Open to Interpretation please

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by lmk3 on Sunday, July 15, 2007 and has 15 replies.
Hi i have posted on here before and am confused about the virgo male, yet again. I am taurean so really struggle with letting go..I have been seeing this guy since Oct 06 and it has been very turbulent. When we met we were both recovering from traumatic relationships and were both suffering from post traumatic stress..anyway if you are still with me, we have very similiar interests, and goals, but from very different family backgrounds. Since March we have been on and off again and have just recently decided to finish the relationship and work on our friendship, as circumstances never really allowed this to happen, we came quite intense quite quickly..What does it mean when a virgo male is still in your life like this gives you some of his furniture and computer, but then becomes very aloof, almost like he needs to be in control and wants to keep me at arms length for when he wants to catch up. I still get a kiss and a cuddle hello or goodbye and I feel there is still something there when we see each other.
He is a great guy and has made me grow enormously(sp) spiritually and emotionally and has helped me look at who I really am and what I want but he on the other hand is very hard to get to know almost like a closed book, he has shared alot of his past with me but is so moody so its hard to work out where he is at each time I see him, almost like stepping on eggshells. He said the other night that I am one of the very few people he knows that he has let in and wants to protect me from his unreliability and moods at the moment while he focuses on the other issues in his life- new apartment, work, finances.. that is why he wants to spend time getting to know each other as friends. The one thing I am finding frustrating at the moment is that I ring him to just talk about what I did on the w/e ect and he won't answer the phone or won't ring back-is he a player or does he genuinly(sp) need his space to work on these other issues, as he said it wont be forever but it is where he is at now!!!! I also feel he is quite depressed at the moment.
What do I do to support this without being at his beck and call. I have my own life and continue to pursue my interests ect so I'm not moping around thinking about him all the time, but would like to think that one day we could have a harmonious, loving relationship.
Feedback appreciated if you made it this far!!
Cheers
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"when they are already settled and looking for a mate, then things progress rather very quickly."
true .. they will fall madly obsessed with you .. they will pin you down and you don't need to do these chasing and feel restless ..
if i were you .. since all the signs are there .. and you just have to interpret all these .. you only have two choices .. leave him or wait for him .. careful about what waiting means .. he can't give you any commitment this time .. so you should understand that he can still meet and might fall in love with other girls .. sleep with them .. understand his tantrums .. be a doormat .. and simply not being respected for what you are made for .. it's his call .. the time is in his hands .. the future is in his hands .. like i said .. only two choices .. no in-between .. it's now or never .. you have your own life and he has his own life .. ask him what does he really want between both of you .. what are his plans and if you are included in one of those .. i'm pretty sure he'll give you false hopes .. again .. and will leave you hanging .. thinking about what the heck does that mean .. you can't blame him .. he is a walking crisis .. are you in crisis too? .. do you think that he is good for you? .. are you happy right now? .. with what you both have? .. is he worth waiting for? .. is he worth the risk? .. do you get a fair deal? .. does he show respect, empathy towards you and the thing you both have? .. or are you full of doubts and fear? .. that you are blinded with all the deception your heart has been telling you .. that you think he is madly in love with you? .. nobody can help you .. not even your virgo .. but yourself .. you know what is best for you ..
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why be in a relationship that is devoid of meaning and purpose ..
why be in a relationship that is going nowhere .. or rather wait/hope for the time that uncertainties will be certain .. the imperfect to be perfect .. the broke to be rich .. the unstable to be stable .. the immature to be mature .. the man of many words to be the man of actions .. the pessimist to be optimist .. the realist to be idealist .. the ladies' man to be a one-woman-man ..
where do you see yourself from all these category .. and who do you think would possibly want to break the walls .. just to be on the same boat with you .. shares one common ground with you .. one meaning .. one purpose .. one forever .. and simply just fits real well .. go figure that out .. for your own sake ..
pray for wisdom .. it helps alot .. smile
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Thankyou archer, vgurl and sagigoat for your advice. Timing is something I am working on as I seem to not be very good at this. I am learning to slow down my life and not do 100 things at once. vgurl-as in the waiting for him, I am happy sitting on the fence at the moment as I couldnt imagine heading back out to the dating game yet..I have 5 year old twins so am happy spending my time with them and pursuing my hobbies. I think he may have done the pinning down in the very early days and then things got too messy and he had time to think about his own problems and thats when we drifted apart. Do these guys come back a second time to pursue you or once they've made the break they don't come back?
I think what I am really struggling with is how to be a friend to this guy. Do I ring wait for him to ring or what? If he doesnt return my calls do I just leave it until he has sorted through his issues..How do you get to know someone as a friend when they don't seem available to spend time with..For example, I rang lastnight and recieved no answer and have had no return phonecall,would you just leave it until he calls back..I must admit I am not the most patient person in the world and am also working on this. Is it right that you virgo's love your own space and don't like to be hassled all the time and like to do things in your own time.
As I said our relationship was very intense and we didn't really get to know each others personalities. He was extremely supportive of my needs during conflict with my ex-husband, which in turn ended up being a distraction from his own problems. Very messy..
Oh well i shall keep doing my own thing and look forward to reading more about these virgo guys.
I should probably mention he is 41 and Im 36, how long do these guys take to sort out their securities at this age.
Sorry about my rambling on but I think this is all the part of the letting go and understanding it for myself.
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If it is within the awareness of a person that they stand on the edge of uncertainty .. how long should they wait?
Until the wind blows them over to leave them feeling even more uncertain of where they are suppose to stand?
Or, until the awareness crosses their mind that only to themselves can they find solid grounding?
A person cannot bring certainty to another, they cannot bring doubt either, or assurance .. only to the self can a person be sure of who they are, what they are, where they are standing.
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Hi, SG .. I'm only here for a few minutes. I'm supposed to be getting ready to go somewhere, but, decided to spend a little time in here catching up.
I can't stay .. real life calls to me.
How are you? Doing wonderfully, I hope. smile
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That's great smile
Ok, it's time for me to go to the movies and of course, I'm not ready because I'm here instead, lol
See ya, SG, sometime .. I don't know when .. soon, maybe.
Take care and stay sweet smile
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Thanks again. You have been so helpful. Thinking he's not worth wasting my energy on, but as we all know these emotions change from day to day, so I wont burn any bridges but will just get on with my life. I liked the spare tyre idea. He will eventually make contact as I have some of his furniture/equipment that he will eventually want back, when he is ready to retrieve it..and I know that he finds our conversations intriguing yet challenging.
I must say your words have helped me process alot and reflect over that past 10 months of our relationship and I am ready to not torture myself anymore by being tempted to ring and recieve no answer. Quiet proud of myself really!!!
Cheers
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i'm glad you realized that he's not worthy to waste your energy, time, money, emotions and everything .. i hope i didn't make you realize it one way or another .. Tongue it's kinda hard giving out advises when it comes to matters of the heart ..
but it's just soooo plain and simple .. doesn't have to be that really complicated and painful .. it's like saying .. what's the point of being in a relationship .. when you do not see your partner as a "potential passionate husband" .. who will walk down the aisle on your wedding day with you .. swore to be with you for better or worse .. who will be the father of your kids .. your everlasting companion .. your one and only confidant .. your laundry partner .. your cooking buddy .. your life .. your everything ..
unless you're up for some adventure or some cheap temporary experiments .. smile
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you want to be friends with him? .. if i were you i wouldn't even bother thinking about how to be friends with that guy .. do you think he values you as a friend? .. you can still remain as a friend even if you're distant .. even if you don't show him how much you care .. how much you think about him .. how much you value him .. how much you value everything you had .. don't bother .. don't wait .. don't expect .. and just keep going .. you have to know the rules in loving someone .. and be able to distinguish what stage are you right now .. he's not even your husband yet .. for you to be responsible to that commitment you have for him .. and for you to be that compassionate .. towards him and the thing you both have .. i think this shouldn't really have to bother you that much ..
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hi p-angel .. forgot to say hi smile
hiyee archer, sagi smile
lmk3, sheesh didn't read your last line .. that guy is waaaaaaaayyy too old enough .. i'm sorry but .. i just can't think of any other thing to say but .. i don't like him .. that's all .. he's weird .. i'm sorry .. :p
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Thanks vgurl-maybe thats the thing I have been missing all this time, maybe he is weird and I'm the sane one!!! I think I am definately too soft a person and need to learn to be a little more ruthless..I am feeling better as each day goes on and am seperating myself quite well at this stage.
Cheers
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there's nothing wrong with you .. that guy is just weird and i think is just a waste of time .. worrying, fretting .. he's not even committed with you yet, right .. and it's something he do not want to offer i presume .. at his age? .. jeez, how can he be soooo uncertain about alot of things in his life ..
but if he does ..
i hope it turns out well .. that's really really a great risk to take .. a big responsibility .. not only for you but also for him .. to have a successful relationship .. 'coz you just have to accept him for who he is .. i'm sorry ..
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Hey, vgurl .. we missed you. Welcome back smile
Hope life is still giving you the blessings you deserve. smile
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hiyee smile
yeah .. i missed this board .. poor thing, nothing has changed .. smile
hope you'll be blessed beyond what you expect .. smile
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