is this typical Virgo?
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by kaqual75 on Thursday, July 23, 2015 and has 19 replies.
I've been dating a Virgo for 6 months now. He expressed serious feelings for me which I return. But there's one thing I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around. A few weeks ago, I was talking to him and he'd told me he stayed home from work sick. He's had some minor health problems off and on. I talked to him about it. After a while, I shared with him that my mother had been diagnosed with cancer. He was at Walmart and told me he'd call me back, he was busy. He didn't call back and never checked back with me on the topic. We spoke but he never asked how I was doing, how she was doing, etc...
When I asked him why he'd seemingly ignored something i confided in him with, he said basically shit happens. Like you know your parents will die. So you just deal with it.
I'm not an outwardly emotionally person. And I usually don't reach out to people when I'm going thru things. But he'd told me that he wanted me to lean on him, he wanted to be there for me. So I try it and he leaves me hanging. That bothered me.
So we got more news about my mother, she basically has 1-2 months left. It's more complicated than that and I'm just going through a range of emotions on the whole topic. I haven't confided in many people but every single person I have confided in Has Reached out to me to check on me, make me laugh or show they care. I don't need these things to get through the day. I've been through a lot of things in my life and I'm a very strong person. But it's nice to know people care. And if I'm going to have a life partner, I want it to be someone who won't leave my side when I need them the most. Well he has not been there. At all. We usually talk every day. After I shared with him the update, I didn't hear from him for 5 days. I feel like the time I need to feel like I can rely on him he left me all alone. Like I said, I don't need to be coddled. I just need to know I can rely on him. Nothing. Nada. Not a single question about my mother, my son or me. Today he texts me a pic of me and comments "my wcw ". Like he has no clue. I flew up to visit my mother two days after we got the bad news.
Is this a typical Virgo? I want to know he cares and will be there for me. This feels like he's left me at one of the worst times in my life. I show him more concern when he has a tummy ache than he's given me.
When I asked him why he'd seemingly ignored something i confided in him with, he said basically shit happens. Like you know your parents will die. So you just deal with it.
I'm not an outwardly emotionally person. And I usually don't reach out to people when I'm going thru things. But he'd told me that he wanted me to lean on him, he wanted to be there for me. So I try it and he leaves me hanging. That bothered me.
So we got more news about my mother, she basically has 1-2 months left. It's more complicated than that and I'm just going through a range of emotions on the whole topic. I haven't confided in many people but every single person I have confided in Has Reached out to me to check on me, make me laugh or show they care. I don't need these things to get through the day. I've been through a lot of things in my life and I'm a very strong person. But it's nice to know people care. And if I'm going to have a life partner, I want it to be someone who won't leave my side when I need them the most. Well he has not been there. At all. We usually talk every day. After I shared with him the update, I didn't hear from him for 5 days. I feel like the time I need to feel like I can rely on him he left me all alone. Like I said, I don't need to be coddled. I just need to know I can rely on him. Nothing. Nada. Not a single question about my mother, my son or me. Today he texts me a pic of me and comments "my wcw ". Like he has no clue. I flew up to visit my mother two days after we got the bad news.
Is this a typical Virgo? I want to know he cares and will be there for me. This feels like he's left me at one of the worst times in my life. I show him more concern when he has a tummy ache than he's given me.
im so sorry about this. if there is anything i can do please let me know. i lost my mother when i was about to turn 18 to cancer and my boyfriend at the time was completely not supportive. he has apologized since then for not being able to be there for me then. has your boyfriend ever had to deal with grief and loss himself? and does he have crohns? my virgo bf has crohns and it seems like a disease a lot of virgos might have considering its physical and mental nature...
Yes, Virgo men do not really deal w/ other people's personal problems too well. They tend to back up & become isolated when things get too complicated
Death has to be the most acceptotable, understandable and non-confusing part of life that virgos take in like food and water.
there is rarely any need to give any energy on the subject
there is rarely any need to give any energy on the subject
Fruck.... acceptable^
But this does not affect him in a way to be affectionate/consolting to her... it would look far to fraudulent to express in anyway.
I never liked ppl telling me how sorry they are and hugging and tryn to be consoling.. they never had the connection I had to the ppl that passed. I find it disrespecting
I never liked ppl telling me how sorry they are and hugging and tryn to be consoling.. they never had the connection I had to the ppl that passed. I find it disrespecting
It is all intertwined within the subject matter.. regardless
Treat Those As You Want To Be Treated
Treat Those As You Want To Be Treated
Like I said, I'm not looking to be coddled. I don't want to have endless conversations about what's going on everyday with him. I'm just saying, no calls, no texts from him at all. The only way he may even know where I am is because he may have seen one of my snapchats from the airport. So the person you claim to love is going through a tough life event and you don't call or text once in 5 days just to say "hey, how are you holding up?" Or hey, was thinking of you. Or tell them a joke anything. But you call out sick at work and get sloppy drunk because you didn't get a raise at work after only 3 months when you admit you are happy with your current pay. And when you need to talk I leave a work meeting to answer your call. What the fuck does a Virgo want from a partner and expect to give in return if it isn't to be there through the tough and happy times? I'm independent and I stand on my own two feet. He tells me he wants me to confide in him. For what? If im still dealing with shit on my own with no moral support fuck, I might as well still be single and keep that shit to myself.
Signed Up: Jan 15, 2014
Comments: 1 · Posts: 1685 · Topics: 200
Comments: 1 · Posts: 1685 · Topics: 200
What is he like when YOU are sick? Does he take care of your needs?
This might be typical...my Virgo male friend moved half way around the world. He's the only one from his family who lives in our city. Seems like he never talks to his mom or family members though he says he "is close" with them. I know they are not in the traditional sense. When his grandfather died, he did not return home.
However, when I was sick on our trip, he took care of me, made me soup, took me the the clinic etc. I on the other hand, shunned his attention and shut myself away, acted like a Virgo (didn't want to bother anyone seemingly, but it was actually not to show weakness). It made him MORE concerned.
Maybe you can tell him you need to talk. Analyze your sad feelings with him, that might get him to understand more.
This might be typical...my Virgo male friend moved half way around the world. He's the only one from his family who lives in our city. Seems like he never talks to his mom or family members though he says he "is close" with them. I know they are not in the traditional sense. When his grandfather died, he did not return home.
However, when I was sick on our trip, he took care of me, made me soup, took me the the clinic etc. I on the other hand, shunned his attention and shut myself away, acted like a Virgo (didn't want to bother anyone seemingly, but it was actually not to show weakness). It made him MORE concerned.
Maybe you can tell him you need to talk. Analyze your sad feelings with him, that might get him to understand more.
I'm sorry you're going through this *hugs* I know as an Aquarius when I'm going through something THAT serious, I need everyone closest around me to be there and super supportive. I need to literally feel the love and support. If my mate was not there for me at all, that would probably be it for me.
I know you've invested time and have feelings for this guy, but to be honest this does not sound like a good relationship from all the posts you've made. It seems like it's far more trouble and a lot more of you putting in than really getting out of it. You have to be mentally exhausted from trying to figure things out. Relationships shouldn't be this hard.
I know you've invested time and have feelings for this guy, but to be honest this does not sound like a good relationship from all the posts you've made. It seems like it's far more trouble and a lot more of you putting in than really getting out of it. You have to be mentally exhausted from trying to figure things out. Relationships shouldn't be this hard.
@dontgetmewrong get over the past ppl have their own way of dealing with things thats not your place to condemn.
@kaqual he believes you need space and alone time because thats what he would want from you in the sane situationd
@kaqual he believes you need space and alone time because thats what he would want from you in the sane situationd
Posted by SunMoonStars
What is he like when YOU are sick? Does he take care of your needs?
This might be typical...my Virgo male friend moved half way around the world. He's the only one from his family who lives in our city. Seems like he never talks to his mom or family members though he says he "is close" with them. I know they are not in the traditional sense. When his grandfather died, he did not return home.
However, when I was sick on our trip, he took care of me, made me soup, took me the the clinic etc. I on the other hand, shunned his attention and shut myself away, acted like a Virgo (didn't want to bother anyone seemingly, but it was actually not to show weakness). It made him MORE concerned.
Maybe you can tell him you need to talk. Analyze your sad feelings with him, that might get him to understand more.
Honestly I'm used to dealing with everything on my own. I'm s single mom and it's really always just been me and my son. For me to tell him what was going on, the real background with my family and how I'm feeling, that was huge for me. And I did it because he asked me to try. I told him that I wished I'd had someone to come home to to escape life's bullshit and just feel loved. He still hasn't even acknowledged anything I said or shared with him.
I'm still learning virgos view things differently but at face value it appears selfish and self-centered. Like step outside yourself. We don't all process things the same. If I can accept you, try a little harder to understand me too.
@weeds, thank you. That's helpful. It felt like he just didn't care to be there for me. I still wish he'd handled it differently but I like to understand all angles and your viewpoint gave me great insight.
@dont...yes, I do feel sometimes I put in more. But on the flip, I post about the struggles. When I'm enjoying the positives my mind isn't on posting on dxp...
I appreciate your Aqua perspective though. For me, I don't need attn I really would be 100% if he was just present. He could just hold my hand and never say a word. That would still soothe my soul.
@dont...yes, I do feel sometimes I put in more. But on the flip, I post about the struggles. When I'm enjoying the positives my mind isn't on posting on dxp...
I appreciate your Aqua perspective though. For me, I don't need attn I really would be 100% if he was just present. He could just hold my hand and never say a word. That would still soothe my soul.
magma brings up a good point about adequacy...
...however there are degrees and degrees and levels and levels to make a loved one feel loved. yes, virgos will fail at some of them but not all of them.
if there's one thing i wish the whole world would get...is that a virgo in love will NEVER not be by your side while you go through any turmoil. sure, we might not know what to say, we might come across as awkward...but the presence will be there. We live to be of service.
when my mother's dad found out he had cancer...my dad was there all the way. one third of his day would be him frantically googling any treatment or doctor or technique, another third of the day would be with his father in law at the hospital and the last third ..doing his best in comforting my mother so she wouldn't fall apart. we have narrow vision when it comes to those we love. nothing in the world matters more in those moments.
focus on your mother, your son, and yourself. let the virgo fade to black.
...however there are degrees and degrees and levels and levels to make a loved one feel loved. yes, virgos will fail at some of them but not all of them.
if there's one thing i wish the whole world would get...is that a virgo in love will NEVER not be by your side while you go through any turmoil. sure, we might not know what to say, we might come across as awkward...but the presence will be there. We live to be of service.
when my mother's dad found out he had cancer...my dad was there all the way. one third of his day would be him frantically googling any treatment or doctor or technique, another third of the day would be with his father in law at the hospital and the last third ..doing his best in comforting my mother so she wouldn't fall apart. we have narrow vision when it comes to those we love. nothing in the world matters more in those moments.
focus on your mother, your son, and yourself. let the virgo fade to black.
you need to find out urself by talking with him. I have a friend going through the same thing as you but I just leave her alone since I dont wanna bother her in way but trust me I think about her a lot and help her in another way, not emotionally. Its just weird and I felt awkward trying to approach someone emotionally and make her feel better by using word. But shes a good friend of mine and i would do anything for her. But of crse, maybe it would be different for a virgo man
Posted by dontgetmewrong
Again though, you are making it about you (vorgo)...he is not the one dealing with it, it's her....when he loses his mother or father, if that's what he wants (to be left alone)...then she can do that for him.
Ah there is more to what you said then you realize
but I will leave you in the dark with this one
@dontgetmewrong I dont want to throw stones but perhaps in order to make a valid argument... is a phone call even appropriate to relay that kinda message? Is it more appropriate a more face to face approach? atleast in the later we are more capable of discerning his reaction.
This goes back to ppl express things in different ways and just because it is unacceptable in your eyes doesnt mean it is wrong, uncaring, unloving or cowardess
Majority views doesnt make it acceptable either
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