How Virgo deals w/emotionally demanding partner?

My Aquarius, who happens also have a Gemini Moon, has been an emotional trainwreck these last three weeks!

He is having outbursts that are extreme. He is stressed out (and saying so), frequently unable to find the words to say what he wants to say and so he starts making noises, and he is very impatient. Virgo that I am, I have been trying to take it in stride. I also have a natal Mercury Rx in Virgo so recall what it was like as a very young child to be rather quiet for lack of words. I have been trying to view it unemotionally and I realize it is his issue not mine so I have been able to detach.

But he is acting like an overblown Leo and it is getting rather irritating. It makes me tune him out. This is ridiculous, demanding, childish behavior.

Yesterday he said he was oh so busy with things, I said it might be a good time to take a month's break and not get together until the end of July. That I would like some space and time for myself because I have my novel writing to do and some other professional projects.

Well today he suddenly keeps blurting out curse-filled comments on the MSN Messenger to me (I keep it on while I am writing). Instead of asking me simple questions he starts screaming online and cursing and acting emotionally out of control.

I know the Full Moon in Sag is also tomorrow.

How do any other Virgos here deal with a partner who is acting in such an emotionally demanding manner?

Thanks for the thoughtful response!

Right now I am in the listening phase but it is VERY challenging when my Aquarius is blurting out foul-mouthed sentences and overreacting and what I am seeing now is over-empathizing with negative people (that insight I got from another Aquarian). His sentences are peppered now with "f" this and "f" that and "g-d" this or that etc.... No Aquarian detachment happening there!!

I feel on the right track with listening and I am trying to approach this with him both compassionately and analytically. It is just very surprising because normally we relate more evenly but tipped towards the mental (we can talk through things). Normally he has Aquarian control of his emotions and now it is swinging over to the other extreme during this Mercury Rx in Gemini. I do not mind emotions, as a Virgo, because there is always that element present with the polarity of Pisces; but after nearly three weeks of over-emotional behavior, something must change.

I think the other puzzling thing has bene that there is no real issue and it is not about him and me; it is just that everything seems to set him off, especially if it is about anyone not accepting what he views as his authority or leadership, or him not getting something he wants.

I can see both sides of this coin ...


One .. you don't want to perpetuate the emotions into being any more out of control by responding to them.

Two .. by you not responding to them, might actually make him think you don't 'care', and so is inadvertently perpetuating them.

VB,

I'm a Virgo man married to a Scorpio woman -- think Mr. Spock married to Uma Thurman! -- so I kinda get where you're coming from...

How do any other Virgos here deal with a partner who is acting in such an emotionally demanding manner?

First, I try to determine the underlying cause. Debra's a Scorp, so direct questions are a No-No! I have to be subtle in my approach, and if she responds negatively, I back off for a while. In general, she's good about telling me: "It's not YOU." But, she may not want to tell me what IT is, even though she knows (intellectually) that that's part of the "getting over it" process -- her emotions are overriding her reason. My getting her to talk about The Cause helps both of us...

Second, I'm simply THERE for her. If she doesn't want to talk, I hug her; if she doesn't want hugs, I stand close to her and try to keep my big yap shut; and, if she wants privacy, I stay outta her hair -- but I will check in periodically to let her know I care...

Third, I resist the Virgo urge to RUN AWAY! This is a tough one, because we hate seeing loved ones upset, and we hate getting upset ourselves, and we hate being the Cause of a loved one's emotional distress...

As for your Aqua: You two may simply be emotionally incompatible. Love is not enough, and neither is a meeting of the minds. Both hearts must be in tune, and able to relate openly and without fear of reprisal, or the relationship will probably fail...

~DyarStra?e

Dont take that crap. Its one thing to desperately want to be understood/seek love and affection....but its another to just act blatantly rude.

There is a right way to go about these things. Let him know his frustrations are understood but his outbursts and tantrums are not warranted. Let him know when he's ready to have a good civilized conversation you are there and having always been.

"I can see both sides of this coin ...


One .. you don't want to perpetuate the emotions into being any more out of control by responding to them.

Two .. by you not responding to them, might actually make him think you don't 'care', and so is inadvertently perpetuating them."

Regarding #2 -- I have been telling him I do care and I obviously have not walked out so he should know I care for him (but, lol, not for the outbursts).

Today, he was quiet, withdrawn, under the Full Moon. We were even able to joke about some things, which has not been quite possible lately. Maybe, hopefully he is pulling himself together.

Hi ElectroAqua,

Thanks!. Well his problems and sources of his frustration, anger and blurting has nothing to do with me or us...he seems to meeting a lot of need for hard work and challenges from other people in his office and a group (authority issues, relating to people etc) or inanimate objects. He is smiling and acting nicely to the people he is angry with and then with me he displaces the anger and starts blurting, cursing etc. He actually had a fit about "the f--ing Constitution".

Yes, I am aware that a Virgo hallmark is to analyze. He has, however, also gotten Virgoan nurturing and caring responses from me but gotten worse in his emotional expression with more and more setting him off, to the point where it is ridiculous to expect that me (or anyone) to go up and down the emotional rollercoaster so much or take a ride on it with no notice. He certainly knows I care for him and how I feel about all this as I have shown it and made it clear verbally. This is a new side of him, so I am trying to figure this out now for future reference.

But as I wrote above, he was better today, quieter.

Hello DyarStra?e,

Thank you. Yes, you got it: this is upsetting Virgo me quite a bit (and I know he realizes it, because of his apologies and requests that I forget his outbursts). As I have said elsewhere I am not anywhere near walking out on him; I just want to find a, lol, "perfect" way (well, a good way) to deal with this so we can successfully get through this. However I am also detaching as this is not good behavior and he needs to change it soon.

I do want some space and time to clear my head after all this, but I do not doubt our compatibility and he is not either.

Branh and Lady M,

Thank you. Well I am going to see what the next few days bring, including going away this weekend. Hopefully it will be good and there wil be no craziness.

And if he wants to curse out the squirrels and raccoons maybe they will be a willing audience, lol.

"I have been trying to view it unemotionally and I realize it is his issue not mine so I have been able to detach."

" .. it is getting rather irritating. It makes me tune him out. This is ridiculous, demanding, childish behavior."

"I said it might be a good time to take a month's break and not get together until the end of July."

******* the above quotes infer that you have been doing your best to ignore him during this mental-state he's been going through. Which the above was taken from your original description of events.

Then once somebody commented on the Virgo being descriminitive and trashes said partner .. you come back with comments like ...

"I am in the listening phase but it is VERY challenging"

"I feel on the right track with listening and I am trying to approach this with him both compassionately and analytically."


****** in defense because it was suggested that a Virgo would defy against communication and just bash ..... when in reality, your original post actually says .. "It makes me tune him out. This is ridiculous, demanding, childish behavior."




To be perfectly honest with you ... it appears to me that you really have no interest in trying to have any kind of understanding as to why this man is having an emotional upheavel in his life ... you just want it to go away.

In reality .. that's being pretty ignorant. don't mean to offend, but, it's the truth. If a person gives their description of events without any prior knowledge of how this is going to be perceived, and then once responses come in return .. you actually CHANGE your description of behaviour from "tuning out", to "listening" ... then you've left yourself with no credibility in a person believing that you are actually putting forth any effort in truly understanding what is wrong with this man.


From my original post where I said I see both sides of this coin .. I know stand on side #2 .. something is wrong with this man, and by you ignoring him is likely the culprit in pertuating the problem because he likely assesses that you don't really care enough to ... tune him in to the issue that plagues him.

Dinner tonight with Mr. Aquarius was quietly good, and we took a walk afterwards.

He said he has been depressed for some time, having difficulty relating to others and that he knows he has been saying "inappropriate things" to me, as part of being very stressed lately. Work is a big stressor because, according to him, he didn't work more hours when he should have since January at his part-time job so he has left himself with a backlog that must get done before the fiscal year ends. Another big stressor, which I wondered if he was feeling, is that he is now done with graduate school and must start working fulltime. The door is closing on his "free" schedule. Life is totally changing and he wll soon need to be solely a worker, in an office, 9-5. (Personally, I think he will hate it).

He is a year away from his Saturn Return (in Libra) and I am beginning to think it is already starting to kick in, as Saturn in Libra would be about relationships. A preview, perhaps.

In the end, Mr. Aquarius said he decided today that he is going to start seeing a psychologist about the things he mentioned and "some other things" (that he declined to mention). So this is why he was so quiet. I was really happy to hear this and glad it came from him without me suggesting it.