Helpful Virgo

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by pisceschick73 on Wednesday, July 3, 2013 and has 14 replies.
My Virgo friend is very confusing and can be hard work at times but I wouldn't have it any other way. There is one thing I do find very baffling however and was hoping some other Virgos could maybe help me out. I have been a single mother for many years and I have learned to be very independent. Sometimes a little help can be good however my friend Virgo doesn't ever seem to want to give it and it doesn't seem to matter what sort of help I need either. Whether it be trying to nut something out or using a bit of muscle. If I ask for help he just says that I'm a single mother so he's sure I will figure it out, and I usually do. The other day I was struggling to chop some wood for a fire for us and he refused to help. If someone else asks him for help tho he is always happy to oblige. My question is why is he like that with me? Does he just like to push me to succeed or is he just too lazy and doesn't care enough to want to make things a little easier for me? I have tried to discuss this with him but as always if I ask him about something he doesn't want to discuss I get the same generic response 'I don't know what your talking about'. Any responses would be really appreciated as he helped a girl out, twice this last week, that has been crushing on him for quite a while now and I want to know if I should be concerned. And yes I do like him more than a friend
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idk could be a mixture of things, maybe he likes you more than them. I know im more comfortable declining help to people Im closer with, if I dont think its a big deal. thats probably why you see him helping randoms more than you, because those are small things and he probably feels like he helps you in more important ways and says no to dumb things as a way to exert his independence. when i was involved with a coworker I would almost avoid her at work when just prior to us being involved I was always around her helping or whatever else.
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How is he considered a friend again?
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I won't help a new love interest until I'm sure I want to proceed with being involved with that person because I know that once I start being helpful I will feel almost obligated (not in a bad way) to continue. In my mind that persons happiness become my responsibility; so I don't like to start on that path unless I feel pretty sure that this person is someone I see a future with.
I can easily help someone I'm not involved with or not considering being involved with because it's just help...no emotional strings attached. It's weird I know but it's the way I am dunno about other virgos
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Posted by Loveorlust
OMG I went thru something similar with my Virgo friend. I think this is what CC referred to also. For being the sign of service they are fucked up in that dept! I watched mine help all the ladies at work... Charmed the pants right off a few... Ha me to be exact! I loved watching him work... LOL I asked him for help one day... ONE DAY mind you and the blank look took over... He never said no but just left the room... Much to busy to even acknowledge my plea! I was pissed but didn't show it.... I know he knew I was mad and about a month later when I had a similar issue he rallied the troops and had half the staff and himself come to my rescue... So what I'm trying to say us that the Virgo knows and never forgets... I also think in their minds it's like some type of commitment when they " help" someone who is a " love" interest of theirs????


I did also think that maybe it had something to do with his feelings towards me. Not that I even know what they could be as he is very hard to read and so up and down. neuroticvirgo did also say something similar.
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Posted by HungVirgo
idk could be a mixture of things, maybe he likes you more than them. I know im more comfortable declining help to people Im closer with, if I dont think its a big deal. thats probably why you see him helping randoms more than you, because those are small things and he probably feels like he helps you in more important ways and says no to dumb things as a way to exert his independence. when i was involved with a coworker I would almost avoid her at work when just prior to us being involved I was always around her helping or whatever else.


But we're not involved. Does that mean he has more feelings towards the other girl???
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Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
How is he considered a friend again?


Sorry I'm not really sure what you mean by this! He is a friend whom I have strong feelings for
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you have to be direct when you ask for help from him.
Just ask "Would you help me chop this wood?" If you really want to get him to do it, tell him he's the man for the job with all his big strong muscles. Be a little flirtacious with it.
Don't go chopping the wood and then asking him.
If you act capable then he will just let you do it. If he doesn't think you need him, he won't be motivated to help you. sometimes its good to play dumb or naive and let the man come and save the day.

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Posted by neuroticvirgo
I won't help a new love interest until I'm sure I want to proceed with being involved with that person because I know that once I start being helpful I will feel almost obligated (not in a bad way) to continue. In my mind that persons happiness become my responsibility; so I don't like to start on that path unless I feel pretty sure that this person is someone I see a future with.
I can easily help someone I'm not involved with or not considering being involved with because it's just help...no emotional strings attached. It's weird I know but it's the way I am dunno about other virgos


I was kinda hoping it was something along those lines. Can you explain to me this then. When he went to help the other girl he had arranged with me earlier that morning to go away to a little cabin for the weekend. It's somewhere we go often to go fishing and 4x4 driving. The weekend's weather was to be perfect and it was to be my last weekend off from work for awhile as we're short staffed. So it was agreed I would go to work and get everything I needed to do done as quick as I could so we could head off for the 2 hour drive. I have driven there myself but in this instance I did tell him that I did have a late night the night before and wasn't comfortable making the trip alone, that's why he agreed to wait till I finished work. Anyway as I was driving home from work I called to tell him that I was on my way and he said he had left to pick this girl up because her car broke down. Her car had broken down about half hour from where we live but it was on the way to the cabin and she lives about another half hour past where the cabin is. So he said he was going to keep going to the cabin, and take her home, leaving me behind!! I understand him helping her out but he didn't have to leave me behind to do it. Needless to say I had a crap weekend and I haven't spoken to him since although I know he knows I was very pissed off. Especially when he tells me he doesn't even like this girl because she's too much of an air head (which she is). Why would he do this???
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Posted by LenoreLLC
you have to be direct when you ask for help from him.
Just ask "Would you help me chop this wood?" If you really want to get him to do it, tell him he's the man for the job with all his big strong muscles. Be a little flirtacious with it.
Don't go chopping the wood and then asking him.
If you act capable then he will just let you do it. If he doesn't think you need him, he won't be motivated to help you. sometimes its good to play dumb or naive and let the man come and save the day.




That wouldn't work. He would see straight through that because he knows how independent I am. Doesn't mean that he should let me do a task that would take him a quarter of the time to do and he can plainly see I am struggling with.
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Well you don't don't until you try. It always works for me. But if you have a better solution, then by all means, do that.
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Posted by LenoreLLC
Well you don't don't until you try. It always works for me. But if you have a better solution, then by all means, do that.


I have no better solutions so I will definitely be giving it a go but I just don't think he will fall for it smile
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Hmmm @OP that's a tough call. I'd be inclined to think that he does like this other chick or at the very least they are pretty close friends if he's willing to go that far out of his way for her AND leave you in the process. Is he aware of your real feelings for him and if so are they in any way reciprocated? I mean I might not be willing to help a potential love interest until I knew what I wanted from the relationship BUT I also wouldn't leave that person hanging for someone else. Especially when we already have a plan. Being the Virgo that I am, in that situation I would have done both even if that meant going out of my way to drop the first chick off and doubling back to pick you up.
For me (and I stress this is just how I am) if I'm willing to leave you hanging like that, I don't really have any feelings for you. Ask one of the guy virgos and see if its different for them. Good luck!
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Posted by pisceschick73
Posted by LenoreLLC
Well you don't don't until you try. It always works for me. But if you have a better solution, then by all means, do that.


I have no better solutions so I will definitely be giving it a go but I just don't think he will fall for it smile
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I read a few books about how to communicate your desires to the opposite sex and they all seem to say a similar thing.
About asking "would you do this" or "will you do that". Not doing it yourself first. Apparently there's an art or technique to it. Most of us don't get it right and end up nagging. I'm still trying to get it right. Only read the books relatively recently. Let us know how it turns out.
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