past 2yrs and seem like we cant connect emotionally thast not superficial. i feel like we could be perfect for each other but its like he plays with my head. 1 min he talks like he knows im the 1 for him and then the next minuee he trests me like jus a girl hes f ing. he expressed to me how much he wants to have a kid with me and now i havent gotten my period for 2months and hes like being an asshole it hurts so much to try and figure him out cause i know i havent done anything wrong im not even my usual wacky selfm around him cause im trying to be sooo perfect and politically correact its jus crazzzie. Its like i limit my outgoing personality so he can see im not a little girl to jus play with but wuteva nothing works. I 'm telling u all this cause i read alot about virgo and aquarius and we supposedly dont connect on a emotional level and i think its true its like that real love that exist usually that would keep a guy from doing certain things because they know ur a nice person and care about u jus doesnt exist within the relationship and even with me the part where i feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable like with any1 else i jus cant with himm cause im scared of being hurt or shut out by him....situations sucks i know be strong my aqua sister 🙂And do wuts important for u and ur son. Ur son needs a mom who is happy and not confused by bs and thats wut the virgo man is bs. Trust the universe will one day give u ur blessings thats how i feel just continue being good person dont change or doubt urself. jus something i tell myself everyday.. 🙂xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hello all , I want to thank you for your insight into my situation with my husband. I've begun the first stages of my divorce from him, he was surprised, to say the least! I had to do what I know we both needed to do. I can no longer wait for him to come to his revelations about our relationship, because I don't see it ending well. Plus he has to much to make revelations about, so I will decide this one. I no longer answer his late night calls, only the calls to see his son. Our son will be the extent of our relations for now on. This makes me sad, but I know that I have to work on moving my life in a better direction. I??ve always believed everything happens for a reason, so I don't want to prolong life in a dead relationship. I have to see what life has for me next. I know my husband and I were happy for a while, we brought a son into the world that is a wonderful combination of the two of us, we love him and he adores us, so if our connection was for nothing else, then it has to be for bringing him into this life. I will always appreciate my husband for my son and the time we spent together. We will now move on to the next phase in our lives, apart. He will move on to messing up someone else's life, like the person he's with. I will find someone who appreciates me, but not until after I get my head together.

AquaDiva, I hope everything works out for you, be true to yourself and remember in the end it's how you see yourself and how you treat yourself that will matter. If you give yourself, respect and treat yourself good everyone around you will react to that. I use to change my ways to suit my husband??s ever-changing mind, only to find I could no longer keep up with the changes. Seek someone who will appreciate you for all your ways and you will be a happier person. How long can you keep up the charade of being truley happy? How long do you think he will continue to question you as the perfect mate? True love never questions ones worth. In life there is lust, infatuation, and love, one you can't live without. You feed off it, it nourishes you, you wake and go to sleep thinking about it you. Decide which one your friend makes you feel inside and take it from there. Good Luck!

Hi Valelra25,
Was he making excuses for your flirting? So he could weezle himself out of the marriage? Or was it truly that he was just disappointed in you? And still wanted to weezle himself out of marriage.


There you go, yes he was making excuses! I know that now, but it was hard to swallow, we don't want to know that our love, family, marriage can fail. So it's hard to open one eyes to it when it happens, we can see it so easily in others peoples lives and advise, help. Your right he did have a past and like most people. You believe it's just that the past and that your love will heal everything and anything. LOL. I believe with some people that love may work, but for someone like my husband it didn't because he was to broke. He hid it well and I think he did try to be married normal, but it's not easy to ways so deeply imbedded. We talked for months before we even went out on our first date, I knew he had issues, because he was married twice and his reason for ending it didn't make sence. I kept thinking what is wrong with this man, but he spoke as if he was beyond his past troubles. I tried to be cautious, before my hearts got involved, you know, make that jump, but I didn't see it coming. I think I closed my eyes and just jumped. One would think you get into a marriage and you have it all worked out right? Well you don't. There are so many other things that come up, things, which you have to adjust to. Kids bring a whole other Plato into the situation, which is why there are so many divorces because most people don't know how to adjust to changes, you have to be a little less selfish with kids, make compromises. We all compromise something in relationships, we just have to decide what we want to compromise. Some men like my husband have it good, they work and the woman cooks, cleans, take care of the kids, and still try to maintain a loving relationship with her husband. My husband needed to be needed, but at his own time. When you have a house to maintain and children, it's not always easy to wait for his time. The more I think about our situation the more angry I get, because I now know he had his attention elsewhere so getting the kids birthday cake or driving us to the doctor wasn't important enough to do on our time. I worked 10hrs a day traveled one hr to and from work picked up the kids came home cooked, cleaned did homework and prepared for the next day, before putting them down to bed. All the while talking to him about him

All the while talking to him about him coming home to share a glass of wine. All with a smile 6?? heels and a sexy teddy. I wanted to flirt with my husband.

He knows what he's doing, he admits it, but his pride wont let him correct it. He's made me look so wrong in others eyes to justify his fling, no I'm sorry current relationship. I??am trying not to be bitter because I'm lucky I guess to be out of this forgive and move on. I can't let the bitterness harden my heart for this broken man, I pity the women he's with now.

Hi Valeria,
I don't know much about astrology, but I've been told my moon was in Capricorn then recently someone told me it was in Sagittarius I don't know yet which is correct. I was born at 523 am on 2/15.
I defiantly wanted to heal, him he cheated on his past wife a Leo and she cheated on him. He seems to have a history, which I thought had changed,our love changed, I know people do change if they really want it enough. During our last conversation I can tell he didn't want it enough, I did all the wrong things with regard to Virgo as I've learn from this message board, I cried, begged, pleaded and tried to reassure him of my love. He played me for a fool, and I let him. I wanted my husband so I let him in whenever he came knocking, only to be heart broken when he wouldn't stay. I regret those times now only because I think if I had not given him what he wanted, if I was sterner maybe he would have reconsidered his situation, who knows? In my mind I??ve moved on because I saw our love fade in his eyes. It was like holding on to a beautiful balloon you love, a wind comes and wips it away from you; all you can do is watch it float away with sadness of your lost. A friend angered me, saying your beautiful, men are always trying to attract you find someone else. That angered me, because she never saw that my love was deeper than that. It wasn't a need for another man but the need for my man. I know now she were trying to stop me from hurting , but telling me to go out so soon was destructive.

Posted by P-Angel



How easy it is for people who don't have feelings invested to so casually tell you to forget about him ... like it's nothing.

Keep hanging around this board and asking .... women who can help you will show up.

Funny how you are like this, you constantly write how you can easily leave your husband, but not even you would simply pull the trigger on a 30 something year marriage, and if you do (you never had any real feelings to dig within the guy to begin with...), than your just being delusional.

i don't know about you ladies but this does not sign like a virgo man. I have dated several and they all share the same charachteristics.

1. they are extremely sensitive
2. The over analyze
3. they give their hearts entirely
4. extremely confident almost considered cocky?
what day was he born?

what strikes me as hard is the fact that he mentioned you "flirt" and not cheat. When i speak with most of my female friends flirting is hardly used. Most men say " you are sleeping with someone else to justify their rendevous. I am not taking sides but i need more information. I don't want to turn this into a male bashing session but it just doesn't add up.

CC, did you ever flirt with another man? what is his interpretation of flirting? please elaborate

That's just it I never did'nt flirt to me, but his interpretation of flirting are warped. He considers talking and touching someone's shoulder flirting even if your laughing and joking around. He says —when you touch someone it give them messages that your interested?? I told him that's crazy. Eventually he did say I had to be cheating, but it was after he left with this other person. He has since taken that back because there are no grounds for it. He is a Sept 9th Virgo. He's a cheat! In addition, maybe other things were going on, but he hasn't let on to them yet. He is very confident, but a womanizer brought him up so I'm sure he learned a lot. I always thought he was sure of who he was assure of himself, but his self confidence is shot and it has been for sometime.

Recently he has been trying to reach out to me. I have been avoiding him, only saying hello when he picks up my son, but now he's texting me, calling me, just wanting to see how I was doing. I'm very short to him, with little reprocesses. I don't know if this is his ego way of rebooting so I don't want to give it any energy. I don't believe his intentions are true so I don't know how to respond. I don't want to respond the way I would normally. He now has me questioning myself and I don't want him to see that. I need to analyze him now, see where he's going with this. I have to proceed with causation.

lol

cc,

I can only offer you one advice and i am not taking sides. There are 3 sides to a story.

Flirting is a dangerous game. It is hard to say that a man is insecure yet buys you sexy clothes and shoes. Normally they want you covered up from head to toe. Touching any man during conversation is innapropriate behavior. How would you feel if he was doing that to your girlfriends? In some workplaces it is forbidden because it can be interpreted as sexual harrasment. You may see it as harmless but most men thinks otherwise. you guys need counseling but he needs to come around and want it. Until then, stay away and no booty calls.

P.S-his behavior is still not justified

who are these male friends anyway? His, yours or random people you meet? How many times has this issue caused an argument?

Obamagirl,

I know flirting is a dangerous game, which is why I refrain from doing it. I am not a touchy feely girl, but when joking around with people I call friends I have slapped a shoulder, nudge with an elbow all to prove a point. It's between friends, my friends his friends; longtime friends, not strangers. It's obvious he has taken it beyond the flirting point with his affair, but that's not what I did. The point is, he pretty much admitted that during our last long conversation that he was trying to make excuses for his wrongs. I've seek out counseling which is why I was able to come to my divorce conclusion, I learned I needed to be free of him no matter how hard it was for the family thing I so wanted. No matter what I still love my husband, we may never be together, but he is still the father of my child.

cc

if he told you that he doesn't like it you should have stopped. if not why marry him? Both of you guys should not be married to each other if he objected but you continued this behavior. You need to find someone that accepted you for who you are, that includes your actions. Yes he is broken and needs a lot of work but so do you. Like i said, there are 3 sides to a story and if you want an honest answer from him invite him to join this chat...lol. The men i know outright accuse you of cheating , not flirting so maybe you were. I would look into that if i were you

take care of yourself in any event, be strong for your children.

Uh, what about going to a therapist? He's admitted already that he's got problems. The divorce does not end your relationship because you share a child. If he keeps acting like this, what kind of a role model will he be? How many women will your child have to endure because Daddy's dating/screwing a new one every x months? He should go not just to possibly save your marriage but for at least his child and his own future happiness.

From a friend of mine

This is "That Dude"

I am a Virgo male friend of Obama girls. She was sharing this conversation with me and I harped on her for wasting my time with the nonsense. You guys are suppose to give her direction and instead all i am seeing is a lot of venom being passed onto another woman with out all the facts. You don't know the whole story here. So what he was married 3 times, that makes him broken. Maybe they were serial killers, drug addicts etc. Did any of you ask why he married them and why he divorced the other 2?

First of all Virgo men are "Not Insecure". The word does not exist. We are analytical and sensitive. The analytical causes us to break a simple act down that is meaningless into something else. Don't confuse that with cc's assessmsent of insecure. I believe he is searching for something he never received as a kid. Unfortunately he is not making good choices and i am sorry CC, that may include you. I don't know the whole story but he is going around marrying woman. That means he wants the commitment. Otherwise why marry them, shack up and move on when the well goes dry. Weddings and divorces are expensive.

Now, on to this issue: I am sorry but I agree with my BFF and a couple of you that made sense. CC needs to first tell the honest truth. There is more to this than such flirting accusations. Again, if he accused her of flurting then maybe she was? I am not saying that that still give him the right to stray but this relation was in serious trouble for a long time if he can leave her of 7 years with child for a girl he knew for 4 months tells me he was fed up for a very long time. This wasn't an affair, he up and left. If CC did nothing wrong then why is she going to a therapist? I bet you any amount of money that it is more than shoulder slaps and elbows. Are you kidding me? I am a guy and we don't touch with our elbows. It's the hand. For the record, touching any one is inappropriate behavior especially his friends. Whats that about, I would leave you too. Harmless conversation is bad enough. Under the influence of alcohol it craetes problems. Why in hell are you talking to his exes? Are you nuts? What did you expec

CC, i am not being judgemental on any of you but you actually came to this site because you have no support structure and you need guidance. I do not fault that. In order to get the correct guidance you need to be trutful and tell the whole story. After all we are starngers, you don't know us.

OK, I'm getting really sick of this blaming cc for 'flirting'. SHE didn't screw another man, her husband was the one who committed adultery. Oh, so maybe he wasn't a 'flirt', well give the guy a flipping medal! Btw, touching another person while talking on the back or arm or hand is NOTHING compared to putting your penis in another woman.

So Virgo's are reserved and aren't as outgoing as Aqua's. Aqua's have a magnetic quality with tons of charm coupled with an outgoing and curious nature. Bottom line, they like people and people like them. Libra's get this so do Gemini's and I, (Aries) got this from my Sag boyfriend who was jealous because for some reason, people responded to me more warmly than him. Was I flirting? No! My heart belonged to him but he was to insecure to understand. I'm thinking this may be the case here given her husband's past which is why he needs to get a clue and listen to an objective viewpoint (therapist).

Obamagirl and that Dude, I'm happy to hear that you two are able to be amongst perfect Virgo's who are not insecure. I don't think this message board is about telling your life story, I never said we didn't have problems we did, but most stem from his insecurities. When I met my husband, we talk for months. When we finally went out sparks exploded and we rearly parted after that. I met his kid??s mothers because he has a decent relationship with them. They have both remarried and his kids were older. We often socialized together, the women sat around and talk while the men did the same, after a few drinks we were frank with each other; in fact one told me to my surprise, on our third meeting that they thought he and I would marry, I was someone who would make him straighten up good for him. I guess I came off as a person they could talk to, because we had many conversations, and no not about him. My husband and I talked about everything including his relationship with them. My husbands insecurities also stem from my achievement in life I own a homes when we met, commercial real-estate before we married, he had to borrow to buy my ring, but It didn—t matter to me that wasn—t important to me. All I wanted was a strong man and that was what he gave me, but the less he was able to do for me the further away he was getting from our relationship. I have reflected so I can see it now, but when life is in front of you all you see is life. As far as therapy is concerned, we were scheduled to go together he chickened out. I stayed on because in all fairness I believe in a relationship both parties contribute to a break up. I needed to know where I went wrong. All the while, I hoped he would reconsider and show up to a session. Now that I stopped the sessions, he wants to reconsider. As far as a support structure, I have a support of friends and family, but I was getting angry and I didn't want to subject them to that, so rather than burden them anymore I decided to seek on line help. I came across these message-boarding , which had interesting subjects about astrology, something I knew little about. In fact, some of the best advice I got came from reading from this message forum. About inviting my husband to speak out with me here, I don't think that is what this forum is for all about. I thought everyone throwing thoughts out and reading what come back was what this was about not battle of the marriage. This forum is all in the name of self-improvement,

awareness I thought. Some smart people gave their opinion here, you can judge, but don't say you??re not being judgmental when you are; we all judge when we advise in some ways. I'm fine with that, I know everyone's life style is not like all those perfect Virgo's out theres , otherwise there would be no need for this forum. My troubled Virgo is trying to get back into my life, it?? obvious he wasn't that fed up, but now I am. I may need a more secure Virgo who knows how to appreciate a good woman. That dude, where you get 4 months.
Anyway, I appreciate everyone's opinion it's been a helpful insight. P-Angel LOL. Gemini64 your spot on, thanks, CCDarling and Valeria25, libralady, your friends for life. The advice you all have given me has brought me to another Plato in my life, thanks

Mistery

Again, your incorrect. Virgo's are very outgoing people. They attract and have friends/associates where ever they go. CC please confirm. There is a huge difference between Flirting and adultery. I can not say to the extent of what went on in CC's husband eyes and neither can you. CC stated a couple examples but again, the husband's interpretation may differ. In fact, cc may flirt and don't even realize it(see below). Her husband is dead wrong for what he did but it is unfair to say that cc did not play a role in it because of his history.


http://www.wikihow.com/Flirt<BR>
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting<BR>
Valeria25-

all i can say about you is you are dead on with that info. That is how men think and it is important that woman realize this. If not, well-you know what happens

CC

If your going to sit here and tell me that "most of your problems stem from his insecurities" then i reccomend(my opinion) you stay in therapy. From reading between the lines if you are able to go to a function with his ex wives that tells me this guy is not as bad as you make him out to be. he has a heart and people care for him including his exes. decent relations with exes are not as common as you think. My question is why are you entertaining any discussion about him with his exes? What makes you think they are not poisoning your relationship? Do you think the men are discussing their personal business with him about his exes? heck no. What is the relationship with his exes and their husbands?

My point is yes he peformed a cardinal sin but because of his history i will not assume you played the perfect wife part. I am not saying you deserve it but you played a part and you should see what that part is. If not, then dump him and move on.

Who cares if he had to borrow money for a ring? it is irrelevant. What do you expect when you have child support to pay. are you saying that he is insecure and jealous cause you are more financially secure than he is? he can't be that broke if he had the money to wine and dine another woman. Where is he living now, on his own? Does he support his child with you?

All I wanted was a strong man and that was what he gave me, but the less he was able to do for me the further away he was getting from our relationship> Please elaborate. Do you mean he could not support you financially, emotionally etc, etc etc

valeria25

I should have said this was Obamas girl male friend(That Dude)

I hear you and you make good sense but we can't honestly say if he picks the same type of women?

we really don't know anything about him other than he makes bad decisions and yes he needs help. I just wanted to chime in to say that there are other factors that may ahve led to this behavior. The traits cc describe don't seem like Virgo traits. I am trying to be bias and not because he is a Virgo like me or a man but I have seen this before. harmless actions get taken out of context and the mind takes over from there. Broken is such a bad word. After all, how many of us are actually fixed and working? We all have issues, some have more than others but he obviously has some good qualities and he needs a lot of therapy to correct them.

These boards are nice but I try not to get to wrapped up in tyhem because we only hear one side of the story and it is just a short excerpt. We don't know if CC is lying or leaving out details about her Virgo man that may lead to other theories. The bottom line CC needs to make a decision, act on it and move on. Get insight from Forums like these but the final decision is up to you. You knew the answer to your question before you posted this question. You just needed validation. You can lie to us but you can't lie to yourself. Everyone hear says leave him-----------what are "YOU" going to do?

Valeria 25

well said. Love does make us do crazy things. I do believe cc is telling the truth but there may also be more to the story that she is leaving out. That is why i say there are 3 sides. Most message boards are 1 sided. Case in point. Had her husband came on this board and say my wife is a flirt and a tease and i tell her many times to stop and she didn't so I found someone else. He will have the full support of the mail population when in fact he could be pushing her away and she reacts by flirting. For every reaction there is a reaction.

In any event, stay strong "CC" and god bless. Hopefully you will find the happiness you deserve whether it be in rebuilding your marriage or finding someone else. Just don't limit yourself to Virgos as you eloquently put it. Mybe Virgoi's are not your cup of tea if you get my drift

Valeria25,

Once again, you are so right. I initially searched for marriage help, when I did not find anything insightful I went the astrological route and that lead me to this site. I believe I have said it before, I thought my love was what he needed in his life. I was not doing any man bashing with his exes we just hit it off when we met. They are good women who loved him, but they blame his work habits, his long nights working took them astray, as well as taking him astray. He is a decent person and your right it's rare to see such a close relationship amongst exes, but at first, I was skeptic, then I began to appreciate my husband because he was able to maintain a civil relationship with them. I saw the issues this woman??s had, including with their current husbands. I felt my then boyfriend, was unappreciated, un loved. Thier love hurt him and didn't deserve him and that was why it didn—t work. I understood long work hours so I wasn't treated by that. I thought my love would heal my husband; he just needs to be loved by the right woman. I do love my husband and I am so disappointed by him he let the family and me down. Guilt is eating him alive now, just like the grief of him leaving devoured me. I did the booty calls with him because it gave me hope that he would remember our time together our intermitt times and reconsider his chose. He always left and that was hard to bare. I learned on this forum the traits of a Virgo how it related t my husband and it help me to understand him. So many stories reminded me of him. I posted my story in hopes for similar insight , actually I was looking for ways to bring him back, but it really opened my eyes and I realized there was no winning him back in fact I didn't know after my eyes were open if I wanted him back. I learned that not so easy. I eventually realized I had to make the step for the divorce because he was going to continue to string my heart along, and because I love him so much I would always allow it. So if you love them let them go, if they return their yours forever, so I had to let him go. People seem to want to blame a persons or should I say me, OK blame me! I??ve done that already many times, but it's not true. People pass the blame thinking the other person had to do something to cause it,. I already said I believe everyone in a relationship plays a part in a break up, I??ve already said he admitted he lied about the things he said above me to hide his affair.

My husband will find himself because he is afraid of becoming the man he hates so much, his dad. I believe he will do the work that's needed but it will take time and will power. If it were a job related assignment, he would ace it, but deep emotional issues means turning your insides out. Obamagirl you react without reading the all the facts. You look for what's not there and react because you think it has to be here, as I told my husband, I will tell you the same I refuse to lie and say I flirted. Thanks for your sites but I went that route looking to see if my actions were similar, they weren't. Like a Virgo I too analyzed too, I checked all angles in search of answers.

CC

It's my opinion. Again, I am not saying that he does not have issues but we as women need to look deep down inside at ourtselves. We are wired differently from men. If you say you are without fault then so be it. Time will tell as you move on to your next relationship and the problems repeat themselves.

just following up cc

this is "That dude"

what did you decide to do?

are you going to give him another chance or kick him to the curb?

Hello all,

Well my situation is in limbo. I served my husband divorce papers, but he refuse to sign them. He has started therapy now and wants me to join him. I know he needs to work on his issues before we can start to consider our situation so I won't go. There is no drought that I love my husband.

I know he is going thru a difficult transformation in his life right now; he has dragged our marriage thru the ditches because of it. I support his decision to get help, but I need to be supportive from a distance. He has to get better for himself and his kids. He has apologized for what he put me thru; and I know his guilt is getting the best of him. I can—t trust his word for he hasn't ended the affair he is in, even thought he says he's trying to. I feel he's wants to keep me on hold until he figures out what to do in the affair. He told me he wishes I would at least date; I doing that would make him feel better about what he has done. Now he constantly calls and text me, sometimes with this woman nearby. He wants to talk for hours as we did before all this mess started, but my distrust makes me hold back. I don't know how to react, respond.