I??m curious how to go about fixing an odd situation that I recognize I have inadvertently caused. I am a Cancer Sun/Cap Moon. I have my emo moments but the Cap moon usually expresses my feelings pretty logically.
A Virgo Sun/Virgo Moon friend of mine who I have known for years approached me a few months ago in the same way in which he always has, with flirtation. This has never bothered me as we have always had a really easy, flirtatious banter. It??s a platonic friendship, we typically talk 2-3 times a week, we have normal conversations, share our life experiences, discuss our problems and help each other work out resolutions, but a silly little flirtation is always just below the surface if not blatantly obvious.
On this particular occasion I was having a pretty emo sort of day, I just wanted to talk to my friend and his flirtation felt frustrating. In response I made a comment that I??d rather be the girl he knew he could count on when he needs a favor than the one he plays with when he is bored. He got mad, stated that I was mistaken about his intentions and then didn??t talk to me for a couple of weeks. I did sincerely apologize the next day, but he just ignored me, so I left him alone to go through his usual process of dealing with his feelings.
What interests me is that after a couple of weeks he started talking to me again, but now he starts every conversation by asking me for a favor of some kind. There is no flirtation on his part and I have followed suit and avoided any on my part as well. Once he asks his favor, he??ll stick around and talk to me for a couple of hours just like always, just in a less playful way. This has been going on for a few months now.
I recognize that my comment caused what has always been a very fun and functional friendship to be different and awkward, and I don??t want to make things worse by approaching it the wrong way again.
How would you recommend I approach the subject to make him understand that he doesn??t need a reason to talk to me and that our sassy little conversations are pretty dear to my heart and I??d rather that they don??t change?
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Jan 10, 2015Comments: 100 · Posts: 2017 · Topics: 43
Tell him the exact same thing you just wrote in your post (at the bottom)
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Mar 18, 2013Comments: 0 · Posts: 1355 · Topics: 6
He told you you mistook his intention. He clearly wants more than friendship and is only pretending to be your friend, word to the wise. I don't believe in being friends with men who want more because we're not doing the same thing & eventually the man gets angry & lashes out. Just my experience/2 cents there. He digs you as more than a friend and he told you that. So where's the confusion?
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Mar 18, 2013Comments: 0 · Posts: 1355 · Topics: 6
Also, consider the fact that being friends with him might not actually be good for HIM. It's giving him false hope. And again, you're not doing the same things. This is why flirting can be dangerous. You think it's innocent and he believes you dig him but just need more time. Live and learn.
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Apr 07, 2011Comments: 1685 · Posts: 9901 · Topics: 213
ha! this is funny, Im also a Virgo sun/moon and I had a relationship with a Cancer sun/Cap moon last year..
I don't disagree that there might be more there down the road, and that would be mutual. But currently we have made a decision to keep it platonic, and as far as I know that hasn't changed on either side. It was a mutual decision to build the friendship and to see where it leads and I think we were both satisfied with the way things were. When he said I was mistaken, I believe he meant that he doesn't just play with me when he is bored. Which I know, but I was having a bad day and lashed out.
The problem is he can be so literal that now I feel like he thinks he has to ask me for something to have an excuse to talk to me.
From your experience, how would you suggest I proceed, Boom?
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Apr 07, 2011Comments: 1685 · Posts: 9901 · Topics: 213
"How would you recommend I approach the subject to make him understand that he doesn??t need a reason to talk to me and that our sassy little conversations are pretty dear to my heart and I??d rather that they don??t change?"
Just tell him exactly that, dont be scared.
He took your words way more seriously than he should have and now he just feels ashamed of having been playful before when he thinks you really didnt want that from the beginning. He just takes himself too seriously, tell him to chillax.
A Virgo that takes their self to seriously, lol.Been there done that and talking honestly about your bad mood or if you harbor some slite feeling of being a playmate and not counted as a serious friend will help.