Just can't get a break

I am discoverying quite quickly and uncomfortably that Virgos have a tendency to flip flop - nice one day, mean and surly the next without any explanation. Is it a game thing or just a pain in the ass controlling mechanism that is a character flaw?

I've noticed that too.

Haffo,

It is beyond frustrating and downright manipulative. There is a certain Virgo who believes I've wronged him whne I didn't. It's sticking in his craw and he won't allow himself to get past it. One moment he's happiness and light, next he wants the world to know he's pissed at me. I am a very patient person, more so than most, it could be a Pisces or possibly a blessing. I am tired of being jerked around. CF36

Hi Catfish,

You've posted before about the lack of communication between you too. But it sounds to me like it may be time to break out the big guns LOL... Maybe next time he is surly with you you should just respond with a quick and lighthearted "What's up with you? Have I done something to piss you off?".

There, you've acknowledged that you know something is up but haven't made it a huge deal. Now he's stuck with:
a) ignoring it altogether and walking away but leaving you with the last word if it actually has something to do with you
b) honestly dealing with it or
c) realizing that you know he is being an ass and smartening up.

What do ya think?
Scorpgal

BTW - at the risk of generalizing I think most of the Virgo guys here admit that they can be moody. My experience has been that it isn't always me (my first assumption) that is the source. Stuff gets into their heads and goes round and round and then they can't deal with the world so well. I don't always ignore it but I try not to make it a big deal and I do sometimes get an apology a day or two later.

Scorpgal

Well how I deal with mine when he gets impossible is, I ask him straight out:

"Are you cranky or what?" I await his answer, either it's yes or no obviously.

After he answers I then ask "why" & he'll almost always tell me what is upsetting him.

And he is by far the moodiest man I've ever know. He's also hot & cold..I never know from 1 minute to the next. Not complaining..I deal with it the best I can & just be myself.

Help 🙂

Whew, and unattainable thinks WE don't compromise and bite our tongues all the time just to be in a relationship with a Virgo LOL!!

Sorry unattainable, I don't mean to poke fun. But this kind of thing IS what you have to do when in a relationship with someone. It's not about compromising friends, family and values for sure. But when it comes to making those 'adjustments'— Hey, we really do it all the time for you...

Scorpgal

I am starting to wonder if he is not mentally unstable.

I generally stay away for a period of time then return when I think things have settled down. Somehow they never seem to stabilize. Then, throw alcohol in the mix and you've got a powder keg. Then he played all these songs on the jukebox box either having to do with him "waiting" for a certain woman then other songs about how women are "witches" (e.g. Season of the Witch - Donovan) and the song "Black Magic". He's in agony over someone and is treating me like I am a pariah in the process. I really am beginnng to wonder. He's been telling people that I started rumors which I didn't. So, I don't know if he got it from someone or he started them himself.

Has anyone else had this experience?

ScopGal5,

I generally ignore him when he goes over to the "dark side". He accuses me of being too much, he's too much. I think the question is "are Virgos malicious and if so what provokes it?"

"are Virgos malicious and if so what provokes it?"

I don't know if I'd call it malicious exactly... The tendencies I've seen are:

1) To act out over things that are bothering them without consideration of how that impacts the other person (the self-absorbed syndrome)
2) To want to 'punish' the other person for a perceived 'wrong' that was done to them. But not done in a direct way, more of a back-handed slap so you have a hard time coming back to them with it.

I still think the communication thing is part of it and you should just be straight up and acknowledge his crap. Help66 has the right idea. Virgos appreciate that, they consider that being honest. As long as you aren't being dramatic about it of course 😉... He may just respond with something like the 'you're too much' comment, but believe me, he is making note of your response anyway.

What is with the 'soap opera' stuff where you hang out anyway— Maybe you should make comment about that and how it reminds you of some horrible daytime talk/hack show and how most of that stuff is just made up for the sake of entertainment anyway.

Scorpgal

are Virgos malicious and if so what provokes it?"

I remember doing this to a friend once. I just found them annoying for something or or and started to see all of their weakness. Of course I kept this to myself and the tension built up. So much that I just started to ignore them and I was quiet mean to them when we were in a group. I got over it in a couple of weeks and I went back to normal.

SG5,

There is a bar I hang out in after work. I've been hanging out there for almost two years with very little drama except for recently. It's like a Cheers type thing going on. The regulars pretty much get along and like one another- we fight, we make up, we move on. VGuy bartender and I hit it off right away 'cause we have lots in common. Recently, I've been accused of slandering him and another women. I do not recall ever saying these things. The woman's husband approached me and I denied ever having said this crap. It's upsetting all around. One minute I think all is well between me and VGuy, next minute he pulls some crap. Yesterday, he wouldn't talk to me, ignored me and made a big show of offering shots to everyone at the bar but won't offer me one, at the same time, he won't take my money for drink or takes it as a tip. Every once in a while he'll charge me and not say a word. So much toing and froing it's ridiculous. I guess the price for free drinks is lots of attitude.

I did a favor for his friend yesterday who told him my next drink was on him. So, I waited and asked VGuy if he would do a shot with me. He hesitated but did one anyway. Geez, don't do me any fricking favors.

CF36

Virgo101,

This sounds like my situation. So, I have faults we all. Why rub salt in the wound?

Sorry,

We all have faults. This Virgo seems to think he has authority to be judge and jury. It's a power trip - plain and simple.

Catfish36 just leave him. Give him a day or two and watch the results.

Thanks Virgo101. I do that then I get more of the same shit.

Catfish...
No method will prove true in dealing with matters of the heart with Virgo or ne other sign for that matter.. Virgo is the ideal experience for this lesson because with no other sign will you get it with no holds barred..
Like Branh said..the mirroring thing is initial..it gets old..especially if Virgo gets tired of it first..its simply either meant to be or not.. if its not then youll know..the games will be endless, or at least until someone gets hurt enough to walk away..and stay away..

Catfish,

I have found that trying to analyze why someone acts the way they do can be a waste of energy. Especially when it all seems to be based on innuendo, hints and rumours. My experience with Virgos is that they do not base the things they say and do on the same things that we water signs do. And they don't necessarily do things with the expectation of getting a reaction (or at least the same reaction that WE would expect). So it becomes an endless game of 'he did' so 'I did' ... And neither of you will get what the other one is doing.

Believe me, I sympathize. Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt and am still guilty of it to some degree. Really, I think you just gotta ask him straight out or try very hard not to tailor your reactions around what he is saying/doing. You are doing this because he means something to you. But there is no defined relationship so you can't really try to define it without his help and he doesn't seem ready/willing to do so yet.

One other point. I don't think Virgos judge with the expectation of us changing for them. They do accept that people aren't perfect and they don't necessarily think that makes them better than the rest of us, but they just can't help showing when they disapprove.

Good luck - I hope this guy is worth the angst 😉...

Scorpgal

SG5,

You've hit the mark! It is a waste. It is an exercise that keeps my off my other troubles. My work environment has been stressful for the last 4 1/2 years. I am a hard, dedicated worker with a boss who chooses not to acknowledge my skills or give me credit for my contributions; which have been substantial. But she offers my skills freely, without my permission or consent. But when it came time for my appraisal my contributions have been diminished, justifying not paying me for my efforts. I am not asking for anything unreasonable, however, it's clear that compensation is not fairly distributed. So, I reached a point where I had to find a watering hole to help me flush out the remains of the work day. Basically, I couldn't get my mind off my troubles fast enough so I found detour on the way home.

The bar proved to be a place of refuge for a while. I fit in right away with a bunch of misfits who fought, disagreed, made up, partied and had some great times together. Of course, there was the occasional hook-up but I don't make a practice of mixing the bar life with my personal. The Virguy challenged me and kept me grounded. Got my mind stimulated again where it had become dormant. Now, with both environments on shakey ground, I don't have a place to escape to where I feel safe. It's troubling, but it's forced me to do the hardest work which is the inner work. To become self-determined and self-reliant without approval from my peers or so-called "superiors". It's a precarious situation, I am trying my best to deal by clinging to out-dated ideals and relationships.

cf36

know catfish, you and I have talked for a time now you would agree?. well, I just think mentally, we are either quite self-intrested (introverted for term of a better reference) in that we feel what we feel, and that saddly catches others in the cross-fire; or we just are oblivious of our emotions when caught in our own emotions, at times people see me plainly, and obviously mad, but I explode; I'M NOT MADDDD!!!! LOL!!!. I feel sometimes when I can't control my own life,and my ways fail me....I can be surly, and hateful.....not as a means to control ANYTHING; (I mean I just admitted to doing this in respect to my own way of dealing) but getting ourselves back on track;IT'S LIKE, "I CAN'T BELIEVE I MESSED UP!!! PEOPLE ARE COUNTING ON ME!!!" I THINK THAT IS WHY VIRGOS ARE PERFECTIONISTS; I don't like anyone to see that I can't control myself, becuase people, including myself aren't used to seeing my wide-spanning emotions; I used to like keeping a calm, indifferent, and untouchable personality, than I turned 7 lol!!!!. Anway, I just am a volatile human sign; I won't intentionally do it to gain control; it's just we explode as well....just in a 'chernobyl effect'.... feel me—??

VE,

It seems like I posted that eons ago. Yes, Virgo dear you've been very open and honest, believe me, it's been appreciate. As you know though, it's different when you're in someone's face. For a months now I've needed to speak with my VGuy friend about something that's been bothering me. He overreacted to something I was accused of doing but didn't actually do. Then I was hostile in return and wouldn't apologize. Slowly, things have gotten better but their is still tention. He speaks, is considerate but very low key these days. However, he's like that with everyone.

I need to get some things off my chest but am hesistant. I've gotten good advice on this board, but right, I am too emotionally drained in so many areas of my life it's hard for me take the first step. When he exploded in March, whoa, it was bad. I think he does feel bad because he didn't really take the time to find out the truth and deal with. Instead, he got a mediator which I found really insulting. So, I guess he couldn't or didn't want to deal. He just wanted to be mad.

DYR,

I don't think he meant to insult me, I think he didn't want to lose his temper in public again. He can still be very tender and sweet. We're gentlier with each than before, more quiet, still very cautious. I haven't heard him really laugh in a long time, and that makes me sad.

Has nothing to do with being a Virgo. Your Virgo is likely manic/depressive.

FC,

That is a real possibility. He does suffer from depression.