Office Gossip and an angry Virgo - yikes!!! (Page 2)

Last night he came over to talk and told me exactly how things had been with his wife. He told me (and I was shocked) that she was ill for 11 years before passing away. THAT must have been a huge burden for him and he loved her so much (nobody can doubt that). I didnt know any of what he told me, merely that she had passed away almost 3 years ago, and Im not even sure as to why he came to tell me that to be honest.

I sat there and listened and can see he's trying so hard to get past it. He's not playing games, Im not playing games....Ive been patient and understanding (but yeah sure sometimes I think "come on, live your life, she'd want that", I sure as hell would) and he does need some TLC which believe it or not, I do give him and I am not too scared to listen to what he tells me about his previous life and as he says "you're the only woman Ive met who doesnt turn her nose up or tells me off for talking about her"....THAT may be a good thing or it may be a BAD thing as I may just be his confidant but either way, he is comfortable enough to share it with me. I doubt he's really talked about it since she passed to many if any.

I adore the guy, he's not at all what Id have normally fallen for but our friendship grew and grew and yes we did cross that line, I dont regret it, he doesnt but something is stopping him from making us exclusive/committed so I think its fair to say that Im allowed to be somewhat cautious of my own heart being broken. Id be happy to be committed at the snap of his fingers but Im not going to sit back and allow him to use me either. Men will take sex any way they can, fair enough, thats men but Id rather just be his friend than to delude myself into thinking this is a guaranteed relationship....everybody has told me not to put all my eggs in one basket....so Im not, doesnt mean Im sleeping around, nor being selfish nor taking advantage.

Hmmm....
Hopefully I won't get strung up by the ANTI MALE-VIRGO VIGILANTES for this but...

He's into YOU and what he shares with you far more than you think

thank you all, we're good, we're talking and seeing one another regularly still. I wont sit back and wait though so Im living my life until/unless he makes us a "committed couple"

I always thought dating around was a bad thing but it would seem everybody thinks its all good so yeah ok I will accept other dates and will still see him.

Will see where things go but at the same time be busy as well. I have always made the mistake of committing too soon so yeah Im to blame too as I got attached too soon. He's a great guy but until he can step up to the plate I do have freedom of choice and that is to enjoy life in whatever way it comes 🙂

Cooling my heavy emotions? yep that is exactly what its about - I was TOO attached TOO soon. It wont change how I feel about him but to remain busy and all that will make it easier and sure, see if I really am THAT attached or whether its just that I wasnt looking at others anymore.

I think in a way, the disaster of the previous week has brought about some very positive things - that I can see anyway 🙂

::smacks hand on forehead::

I admire your patience...is all I can say...personally I would've kicked his sorry ass into oblivion...

lol...who knows? I might still have to do that.

Who said Leos arent patient?? hahaha....we only have so much though 😛

LOL!!!

No he actually said that he found it a burden many times....it was his word but yes he was devastated too. He said many times he didnt know where he was going to find the money to take care of her (health wise) and that when she died it was tragic but also a relief. I just sat and listened, I didnt know what to say or how to act so I just listened and tried to understand as best I could). Its doubtful he's opened up to anybody like he did that night.

They would have been extremely hard years yet he loved her unconditionally.

I guess thats why he's enjoying his own time now without having to "take care" of anybody else and thats fair enough. He isnt going to jump into another relationship.

At the moment he's seriously thinking of selling the beautiful home he has and going into the one that he owns for an investment. There are 2 reasons for this, money and downsizing and it'll also help him clear out her things (which are still hanging in the closet, etc). I guess he has his reasons as to why he's kept them all for the past 3 years. Many would say its unhealthy (and I agree but I cant comment as it didnt happen to me) and others would say that its not because he could keep her as close as he could. Not up to anybody to judge but for him to take those steps now is HUGE and there will be some trying times for him Im sure. Its a big decision for him.

Anyway this is our romantic weekend together and NOTHING is going to ruin that. He's got it all planned, dinner, comedy show in town, back to his place, spa, champagne, candles, scents, chocolates...the works.....not sure what the ocassion is or whatever but it sounds just wonderful. I now have to think up something nice to do for him LOL

"comedy show in town"

the best part of the program... wish you a sunny day.

OK after a fabulous weekend with Mr Virgo he has out of his own free will and at exactly the 3 month mark since we first became intimate declared he wants us to be an exclusive and committed couple. It came from nowhere but yes, Im very very happy....we're not making it public at this point but he wants to make it "official" in the next few months...WTF does that mean?

Anyway Im not only in shock but extremely happy that this turned out so well.

Oh and we had a great weekend, it was very romantic - I didnt think he had it in him to be THAT romantic but he made everything so perfect.....wow.

Posted by Chatz
we're not making it public at this point but he wants to make it "official" in the next few months...WTF does that mean?

I dunno, something fishy about it but hey if your happy that's all that matters, I just keep getting this nudging buyer beware feeling, maybe I'm being dramatic I dunno...

Posted by Chatz
OK after a fabulous weekend with Mr Virgo he has out of his own free will and at exactly the 3 month mark since we first became intimate declared he wants us to be an exclusive and committed couple. It came from nowhere but yes, Im very very happy....we're not making it public at this point but he wants to make it "official" in the next few months...WTF does that mean?

Anyway Im not only in shock but extremely happy that this turned out so well.

Oh and we had a great weekend, it was very romantic - I didnt think he had it in him to be THAT romantic but he made everything so perfect.....wow.

Yay! I mentioned it earlier, you either trust and believe in him...or you don't. Glad its working out for you! See we're not all that bad. Just pain in the asses some of the time.

Hehehe yeah pains sometimes but arent we all.

Hmmm ok the making it official means telling people at work - not that Im too keen on that myself given we work for a very large organisation and well you all know what happened the week before with office gossip. Im meeting his best friends and some of his family this week so thats kind of exciting 🙂

As far as selling the house? yeah that takes a lot of time and Im not sure as to why he wants to sell such a beautiful home except perhaps to remove himself from so many memories although he did mention his wife only lived in there for 4 months (which I dont understand either, why move into a place like that if she wasnt going to survive...perhaps she wanted the best for him - given she was a Virgo also....I just dont know and its not my place to ask all the details). He owns another house (the one he had on his own before they bought the new one) which he rents out. He wants to make that a comfortable place while still living where he is. There is NOTHING he needs to do to his current one - its immaculate. The older one is even closer to where I live (and yes I own my place also, almost paid off).

Nothing happens in a hurry with Virgos, this I know and again, I dont understand why he wants to move apart from the memories factor. At the moment its probably not a good idea to rush it anyway given that Australia is sinking into recession (following the rest of the world) and prices are going to drop. We've now got the lowest interest rates in history so I dont understand that but he must have his reasons and it is his decision to make. All I know is that Im staying right where I am for some time yet and am doing a load of improvements at the moment.

Communication? its all we do...talk, talk, talk but I guess I was that surprised he wanted to give me that commitment that I didnt want to push it - its his "anniversary" tomorrow (of getting married) and honestly I do not know what to say as he will be very quiet. He's also given me the date of when she passed away (late August which will make it 3 years)....I guess he's preparing me for those days he'll find it hard but what to do? what to say? if anything? blah!! My good friend lost her husband 5 years ago in a light aeroplane crash and she moved on with somebody new 18 months later....she has been a great help through it all but I know what she's like on those anniversaries and birthdays and all the memories.

I wish you well Cattz, I've been following your threads and although I've not made a comment i do understand where you are coming from. We are all human and we make huge mistake when we can see how good the future can be. sometimes we just leap and bound into it with out considering the journey, you have been patient and if not a little confused along the way but that's part of the process, we all make our mistakes and for the love of money we are dealing with human beings not just posts on a virgo internet board.

I sincerely hope you have a lovely time of it with Virguy it sounds just lovely the way things are progressing. Just remember with a virgo think, think and think agian and you will be fab much love xx

Meant in the coolest possible way x

Thank you 🙂

Well everything is going really well with Virgo and I....we still havent made things "official" but Im assuming that it wont happen for a few months given we both appreciate our privacy and dont want our relationship talked about non-stop at work, blah blah blah.

I know Im going to get crucified for this but I am struggling though, with him picking up and dropping home this girl from work 3 or more days of the week going out of his way by a good 20 minutes when so many others live near her (she lives 5 minutes from work for goodness sake). When I asked how much longer he'd have to do this he said "she had another seizure this week (but she hasnt missed any time from work...wtf) and will now have to be reassessed in 3 months" I almost fell off my chair and he said "I realise that this is coming between us but Im either a bastard and let down somebody who needs help or I upset you". He said it was a pain in the butt going out of his way all the time and doesnt think he can keep doing it but the above was the clincher for me and yes again, I am sure I'll be crucified for this but he indicated he had to make a choice between her and I....WTF— So what am I supposed to do??

Am I supposed to say "thats ok dear, just keep doing what you're doing, it doesnt bother me"??

What I want to know is how the fuck am I supposed to be happy when we do announce our relationship when people have already talked about them in a very unsavoury way and he has done nothing to remove himself from it all. I mean seriously, I understand once a week or once in a while - no dramas, absolutely none at all but almost everyday of the week? not only one way but both ways.....

He's right, it is coming between us because I do not understand as she truly doesnt need his help...there is a bus service that goes directly to work from where she lives, there are so many people who travel her way at my work....she doesnt offer to pay for fuel, she wouldnt return the favour, she drinks and parties all weekend and week nights and then expects everybody to feel sorry for her that she has epilepsy (she doesnt know yet)...drinking and smoking and taking all the antidepressants she takes is NOT conducive in solving her health issues, it only makes it all worse.

Just so you know I didnt say anything to him except "do what you think is right" as I really was very busy at work and didnt want to have to deal with it. Im trying really hard not to even think about it but it is eating me alive and do you know why? because he said he had to choose between us....that was the hardest pill to swallow. Had he said he was trying to become less available to her (as he is right, it is a pain in the butt to go out of his way like that) or something less insulting? Id just put it all down to him being a serving Virgo once again but that really hit me as I felt emotionally blackmailed by the fact she needed all this help and would simply just not be able to get along without him there to taxi her around yet Id only be upset...WTF??

P-Angel I know you're gonna let loose on me so let me have it but please explain to me as to what Im meant to do, what to say and what to feel. I know he's only trying to do the "right thing" but is it?

I never even said a word so that makes me wonder wtf is going on in his head...he only JUST made us exclusive, etc....yet he has to choose?? Blah~!!!

Chatz, I think you are getting a little too excited. This is not emotional blackmail. Virgos are helpful to the needy, downtrodden and friends/family. It's just the way we are. We are of SERVICE. Even sometimes if the person we are helping takes advantage. And believe me when I say, that gets old REAL QUICK!

Honestly, I would give him the benefit of the doubt and trust in the fact that he just made you a closer pair. You are getting upset and hysterical over absolutely nothing. He's driving her home and indicated he is getting tired of it anyways. He obviously sees it for what it is. I don't think they are having animal sex or bonding in some way. Seizures or not, she sounds like a train wreck.

If I were either of them, people could TALK about us banging until the cows come home...but unless it's actually happening, you'd be best to just let him do what he's going to do. Her taking advantage without appreciation will eventually get old for him and he'll let it go. As for what people say if and when he does make it official for the two of you... I'd act like it means nothing, because it does. In fact, if a co-worker approached me about her, I'd laugh in their face. So unless you have solid proof they are having sex or some hidden relationship... LET IT GO.

Again he made you exclusive for now, but the official will never come I can guarantee you... if you carry on, act jealous and make demands at this point. Virgos will test women frequently for loyalty, trust, appearance and "protocol/demeanor" issues. It means act like a lady, not a jealous schoolgirl. Feel me?

Life's a crap shoot and if you force his hand, he may have to make a rash decision without thinking it through and you will get the curb...which is sad because it's not even a sexual thing with her. Virgo men want control of their lives and emotions and abhor women who try to control, manipulate or bombard them with high emotions and drama.

As for the office gossip. Who cares! My motto... "I give a butter."

One more thing. Take this "test" time of sorts, to gather your big girl pants...do fun things with your girlfriends/family or for yourself and just let life take it's course.

Do not show him that anytime he simply pays attention to a woman in a helpful or innocent way, you will go batbutter crazy. Keep calm, it doesn't matter, let him keep doing his thing and show him how mature you are. Her train will soon run off the tracks.

On the slightest chance he does turn out to be a mother trunking piece of butter, the universe did you a favor.

there are millions of cars on the highway, but i know as a virgo, i'm not counting on them to help a stranded motorist, i'll do it myself.and not because i want to score points, earn some kind of reward or satisfy some obligation, i do it because the only thing more natural to helping someone out, is breathing.

its my life, it probably is his too and you need to figure out if you are strong enough to handle it, because it won't change and your jealousy will kill anything you two have.

more than being needed he needs to be trusted by the woman he cherishes, without that you got nothing he wants.

thanks, I get that and I havent said anything to make him feel Im jealous because I dont for one moment think anything of those drives or that he's doing anything other than giving the lifts.....its his decision as to how he handles it but yeah surely it would be getting old. I am uncomfortable with it, I wont deny that and yes it is coming between us in my mind anyway, and hey, Im the first person to help somebody who is in trouble but somebody who clearly is abusing that privilige? blah

I thought Id be shot down in flames but you've been kind and yes Ive been continuing with my life this weekend (he's busy motorbike riding with his workmate and going to dinner with his sister).....so Im getting on with things as if nothing has happened (well on the outside LOL).

He doesnt have to give up helping her, geeeze thats not at all what I am insinuating but almost everyday? there are other options and yes she is taking advantage of him and others.

Thanks, might have to go and remove some more bricks and make some use of this frustration LOL

All is good, Im just uncomfortable and dont worry I wont make him CHOOSE

Trust me when I say even being a Virgo myself, dealing with a Virguy is no walk in the park. My analytical thinking constantly has me analyzing every move, thought and of course other women - usually in natural Virgo fashion as negativity. That simply is the insecure female mind. (not all women) Competition, jealousy and gossip rule the gender.

Keep that outside like an emotional brick wall for now. Realize that yes, some women do push the needy helpless female act as far as it will go on a daily basis to get what they want. That's her game, not yours. Be a lady, stay busy, be supportive to HIM as a man (not that bs situation) - ignore it period. Every time you want to blurt out emotional nonsense, ask yourself this question, "is this really what's happening here OR just my emotions coming over me?" 99% of the time, it will be the latter so ZIP IT. 🙂

Gool luck Chatz and keep us posted.

I forewarned you about his guy, I have said all along something isn't quite okay with this guy but you are emotionally hooked in, either accept his decision or leave him alone...back up and do what's best for you. He won't stop living his life the way he chooses, if you don't agree with his choice that alone is enough to force him into going against you, try the art of indifference, ignore what you don't like as to not create a molehill into a mountain, then talk to him about it, be straight with him...hey listen, I know your only helping her, that is a great quality to have yet I feel jealous, I feel like I'm second, I don't like feeling jealous nor do I like feeling like someone comes before me (don't keep talking hush up) and let him decide what to do, stop biting down your feelings or your going to explode on him.

Just so you know this won't stop, he could decide to end things with this woman and he will create another unfavorable set of circumstances, this is part of who he is, you have to decide if this is something you can deal with, is this a deal breaker for you because if it is then you have to do what's in your best interest.

Many have said to ditch this guy but you refuse to see the red flags, you see them then you have all these bad feelings over them, your pulling a donkey's ass up the hill, meaning your going about this the hard way, choose to stay and if you stay prepare yourself for much more, accept that your decision and get on with it if your choosing to be in his life.

I guess what I'm saying is you can't force him to be anything but who he is, if you put him in a position to choose you are running the risk of pushing him away because maybe this is the kind of guy he is, maybe he has a thing for damsels in distress it could be a harmless act on his part yet one will never really know.

right now you seem to have a huge aversion to his desire to go out of his way for people particularly this woman, you have to decide is this healthy for you and can you see yourself dealing with these kind of issues 5 years from now, it's all wearing on your nerves now and you can't HIDE frustration because that builds resentment and you can't simply run from your feelings by taking up something to alleviate the frustration although it will help a great deal it will also in the end build resentment. So you have to decide is this a deal breaker because if he has to change his behavior to please you he will feel controlled and will most likely rebel, if it's not a deal breaker then let him do his thing and you go do you.

Well thankfully nobody hauled me over the coals over this. Although I havent made it a huge issue I do think its time I did say something to him because yeah its eating me alive even though I know its just him being nice. Again, once in a while? its a no-brainer, thats being nice but almost everyday? I think its unhealthy for "us" and perhaps only in my head but its there. As things are only in the early stages of us with being "a couple" I find it very unnerving that she gets more time than I do...lets face it, she gets picked up and Im sure it goes like this "how was your weekend" or "how was your night" blah blah blah, then they go to lunch, then back home after work and "have a good night, see ya in the morning"...its almost like they're in their own little relationship without knowing it.

Blah, I shouldnt even have to worry, especially not this early on. I know he doesnt see anything wrong with it and therein lies the problem but the very fact he put it to me like he had to make a choice? thats the red flag, thats the one that stands out the most.

OK another day and yes I'll have to say something but without coming across as a jealous bitch because basically thats what Im being and yeah I hate that feeling - its not healthy.

Thanks - here goes 🙂

Posted by Chatz
I find it very unnerving that she gets more time than I do...lets face it, she gets picked up and Im sure it goes like this "how was your weekend" or "how was your night" blah blah blah, then they go to lunch, then back home after work and "have a good night, see ya in the morning"...its almost like they're in their own little relationship without knowing it.
🙂

wow, and this is the early stage?

been there, done that, tossed away the t-shirt. i wish you well but i warn you it is my opinion this relationship is headed for trouble.

some virgos have a need to be seen as saints but its much worse for most that i know. every good virgo has a cause, male or female. and the males i know love being the white knight, so don't trash his fantasy if you want this relationship to survive.

know what the allure of knighthood is for a virgo? you wear the armor , your coat blazoned and your steed dressed, there is no doubt you are a force for good. ( fantasy ,we'll leave out how actual knights behaved)that is how he wants to be seen, because pretty much deep down he is just like that, or wants to be.

the worst thing you can do is say "hey you with the funny steel shoes what are you supposed to be?" seriously he probably sees himself as a knight of the highest order, and therefore his actions should be obvious ,especially to the maiden that steals his heart.

"wherefore hath i wrought?, why knightly deeds of course!"

i know i'm being silly but it's very true, if you don't get that about him, i would not really share it with him, because he probably already thinks that is the way you see him, or at the very least he very much expects you to.
being jealous means you don't trust him, and that he cannot live with.

so again, if this is deal breaker i'd do something now, doing nothing is tantamount to approval and will only make matters worse.

"he needs to be trusted by the woman he cherishes, without that you got nothing he wants"


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Thanks guys and girls.

We're getting there and you're right, he hasnt done anything else to upset me and thats why I came here (to see what to do and you've all helped so much)...he makes me feel special when Im around him and thats what Im focussing on at the moment.

He does see himself as that knight though, you're absolutely right and if I cant deal with that? its going to be an issue for sure (because this will be one of many in the future he'll try to help) so i will try, having said that though, i do feel at times that I have to do all the trying and all the understanding (for those of you who have followed my whole story). Sometimes it'd be nice to be understood as well and although I know its not true, it does feel like he doesnt care sometimes.

Im sure there will be many more bumps in the road but Im thankful to this board for helping me to understand the nature of Virgos, for if it werent for you all, Id probably have never understood anything and not be where I am.

Patience is a virtue apparently LOL

first we learn to love someone despite their quirks then we begin to love them more because of their quirks, this is part of the human condition.

heres what you say," i really admire the way you look after people, and i like that you are a loving and caring individual. i know because you are honorable you would never do anything to hurt me, still it is hard for me, because i want your time and affection and i miss you when you are off playing white knight. so i need your help, i need to know you think of me if even a little, when you think of others.

so heres the deal, i want you to do something for me whenever you go out of your way to do something major for someone else. it does not have to be big, a phone call, a back rub when you return, a card, something only you would think of.
nothing major, just something between us that reminds me that before your anybodys knight, you are my knight."

try it, if he does not eat it up, check his charts, then his pulse, because he either is not a virgo or he is not still breathing.

Chatz... I'm really biting my tongue here. Grrrrr.... I'm sorry but I think it's so wrong that he keeps letting this girl take advantage!!!! I'd be livid if I were you.

The thing about it is that he knows (doesn't he?) that it bothers you but continues to do it? What does that say about how much he cares for your feelings?!?!
I don't care about the "sign of service" or "knight in shining armor" crappola. He's suppose to be YOUR knight not somebody elses!!!!!
I believe that a healthy relationship consist of 2 people who stop and think about their partners feelings before they do something that might put a strain on your relationship. I don't believe he thinks it's totally ok with you and I just don't think he cares obviously. I don't belive either that she is innocent. If she is out partying and drinking she isn't "sick". Nope nope. Bitch is taking advantage and victimizing herself for male attention. Is she a Cancer? 🙂 😛 It's sad that your Virgo is falling for it hook line and sinker. I know men are slightly "off" when it comes to sniffing out female manipulation but Virgo men? I'd think they'd be the first to figure it out.
IDK girl... I feel for you. I know if I were in your shoes he'd tell sistergirl to shove off and find some other sucker to take advantage of or his ass would be iching from the sting I gave him and he'd find himself single and kicked to the curb. Then he could drive Sasquatch to work for all I care but he wouldn't be coming home to me 🙂

ha, a redhead and a scorp?! yeah i bet you would not like it one bit.

i do agree that he should be her knight first, but however if she forces him to be only her knight, he'll resent it, and the relationship will fail.

i don't believe he should let her take advantage of him. i'll help anyone, unless me thinks you are using me,then i don't care what you do, you are on your own. i think most virgos are like this.

The thing is that she shouldn't have to force him. If he was really in relationship mode he's know this already without her having to point it out to him.
It's one thing to help someone in need out but it's another to continue to do it over and over especially if your partner isn't comfotable with it. What he's doing is inconsiderate. If he wanted to help he could have set her up with a bus fare for those buses that go right by this chicks house and leave it at that. He's going WAY too far.

LOL Nassau... yeah I'm a pistol. 😉
Hell no I wouldn't like it and I sure as hell wouldn't keep quiet about it!!! 🙂

well before we get the cart before the horse let us make sure that our hero knows how deep the relationship is that he is supposed to be in.

do not assume he is hip to all your feelings, we virgos need a good a clubbing sometimes.



and yeah ginger, redheads and scorps, the story of my life. though thankfully not in the same chapters,else i might have been burnt beyond recognition.

Well Unfortunately the office gossip that had been going around had hit Virgo harder than anybody could have imagined and although I didnt have to say much at all, he said "this is hurting us too badly, we cant go on like this"...WTF?

I know things have been rough but he never said a word, he doesnt talk about those things to anybody and keeps it all to himself and so its hard to know what to say sometimes.

Anyway last night we got together and talked and he said "Im sorry for hurting you so much but what other option do we have but to stop, given the pain others have caused"...WTF— But he was kind and gentle and kissed and held me and held my hand and gave me time and said that we'll still be friends if Im comfortble with it and as he promised he has been chatting to me at work as difficult as that is for me. I'll struggle with the "just friends" thing and I know he'll start flirting again and it'll just cut me up 😢

The problem is, and yes IM pretty hurt right now, is that he broke down so many times when he was talking to me last night, he said "i feel im losing my best friend because of all of this" and I said "I wont come into your office anymore, I'll do everything remotely that I have to get into your room" and he said "truth be known I'll look forward to seeing your face" and broke down again..then why break up with me? why want to remain friends when he knows it'll only hurt me?

Given that he's absolutely shattered I'll keep chatting to him but not that much, when he messages me, I'll reply nicely and keep him giggling as I always did with my sillyness (which he loved so much) because I dont want him to feel he's lost everything but here I am again, helping him when Im so hurt myself 😢 I dont know what to do because I really do love him and 6 months together now has to end? argghhhh I just so want revenge for those horrid people who caused all this pathetic insulting gossip. He said "there's nothing good in my life right now" and broke down again.

How can he ask "what other options are there for us"? Does he not think that me caring for him is enough? to be able to get through stuff like this? I dont know where his head is but I do know he's in a very bad place - I cant even grieve properly myself because I worry about him now 😢

I know we cant salvage this now because I guess when a Virgo is done, they're done but I have to question why he wants to remain friends and keep chatting at work

I dont get any of this because there wasnt an issue between him and I....its purely based on him helping that girl and what has been said about it all....why do WE have to end? I respect his wishes but I still will never understand and more so that he didnt talk to me about any of it

So there is the ending to the fairytale hahaha......I know many of you think I should have kicked him to the curb (and perhaps I should have) and you're right, he should have been more considerate about my feelings when he knew that this girl had other options and that it was getting between us but I didnt.

Others also think that I was being the driving force and being jealous about it all but that isnt the case because that is why I came here, to understand rather than take it in my own hands and stuff it up....I lost either way.....hmmmmm that makes me feel good.

Oh Chatz I'm so sorry 😢
Let yourself cry and mourn him for awhile. It helps with the healing process. So something nice for yourself. Spend a day pampering yourself. Get your nails and hair done. Look Fab for YOU. 😉

Now... his excuse for ending it is complete and total BS. If there wasn't any truth to it any normal person would have
A). Stopped giving the girl rides to end the gossip
B) Ignored it completely

There's more to it. Why he needs to break it off with you is total BS. He created the gossip not you. It doens't even make sense. He's only giving them more to buzz about by breaking up with his GF because they talk about him spending more time with another woman?!?! Nope doesn't add up.
OR he's a total pussy that can't stand up like a man and tell everyone to shut the hell up and mind their own business.
Either way he's not doing anything to show you he cares for you. He's letting supposively "untrue" gossip and another woman come between you. He's not putting you first.
You don't need him. He can't stand up for you or be there for you or even put your feelings before anyone else's? Eff him. He's a loser and not worthy.

Chin up girl. You deserve better. 🙂

I said all along I felt something wasn't right with this man like he was setting you up, I'm so sorry to hear about this Chatz but I have to agree with gingerscorp on this one, I felt there was some truth to this issue day one and his excuses for breaking up is total bullshit. He has not once taken full responsibility for this issue, this gossip would have ended the moment he stopped all contact with the woman he was helping but he opted to ignore what was going on and he opted not to protect you when he could have easily done that, I know you wanna blame the gossip but truly he's the blame and his letting you go proves it.

I know you wanna be friends but this is the time you would do better to go full on no contact with this guy, you can't go backwards, he can't have the whole pie and then opt for a slice at a time once he's tasted the goods, that's counter productive and it not in your best interest to allow him in your life when he's chosen to leave your life and isn't it funny how he can dump you but he couldn't dump that girl at the office, the moment the rumor started he opted not to discuss it with you, he continued on with his liason with her and now your seeing a bit of truth and his reaction to it all, the way he's handled it says a lot about his character and it says a lot about his relationship with her, I believe he was doing much more than geting a ride, she wasn't just riding in his car seems like she was riding him and was forced to choose her over you, when a man says I just wanna be friends that is his way of soothing his own ego by saying he gave you something and didn't leave you cold because then you would really see him for the asshole he is.

Now you can sit there and moan over him and watch him carry on with this woman or you can simply X him out and get on with your life and see him as ONE man to the many man that will play a part in getting you to the ONE, take care of YOU first and get your energy out of there away from him, he no longer deserves having YOU as anything and it won't change things as they are, if you go full on no contact then he will either step up and fix things or he will be an weak assclown and opt to continue on being captain save an office hoe which tells you a lot about how he truly felt about you....lick your paws and wounds and keep your chip up and remember who you are, you are...

Scorpginger I have seen a few of your post and I like your style d: you are no joke, you give great advice

meant to say....lick your paws and wounds and keep your chin up and remember who you are, you are...

aww chatz i'm sorry. 😢

all i have to say is: men are so stupid!!!!! throw rocks at them.
and afterward let yourself cry and be like that lovestruck highschooler again if you need to. it will get easier in time.

Hmmmm thanks all....it would seem there's more to the story now....he found out last night that she had been spreading her own rumours about herself (you have to understand she is 20 and silly) and was going around whinging to everybody that she doesnt want the rumours to continue but she's telling EVERYBODY. He asked her to keep her mouth shut for all of their sakes and she has now made much more trouble (I wont go into the details but its not nice). All of this implicates him more and he's had a gutfull.

Today he has not come in to work as it has given him so much grief but I saw her earlier and she's swanning around as if she hasnt a care in the world (and she doesnt, it hasnt hurt her because she's a drama queen)....its HIM who has taken a day off to get relief from it all.

I think though, that he's perhaps reassessing what has happened here and how much of a mistake he has made by pushing me away and helping her out when she was the one causing the behind the scenes trouble. He wrote to me last night (via text)..."you've made me laugh and giggle like a schoolboy and I thank you for that and for being such a great friend, I hope we dont lose that"...he sent another "I care for you very deeply and we will get through this, if you need me Im here"....WTF? a complete turnaround.

Over the weekend I will be continuing with my life and stay focussed on healing myself now...I dont know what will become of us, if anything but no, I cant see him not being in my life as a friend at the least but this has turned out to be such a drama. I wont be making any contact with him...I think its safe to assume Ive done what I could and if he does want me around he'll find a way of making that happen.

What a ridiculous state of affairs but Im better today...Im kinda getting over it 🙂

you're telling me LOL.

She's just going aroung whinging to everybody how her having him take her to work and back almost everyday is causing trouble (yet most people didnt know about the gossip)...she was told not to say anything to anybody to reduce the amount of gossip but instead of having the decency to do that not only to her friends who take her for her stupid lifts, but to herself.....she's just encouraging more...."implicated" isnt really the right choice of word Im afraid but it is causing him more grief with more people talking about it.

He wasnt aware that she was going around telling everybody, he thought she was keeping it all to herself/themselves and nobody else had to be involved, nobody else had to talk, yada yada but nooooooooo she goes around whinging to whoever listens and of course people will say "yeah I did seem the at lunch, and he brings her in the mornings, etc, etc" and taht is how gossip grows.

The thing is that she has also been told by a number of people to find an alternative to stop everybody having to run aruond for her....she lives 5kms (about 2.5miles in your conversion) from work and easily walked or ridden on a bike and a bus goes directly to work...its a no-brainer...if you see a friend who has been helping you so much and then it causes them harassment or embarassment or inconsiderate people talking about them, you do SOMETHING to take that away from them but No, not her, I found out she actually asked him time and time "can you take me home tonight", she hadnt even planned ahead....he got to the point where he'd come in earlier and leave earlier to avoid being asked but she didnt see that, she said to him "it doesnt matter what time, I'll be ready whenever you want"...WTF? I'd have gotten the hint!!

anyway as I said, he's not at work today but she's getting around as if she hasnt a care in the world...and the thing is, its not even about her, its just the situation....its messed up.

What will be will be though 🙂

your shifting the blame on the wrong people so you can keep him in your life, his value system is a bit off, he knew that rumor was swirling way back when and he opted to continue on dealing with her, I dunno Chatz, I think you are choosing to blame anyone but him but we all have to learn even if it's a painful lesson....he had every opportunity to keep this from escalating be it rumored by her or someone else if you can see yourself dealing with these kind of issues 5 years from now then take him back, I still feel he's manipulative but I don't have to be with him LOL so I guess my opinion doesn't hold too much weight...

Thanks tiki. LOL. I get a little fired up now and then and I don't hold it back. 😛

Chatz... simply put he's allowing this silly 20 year old floozy to impact his life and his relationship. A smart worthy man would see through the BS and not allow it to happen. If a airheaded bimbo can make him second guess you what will happen when someone who has half a brain comes along and wants to step in?
I'm sorry to point that out but I'm just saying.

He's not manning up to his responsibilities in all of this. He's blamed office gossip for ruining your relationship. Ummm.. wouldn't cut it for me. *shrugs*

Perhaps you're all right but there's no talk of taking him back or him even grovelling back (not that he needs to do that, he just needs to realise who really was more important yet I didnt even ask him to choose...I dont get that part)....he basically thinks that I believed all the gossip and although at times I really did wonder (but thats just the jealous female brain working sometimes) I know there wasnt anything in it.

You could look at it 2 ways....he's just either cut up about the whole thing of being denied his right to take whoever he likes to work if they need help (he did admit it was a pain) or there was truth to the rumours and now he cant deal with it....I am thinking the first (give me credit here, I do see the good in people) but I could be wrong. It does smell a bit fishy but Im trying to give him the benefit of the doubt...wouldnt trust her for a moment but him? definitely.

I finally returned a text to him when I got home from work from last night...kept it short, sharp and shiny, nothing cutesy, just matter of fact and wished him a good weekend. I have other things to do now, Im not going to sit around and dwell forever and a day. I know that how I feel right now wont last forever (the hard way LOL)

He wants me, he knows how to reach me and he knows what he has to do - his choice and Im thinking he'll choose to remain alone...thats his right and I will respect that decision. Its been a strange few weeks, something I dont want to re-live and you're right Tiki, he had EVERY opportunity to just take her aside and tell her that he just cant keep doing it day in day out, that he had a life as well....but as much as he's a kind=hearted person she would have used the "poor me" sob story and pointed out that he was the closest that could take her (which is complete and utter bullshit).

He did try to reduce the amount of times in the last week by going in earlier and leaving earlier but get this...she said to him "I'll be ready whenever you can pick me up, doesnt matter what time". He'd have been so torn and would have felt he was letting her down badly.....No Im not making excuses for him, I just understand that is what he chose to do rather than find an alternative. He made his choice. Up to him to keep making his choices.

This story has ended

This whole thing is ridiculous .... all this talk about gossip, like high-schoolers.

so, the man carries her around .. so the fuck what?

Here's this little tiny, itty, bitty molehill .... and you've made this big fucking mountain out of it, like a volcanoe ready to explode. Do you realize that the only reason he even apologized to you is because you are apparantly sulking?

"he's perhaps reassessing what has happened here and how much of a mistake he has made by pushing me away and helping her out"

Do you even realize that he never pushed you away? What happened is that you pulled away yourself because you couldn't handle another person getting something.

You're an attention whore ... and I alluded to this several weeks ago (maybe a month) when I made reference that you don't have a genuine care for a relationship with this man, what you have is a need for attention ..... for when you pulled away last time, you waited for him to come running to you and then you sat back and soaked up all the attention from him without lifting a finger to provide effort .... and here you are doing it again, Chatz.

You would say ..

"I cant see him not being in my life as a friend at the least .." ---- after he had sent a text saying --- "you've made me laugh and giggle like a schoolboy and I thank you for that and for being such a great friend, I hope we dont lose that"...he sent another "I care for you very deeply and we will get through this, if you need me Im here"

So, you now know you've reeled him back in to telling you endearing things again ... you would say that you have to have him in your life, even as a friend, and you know that he doesn't want to lose that because he told you .... and this is after all your bleating on about how he is giving this other girl all the attention and not you .... so, what is your attitude just after you've realized that you've reeled him back in and he is going to bestow upon you your rightly attention for being a Princess?

"I wont be making any contact with him...I think its safe to assume Ive done what I could and if he does want me around he'll find a way of making that happen."

You even said this story has ended 2 posts later ... yet, all this time, while you weren't getting the attention you were submerged up into this story full force.

This is the same thing you did last time, and I've already mentioned it a couple times in here. You throw a fit to make sure he knows that your feelings are hurt until he begins to caress your feelings again, then you pull away just like the last quote on my previous post here, and take the attitude if he wants me he knows where to find me ..... not going to put forth any effort in this.


Why play games like this just for attention, is what I want to know? Is this a Leo thing?


He has finally realized, according to you, that he fucked up, he even didn't come to work because he is so distraught over this, he texts you and gives you the impression that he wants to work this out with you because he realizes how much you mean to him ....

..... so you fucking pull away and make claim that you won't be contacting him again and just sitting on your throne to await him grovelling at your feet?


wtf? You may say that ^^^^^ is ridiculous, you never said that ..... you're right, you didn't say it in those words .... but, you did say ..

"I wont be making any contact with him"

.... after this whole thread of you whinning on about how he isn't COMMUNICATING with you and telling YOU how dear you are to him .... and then once he tells you ... you fucking play

........ indifferent ......



INDIFFERENT ——————??




What the fuck are you doing?


Have you always been a Player of peoples feelings like this and we just haven't realized it because on the outside, you make a "nice" impression of yourself?

Just like the people in here for example .. they would say something like ... you are shifting blame here, and not holding him accountible ....

Well dah !!!!!!


That's what you have to do in this sort of game, isn't it?

Now that he has taken his rightful place of bestowing upon you his affection, which is your rightful place ... then he isn't at fault for anything.

Now, once he does somethign else where his attention is off of you ..... then he'll be at fault again, and be a dickhead again .... which of course, you will throw a fit again about how he is neglecting you, until he fully realizes that you aren't getting enough superficial attention from him .. which of course at that time he will give it to you, which you will then make excuses for him again because your ego is recieving again, like it should ....

... circles, circles, again and again.


That is the pattern I discern basing it off of this whole affair as you've posted it.


You're an attention whore ... and that is what all this is about. Now that you've got his full attention, he didn't do anything wrong .. it's all her.


:::: sighs :::::


It's because of women like you that genuine women suffer in trying to find a man to trust that she won't fuck with his head and heart.

I finally returned a text to him when I got home from work from last night...kept it short, sharp and shiny, nothing cutesy, just matter of fact and wished him a good weekend. I have other things to do now, Im not going to sit around and dwell forever and a day. I know that how I feel right now wont last forever (the hard way LOL)

He wants me, he knows how to reach me and he knows what he has to do - his choice and Im thinking he'll choose to remain alone...thats his right and I will respect that decision. Its been a strange few weeks, something I dont want to re-live and you're right Tiki, he had EVERY opportunity to just take her ....

-----------------------------


Chatz, what the fuck ————?

No more cutsey in your communicatin with him?


He wants you, you say.

End of story as far as you are concerned .....



You're a piece work.


The best thing that could happen to him at this point is to write you off as a bad mistake .. but, lesson learned.

What do you want me to do? What more could I have said to his text than the fact I also have had a wonderful time with him, that I also hoped we could remain friends, that I hoped he found some peace throughout the day and that he will have a great weekend— Seriously?

I told him straight to his face that I didnt want the breakup but that I respected his decision, that I too would be there if he needed me but seriously, its a breakup P-Angel, its a breakup!!! We're not meant to be there for one another, that just prolongs it!!!

What am I supposed to do? text him that I need him? cry like a schoolgirl? beg him to talk to work whatever it is out that tore us apart?? seriously? what do you suggest? coz I dont know what is expected.

As far as Im concerned he is walking away from our relationship but wants to keep a friendship going as we were....how do you do that? How do you cut your feelings for somebody and pretend its all ok and keep chatting and laughing and carrying on like nothing ever happened or that your heart isnt breaking? Is that healthy? seriously? Im perplexed as to why he wants to continue that as he'd know it would only hurt me.

In time, sure but right now is it healthy to pretend— You tell me that you feel he "wants you" by what he text me so what should my response be?

I doubt there's one I could have given to make him say "well I think we've both made a huge mistake, lets meet up for a drink and talk about this and get our lives back to what they were".....if there is please let me know...coz Im totally at a loss and I do feel its too late and no I dont want it to be.....He's getting on with his life and he's also pushing me aside....the "If you need me Im here" is just a nice gesture, thats all.