Passive/Aggressive Serving Dishes—??

Hi...

Question for all of you out there tonight...

Virgo Rhett throws a Christmas party (after the end of Gone with the Wind) and Taurus Scarlet attends (she's suppose to bring a cover dish). She leaves the party early and announces that she put her name on the bottom of the serving dishes....these are a stainless steel chafing dish and her mothers corning ware casserole dish. In order to save Virgo-Rhett from the trouble, she attempts to retreive the dishes herself the following week (twice)(The party was held at Virgo-Rhett's friend's house.), but no one is home at the party-place twice when Taurus-Scarlett attempts to pick them up. She asks Virgo-Rhett about the dishes who says he will pick them up for her, but does not (to date) anyway.

Are these being held for ransome? What ransome? And what the heck is Scarlet to do? Just not think about the serving dishes today...think about them tomorrow?

Does Rhett want Scarlett to get angry and rage all over him? What will it prove to him if she did that. But she has resolved, instead, to just let him have the dang things and he can stew on whatever issue he has constructed in his mind until the dishes become fossils for all she cares...at least that's what she says on the outside.

This seems like some kind of passive/aggressive power play, but why—?? and what would you do if you were Scarlet, in love with Rhett, wanting him back—?? Get new dishes and just kiss the others good-bye? Go after the dishes with newfound determination and confront him in front of his peers about the dishes....I have thought of this....going up to him and saying...."Hi Rhett...it's been awhile...when are you going to give me what I need....—?? You know...my serving dishes—?" Oh whatever...I will never do anything like that. I will give up the dishes and give up Rhett...and all of the memories of when we were so good together for the reality of today's truth...he can have them as a souvenier -- trophies of his passive aggressive flounderings in his life.

I'm glad I am getting over this guy, but in the meantime, he sure has a way of keeping me in some kind of place that I cannot describe. If it weren't for some external circumstances, I believe I would probably still be slobbering all over this message board about how I love and miss him.

Your input is valued; otherwise just venting...
ltvm

Gosh!!! I like your words... but had some difficulty trying to understand you!!!

from what I understand...

If you wanna clear something up... please go ahead and ask him directly... otherwise you are bound to think always about the "dishes". If you don't you will never know whether you will get the "dishes" back or not!!

Virgos are very mysterious and are bound to make you go crazy when you don't know what they want or how they are feeling!

Hope I helped!!! 🙂

how long were you and Rhett in a 'relationship'? have you not had any contact other than the initial request for the dishes? ....

Virgos suck and then some! ha! just kidding -- don't internalize and get upset over my words.... i am just venting as well....

Querida and Linda:

It is an age old story. If you go to my personal page and look up the first post I made you can retreive the suckie details. I call him Rhett because he did flip flops for me for years and I ignored him, disinterested. Of course this was after he was mean to me and we broke up but somehow remained platonic friends. Then, when I came around to realizing I loved him, he did the PullAway, and lots of other passive/aggressive things I am learning about and realizing now. (For example, Rhett stood me up for a date we planned for a month...on his birthday in '06.)

That, among a plethera of other power-surged (passive/aggressive) behaviors includes the holding back of my dishes from his Christmas party. It's like as long as he has these dishes of mine, he has a piece of me? He has me in his power or something.

But I have a 2 day weekend, no benefits (mutually agreed upon--not even trying to stay in the same abode) dates with a new friend..."J." I'm not sure of his sign, but I think he is a Capricorn, and he is so sweet. Of course, Rhett was very sweet, too, for the year and a half that we were together, but then when he got passive/aggressive to the extreme, I broke it off.

I believe you're right, Querida, I should demand the dishes in a tactful way. But, that means contact, and I've been reading up on the passive/aggressive man...I may still not get the dishes, and he will still retain his power. I also thought of asking him for the dishes with the threat of making a scene. What's the use of that though? I would probably get the dishes, though.

Whatdoyathink?

Either forget it and go on, approach him in public and say "give me what I need....etc.," or give him an ultimatum of making a scene in public... (he works in a public place...)

The book I read on passive/aggressive men does suggest that you not allow him to get away with his behavior, but you must follow through with any ultimatums and must not be too harsh,letting him know you care for him, but at the same time letting him know how humiliating it is to have to keep asking for what belongs to you. It seems that passive/aggressive men have real serious childhood issues. (Are they all Virgos, too, I wonder?) lol

I HAVE asked for the dishes. He just says "ok." He doesn't return them to me though. He's "busy."

Argh!
I just want to walk on this one, but if I can help the behavior by not doing so, I would like to help.

He thinks he is on control... or rather he defnitely wants to show that he is in control!!

I think he still likes you, buy is offended with your previous behaviour (your avoidance).

I have a really good friend that is a virgo, and from what I can tell about him... is that he may still like a girl, but loves teasing her and being sarcastic with her and shows that he has moved on... when in fact he hasn't not mentally and emotionally...
What I mean by this is that they hide their feelings very well!! You will never know what he is thinking or feeling until he decides to be honest with you!

your dishes? when will you get them? His main excuse is that they he is always busy, He loves having them because he knows that you will still be around somehow... he loves to be in CONTROL!!!

I think if you like him as much as you do... yes be around him...earn his respect back and this is gona take ALOT of time!!!! Patience is the keyword with Virgos (It took me about two years to be considered by my Virgo Male a friend), so keep chatting to him... show him that you like to have him around, but that you are moving on because he has not responded positively to you (he has left you no choice)... perhaps then he will realize that he may be loosing someone special!!! AND don't ask him about the dishes!!! Show that you are disinterested in the them otherwise you giving him the thrill he seeks for!! AND in between all, don't sit around waiting for him.... if in fact you did meet someone interesting (like this Capricirn boy), then go for it!!

Queridagirl, I think you are right about the control.

And, previous to this, I (trustingly) gave him the power to do as he wants with me. His anger and resentment from the past is showing...my trust has been betrayed in many ways before the dishes. So, you believe I should just be seemingly disinterested in their return and be smiley and like I don't care one way or another? Date and enjoy my life. For my own peace of mind, I agree. Sooner or later, I will replace the dishes and Rhett, too, maybe.

Archer, you bring a point. The chafing dish was kind of expensive and new, though. The other serving dish was not even mine, but I can replace it with something similar. The more I think about giving him a verbal lashing, the more I realize it is what he wants, so that he can feel justified in his withdrawal. It's sick.

I think I will do a little withdrawing on my own.