Power play or what?

So my virguy friend is (over)sensitive to a lot of the additives in common 'health & beauty' products. Up until maybe 6 months ago it wasn't really an issue, never came up. Then he started fussing about what I used on my hair. But randomly, never a consistent pattern. I'd even ask him once in a while if what I was wearing bothered him, and he'd react like it never crossed his mind that he'd have an issue. Then bang, I'd walk in his house and he'd have a fit, and I'd just leave. Next time we hung out, nothing.

So being me, and set in my ways, I am really resistant to changing how I get ready to go out & about in public, and it seemed excessive to disrupt my habits for such a random thing. I decided to just leave if he reacted to my 'products' and see how things went. Things went normally. Hanging out etc, no issues, just fun. Then one morning at work, I stopped in the open doorway to his office to ask about some work thing. His reaction was so uncalled for that I was offended & hurt, and I emailed him so, and that there were more acceptable ways to get his point across, especially at work. I was so mad that I pretty much didn't have anything to do with him, but after a couple of weeks he asked me for lunch at work and we went back to hanging out etc.

I bought some hair product specially made for people with chemical sensitivities and used it a few times with no comment from him. I finally asked if he noticed any problem and he said something like 'don't worry about it, I'll tell you when it's time to leave'. I had some thoughts his inconsistent reaction to what I wear might be partially psychosomatic, some control issue, and that really made me wonder wtf.

And this whole time, I make a point to let him decide if he wants to get together. I don't drop in, at work I leave after I'm done with work stuff, or after a quick greeting. He seeks me out, invites me over, as I've backed way off being so intense as I was previously.

--- continued ---

--- 2nd half ---

So the past few weeks, we have some great conversations, some a little more personal than usual, have lunch twice last week, and he emails me out of the blue to confirm that he'll see me Saturday. Normally I call when I'm running errands and end up nearby, but we don't always hang out. Confirming a visit is unusal. I get there and the first thing he does is give me grief about my hair spray (the non-chemical kind he ignored before). I make to leave and he says no no stay & have some coffee. After a while in the kitchen, I make to leave again and he asks if I want to hang out in the living room for a while. He mentions needing to find a birthday present for a friend's daughter, so we start shopping online. After a bit, I ask if I should leave so he can focus better and he says no, you're helping, am I boring you?
It ended up being a silly goofy visit and he told me how funny & outrageous I am, etc. No further mention of his sensitivity problem. We've talked since, on the phone & in person, and he's all sweetness & light.

What is this back & forth behavior with the product sensitivity? When I asked my partner, she said he's trying to 'force intimacy'. Get me to drop some of my public presentation. I'm the kind of person that puts on the full gear even to go grocery shopping. Make up & coiffed hair all 7 times I climbed Mt. St. Helens. I don't go out without being 'battle-ready'. To me it feels like he is trying to keep control of our interactions. Leave himself an out in case he wants me to leave. But why does he invite me over, then do that? All he has to do is not answer the phone, or not invite me when we talk.