if i let it be.. will it be better?

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by happyAqua17 on Sunday, December 16, 2012 and has 40 replies.
I've known this virgo guy for quite a while... 5 months to be exact. he has this push and pull thing. and i learn his ways but sometimes i dunno know whats happening LOL (to the point i just say to myself "okay, let it be). when he keep in touch, i do the same. when he's detached, i give him space. when he dont message me, i will just message him a casual greeting. When out of radar and i didn't disturb him, he will message me explaining what's going on with his life. that he misses me. aaaaaargh!
we are not into relationship. And i dont want to ask anything from him. if i just go with the flow, will this work? i dont mind if he wants to analyze me, but i just dont want to happen one day, his just gone forever..
it's
VIRGO GUY AND AQUA GIRL
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Just go with the natural flow of things. It will fall into place if it's meant to.
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Aqua to Aqua although I commend your tenacity none of what you're doing will work, what you're doing actually plays against you b/c it sort of smells of desperation, women that are wanted and desired never do what you're doing and MEN KNOW THIS, they know if they snooze they potentially lose out on having a desirable attractive woman, they know if you're nudging and reminding and initiating contact that you are not one of those desirable attractive women men want because those women are the women that are way too busy dating men that want her verses chasing a man that's on the fence and in and out.
He's not interested (enough) so any kind of tap dancing around, nudging, going with the flow, reminding him to insure he keeps you in his radar will not serve your purpose, try someone whose actually interested in you and you'll actually see a huge difference from a guy that's in and out verses a guy that's all in, an all in guy will never make you guess because he's always moving in your direction.
Of course if you want to ride it out to see if he'll eventually be available to you then by all means do what you feel is right and necessary for you but lower your expectations so you won't feel so hurt when you realize he's not ever going to come your way consistently without you nudging him/reminding him to do it.
The best thing you can do which may be what you don't want to do is allow him time and space to seek you out, stop initiating contact, allow him to do most of the initiating contact which is the only way you'll know if he truly misses you and want some semblance of a real connection/relationship with you. Right now he's just being friendly, treating you like a friend and that's not going to get you anywhere anytime soon.
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^^That's such a brilliant piece of advice!! A guy makes a girl wait and feel bad about herself only when he knows she will still be there when he comes back. It's like renting a house, if it's really awesome, what do you do? Same thing...
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Posted by aqua86
it's usually them trying to test how much you like them.


I don't think that has anything to do with an "earth" sign. Yeah I'm a Virgo but my chart is dominated with air & fire. I'm notorious for that. I need to see just how interested someone is in me before I proceed with anything else.
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Posted by incandescentcancer
^^That's such a brilliant piece of advice!! A guy makes a girl wait and feel bad about herself only when he knows she will still be there when he comes back. It's like renting a house, if it's really awesome, what do you do? Same thing...


Amen, you summed that up brilliantly. I so want to quote you on my DXP home page, hope it's okay to do that.
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Depends on the guy. This isn't just Virgo or not. Virgos don't chase they want you to chase to see how much you want them so they can be secure. I find Virgos to be insecure inside. I have a friend who knows what she wants and she goes into deep conversation off the bat. Why waste time? It depend.
I think the best thing to do is go about your life and let things just happen. I wish I would listen to my own advice. But that's it. Get busy living your life if he comes around great, if not you're still doing your thing and haven't wasted the time.
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Posted by RealTalk
Just go with the natural flow of things. It will fall into place if it's meant to.


thanks Realtalk.. last time we traveled, in the middle of our silence while we walked, he suddenly told me i am his girlfriend and i say "no im not you're girlfriend.." and he said "yes you are" and he put his arm to my shoulder. which now gets complicated for me.
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Posted by aqua86
earth signs are all like this! don't worry, they always come back. it's usually them trying to test how much you like them. VERY annoying for us scientific aquas.


Exactly aqua86.. Like now, he was out of radar for 2 weeks. i just gave him a simple message and he didn't replied. i gave him space then the other day, he gave me a long message, explaining how busy he was that his missing me. I don't know how to react. So i said "is that how you miss someone? no communication?" and he told me that i should be used to him not communicating sometimes but it doesn't mean that he forgets me.


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Posted by tiki33
Aqua to Aqua although I commend your tenacity none of what you're doing will work, what you're doing actually plays against you b/c it sort of smells of desperation, women that are wanted and desired never do what you're doing and MEN KNOW THIS, they know if they snooze they potentially lose out on having a desirable attractive woman, they know if you're nudging and reminding and initiating contact that you are not one of those desirable attractive women men want because those women are the women that are way too busy dating men that want her verses chasing a man that's on the fence and in and out.
He's not interested (enough) so any kind of tap dancing around, nudging, going with the flow, reminding him to insure he keeps you in his radar will not serve your purpose, try someone whose actually interested in you and you'll actually see a huge difference from a guy that's in and out verses a guy that's all in, an all in guy will never make you guess because he's always moving in your direction.
Of course if you want to ride it out to see if he'll eventually be available to you then by all means do what you feel is right and necessary for you but lower your expectations so you won't feel so hurt when you realize he's not ever going to come your way consistently without you nudging him/reminding him to do it.
The best thing you can do which may be what you don't want to do is allow him time and space to seek you out, stop initiating contact, allow him to do most of the initiating contact which is the only way you'll know if he truly misses you and want some semblance of a real connection/relationship with you. Right now he's just being friendly, treating you like a friend and that's not going to get you anywhere anytime soon.


i got what you mean, but i don't find myself the one initiating to contact him. in fact, after 2 weeks he didn't contact me, he didn't receive message to me as well. not because i want to do that, but i was busy and don't have time to bother him. And if he's not around, i have my own life to live.
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Posted by RealTalk
Posted by aqua86
it's usually them trying to test how much you like them.


I don't think that has anything to do with an "earth" sign. Yeah I'm a Virgo but my chart is dominated with air & fire. I'm notorious for that. I need to see just how interested someone is in me before I proceed with anything else.
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So i'm right to just let it be?
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Posted by kindleberry
Depends on the guy. This isn't just Virgo or not. Virgos don't chase they want you to chase to see how much you want them so they can be secure. I find Virgos to be insecure inside. I have a friend who knows what she wants and she goes into deep conversation off the bat. Why waste time? It depend.
I think the best thing to do is go about your life and let things just happen. I wish I would listen to my own advice. But that's it. Get busy living your life if he comes around great, if not you're still doing your thing and haven't wasted the time.


thanks Kindleberry for your advice. I am an Aqua and i have virgo rising. so i myself is detached. Career is my priority. I just don't know what's happening, coz he just came to my life so intense to know everything about me, come around me, then he will disappear and he'll get busy. and during the time his not communicating to me, i have my own life to live.
The thing is.. i don't know why he is doing this to me, like appear and disappear. i don't know what he wants. Coz for me, i don't bother other people if i'm not interested to them. i don't give mixed signals or even go for a date when i'm not interested ,So i will not be misunderstood coz i don't want to hurt others feelings.
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Posted by happyAqua17
if i just go with the flow, will this work?




No, it won't work.
To let it go with the flow is the opposite of what you need to do to let a Virgo know you want him.
You are being given advice to let him be, and let it flow by woman who cannot seem to actually get a Virgo.
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Posted by happyAqua17
... while we walked, he suddenly told me i am his girlfriend
... and i say "no im not you're girlfriend.."
... and he said "yes you are"
... and he put his arm to my shoulder.
... which now gets complicated for me.




In reality, YOU are the one pulling away. He has made himself clear that he wants you, in which you pulled away from him to leave him believe you don't want him.
I'm unclear what is complicated for you besides your own hypocrasy.

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The Virgo man by nature, believes he is not good enough for you, and is extremely self critical, more critical of himself then he'll ever be with another person ... therefore, you 'acting' aloof, and letting his silence after conveying to you that you're his girlfriend, which in essence is his way of saying he wants you .... is the wrong thing to do, because it sends the signal to this inherently intimately insecure person that he is right, in that he isn't good enough for you.

It looks to me like you want to be chased, and in having this desire, you are going to play hard to get .... and that play will get you alone, as the Virgo walks out of the door for good.

mark my words
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Posted by tiki33
Posted by incandescentcancer
^^That's such a brilliant piece of advice!! A guy makes a girl wait and feel bad about herself only when he knows she will still be there when he comes back. It's like renting a house, if it's really awesome, what do you do? Same thing...


Amen, you summed that up brilliantly. I so want to quote you on my DXP home page, hope it's okay to do that.
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I don't think my sum up was better than your original piece of advice really but please go ahead and do as you see fit. I am just pointing out something which I see across these message boards, women act according to some idiotic social norms about what a relationship should be like rather than taking the goodness of what's there right in front of them A chase is meant to be playful and teasing not hurtful. That's just my opinion.
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Posted by Lenore0908
Posted by tiki33
Posted by incandescentcancer
^^That's such a brilliant piece of advice!! A guy makes a girl wait and feel bad about herself only when he knows she will still be there when he comes back. It's like renting a house, if it's really awesome, what do you do? Same thing...


Amen, you summed that up brilliantly. I so want to quote you on my DXP home page, hope it's okay to do that.


tiki your advice is so good, mind if I message you with a personal question?
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Sure Lenore, message me, I'll get back to you as soon as I possibly can.
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Posted by incandescentcancer
Posted by tiki33
Posted by incandescentcancer
^^That's such a brilliant piece of advice!! A guy makes a girl wait and feel bad about herself only when he knows she will still be there when he comes back. It's like renting a house, if it's really awesome, what do you do? Same thing...


Amen, you summed that up brilliantly. I so want to quote you on my DXP home page, hope it's okay to do that.


I don't think my sum up was better than your original piece of advice really but please go ahead and do as you see fit. I am just pointing out something which I see across these message boards, women act according to some idiotic social norms about what a relationship should be like rather than taking the goodness of what's there right in front of them A chase is meant to be playful and teasing not hurtful. That's just my opinion.
click to expand


So true, it's a growing trend of women chasing men, don't know that they are chasing men, don't know what that looks like, the men don't respond favorably and then they are feeling rejected and hurt, it's not supposed to hurt, it's supposed to be fun where both people are winning in the chase but it seems a lot of women come up short and get stuck on the losing end of it, keep doing the same thing, continue to get her feelings hurt..
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Posted by tiki33
So true, it's a growing trend of women chasing men, don't know that they are chasing men, don't know what that looks like, the men don't respond favorably and then they are feeling rejected and hurt, it's not supposed to hurt, it's supposed to be fun where both people are winning in the chase but it seems a lot of women come up short and get stuck on the losing end of it, keep doing the same thing, continue to get her feelings hurt..


Men aren't playing it any better, they get beaten just as much. No one really knows what the hell they want...
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Posted by Let*It*Be
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@ kindleberry...never chase a Virgo, don't know where you got that information, because you'll end up chasing him AWAY by being too aggressive.
Look ladies, if a Virgo man wants you....YOU WILL KNOW IT! Anything short of that, let him do the work and save the energy.



Why do you say never chase a Virgo? If a Virgo doesn't chase, and you don't chase you will never meet. He always says to me, I've never chased a girl, they always come to me. Like when I stop responding to him he goes haywire with messages until he gets a hold of me.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by happyAqua17
... while we walked, he suddenly told me i am his girlfriend
... and i say "no im not you're girlfriend.."
... and he said "yes you are"
... and he put his arm to my shoulder.
... which now gets complicated for me.




In reality, YOU are the one pulling away. He has made himself clear that he wants you, in which you pulled away from him to leave him believe you don't want him.
I'm unclear what is complicated for you besides your own hypocrasy.


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P-angel, call it hypocrite. but believe me, the moment he told me that,i wanted to believe but i'm afraid he just said it but doesn't mean it.
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Posted by incandescentcancer
Posted by tiki33
Posted by incandescentcancer
^^That's such a brilliant piece of advice!! A guy makes a girl wait and feel bad about herself only when he knows she will still be there when he comes back. It's like renting a house, if it's really awesome, what do you do? Same thing...


Amen, you summed that up brilliantly. I so want to quote you on my DXP home page, hope it's okay to do that.


I don't think my sum up was better than your original piece of advice really but please go ahead and do as you see fit. I am just pointing out something which I see across these message boards, women act according to some idiotic social norms about what a relationship should be like rather than taking the goodness of what's there right in front of them A chase is meant to be playful and teasing not hurtful. That's just my opinion.
click to expand


I never intended to be chased, i just dont want to be hurt. we both have our own life, he just suddenly came to my life and do the push and pull thing. so whats that? if he is not interested to me he can just go freely. he don't need to give me mixed signals. That is why i said earlier that im trying to let it be.
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Posted by happyAqua17
Posted by RealTalk
Just go with the natural flow of things. It will fall into place if it's meant to.


thanks Realtalk.. last time we traveled, in the middle of our silence while we walked, he suddenly told me i am his girlfriend and i say "no im not you're girlfriend.." and he said "yes you are" and he put his arm to my shoulder. which now gets complicated for me.
click to expand


Why is it complicated for you? Isn't that what you want? A relationship? *confused now*
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Posted by happyAqua17
Posted by RealTalk
Posted by aqua86
it's usually them trying to test how much you like them.


I don't think that has anything to do with an "earth" sign. Yeah I'm a Virgo but my chart is dominated with air & fire. I'm notorious for that. I need to see just how interested someone is in me before I proceed with anything else.



So i'm right to just let it be?
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Like I said...GO WITH THE FLOW. Things will fall into place if it's meant to. You can't force things to happen or force him into anything. Make him come after you & from what I've read he seems to want to be with you. He did say you were his girl right? What exactly do you want?
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Posted by kindleberry
Posted by Let*It*Be
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@ kindleberry...never chase a Virgo, don't know where you got that information, because you'll end up chasing him AWAY by being too aggressive.
Look ladies, if a Virgo man wants you....YOU WILL KNOW IT! Anything short of that, let him do the work and save the energy.



Why do you say never chase a Virgo? If a Virgo doesn't chase, and you don't chase you will never meet.
click to expand


A women should NEVER have to chase a man. If he wants you, he'll make it known & he'll be coming for you. POINT. BLANK. PERIOD.
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*woman
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Posted by happyAqua17
I never intended to be chased, i just dont want to be hurt. we both have our own life, he just suddenly came to my life and do the push and pull thing. so whats that? if he is not interested to me he can just go freely. he don't need to give me mixed signals. That is why i said earlier that im trying to let it be.


That's bullshit, stop playing the victim and fucking with everyone's mind here. You started seeing a guy, at some point he told you that you were his girlfriend, you didn't trust him and said no and then he started pulling away. This is the story, he didn't give you mixed signals, he was pretty direct. Now leave him alone and stop screwing everybody's head. What did you expect him to do? Cut himself and swear a bloodoath of love?
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Posted by P-Angel
The Virgo man by nature, believes he is not good enough for you, and is extremely self critical, more critical of himself then he'll ever be with another person ... therefore, you 'acting' aloof, and letting his silence after conveying to you that you're his girlfriend, which in essence is his way of saying he wants you .... is the wrong thing to do, because it sends the signal to this inherently intimately insecure person that he is right, in that he isn't good enough for you.

It looks to me like you want to be chased, and in having this desire, you are going to play hard to get .... and that play will get you alone, as the Virgo walks out of the door for good.

mark my words


im not playing hard. in fact, i'm not into games. if he's scared that he is not good for me, i myself is scared to be hurt too. thats it. no games at my side.
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Mark my words !!
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Posted by incandescentcancer
Posted by happyAqua17
I never intended to be chased, i just dont want to be hurt. we both have our own life, he just suddenly came to my life and do the push and pull thing. so whats that? if he is not interested to me he can just go freely. he don't need to give me mixed signals. That is why i said earlier that im trying to let it be.


That's bullshit, stop playing the victim and fucking with everyone's mind here. You started seeing a guy, at some point he told you that you were his girlfriend, you didn't trust him and said no and then he started pulling away. This is the story, he didn't give you mixed signals, he was pretty direct. Now leave him alone and stop screwing everybody's head. What did you expect him to do? Cut himself and swear a bloodoath of love?
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i didn't say im a victim. Maybe you're right that i didn't trust him telling me im his girl. but it doesn't mean i want to screw people's head here. i just dont want to be hurt.Even before he said that, he's doing the push n pull thing.
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Posted by P-Angel
Mark my words !!


Then what should i do? 3 days ago, he explained how sorry he was for being busy and that he misses me. his out of country and his looking forward to see me soon.
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Posted by Let*It*Be
"when he keep in touch, i do the same. when he's detached, i give him space. when he dont message me, i will just message him a casual greeting. When out of radar and i didn't disturb him, he will message me explaining what's going on with his life. that he misses me. aaaaaargh!
we are not into relationship. And i dont want to ask anything from him. if i just go with the flow, will this work? i dont mind if he wants to analyze me, but i just dont want to happen one day, his just gone forever..."

OK...so you are not in a relationship, yet he's making contact. Don't see why you have to wait around for him to contact or feel the need to reach out to him. Just flow with it and let him be the man and work at it to have you.
@ kindleberry...never chase a Virgo, don't know where you got that information, because you'll end up chasing him AWAY by being too aggressive.
Look ladies, if a Virgo man wants you....YOU WILL KNOW IT! Anything short of that, let him do the work and save the energy.



@let it be-... thanks for your message. sorry for late reply also. yeah he still keep in touch to me. his out of country and 3 days ago he
gave me a long message saying sorry for being out of radar for 2 weeks but he misses me. during the time he never reach out for me. i didn't disturb him. Coz i got busy as well and i thought that he might be busy.
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Posted by happyAqua17
i didn't say im a victim. Maybe you're right that i didn't trust him telling me im his girl. but it doesn't mean i want to screw people's head here. i just dont want to be hurt.Even before he said that, he's doing the push n pull thing.



How old are you? What do you mean when you keep saying "hurt"....how is he going to hurt you by admitting that the thinks of you as his girlfriend. What on Earth will it take for him to prove his love to you?
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Posted by incandescentcancer
Posted by happyAqua17
i didn't say im a victim. Maybe you're right that i didn't trust him telling me im his girl. but it doesn't mean i want to screw people's head here. i just dont want to be hurt.Even before he said that, he's doing the push n pull thing.



How old are you? What do you mean when you keep saying "hurt"....how is he going to hurt you by admitting that the thinks of you as his girlfriend. What on Earth will it take for him to prove his love to you?
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i'm 28.. he's 36..
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Posted by happyAqua17
How old are you? What do you mean when you keep saying "hurt"....how is he going to hurt you by admitting that the thinks of you as his girlfriend. What on Earth will it take for him to prove his love to you?


i'm 28.. he's 36..



Perhaps I understand this better right now. Is it that you guys belong to completely different age brackets that is causing fear in you?
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Posted by RomancingA
I think you have a long way to go. Were around the same age...and this kind of stuff I got over with in sophmore year.

People are trying to give you advice. Consider what applies to you and see if you could use it. As for myself....I see no purpose in playing games with men. As women we tend to over analyze tiny details and disect a situation beyond its actual sphere of importance. Laying low is just another term for....reining yourself back. The solution is NOT how you behave with him, its how you are in general. I see you've said you were busy for a few weeks.....in reality I can assume by these posts you were waiting. This is a tricky spot. Letting someone know youcare or miss them is not lame...its human. Missing or needing them constantly is unhealthy. Space is healthy. Allowing your partner to have a life is necessary....keeping your own is also key.
Do what you will but I have a hard time believing this advice sunk in.


You're advice is nice.
You're right. about space and being in my own stuff. i am busy with my life, yes. But at the end of the day career and love is different so i still think of it.
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Posted by incandescentcancer
Posted by happyAqua17
How old are you? What do you mean when you keep saying "hurt"....how is he going to hurt you by admitting that the thinks of you as his girlfriend. What on Earth will it take for him to prove his love to you?


i'm 28.. he's 36..

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Perhaps I understand this better right now. Is it that you guys belong to completely different age brackets that is causing fear in you?


Yes.. not only that, we're from different race so beliefs are different as well..
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Posted by RealTalk
Posted by kindleberry
Posted by Let*It*Be
"
@ kindleberry...never chase a Virgo, don't know where you got that information, because you'll end up chasing him AWAY by being too aggressive.
Look ladies, if a Virgo man wants you....YOU WILL KNOW IT! Anything short of that, let him do the work and save the energy.



Why do you say never chase a Virgo? If a Virgo doesn't chase, and you don't chase you will never meet.


A women should NEVER have to chase a man. If he wants you, he'll make it known & he'll be coming for you. POINT. BLANK. PERIOD.
click to expand



i think i never came that far.
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Posted by happyAqua17 Yes.. not only that, we're from different race so beliefs are different as well..


You guys are amazing, you ask for advice and leave out key elements like this out of your long story. A lot of people wouldn't have piled on to you if you had mentioned that you both have significant differences which generally scares people. Now I see why you feel afraid and vulnerable in this situation. Someone mentioned earlier to go with the flow and take one day at a time, I would take that advice seriously. In this situation you really need to let trust build.
I have been in relationship with several women from other nationalities, a lot of them whose native wasn't English and i know how hard this kind of stuff is. This takes some serious effort and patience, so be prepared mentally for that. Good luck to you smile.
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Posted by incandescentcancer
Posted by happyAqua17 Yes.. not only that, we're from different race so beliefs are different as well..


You guys are amazing, you ask for advice and leave out key elements like this out of your long story. A lot of people wouldn't have piled on to you if you had mentioned that you both have significant differences which generally scares people. Now I see why you feel afraid and vulnerable in this situation. Someone mentioned earlier to go with the flow and take one day at a time, I would take that advice seriously. In this situation you really need to let trust build.
I have been in relationship with several women from other nationalities, a lot of them whose native wasn't English and i know how hard this kind of stuff is. This takes some serious effort and patience, so be prepared mentally for that. Good luck to you smile.
click to expand


thank you incandescent that you understand me. It's an adjustment that i'm trying to sinked in my mind.
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