need advice about virguy
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by woodsnake on Wednesday, November 15, 2006 and has 21 replies.
hi im new here iv been reading these boards for a while now it feels like i almost know some of you to cut a pretty long story short i was working with virguy there was always a spark there like we were always aware of each other lots of banter and lots of eye contsct but nothing more [i am married and not particually proud about what happened although no regrets im just being honest and he in relationship]he went away with work for 3 weeks and we text constantly often ending up talking on phone we got close i think we were both surprised by it all anyway he came back we got pretty intimate with lots of hugs we had very intense week i was having problems with my husband and he was always there for me iv gone on enough but basically im still with my husband so much happened inbetween but now we dont talk i desperately want to be friends again he is away for 7 months working how would i be able to tell if he was hurting he keeps ignoring me sorry for the essay
I completely agree. Virguy is not your problem right now, your own life is. So maybe better if you look for advice / do some thinking on that.
i totally appreciate your comments i have known and worked with v guy for 2 years previous and he knew i was married too i know it wasnt all about sex so what did he want from me
no you are right roxi not the answer i wanted but it was honest and truthful but things just arent always so black and white i have been married 14 years and never once was ever even tempted into anything with anyone then this happened i never thought you could feel so split in half i am concentrating on my marriage but vguy went away to iraq and not talking i dont know if he was hurting or hating he just said it was best if we didnt talk i just wish he could have told me how he felt and cleared the air i told him [well in a text just after he left]i would do anything not yo feel this way but without us talking i feel there is no closure just an open space x
scopiogoat again like i said to roxi xlol i totally appreciate your advice what you are saying is so true but it is killing me i have been so wrapped up in how hurt iv been and my husband [yes selfish i know] i never thought how he might be hurt too i just wanted to make everything ok and for him to talk to me about how he was feeling i dont know if him being a virgo has anythig to do with it but he has left with me not knowing whether he hates me and that does hurt at least i told him that i cared about him and that what happened was importsnt otherwise what would have been the point to it all i have even told him to tell me i hate you f... off but he wont he just keeps ignorig me its driving me nuts to be honest with you if he wrote and told me f... off i hate you i think it would be alot easier
sorry im not usually this heavy......
sorry im not usually this heavy......
but what about him how does he get over it by ignoring me he said he would always be there for me where is he now i miss him as a friend more than anything is it really to late to go back.....
think i just answered my own question im being naive
think i just answered my own question im being naive
woodsnake -- i know this is kinda an 'old' thread... but i picked up on it becuz i saw how you said "i even told him to tell me he hates me and to f off" -- that is almost EXACTLY what i did in summer to mine when he didn't respond and ended it after i begged him to go to concert with me last may -- then didn't talk to him all summer -- i would send him an occasional email -- always ending it with -- i will move on and be done if you just tell me to F off Forever... he never did.. saw him at end of summer and it kinda started up again, then saw him at concert (with same band) where he said can't see you... but he spent whole concert with me...... he drives me crazy.... we talked a bit after that (i called he answered!).... but then he got upset with me again when i pushed to go to game with him.... now he's not responding again... even tho i did tell him FU for mean things he said, i thought after sending him nice short but sweet email he would contact me yesterday or today.... but not such luck.... maybe he is with his wife tho????? why do i continue to torture myself!
Its just so hard isn't it, I have no answers I am a lot happier now but dont get me wrong there hasnt been a day gone by(hes been away 2 and a half months already) when i havent thought about him, but i think iv realised i have to leave him be for the good of him and me. i have taken a long look at what happened with us and yes i think he truly cared, he was always there for me even before when we were "just" friends kind of silently always near me somewhere but we allowed ourselves to cross that line and as lovely as it was he was the stronger one (well on the outside anyway) and distanced himself because to be honest there was just too much feeling to carry on as we were. I could'nt have carried on looking back it was making me ill, drinking too much, not sleeping, losing wieght
cont...
I kmow how hard it is to let go and stop trying to contact him etc but it really is the only answer otherwise you could just end up going nuts. My biggest problem is that we will work together again but knowing us both i think we will be ok we will probably make jokes about it all to try and clear the air we have very similar humour. The big thing for me too is my husband Im his life and i couldnt stand to hurt him again. Hey who knows whats round the corner lindawin, try leave contacting him and who knows he may come back, i just know that sometimes someone very special can turn up in your life whatever your circumstances and blow your head away......bitter sweet....
I kmow how hard it is to let go and stop trying to contact him etc but it really is the only answer otherwise you could just end up going nuts. My biggest problem is that we will work together again but knowing us both i think we will be ok we will probably make jokes about it all to try and clear the air we have very similar humour. The big thing for me too is my husband Im his life and i couldnt stand to hurt him again. Hey who knows whats round the corner lindawin, try leave contacting him and who knows he may come back, i just know that sometimes someone very special can turn up in your life whatever your circumstances and blow your head away......bitter sweet....
Woodsnake - disregard the rude 'Mr Nice' he must be a virgo - ha! anyway, just wanted to say thanks for the words... i could have written what you just wrote... i am still going thru that, but yeah, in the midst of it -- same thing, didn't sleep well, drank waaayyy too much, distanced myself from husband, got upset easily over things, etc..... i know it was killin me, but yet, i still wanted him to contact me...
and, i feel the same, i think he really did care about me/like me/love me/ but becuz we are both married, and he definitely is the stronger one -- pulled away becuz i was acting like it was a 'relationship' with feelings and emotions -- and he was trying to make it be just a when we see each other we see each other.... but i couldn't do that, so i don't know....
i do want him to contact me, but i don't think he will -- at least you will get to see yours again for sure - when he returns -- i don't know if i'll ever see mine again... well, he wasn't really 'mine' but ya know what i mean....
have you been married long, have kids? it's definitely hard.... i miss talking to him and laughing and sharing the same music.... everytime i listen to the band he turned me on to, i think of him, i hate it.....
and, i feel the same, i think he really did care about me/like me/love me/ but becuz we are both married, and he definitely is the stronger one -- pulled away becuz i was acting like it was a 'relationship' with feelings and emotions -- and he was trying to make it be just a when we see each other we see each other.... but i couldn't do that, so i don't know....
i do want him to contact me, but i don't think he will -- at least you will get to see yours again for sure - when he returns -- i don't know if i'll ever see mine again... well, he wasn't really 'mine' but ya know what i mean....
have you been married long, have kids? it's definitely hard.... i miss talking to him and laughing and sharing the same music.... everytime i listen to the band he turned me on to, i think of him, i hate it.....
"Mr nice" doesnt even scratch the surface with me, he's obviously got no-one to play with bless him.
I think thier logical thinking makes them distance themselves they see there is no future so dissapear, take it as a compliment lindawin his feeligs could have just been too strong to go on the way you were to walk away from that shows a great strengh of character.
I have been married for 14 years with no kids, well iv got my border collie hes my baby. It is all very hard and i know people will probably judge me for saying this but you try and get on with your life and make things ok with your partener but inside you feel totaly torn in two. I had a phone call last week early hours they hung up after 15 or so seconds it sounded by the fuzz and static on the line long distance it could have been him im not sure i was tempted to write to him but then i thought what is the point what do i have to offer him anyway.........
I think thier logical thinking makes them distance themselves they see there is no future so dissapear, take it as a compliment lindawin his feeligs could have just been too strong to go on the way you were to walk away from that shows a great strengh of character.
I have been married for 14 years with no kids, well iv got my border collie hes my baby. It is all very hard and i know people will probably judge me for saying this but you try and get on with your life and make things ok with your partener but inside you feel totaly torn in two. I had a phone call last week early hours they hung up after 15 or so seconds it sounded by the fuzz and static on the line long distance it could have been him im not sure i was tempted to write to him but then i thought what is the point what do i have to offer him anyway.........
"we got pretty intimate with lots of hugs we had very intense week i was having problems with my husband and he was always there for me"
woodsnake, don't take this harshly, for I'm not trying to fault you, rather, explain something to you . . which you already know . . but, sometimes when we're "stuck" we have a hard time seeing beyond the immediate emotion . . .
You were having problems with your husband and this Virgo was there for you . . we all fall under this entrapment from time to time . . when we're at our weak moments in life, we gravitate towards something that makes us feel better.
Seeing that Virgo's are quite bright and can deduce a situation logically, it's likely he comprehended that you gravitated towards him because you needed a shoulder to pull you through and NOT because there are true feelings. If the feelings were true and you knew in your heart that it's to another man that you are bound . . you wouldn't be working at securing your marriage. This Virgo probably realizes this and has pulled away, telling you that it's for the best . . and it is.
Unfortunately, we all misplace feelings . . it can't be helped. Stop and ask yourself: "If I were in a marriage that stimulated every part of me and I cherished everyday when I woke up next to him . . would I have fallen for this Virgo so hard?"
In any event, I truly hope you find peace and happiness.
woodsnake, don't take this harshly, for I'm not trying to fault you, rather, explain something to you . . which you already know . . but, sometimes when we're "stuck" we have a hard time seeing beyond the immediate emotion . . .
You were having problems with your husband and this Virgo was there for you . . we all fall under this entrapment from time to time . . when we're at our weak moments in life, we gravitate towards something that makes us feel better.
Seeing that Virgo's are quite bright and can deduce a situation logically, it's likely he comprehended that you gravitated towards him because you needed a shoulder to pull you through and NOT because there are true feelings. If the feelings were true and you knew in your heart that it's to another man that you are bound . . you wouldn't be working at securing your marriage. This Virgo probably realizes this and has pulled away, telling you that it's for the best . . and it is.
Unfortunately, we all misplace feelings . . it can't be helped. Stop and ask yourself: "If I were in a marriage that stimulated every part of me and I cherished everyday when I woke up next to him . . would I have fallen for this Virgo so hard?"
In any event, I truly hope you find peace and happiness.
"try and get on with your life and make things ok with your partener but inside you feel totaly torn in two"
This is where the torment lies . . not with a particular person. You are evloving and realizing that your life with hubby of 14 years is nearing an end . . a bright star can be seen as your salvation and you WANT to have it, it's something to hold onto and grasping it tightly makes you unafraid. It has left and now you're scard again, without this pillar of strength to pull from, you're left with what was.
Apart of the Piscean delusions . . a curse.
I know exactly where you're coming from, woodsnake . . I've been in total love for over 4 years with a person who doesn't even know I exist. I say, "in love" because that makes me FEEL alive. In reality, it's just a substitution . . the idea of "love" with another who admires me in my fantasy, makes me feel better.
Perhaps, he does have feelings for you, and, you him . . but, the reality is . . you're married and this is where you have to work on yourself . . is this marriage what you truly want?
The Virgo, by nature, wishes their potential partner to be real and honest with themselves and others . . it's possible that because he sees you torn . . it could mean that you love husband more than him . . he will withdraw . . he will believe he isn't good enough for you because you are still with husband.
If you ever figure out the Virgo, for real, or, anybody else has them sorted . . please tell me,lol
This is where the torment lies . . not with a particular person. You are evloving and realizing that your life with hubby of 14 years is nearing an end . . a bright star can be seen as your salvation and you WANT to have it, it's something to hold onto and grasping it tightly makes you unafraid. It has left and now you're scard again, without this pillar of strength to pull from, you're left with what was.
Apart of the Piscean delusions . . a curse.
I know exactly where you're coming from, woodsnake . . I've been in total love for over 4 years with a person who doesn't even know I exist. I say, "in love" because that makes me FEEL alive. In reality, it's just a substitution . . the idea of "love" with another who admires me in my fantasy, makes me feel better.
Perhaps, he does have feelings for you, and, you him . . but, the reality is . . you're married and this is where you have to work on yourself . . is this marriage what you truly want?
The Virgo, by nature, wishes their potential partner to be real and honest with themselves and others . . it's possible that because he sees you torn . . it could mean that you love husband more than him . . he will withdraw . . he will believe he isn't good enough for you because you are still with husband.
If you ever figure out the Virgo, for real, or, anybody else has them sorted . . please tell me,lol
P-Angel Im totally lost for words ....I need to go away and digest all this thanks I think x
p-angel i thot you were married too - no? or you ended it for this other 'love'? just curious, just want to know there are others out there dealing with same type of issues, torment....
woodsnake -- i know exactly how you feel -- but i must say it would be much easier (not easy mind you, but easier) to leave an unfulfilled relationship without kids than it is to break up a family with children....
it's kinda sad and scary cuz you feel like is THIS IT? And now is the midpoint of your life and you get scared thinking if i stay i'll never leave, but if i leave am i just going thru a crises and am bored and it will pass in a year or two... but then why did we fall for other man? anyway, it just drives me crazy to think about it all at times...
i tell myself -- it's over, don't think about him anymore, live your life, have fun, enjoy family, Christmas season..... and my brain just won't pay any attention! last night i slept fitfully -- rethinking everything, playing over past conversations, emails, txts.... composing new ones.... WHAT AM I DOING?
i know i am better than this/deserve better than he has talked to me lately.... but i play over old conversations and understand the reason for the recent behaviour.... but still it hurts and i gotta let him go for my own sanity..
i know i was 'too much' for his pragmatic, analytical virgo ways -- too good of a lover he told me.... wanting too much communication.... etc., etc.... and yet, something about him i still want somewhere in my life.... don't know why after way he has talked to me recently....
anyway, if you figure out answers of how to get over them, or how to make your mind stop thinking of them, please let me know.....
woodsnake -- i know exactly how you feel -- but i must say it would be much easier (not easy mind you, but easier) to leave an unfulfilled relationship without kids than it is to break up a family with children....
it's kinda sad and scary cuz you feel like is THIS IT? And now is the midpoint of your life and you get scared thinking if i stay i'll never leave, but if i leave am i just going thru a crises and am bored and it will pass in a year or two... but then why did we fall for other man? anyway, it just drives me crazy to think about it all at times...
i tell myself -- it's over, don't think about him anymore, live your life, have fun, enjoy family, Christmas season..... and my brain just won't pay any attention! last night i slept fitfully -- rethinking everything, playing over past conversations, emails, txts.... composing new ones.... WHAT AM I DOING?
i know i am better than this/deserve better than he has talked to me lately.... but i play over old conversations and understand the reason for the recent behaviour.... but still it hurts and i gotta let him go for my own sanity..
i know i was 'too much' for his pragmatic, analytical virgo ways -- too good of a lover he told me.... wanting too much communication.... etc., etc.... and yet, something about him i still want somewhere in my life.... don't know why after way he has talked to me recently....
anyway, if you figure out answers of how to get over them, or how to make your mind stop thinking of them, please let me know.....
lindawin . . I am married, very much. This "other" love is fiction . . it's the idea of being loved the way I NEED it to be, rather than how my life really is.
And, yes, I want to end it for this "other" love . . only it's not possible, literally, for he isn't real . . but, being a Pisces . . in fantasy is where we find strength, so in this lucid dream, the courage will be found to grow beyond my chains . . the other side of the rainbow has to take structure in order for the Fish to take the leap, so, we manufacture our ideal situation in the dream-state, which is done while fully awake. Through this "other" love that sits on the other side, I'll take the plunge, eventually . . it's been over 4 years . . .
Most Pisces suffer with this malady of "seeing" the ideal relationship - which others do, but, others' lives aren't influenced and directed on their path with literal sensational images. We feel first, think second . . the question we have to ask ourselves everyday of our lives . . is this a REAL feeling, or, one that we carried over the rainbow.
It's very difficult to seperate feelings, when they aren't attached to a thought, like everyone else.
And, yes, I want to end it for this "other" love . . only it's not possible, literally, for he isn't real . . but, being a Pisces . . in fantasy is where we find strength, so in this lucid dream, the courage will be found to grow beyond my chains . . the other side of the rainbow has to take structure in order for the Fish to take the leap, so, we manufacture our ideal situation in the dream-state, which is done while fully awake. Through this "other" love that sits on the other side, I'll take the plunge, eventually . . it's been over 4 years . . .
Most Pisces suffer with this malady of "seeing" the ideal relationship - which others do, but, others' lives aren't influenced and directed on their path with literal sensational images. We feel first, think second . . the question we have to ask ourselves everyday of our lives . . is this a REAL feeling, or, one that we carried over the rainbow.
It's very difficult to seperate feelings, when they aren't attached to a thought, like everyone else.
ok P-Angel iv ran away from what you said in true pisces fasion, just don't know what to say to be honest....shit you my alto ego or something..... I by nature run away somewhere to escape ...Iv done that come back and your words are still there, now Im scared got to face facts ........you sound to me like a very intelligent women but after reading what you just had to say I think you may have read the occasional mills and boon book........ hey I can't find the words you just got to me totaly I did that dream just don't wanna let go of the memory I think you know what I mean, don't feel like I have to explain to you and again thanks I think x
hmmm.... i'm trying to digest what you have said, but i'm not into dreamin like that -- i gotta have the real thing.... i think when in love you can make it seem like it's perfect or the best connection or whatever (love is blind and all that), but to not have a 'real' love but say that you have been madly in love w someone for last 5 years and someday you will leave?..... hmmm.... i kinda get it, but i'm not into dreams like that.... im into reality -- the cold hard truth -- getting to the heart of the matter....
anyway, i wish you both a very merry christmas and a new year of happiness....
anyway, i wish you both a very merry christmas and a new year of happiness....
woodsnake, I truly know how it's going for you . . I live it everyday of my life. Don't fret . . this is where we grow . .
"I did that dream just don't wanna let go of the memory I think you know what I mean, don't feel like I have to explain to you"
no explanations necessary . . I totally relate, for I live it.
Don't run away from the dream, woodsnake . . to do so would mean not facing yourself. Because you're Pisces . . it's through the dream in which you find courage to make whatever adjustments are necessary in your life.
I've no clue about the relationship with this man and you . . I'm speaking strickly from the Piscean side and how we percieve situations as a direct influence from Neptune.
no explanations necessary . . I totally relate, for I live it.
Don't run away from the dream, woodsnake . . to do so would mean not facing yourself. Because you're Pisces . . it's through the dream in which you find courage to make whatever adjustments are necessary in your life.
I've no clue about the relationship with this man and you . . I'm speaking strickly from the Piscean side and how we percieve situations as a direct influence from Neptune.
Thankyou P-Angel for not judgging me .....you percieve and understand .....iv been dreaming all my life and s so good to come accross someone else who i think has too.....
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