I don't want to lose my friend...

Here's a little bit of back story. Virgo and I have been friends for a few years, we met at work and we bonded over a lot of things but the biggest one was an obsessive love of music. Over time we became pretty close friends, learned a lot about each other's past and present, talked about everything, just friends nothing more.

Virgo has a girlfriend, we talked a lot about that. She wanted to get married, he didn't. He felt a lack of commitment to her and that made him feel bad.

I was married in the beginning and he was there for me when things got rough and my husband and I separated. I moved out for several months. While we were split up Virgo started to say things like "I can't believe he let you go, I would love to be with someone I had so much in common with" and "If things were different, I could see you and I being great together". I responded affirmatively to these comments but I was going through a lot and I really didn't want to further complicate things so I was very cautious about my signals.

After a few months I went back to try to work things out with my husband one last time. When I went back Virgo was supportive at first, but then he started saying things like "I'm really mad at you" but when I would ask why he would say he was just joking. But he started to pull away from the friendship until it got to the point where the only thing he would talk to me about was music. If I said "so how are you?" he would change the subject back to music or not respond at all.

I eventually ended my marriage, satsified that I had made every attempt to make things work. That was around November. By January Virgo wasn't even talking to me at all, he would text me songs to listen to but if I commented on the song he wouldn't talk back. If I saw him in the hallway he would smile and say hello, or sometimes he would just look sad and keep walking. If I asked him if he was ok he wouldn't respond and then would text me a sad song an hour later.

So mid January I sent him an email and I told him that I was worried about him, that I was more than willing to give him his space to handle whatever he was going through but that I wanted him to know that I would be here for him if he needed me. I also confessed in that email that I agreed with the things that he said about us having potential to be good together.

A week later I found out through someone that we both know that he had gotten engaged over the holidays. I never would have told him I agree

...I never would have told him I felt that way had I known. But he didn't tell me and seeing how we had been so close I felt really hurt. The next time he sent me a song I responded with.

"You should have told me. I would have bought you a gift...or at least kept my mouth shut."

I didn't here from him for over a month and then he started sending songs again about once a week. I don't know if I should respond or not because he won't actually say words to me...just sad songs.

Can some of you Virgo's provide some insight? Did I do something wrong that I didn't even realize I did to make him not share that important piece of information with me?

I just want my friend back, I don't need more than that.

"I didn't here from him for over a month and then he started sending songs again about once a week. I don't know if I should respond or not because he won't actually say words to me...just sad songs.

Can some of you Virgo's provide some insight? Did I do something wrong that I didn't even realize I did to make him not share that important piece of information with me?

I just want my friend back, I don't need more than that."


You went back to your husband, he respected it and moved on and in that respect kept the personal things in check. He got engaged, you left your husband again, and now it's your turn to keep it platonic and return the respect to his fiance and him. Pretty simple if you can understand that.

I can fully understand keeping it platonic and I wouldn't have it any other way knowing what I know now. The confusion for me is that we were friends long before I left my marriage, before he got engaged, before anything unusual was said.

Is it possible Virgo's to have the friendship back after an interest has been expressed from both sides?

Posted by LittleLunarOne

A week later I found out through someone that we both know that he had gotten engaged over the holidays. I never would have told him I agree

Posted by LittleLunarOne

...I never would have told him I felt that way had I known. But he didn't tell me and seeing how we had been so close I felt really hurt.

I just want my friend back, I don't need more than that.

click to expand

You are playing with feelings, and he realizes it, that's why he's pulled away from you. A Virgo isn't into the emotional mind game ... you'd be better off with another contestant.

He doesn't owe you anything.

You're hurt because he didn't tell you about his current squeeze, and that's just crap on your end .... considering he wanted you when you were available, but, you didn't acknowledge it, until you lost him and then you wanted him.


Typical Cancerian game .... somewhere in your chart, there's heavy Cancer aspects.


btw, it's obvious you don't want him as a friend ... it's obvious that you want him as a potential to play with.

You are right I am a cancer, and yes I can be manipulative with people's feelings - it is a typical cancer behavior that we don't even realize we are doing most of the time until we reflect back on it. It's something I am fully aware of and a behavior that I am constantly struggling to correct. All signs have their negative sides.

In this situation I don't regret not sharing my feelings sooner. It was not the right thing to do. Divorce isn't easy and it wouldn't have been fair to anyone involved to share those feelings until I was completely removed from my relationship.

So I was too late for any chance at something more. I can accept that. And I want him to be happy, if the friendship is over I can accept that as well.

But if the friendship is over why continue sending the songs? I could understand if he cut me out entirely and I would respect his wishes. But since he is still contacting me I am not even sure what the wishes are that I am supposed to be respecting.

Lenore- That's probably exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks

I can see that he must not have had genuine feelings for me.

But when you say that are you suggesting that the friendship itself was an elaborate game played over a number of years just to get me to admit that I was attracted to him?

That seems far fetched.

...and PAngel, you are right. In reflection there was some amazingly manipulative asshattery on my part. Can it be fixed?

Posted by LetltB

You went back to your husband, he respected it and moved on and in that respect kept the personal things in check. He got engaged, you left your husband again, and now it's your turn to keep it platonic and return the respect to his fiance and him. Pretty simple if you can understand that.

THIS ^^^^^^

Nothing more to add...

Posted by LittleLunarOne

I can see that he must not have had genuine feelings for me.

so, you'd rather take the ignorant position?

What this quote above amounts to is that, rather than accept that you have equal responsibility in messing this up with him ... you are going to take a route that holds no evidence, simply because your ego can't handle you otherwise.


because the reality is ... you have no validity in assuming his feelings were never genuine ... alls you have is a person stating it in a thread to make you feel better.

and if you truly care for him, as a friend, as a human, as you claim to .... then how demeaning of you to take a position in which suggests that he was lying to you.

Honestly PAngel - I am taking full responsibility for my part in this. I don't blame him at all for pulling away. I recognize that he is not me and we communicate differently. I'm just trying to make sense of all this in MY head. I have been trying to figure out what to do next for weeks.

I don't want to do anything manipulative so I stopped responding to the songs, but then I wonder if that in and of itself is manipulative.

I know he wants to talk to me, he told me. "I always WANT to talk to you", but I know he is trying to do the right thing. If I respond to him am I encouraging him to do the wrong thing? Is it better for him to think I don't care and let him figure out everything on his end without my interference?

Usually it's just one song, today there have been multiple songs. Am I just making it worse for him by not responding?


And yes, I latched onto the idea that maybe he was just playing me the whole time for a second. That would make this a lot easier for me to let go of. Yeah, that's selfish, but hiding out in my little shell is all I can figure out to do right now. That's why I'm here asking you for input.