Question about Virgo man-

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by aspegz on Sunday, July 14, 2013 and has 37 replies.
So I've had a f**k buddy relationship with a Virgo man for about seven months now.
Sometimes he's very reserved, he doesn't talk much at all. He'll come, we'll do it, he'll leave. Other times, he'll hangout for a few hours, he'll talk to me about things in his life, we'll laugh & have a good time..ect. Sometimes he even stays the night.
He always has to say things like he was with another girl earlier in the evening; I'm assuming trying to gauge my reaction? I'm a Sagittarius so I don't really get jealous or care who he does what with..& I let him know that. He found out I had sex with another guy a couple times & now he always brings him up. Like, "I'm sure so&so was here earlier, I'm sure he's better than me" ect.
Anyway I'm kind of confused as to what he feels. I don't ever bring feelings up because we went into this as sort of strangers with mutual friends, and I don't want to ruin the sex part with feeling-talk, so before I do anything my question is:
Is this just how he is, or is there some underlying feeling he's got?
I'm starting to like him, he's good company.. but I don't ever let him know that because he's very critical & I don't want to freak him out. It's very possible that he just thinks I'm good company & I'm way over thinking this, but for those who know more about Virgo men, your opinion would be MUCH appreciated.
Thanks~
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Virgo men already know what they want. They are ultra picky about relationships. They are logical believe sex is just sex and is part of being healthy. He's just making conversation.
Some virgo men don't see women they sleep with as having a soul. And it is his disconnect with reality that makes him a miserable bastard. Hence his critical personality.
The less you care about the status of the relationship, the weaker he becomes. When you are emotional, he becomes logical. And when you are logical, he'll see you as relationship material. Because that makes him feel safe. So don't show any confusion. Enjoy what you have until a better ship comes along, or he caves in wanting exclusivity. Which ever comes first.
A mistake with any virgo is showing too much emotions. He is typically weaker than other men who can take the ups and downs of a real relationship. He puts you in the f- buddy category, because he doesn't have to face his emotions or try to make you happy like a normal healthy man would. It's his way of saying yeah, you turn me on, but for everything else you're on your own.
The fact you care about what his underlying message means you do want a relationship. If you continue letting him have his way you might feel ripped off, because your deepest desire won't be fulfilled.
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It's been my experience with Virgo men that they don't like being in what they perceive as "competition" with another male. I don't know if this stems from jealously, possessiveness or both. I've also got that "I'm not good enough" crap from a couple Virgo men. I think this comes from their need to make all things perfect and be in total control. When they lose their "grip" on control, it forces them to "feel" and feelings aren't being in control. It could also be signs of being insecure. This nature isn't monopolized by Virgo males. I think there are some men who have a tough time being confident in themselves for whatever reason.
RE: him being critical of you.....Virgo males being critical of someone they like is nothing new; been there, done that. It's a pain for a while until you understand it's just their weird nature. Throughout my relationships with Virgo men, whether as friends or dating etc., they were always transparent with their feelings despite their need to cloak it. Those who weren't under the microscope were very rarely criticized. Virgo men are enigma's in terms of standard relationship protocol. MOST men who like you and think you are special compliment you and tell you how wonderful you are. They appreciate your qualities. Virgo men nitpick you to death; generally not with the intent to hurt you but make you better. The hard part is seeing them for this premise. What even makes it harder is that when you turn around and say anything critical of them, they go into deep melt down.
RE: your sexual relationship with him. Sorry, I'm probably a lot older than you. I don't get this entire "f*ck buddy stuff". What happened to just sticking with normal relationships as girlfriend/boyfriend? If you're giving someone free sex without any strings attached, how do you resolve having a legit relationship with a man? I'm not judging you, I simply can't understand your frame of mind. Guess it was just how I was raised.

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@smurfy: Thanks for the reply.
I don't "want a relationship" with him. Like I said, I'm starting to like him, yes... it's very weird to me, and I change my mind about it all the time. But I'll take your advice & leave it as it stands.
@gemini64: Thank you, also.
I guess first, the sex thing is mutual. You made it sound like I'm a prostitute that doesn't make money lol. I do understand that it's weird. The sex started very unexpectedly and it's not at all how I normally am. But when sexual frustration hits it's peak...you do what you do. He's a Virgo & I'm a Sagittarius and it'd be a hard relationship anyway. I guess I'm just trying to understand him because I like him as a person & I quite enjoy his company. He's just so damn hard to read about everything all the time.
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It's all about that ego and those insecurities...Just ignore it...
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Posted by aspegz
..... I've had a f**k buddy relationship with a Virgo man for about seven months now.




That is the opening sentence, and I won't read anything past that ....... once you get hurt, don't come crying around these parts.
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Posted by Ixion120

Counter to Smurfy's opinion we have a soul but we will always try to be true to ourselves.



Everybody has a soul. I didn't say you guys didn't. I said SOME virgo men view their sex buddies as not having a soul. Like just an object, that serves some purpose. I have a buddy who recently confessed the dark nature of his past, now that he is more religious.
He said, there was a girl who liked him, but because of her reputation, he hooked up with her and didn't really respect her. How that he is a better man, and understands love is what he longs for, he knows his behavior was selfish and hurtful. And basically summed up as people just don't know how to love. We know we want it, we can feel it, but most can't give it.
Which gets me to the topic, "true to himself." If he didn't like the girl, he shouldn't sleep with her. To sleep with someone, and not put your heart in it and then to call it true to the self, is actually true to being selfish. No?
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Ixion120....you are a breath of FRESH AIR! Thank you for your well spoken insights...and for sharing them! I rarely comment and only joined this site a few months ago...but I am happy to speak up and say well done. Your words are clear, concise and much appreciated. smile
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by aspegz
..... I've had a f**k buddy relationship with a Virgo man for about seven months now.




That is the opening sentence, and I won't read anything past that ....... once you get hurt, don't come crying around these parts.

click to expand


It amuses me that you automatically think I've been hurt, which I haven't. But thanks Winking
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Posted by Ixion120

I do have one question when he does mention the other guys that you chill with does he do it in a sarcastic or teasing sort of way?




Yeah, he's rarely serious about it, as far as I can tell. Except the past couple times he's been over, he's legit asked me if I think he's "small" down there.
Like I said, I'm just trying to figure out his way of thinking. I'm not emotionally invested as in looking at him in a romantic way. I think he's an interesting, cool person that I want to know better but don't know how to approach him.
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You're a "Sagittarius" so that makes you exempt from jealousy? FOH, everyone gets jealous, it's just human nature & you're a damn lie if you say you don't.
Anywho, I'm afraid you won't be viewed as anything more than cum dump. He knows you're fucking other guys too? Smh...he's not going to want anything more boo, cut your losses.
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Posted by Ixion120
I would venture that it would be a tad naive to have the expectation that everyone that a person lays down with is in it for the long haul.


Already showing the critical virgo self. LOL. And we haven't even finished our first date. I never said that SHOULD be the expectation. Believe it or not, my statements were extracted from an older experienced virgo himself after much contemplation. Maturity doesn't happen in the beginning of life, it happens later in life.
The truth is human nature is self serving, and much of the young internet generation is sex centric rather than heart centric. By being so, they will spend most of their lives looking for love in all the wrong places. Most don't really realize their error until late age or near death. I don't want my philosophical statements to come off judging. I mean surely I had a few moments as a woman coming off lusty rather than loving. And I do agree if the rules were put in place before intimacy began, it would save you a lot of time and trouble.
Even so, it doesn't mean her f- buddy isn't selfish. We all are to some extent.
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Posted by aspegz
Posted by P-Angel
Posted by aspegz
..... I've had a f**k buddy relationship with a Virgo man for about seven months now.




That is the opening sentence, and I won't read anything past that ....... once you get hurt, don't come crying around these parts.



It amuses me that you automatically think I've been hurt, which I haven't. But thanks Winking
click to expand


She said once you get hurt.
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Posted by RealTalk
You're a "Sagittarius" so that makes you exempt from jealousy? FOH, everyone gets jealous, it's just human nature & you're a damn lie if you say you don't.
Anywho, I'm afraid you won't be viewed as anything more than cum dump. He knows you're fucking other guys too? Smh...he's not going to want anything more boo, cut your losses.


I didn't say it makes me exempt from being jealous, of course I get jealous in certain situations. But I honestly don't really get JEALOUS with him, or care who he's having sex with. So call me a liar, or whatever else. lol I'm honest.
He fucks other girls as well. Anyway, you're kind of rude. Thanks for enlightening opinion though.
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No I'm "real" not rude, but I understand the confusion. Hence the username, I don't need to sell you a fantasy to sugar coat anything, I'm keeping it real.
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For someone who doesn't get really "jealous" with him, but creates an entire thread in his honor. Usually people who don't get jealous don't care that much, but you seem to though.
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Posted by RealTalk

Anywho, I'm afraid you won't be viewed as anything more than cum dump.


You're mama was a cum dump. That's why she had you. Now...is that me being real or rude?
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Posted by smurfy
Posted by RealTalk

Anywho, I'm afraid you won't be viewed as anything more than cum dump.


You're mama was a cum dump. That's why she had you. Now...is that me being real or rude?
click to expand


No that's you being sensitive you fucktard. Put your head in a toilet & drown yourself while choking on your own shit bitch.
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Posted by Sweeetface
Posted by RealTalk
everyone gets jealous, it's just human nature & you're a damn lie if you say


Speak for yourself. Just because someone doesn't show emotion doesn't mean they don't care.
click to expand


Who said anything about emotion? WTF are you talking about?
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Posted by smurfy

It's his way of saying yeah, you turn me on, but for everything else you're on your own.




What's the difference between what I said & what you said? Semantics? Fuck off.
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Ixion120
certainly nice to hear a POV from a Virgo male. I still hold a differing opinion about two areas you mentioned solely based on my experiences with several male Virgo's.
1. you state Virgo men will broach the topic of something more IF he feels something more. Are you referring to scenarios regarding two people who are attracted to each other but not actually dating? What about someone who is in a committed relationship but is giving you signs of attraction? I guess my point being is that in MOST of my interactions with VM, when it comes to terms of him opening up about how he feels about a woman; I've rarely if ever seen this side. If anything, I've seen things as smiles, the look, compliments, and of course, getting criticized to death, but not the openness you refer to.
2. RE: competition of other men. With all due respect, maybe you aren't overly competitive because you are secure in yourself. This is true for some men. I'm not claiming all VM are insecure. of course they aren't. however, in my experiences, the majority have been to some extent. And the fact they couldn't stand seeing me with other guy friends OR having a serious relationship with another man always made me angry. I found it totally childish. I know some women love men being jealous or possessive of them. I don't. And because of this nature, it's usually undermined some of my friendships/deeper relationships with VM who I really cared about.
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@gemini64: Thank you, also.
I guess first, the sex thing is mutual. You made it sound like I'm a prostitute that doesn't make money lol. I do understand that it's weird. The sex started very unexpectedly and it's not at all how I normally am. But when sexual frustration hits it's peak...you do what you do. He's a Virgo & I'm a Sagittarius and it'd be a hard relationship anyway. I guess I'm just trying to understand him because I like him as a person & I quite enjoy his company. He's just so damn hard to read about everything all the time.

aspegz,
I never referred to you as a prostitute. And I didn't mean to imply that you were one either. With that said, from my upbringing and personal convictions, I wouldn't be able to have the type of relationships that you and many people do. I've always thought about it as holding onto my self respect and my integrity. i realize my POV of self accountability is considered outdated to many in today's society. That's ok. It's worked well for me thus far. I'm happily married to a wonderful man and will be celebrating our 15 year anniversary in a few days.
One thing I do know for certain....MOST men who can get sex without having a committed relationship are not the type of men who will marry you. Sex is an important element for sure in a committed relationship, but not the ONLY important element. When sex is good, it's easy to be with each other. But now that you're having frustrations over that aspect. Your relationship with him is solely based on this. Because of that fact, you two will never have a truly committed relationship. This is almost a sure fire recipe for failure.
You said you don't want a relationship with him, but then admitted to having feelings for him. Honestly, that's kind of like being half pregnant. BTW, in women those feelings are enhanced through sex/physical contact as the hormone oxytocin is released. So the more sex you have, the more attached you will get emotionally. That's the way we women are wired. Men, OTOH, use sex to release a build up of testosterone. They do experience some oxytocin, but nothing on the level as women. This is why men can often have sex without getting emotionally attached. Understanding this fact might help you see the bigger picture.
Life is about challenges, choices and learning from experiences. Wisdom and growth often stem from bad experiences and painful emotions.
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Gemini, you've probably given me the most real answer yet. So thank you for that. You're completely right, and I have let my emotions cloud my logic. Maybe I'll stop the sex entirely because it's not worth the worth the fuss that I obviously can't help creating lol.
Happy Anniversary by the way smile
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& @realtalk, you're one of those people who think they're being "real," but really you're just incredibly insensitive. There's a big difference & I think you need to learn it. You're violent. You want to tell everyone else their life problems and how stupid they are and then as soon as someone speaks up you jump down their throat. But okay. I tried to be nice & thank you for your "advice" and you had to get defensive. I hope you don't sound as pathetic in real life as you do on here. Have a great day.
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Posted by aspegz
So I've had a f**k buddy relationship with a Virgo man for about seven months now.
Sometimes he's very reserved, he doesn't talk much at all. He'll come, we'll do it, he'll leave.



^^^^^FUCK BUDDY RULES AND REGULATIONS...you don't get to ask questions. Didn't you know that?
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Posted by aspegzYou're completely right, and I have let my emotions cloud my logic.



Yep...you BROKE the rules. No feelings, no questions, no expectations..NADA. It is what it is.
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With all this free emotionless sex going on I must be in the wrong town. F-buddies or no, you people are lying about the amount of partners your having or your rich internal lives far outshadow reality.
In either case if you like sleeping with continue and stop worrying about every little thing. If his bringing up your other lovers bothers you then threaten to cut him off and he will stop talking about it or not and risk the dreaded no sex scenario.
In either case you guys seem to have enough partners to keep you busy.
Or it would be nice if just admitted you guys like each other and stop all the pretense.
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Posted by miamivirgo
With all this free emotionless sex going on I must be in the wrong town. F-buddies or no, you people are lying about the amount of partners your having or your rich internal lives far outshadow reality.
In either case if you like sleeping with continue and stop worrying about every little thing. If his bringing up your other lovers bothers you then threaten to cut him off and he will stop talking about it or not and risk the dreaded no sex scenario.
In either case you guys seem to have enough partners to keep you busy.
Or it would be nice if just admitted you guys like each other and stop all the pretense.


Yep. Continue as is, cut it off or make it more.
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@ Gemini64: 1.) The openness I speak of is very real, and our ability to be open is based on the context of the relationship, Virgo Men can be very shy and loathe to start cold conversation first.. so you are right on your observation that we won't necessarily do much to engage with you if there isn't a social situation that we can approach you in...... but while we may be shy with our initial introductions and expressions of interest.. in the context of an established relationship be that friend,FB,Romantic or otherwise, if there is something of import we will tend to communicate it, if we have enough care to do so and we are ready to do so.
2.) You are right in that it is all about him being secure. When I was younger insecurity in relationships was more pronounced along the lines of what you are talking about. I learned and matured and came into myself with time and deep introspective thought. Our critical nature if left to its own devices can definitely cause boogeymen to appear where there are none...and that can and has self-destruct some relationships.

thanks Ixion120 for the thorough response. certainly not trying to hi jack this thread. however, can I ask you a couple more things since you are a VM?
1. If a VM knows he can't have you (due to circumstances at that time), but gives you quite a few compliments (some subtle, others openly), mostly about being a hard worker or qualities about you, is he really "into" you and hoping to get a reaction out of you that will give him insight into your feelings about him?
2. Same scenario as above: If the same VM targets you for what you feel is unfounded criticism, is that a sign of attraction per your POV or is he just
having a male PMS moment?
3. If I in turn asked this individual why he chose to criticize me for things I felt were unfair? Would that anger a VM, hurt his ego or make him analyze my inquiry to death?
4. And once he's digested my questions about his criticism of me, will that forever change our relationship? In other words, will that undermine his trust and/or positive thoughts of me?
The reasons I ask is that I have a scenario which is different from all others and not sure how to understand his actions/comments.
thanks for any insight. appreciate it.
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Posted by Sagtastic1
@aspegz Don??t let them sappy ass water signs try and drag you into emotional turmoil. They always think the WORST first??_.ewww I??m itching just thinking about it. Back to the OP. #GirlCode you never let a man know that you are sleeping with another man, that just makes your stock go waaaaayyy down. I know you can??t help but being honest, because it??s only fair (typical Sun Sag Libra Acs trait??_..*air five* astro twin). While we??re on the subject of being fair, I??m sure your V-guy truly enjoys your company and better yet the sex; probably why he??s hung around for so long. I??ve experienced the tit for tat with Virgo??s as well as the criticism. I personally think they find humor in making fun of our flaws, as if it makes them feel better about themselves. So TF what I??m clumsy and I forget to put money in my parking meter which leads me to get tickets. That??s how I carried that situation!
His intent is very clear; he likes you and your cookies! If you want more, TELL HIM! If he doesn??t??_.well, now you know. You can either detach yourself emotionally or continue to bang him or tell him it was fun and throw up the peace sign. If you decide to leave, BE PREPARED for him to re-appear. A Sag to a Virgo is like crack to a addict. They know it??s bad for them, but they can??t leave it alone.



Can I just say I love you?
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Ixion, you're super insightful & it's really nice to hear an actual Virgo male's opinion. So thank you for all your advice!
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Ixion120
you were adequate, YES.
if could do F/U questions.
1. So communication is huge for a VM. i'd say that's very true for geminis as myself too. if there isn't an intellectual connection from the get go, there never will be. I am confident we had that type of connection from his comments/body language. He often gave me that little smile/look...the glint in the eye thing you brought up.
2. RE: criticism. the scenario was such that he would ask my opinion on something, I'd give it without getting emotional or whiney. he'd snap on a dime and accuse me putting words in my mouth i didn't say. it was weird because i noted he didn't do this to other people he liked (not necessarily romantically, just liked) but his comments were always directed at me. once he got out what he wanted to say (or maybe said what he didn't want to say but it came out wrong?)....he'd get quiet, walk off by himself and sulk. Never understood this reaction. Nothing I ever said was critical of him nor anything he believed in.
Criticism = Caring......i can see that to a point IF it's constructive criticism. I've never felt his was warranted. add to that he's told me "i'm fair and honest." so trying to justify his critical comments is difficult. obviously he believed in my personal integrity.
3. When i asked about my inquiry with him as to why he was so critical with me at times compared to others he liked, i did so in a letter. honestly, i never really had the fortitude nor the opportunity to do it in person. i simply laid out the scenarios when he criticized me and asked him why he said what he did. I didn't express anger or anything. just wanted to understand his actions towards me.
the next time we saw each other, he gave me this look of "OMG" i can't believe she's here, but then approached me tentatively and gave me a hug. it was very awkward. i could sense tension; it really got to me. rather than being my normal self in the conversation (small group of people), I kept to myself. he picked up on that and tried to get me to open up more. I felt my emotions well up inside making me shut down. I walked away very hurt. I felt that he had taken my inquiry of his comments very personal, and he was obviously either hurt/angry with me. I wondered after that experience if he felt i had betrayed our trust.
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Ixion120
4. If a VM is attracted to you because of the intellectual and emotional connection, but he knows he can't have you at that time, will he ever make a move anyway OR will he just get over his feelings over time? Do VM as yourself hang onto feelings for a long time since you seem to hold such deep feelings, despite not showing them outward?
I have no doubt there will be times I run into him again. your insight might help me deal with my questions/concerns putting me more at ease.
Thank you so much for taking the time to be thorough and share your personal wisdom as a VM.
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If your f**k buddy has to ask you about his size, then you might want to reconsider if you even want anything further. That's the beginning stages of insecurity and it will only get worse from there.
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Posted by Ixion120

Counter to Smurfy's opinion we have a soul but we will always try to be true to ourselves. If we don't start out that way at first our nature will correct it in time...(I could be speaking of just myself with that but I will put a stake on the line and say I'm not).. We won't shy away from you showing your emotions if the relationship is sufficiently evolved, additionally, we couldn't care less about the competition if the relationship is well defined (a conversation about the boundaries and your expectations ...






I have to agree with you on that one. I am with a virgo man and am a cancer leo cusp virgo rising with leo moon and mercury and cancer in mars also so pretty prone to emotional ways. He is very understanding and talks to me about any issue that I have. Definitely has a big heart and soul. I would say its important to still lay the conversation out somewhat logically. Don't put it all on him or go into an ammeter dramatics performance or play silly games to try and get him to tell you things. Just come out with it in a simple and non confrontational way. He likes to be there for me and help me with my worries so I come to him for advice and that makes any virgo feel great
Winking
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Ixion120,
thank you so much for great clarification on my inquiries. I truly appreciate your insight and the time you took to respond with depth. I would love to think the man I'm telling you about thinks/feels a lot as you do. Because I could handle that. You make sense of this. I'm guessing my feelings for him and his for me are making this too damn complicated.
I'm not afraid to tell him how I feel. I did that in my letter, and in a manner that was to the point and not dripping with emotion. I'm more afraid that my actions hurt him and that is why our relationship has changed, even though no one actually said it did. But you and I both know actions often speak louder than words.
You've been a great addition to this site. Thanks again.
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Posted by smurfy
Some virgo men don't see women they sleep with as having a soul. And it is his disconnect with reality that makes him a miserable bastard. Hence his critical personality.



WTF?! Speechless.
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