relationships confusion ...

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by sara1691985 on Wednesday, April 3, 2013 and has 15 replies.
I wonder if this is typical for Virgos: I always feel we are some how unrealistic in our expectations in relationships. I am extremely attracted to emotional men, the ones I feel need me. I feel this would be a fulfilling relationship for me. When it comes to marriage though, I need stability, someone who is not an emotional roller coaster. Although emotions attract me, they make me loose balance when we get too close, and I prefer someone in control of themselves. But again, I feel stable men are so dry for my taste ... I don't know if I am simply still growing up or if all Virgos are like that smile
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moon in libra, venus in leo, rising in capricorn
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Why does emotions correlate with need?



that's really a good point ... when I see someone really emotional I automatically feel I need to nurture them, protect their feelings, and make them feel safe and comfortable.
Maybe its a wrong attitude though. I remember now a leo friend of mine who is really dramatic in her emotional expressions, I feel all the time I should help her, but she keeps telling me I'm just talking to you I don't want you to help me, but its just how I feel.
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Funny thing is...emotional people are the people who GIVE the MOST...if you can believe I am asked for advice 24/7...other people are needy. TAKE TAKE TAKE.


this is so true, I think I eventually feel more comfortable around emotional people, I don't feel they will judge me or anything, they just express themselves without fear or worry of what people might think, how adorable ... but its just the responsibility thing inside me, I still feel I am responsible for their happiness so I am screwed when they are really not ok ...
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Posted by MellyMel
I've learned that if you assume responsibility over something for long enough, most people will follow suit and assume its your responsibility too.. Social conditioning, or something similar.. if that makes any sense?


I think most virgos just need to relax more and just let it be, you can't control everything and be responsible for everything. hard to apply this in relationships though because you are not that rational in this case and emotions take over ...
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Posted by CluelessCancer
He saw it as being negative, i saw it as letting out whatever frustrations into the world, urfff...so much misunderstanding.


it took me a long time to understand this, that some people are just emotional and express it openly. it has nothing to do with me, but I am not that understanding all the time though. it is still hard for me to do that in relationships, i am on the way though, i still find being emotional extremely adorable though smile
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Posted by sara1691985
Posted by MellyMel
I've learned that if you assume responsibility over something for long enough, most people will follow suit and assume its your responsibility too.. Social conditioning, or something similar.. if that makes any sense?


I think most virgos just need to relax more and just let it be, you can't control everything and be responsible for everything. hard to apply this in relationships though because you are not that rational in this case and emotions take over ...
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and what makes it harder is the blame thing too, virgos blame themselves all the time: "did i hurt him when i said this or that?", "was he hurt when he felt i am tired or sad or whatever?" ... we have a really hard time with blaming ourselves
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Posted by sara1691985
I wonder if this is typical for Virgos: I always feel we are some how unrealistic in our expectations in relationships. I am extremely attracted to emotional men, the ones I feel need me. I feel this would be a fulfilling relationship for me. When it comes to marriage though, I need stability, someone who is not an emotional roller coaster. Although emotions attract me, they make me loose balance when we get too close, and I prefer someone in control of themselves. But again, I feel stable men are so dry for my taste ... I don't know if I am simply still growing up or if all Virgos are like that smile


It's pretty normal for a virgal
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Posted by sara1691985
Posted by sara1691985
Posted by MellyMel
I've learned that if you assume responsibility over something for long enough, most people will follow suit and assume its your responsibility too.. Social conditioning, or something similar.. if that makes any sense?


I think most virgos just need to relax more and just let it be, you can't control everything and be responsible for everything. hard to apply this in relationships though because you are not that rational in this case and emotions take over ...


and what makes it harder is the blame thing too, virgos blame themselves all the time: "did i hurt him when i said this or that?", "was he hurt when he felt i am tired or sad or whatever?" ... we have a really hard time with blaming ourselves
click to expand


And I all along i thought I have a disorder or something. I am like this and its making me sick. Not good. What's the way out? If there is any. Sighh
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Posted by VirgoTIN
Posted by sara1691985
Posted by sara1691985
Posted by MellyMel
I've learned that if you assume responsibility over something for long enough, most people will follow suit and assume its your responsibility too.. Social conditioning, or something similar.. if that makes any sense?


I think most virgos just need to relax more and just let it be, you can't control everything and be responsible for everything. hard to apply this in relationships though because you are not that rational in this case and emotions take over ...


and what makes it harder is the blame thing too, virgos blame themselves all the time: "did i hurt him when i said this or that?", "was he hurt when he felt i am tired or sad or whatever?" ... we have a really hard time with blaming ourselves


And I all along i thought I have a disorder or something. I am like this and its making me sick. Not good. What's the way out? If there is any. Sighh
click to expand


Forgive yourself and the door will open...
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Maybe its a wrong attitude though. I remember now a leo friend of mine who is really dramatic in her emotional expressions, I feel all the time I should help her, but she keeps telling me I'm just talking to you I don't want you to help me, but its just how I feel.


We Leo women are known for a dramatic emotional flares. I have learned to control mine but I internalize which causes health problems. We governed by the sun, so we are do things in the extreme. When we are happy, we are HAPPY. When we are sad, we are SAD. When we are angry, we are ANGRY. When we love, we LOVE. We are also action oriented creatures. If there is a problem, what needs to be done to fix it and lets get it done. So I could see how she would get frustrated with the talking. However, as I am learning, shame on her. I am finding a Virgo, if the Leo allows herself to learn, can teach the Leo to be calmer and more stable in our emotions. My Virgo friend is teaching me this: patience. We want what we want and we want it now. But now I am learning to take a more rationale and practical look at things. When I would talk to my girlfriends in the past, they may help, but I would still have turmoil inside and still worked up. My Virgo guy friend when I go to him with my current situation and I am in a break down or freak out mode, his words are the most practical, real, understanding, guiding, and kindest words. He can take me from full freak out to an immediate, you know you are right and I get a calm serene feeling inside. I may not be fixed and still sad or upset but it is not at the extreme. I have learned a lot, and it is helping me develop myself from the hot flame to and constant easy burn.
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Posted by sara1691985
I wonder if this is typical for Virgos: I always feel we are some how unrealistic in our expectations in relationships. I am extremely attracted to emotional men, the ones I feel need me. I feel this would be a fulfilling relationship for me. When it comes to marriage though, I need stability, someone who is not an emotional roller coaster. Although emotions attract me, they make me loose balance when we get too close, and I prefer someone in control of themselves. But again, I feel stable men are so dry for my taste ... I don't know if I am simply still growing up or if all Virgos are like that smile


When you say emotional, are talking a person who feels and shows their emotions or needy and you feel you can "fix" them? There is an difference. You can be emotional person and stable, but you cant be needy and broken who "needs fixing" and be a stable person. Careful with those. You can't fix people, only they can fix themselves. Don't be the rescuer, you will find yourself always being disappointed. If someone is not willing to help themselves you can not help them.
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Posted by Gemini052388
In line with this topic, I wonder why when I needed my virgo, he wasn't there for me. Now that I don't need him and keeping my distance, he kept approaching me. Even said "I will remember that you said you will not date. I will keep reminding you about it" like really?! Why?! When I needed his assurance, he can't give it to me and now that I was close to happiness without him, there he goes.



I think he might just be immature, sometimes virgos also panic when they see you devastated. May be that's why he let you down. I don't think its an excuse any way, if he can't really be there for you when you need him he should compensate you somehow. Otherwise, he does not deserve you until he makes some effort. I think virgos can do anything for the ones they really love even if they are sacrificing more than appropriate, and even if they try to hide this tendency, it eventually shows, they can't help it.
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Posted by TheLioness79
Posted by sara1691985
I wonder if this is typical for Virgos: I always feel we are some how unrealistic in our expectations in relationships. I am extremely attracted to emotional men, the ones I feel need me. I feel this would be a fulfilling relationship for me. When it comes to marriage though, I need stability, someone who is not an emotional roller coaster. Although emotions attract me, they make me loose balance when we get too close, and I prefer someone in control of themselves. But again, I feel stable men are so dry for my taste ... I don't know if I am simply still growing up or if all Virgos are like that smile


When you say emotional, are talking a person who feels and shows their emotions or needy and you feel you can "fix" them? There is an difference. You can be emotional person and stable, but you cant be needy and broken who "needs fixing" and be a stable person. Careful with those. You can't fix people, only they can fix themselves. Don't be the rescuer, you will find yourself always being disappointed. If someone is not willing to help themselves you can not help them.
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^^ This ... how true
Yes I am trapped in the rescuer role most of the time, as if I like people who need to be fixed. Now I am more careful in my choices, no more people to fix Winking
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Posted by Gemini052388
@sara:possibly my emotions scared him. I was at my worst and he left me at that. I was disappointed. However, it is ok. I have forgiven him. But with what he is doing now... I'm afraid we might end up hurting each other instead. After he left me at my worst, I decided to get in a relationship with an aqua. He was asking me about it but I thought it was too personal to share with him so I never discussed it with him and just told him I was busy. I cannot date. And that's when he said he will remember that I said I won't date. And he will remind me over and over again when we meet.
It's just sad. I loved him. With all my heart. But I was too hurt and I am very afraid that maybe he just wants me now because I am ok. I am happy. I am calm. I am not at his disposal anymore. But what's gonna happen when I decide to go back to him? He will ditch me again at my tough times? Sad


I don't know what to say, I know its painful. I think time will reveal more about his intentions and whether he is really into you or just chasing you because you are dating someone else, but for now follow your heart and give it time, and be cautious.
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