Nasty Astrology - Virgo
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by venusianbull on Friday, January 29, 2010 and has 32 replies.
They have too many dictionaries and reference books. They could try reading a few of them. They are picky, sharp and bad-tempered if they don't get their own way. Their need for cleanliness and order is an obsession and they should consider therapy. They have few friends and those they do have, they criticize constantly. They have no emotions and might just as well be replaced by a machine. No one needs to wash their hands as much as they do..
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Personality
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The sign of Virgo is supposed to mean the virgin. Rubbish. The true sign of Virgo is a brick wall. They build barriers around themselves. Good. Let them rot behind them. Who wants to break down that wall to find an accountant lurking there? And that is invariably what you do find - accountants, number crunchers, computer geeks, button pushers, book-keepers and office managers. How boring.
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Virgo and personality in the same sentence - that's an oxymoron. Does cash have soul? Do coins cry? Cut a bank statement and does it not bleed? No, of course not. They lock their emotions away in money boxes and keep their feelings firmly between the pages of their cheque books. They have all the exhilaration of a filing cabinet.
Virgoans are supposed to be discriminating, meticulous and tidy. The truth is they are just plain picky control freaks. Look inside their wardrobe. Have you ever seen anything so unnaturally neat? This is obsessive behavior. In anyone else it would get you sectioned. They have too many jumpers.
***
Personality
***
The sign of Virgo is supposed to mean the virgin. Rubbish. The true sign of Virgo is a brick wall. They build barriers around themselves. Good. Let them rot behind them. Who wants to break down that wall to find an accountant lurking there? And that is invariably what you do find - accountants, number crunchers, computer geeks, button pushers, book-keepers and office managers. How boring.
***
Virgo and personality in the same sentence - that's an oxymoron. Does cash have soul? Do coins cry? Cut a bank statement and does it not bleed? No, of course not. They lock their emotions away in money boxes and keep their feelings firmly between the pages of their cheque books. They have all the exhilaration of a filing cabinet.
Virgoans are supposed to be discriminating, meticulous and tidy. The truth is they are just plain picky control freaks. Look inside their wardrobe. Have you ever seen anything so unnaturally neat? This is obsessive behavior. In anyone else it would get you sectioned. They have too many jumpers.
They do have a problem with humour which seems to have got stuck somewhere around the school playground level. They are surprisingly coarse and like nothing better than jokes about people being sick or going to the lavatory. For some strange reason they seem to think this is funny. It might just be because they never do such things themselves. It wouldn't suit their image to be seen doing bodily functions. In an ideal world they wouldn't even eat, which is surprising when you see how many of them become fat.
They are fussy, obsessional and hypercritical hypochondriacs. They like to break in rather than break out. They always seek conformity and traditional values. They like to fit in, to belong, to blend in. They have far too many cushions and too many gadgets in their kitchen.
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Virgo in Love
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They are over concerned when in love and will need constant assurance. You have to tell them how much you love them every 20 minutes without fail or they will feel threatened and lacking in self esteem. They need constant reassurance that every thing is perfect in their perfect little worlds. Wipe down the kitchen surfaces a lot if you want them to feel loved.
***
Cute, sickly, passionless, adorable, and sweet. That's your Virgo in love for you - sickly-sweet. Golden syrup sweet. They like to hold hands with their intended, a lot, far too much. They giggle and bat their eyelids and that sort of thing. They like to feed their lover and do helpful things for them like putting toothpaste on their toothbrushes. Being in love for a Virgo means having someone to tidy up, smarten up, look after. They don't need a lover, they need a child. They like to look at magazines a lot - especially glossy ones to help you plan your wedding, or re-decorate your home. Once they have got their ideal partner - and don't worry if you aren't, they'll soon mould you to fit - they set about altering your eating habits. They do like their organics and their faddy diets and their over-sweet drinks. Nothing too grown up for them, so forget a decent steak or a bottle of beer. They drink herbal teas, so if you want to make a really big impression on them suggest a cup of hot water, that'll get them.
They are fussy, obsessional and hypercritical hypochondriacs. They like to break in rather than break out. They always seek conformity and traditional values. They like to fit in, to belong, to blend in. They have far too many cushions and too many gadgets in their kitchen.
***
Virgo in Love
***
They are over concerned when in love and will need constant assurance. You have to tell them how much you love them every 20 minutes without fail or they will feel threatened and lacking in self esteem. They need constant reassurance that every thing is perfect in their perfect little worlds. Wipe down the kitchen surfaces a lot if you want them to feel loved.
***
Cute, sickly, passionless, adorable, and sweet. That's your Virgo in love for you - sickly-sweet. Golden syrup sweet. They like to hold hands with their intended, a lot, far too much. They giggle and bat their eyelids and that sort of thing. They like to feed their lover and do helpful things for them like putting toothpaste on their toothbrushes. Being in love for a Virgo means having someone to tidy up, smarten up, look after. They don't need a lover, they need a child. They like to look at magazines a lot - especially glossy ones to help you plan your wedding, or re-decorate your home. Once they have got their ideal partner - and don't worry if you aren't, they'll soon mould you to fit - they set about altering your eating habits. They do like their organics and their faddy diets and their over-sweet drinks. Nothing too grown up for them, so forget a decent steak or a bottle of beer. They drink herbal teas, so if you want to make a really big impression on them suggest a cup of hot water, that'll get them.
this is so funny shit lmfao its true hahahahhahaaha
u rock for this post owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lmao.
Virgo and Sex
***
If you like going to bed surrounded by teddy bears and stuffed animals you'll do fine. If you like quick clean sex you'll be fine. If you like anything out of the ordinary, sexy, adventurous, or fun, then you're going to be very unhappy I'm afraid. Sex for the Virgo is a bit like going swimming. It's all cold and clean and a bit wet. You'll need a good rub down and a shower afterwards and it's all so healthy, so unbelievably healthy. And no, you can't lie there afterwards having a cigarette, heaven forbid. And boy do they like routine. Touch this bit first, do that next, follow up with this. Each and every time. You'll get no surprises here. You'll stick to the script or they'll sulk - boy are they good at that. They don't like spontaneous sex either. You'll do it at the right temperature controlled circumstances. No out of door sex for Virgo, or being cold or sweaty or taken by sudden passion. They have lots of inhibitions. Oh yes, you'd better be good at it. They can be very picky lovers. Make sure you wash first, lots of nice smells - they don't really like bodies so be clean and hygienic. Keep your bedroom spotless and make sure there's lots of tissues, they like tissues. They don't like to eat in bed, too many crumbs.
Naughty Astrology - Richard MacDonald
***
If you like going to bed surrounded by teddy bears and stuffed animals you'll do fine. If you like quick clean sex you'll be fine. If you like anything out of the ordinary, sexy, adventurous, or fun, then you're going to be very unhappy I'm afraid. Sex for the Virgo is a bit like going swimming. It's all cold and clean and a bit wet. You'll need a good rub down and a shower afterwards and it's all so healthy, so unbelievably healthy. And no, you can't lie there afterwards having a cigarette, heaven forbid. And boy do they like routine. Touch this bit first, do that next, follow up with this. Each and every time. You'll get no surprises here. You'll stick to the script or they'll sulk - boy are they good at that. They don't like spontaneous sex either. You'll do it at the right temperature controlled circumstances. No out of door sex for Virgo, or being cold or sweaty or taken by sudden passion. They have lots of inhibitions. Oh yes, you'd better be good at it. They can be very picky lovers. Make sure you wash first, lots of nice smells - they don't really like bodies so be clean and hygienic. Keep your bedroom spotless and make sure there's lots of tissues, they like tissues. They don't like to eat in bed, too many crumbs.
Naughty Astrology - Richard MacDonald
Virgo in Business
***
How many times can you say accountant? That's it really. Anything without excitement, danger, hard work, responsibility, creativity or free thinking. They make good food hygiene inspectors - busy poking about in other peoples fridges. They don't like to be in charge and would rather be told what to do - and have lots of rules. They do like rules.
Remember those lovely old films set in hospitals with the big bosomy matron - that's your Virgo that is. Bossy, highly-organized, scary, intimidating, neat. They like to smell of carbolic soap. They never go into business on their own unless it is to set up a secretarial school where they turn out neat little Virgos in neat little business suits. When they aren't at work they are restless little people who like dull activities like shopping, gardening or walking. They like to be busy. Trouble is, they like everyone around them to be busy as well, you don't get away with anything. They make good slave drivers.
***
How many times can you say accountant? That's it really. Anything without excitement, danger, hard work, responsibility, creativity or free thinking. They make good food hygiene inspectors - busy poking about in other peoples fridges. They don't like to be in charge and would rather be told what to do - and have lots of rules. They do like rules.
Remember those lovely old films set in hospitals with the big bosomy matron - that's your Virgo that is. Bossy, highly-organized, scary, intimidating, neat. They like to smell of carbolic soap. They never go into business on their own unless it is to set up a secretarial school where they turn out neat little Virgos in neat little business suits. When they aren't at work they are restless little people who like dull activities like shopping, gardening or walking. They like to be busy. Trouble is, they like everyone around them to be busy as well, you don't get away with anything. They make good slave drivers.
LOL Thanks LV, 1 down, 11 to go. 
Posted by venusianbull
LOL Thanks LV, 1 down, 11 to go.
hurry i wanna hear the Taurus and Libra one cuz i got libra placements and taurus people are cool wen stubbornness is not involved lol.
Taurus is done! Go to it man.
Posted by venusianbull
Taurus is done! Go to it man.
i read it lmfao
it actually sounds fucked up and true in a sense i cant wait for the other signs and the reaction on people faces when they read it lmfao.
Bwahahahahaa!!
I'm still chuckling about the bear on the bed. LOL
Hahahaha, everything is true for me, except the hyperchondria 
Oooo, and this is my Teddy!
Oooo, and this is my Teddy!
Posted by seavixen2
Cajun...you have the Virgo smirk!!!! even when you are sleeping (or not)
Haha, I like smirking.
Hints at my mischievousness!
Posted by Cajunspirit
Hahahaha, everything is true for me, except the hyperchondria
Oooo, and this is my Teddy!
I'm seeing a lot of stain on your bedroom.
LOL!!! Jigsaw as your teddy bear, that is truly frightening.
Posted by venusianbull
LOL!!! Jigsaw as your teddy bear, that is truly frightening.
He's the bestest Teddy eva!!!!
"Let them rot behind them. Who wants to break down that wall to find an accountant lurking there? "
I hear the accountant fetish is growing.
I hear the accountant fetish is growing.
LOLOL Jigsaw, such a friendly little feller!
And the computer geek fetish. So cuddly behind those glasses.
And the computer geek fetish. So cuddly behind those glasses.
Posted by CajunspiritPosted by seavixen2
Cajun...you have the Virgo smirk!!!! even when you are sleeping (or not)
Haha, I like smirking.
Hints at my mischievousness!click to expand
Great picture and such a "nice" teddy! You are such a cutie patootie Cajun! And you do look a bit mischievous!
Venusianbull what a fabulously funny thread! I can't wait to see Pisces@! I looked but didn't see it yet.
Posted by Stpatrickspisces
Great picture and such a "nice" teddy! You are such a cutie patootie Cajun! And you do look a bit mischievous!
Aaaaawww, thankies Stpatrickspisces!!! *blushies*
Posted by ArianPride
Cajun you are totally Mc.Skank material.....lolz
lol, I'm not sure I catch on?
You callin' meez a skank?!
I sense P-Angel is behind this, LMAO.
LOL Don't you ever believe that a Virgo is really sleeping. Mind like a steel trap.
What is this thing about Virgos and prescriptive, clean, tidy sex? I like it inside, outside, hot, sweaty, impractical, inconvenient, experimental, messy and downright dirty!!!!! If I met someone who wanted it the way Virgos are supposed to I'd be bored in no time and leave quickly.
^^ Not one idea sir. The ex was the filthiest, naaaaaaaaaaaastiest man I've ever known. And I mean that as a COMPLIMENT.
^^ That's funny. And definitely groan worthy listening to all the whinging all the time!
Cajun, you are hilarious with that "sleeping" pic. LOL!
Posted by CluelessCancer
Where can I find the Cancer one?
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/Nasty-Astrology-Cancer-1899848.asp
I like this better. It??s a little more accurate.
VIRGO (The One that Waits)
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. The do not forgive and never forget. The one and only.
SAGITTARIUS (The Promiscuous One)
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offence forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.
I love my saggie girl
VIRGO (The One that Waits)
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. The do not forgive and never forget. The one and only.
SAGITTARIUS (The Promiscuous One)
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offence forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.
I love my saggie girl
A seven year thread comes alive!!! 
cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
cyber hugs! Love,
Eva
muff.... diving..... virgo hmm good name.
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