Should I be more persistant with trying to contact
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by capricorn31 on Thursday, March 26, 2009 and has 36 replies.
nope, stop chasing him with your thoughts, he doesn't seem interested in having anything with you beyond an in and out kind of connection and honestly you seem a bit desperate over this man, it's clear that he doesn't want to interact with you at least not in the way you need him to.
I am desperate for closure. It's respectfully due to anyone who wants to move forward with a clean slate in their head from someone whom you had a relationship with. It's painful with out it due to what happened. After the day he never replied back. I let him be never tried to contact him since. When my ex-virgocusp came back recently he got me thinking after talking since we had talked about this virguy. It still hurt me a lot not knowing what happened, he even saw that and talked to me about it. Which is why after so many things showed up in my life I sought out to contact him recently. Honestly I don't want to talk about it anymore it makes me feel sick to. Thats why I wanted to get it over with once and for all with him. I didn't want to have to drag it around anymore.
I could have all along contacted him but I just think myspace and instant messenger as a way of talking is garbage, thats why I never persisted talking with him earlier. Thats his way of talking, I'm an in person, person. In the past he said he felt I was too busy for him. It was never that, I just don't sit online all day wanting to talk like him, thats all. I just gave him all the space in the world and I waited on him always to reach out. But I learned from seeing his friends that he needs someone to pester the hell out of him to get him to make plans or contact them. This was why I raised the question should I persist from his comment in the past and what I saw. He has communication issues. I don't deny that at all.
My ex and I decided to take it slow and get back together. I just did not want Virgo popping back in or me dragging this junk in my head around. I don't like carrying around things into something new. It's not fair to the new person. This reaching out was attempt to have a clean slate in my mind for creating something new. Am I desperate for his input, yes I am. He's just never been a situation where someone did that to him to know what it feels like to just be left wondering, what the hell just happened!!??
I could have all along contacted him but I just think myspace and instant messenger as a way of talking is garbage, thats why I never persisted talking with him earlier. Thats his way of talking, I'm an in person, person. In the past he said he felt I was too busy for him. It was never that, I just don't sit online all day wanting to talk like him, thats all. I just gave him all the space in the world and I waited on him always to reach out. But I learned from seeing his friends that he needs someone to pester the hell out of him to get him to make plans or contact them. This was why I raised the question should I persist from his comment in the past and what I saw. He has communication issues. I don't deny that at all.
My ex and I decided to take it slow and get back together. I just did not want Virgo popping back in or me dragging this junk in my head around. I don't like carrying around things into something new. It's not fair to the new person. This reaching out was attempt to have a clean slate in my mind for creating something new. Am I desperate for his input, yes I am. He's just never been a situation where someone did that to him to know what it feels like to just be left wondering, what the hell just happened!!??
Posted by tiki33
nope, stop chasing him with your thoughts, he doesn't seem interested in having anything with you beyond an in and out kind of connection and honestly you seem a bit desperate over this man, it's clear that he doesn't want to interact with you at least not in the way you need him to.
^^ QFT
FWIW... I've been in the same situation myself and I know how much it sucks. In fact, your situation sounds strangely similar to one of my experiences with a virguy - having him go offline when you come online (is that not the most infantile bullshit you've ever seen?), having him getting really close and intimate and disappearing, not responding to something as simple as "hi. how are you?" and on and on.
I don't understand it, I've never understood it and I hate not being able to understand things. It's really hard to give up the hope that there might be even the slightest possibility of you getting what you want if you just hang in there a moment longer (make one more phone call, be online 5 minutes longer, etc). They're going to do what they're going to do to meet their emotional needs. You have to do the same and decide for yourself how much more of that nonsense you are willing to take. Once you have that answer, you'll know how much longer you can try getting in touch with him.
Moral of the story... After a certain point you have to just say "whatever" and let it go.
I don't understand it, I've never understood it and I hate not being able to understand things. It's really hard to give up the hope that there might be even the slightest possibility of you getting what you want if you just hang in there a moment longer (make one more phone call, be online 5 minutes longer, etc). They're going to do what they're going to do to meet their emotional needs. You have to do the same and decide for yourself how much more of that nonsense you are willing to take. Once you have that answer, you'll know how much longer you can try getting in touch with him.
Moral of the story... After a certain point you have to just say "whatever" and let it go.
May be I confused everyone but if he had NEVER contacted me back two week ago from the first time I said "Hey I'd like to talk about what happened because I don't get why things ended abruptly-and I feel due to my fault part of I might be responsible" I WOULD HAVE JUST CALLED IT A DAY> THE END. If I chased for him to answer me at that point, then I could agree with your comments saying HOW MANY SIGNS DO I NEED HE'S DONE.
HOWEVER..For him on his own to make plans to talk about something that he knew about upfront was the topic of conversation then get delayed for real and second time not show. It's common sense I pose this question. It's not chasing or anything other then being like wtf is going on. Isn't everyone always running around saying Virgos don't play games. This is a game and if it isn't then its not what anyone is pointing at. I didn't make him pick up the phone twice and make plans. I didn't make him respond to me and tell me his brother had a baby the night we were supposed to meet up. Which actually did happen. I dropped any attempt to contact him 9 months ago when he didn't return one text I sent one day and never tried contact since. WHY? Because I thought from him not responding, he didn't want to talk anymore.
So when I reach out this time and he replies and makes plans, why does everyone think this should be so obvious it means he doesn't give a % # $ $ to me?? He would not have given me his new work email saying it was easier for him to reply faster if I contacted him at work then on myspace. That does not make sense of an obvious, he just does not care, why bother the effort honestly to do that.
Mike: Thank you, thats an interesting pov. I did not use the word closure, perhaps I should of. But there was nothing in the body of the email that said hey I miss your kisses and touch at all. I said I felt we had a misunderstanding I felt hurt and that he wrote me off. He replied saying I was crazy to think he wrote me off and that if I wanted to talk about it let him know and to use his new work email address he provided because he could reply faster. I said I would rather talk in person. 4 days later that day soemthing naturally happened to prevent that meeting for both of us. His brother really had a baby & he was watching their kids like he always did before. After that happened he seemed weird about the fact of timing for both of us but he asked if I was free the same day and time the following week to try again. After saying all that, yes my email was pretty much saying I need closure, I want to understand why you disappeared and I want to be honest about something that I wasn't open about because of what was going on with my family at the time you noticed. Nothing I said was like I want to be back with you like we used to be at all because what was on my mind was everything seemed like a mess to me in my head, far from wanting a relationship at all at that point.
Leokitten: Yeah..thats not what the case is but thank you. Your answer simple..I cannot hear what you do not say. Sound famliar, has someone said that to you before in your life? I haven't hounded him. I have no issues with pride myself. I just like people to be honest with themselves. And with me he was in my life and I felt responsible for something I thought he was reacting to of the past-perhaps over why he left-So, yes at least I want to face them and owe up to it if they felt that. I am not gonna devote my months to this. This happened last week. This is the same timing question like others pose saying omg he disappeared for 4 days should I call him and everyone says no thats no give him a few days and he will come back..Thats basically what i was gettign at. And with facing someone, honestly, I have never found anyone to think too highly of themselves no matter what high tower they are perched from when confronted over something they were too self absorbed to focus on.
VirgoLady: Thank you for the reply. I understand what you are saying. It does suck to cross paths with someone who can be like this at times and you try to seek something. My emotional need was needing closure from him. It was in that attempt. I wasn't gonna devote my life to this and I'm not falling apart over it. When I wrote this post originally I was at the point of saying whatever like I said above..whatever I don't want to bring this up in my past so I want a close of it now. For good.
VirgoHero...Um, correct me if I'm wrong. YOU did this to a woman in your life. Just up and left her on a whim after a while being with her and never looked back or thought about it. She sought you out for closure and you met with her about it and heard her out. Whats your motive in posting honestly, if you were actually the one sitting there listening to someone tell you, HEY, I need to hear words on why you disappeared BECAUSE YOU NEVER REPLIED TO HER AT ALL AND SHE TRIED CONTACTING YOU AND YOU DIDNT RESPOND.. You said you understood her need for that understanding TODAY....did you tell her she was desperate too for seeking that closure because I'm confused by your post then.
Tiki..he's not running cause I reached out twice to him. Thats insane. I know you don't know me. But thats all the time I've put into this in a year. Two texts. Details pile up when communication is screwed up and forms into this. People just aren't like paper that float in and out of my life-thats all.
The very fact you wrote that you were "desperate for closure" is concerning....seriously, you are taking this way too personal. Let the guy go, let him have his life and have yours too.
He doesnt feel the need to talk or to "close anything off" and thats his right. You owe eachother nothing. I can understand it upsets you but it does read like you cant get on with living without this - that isnt a healthy way to be at all and Im sure he can sense that.
Capricorns are like that though, you hang on and on and on. No offence but ive dated 2 and know several others and EVERY single time they lose a relationship its THEM who cant let go or THEM even threatening self harm, suicide (I lived it for 3 months myself until I had to let the guy go and never make contact again - he has since moved on LOL...still alive too hahaha). Your life will continue just fine without this closure, trust me
He doesnt feel the need to talk or to "close anything off" and thats his right. You owe eachother nothing. I can understand it upsets you but it does read like you cant get on with living without this - that isnt a healthy way to be at all and Im sure he can sense that.
Capricorns are like that though, you hang on and on and on. No offence but ive dated 2 and know several others and EVERY single time they lose a relationship its THEM who cant let go or THEM even threatening self harm, suicide (I lived it for 3 months myself until I had to let the guy go and never make contact again - he has since moved on LOL...still alive too hahaha). Your life will continue just fine without this closure, trust me
Hahah I love you so much dear
^^mmmhmm, I know. You are so fired
There are so many thoughts running through my brain with this post and no way I could address everything you wrote ... so, I will address only a few.
"I didn't want to have to drag it around anymore."
*** make sure you fully realize that you don't HAVE to carry anything .. you make it sound like you have no other option except to carry this heavy emotional burden around, and later you go on to say you have a new boyfriend now and make implication to suggest that it would be nice to be able to release this emotional burden so you can have relations with new man without this intrusion of feelings .. all the while, making it sound like it's this Virgo man's fault that you cannot give completely to new man because of this emotional baggage you have elected to burden yourself with.
This emotional burden you have ... is self-inflicted.
I am curious about the below quote of yours .. and perhaps, I am mis-reading it .. but, if I am reading it right .. it is saying that all along you have had the opportunity to contact this man to get your closure, but, you elected not to contact him .... until now.
And now you have an expectation for him to adhere to your needs, for your own emotional well being, at your decision that it's time he come to you to satisfy you .... yet, for all this time, he was available for you to contact to get this closure that you are desperate for.
"I could have all along contacted him but I just think myspace and instant messenger as a way of talking is garbage, thats why I never persisted talking with him earlier. Thats his way of talking, I'm an in person, person. In the past he said he felt I was too busy for him. It was never that, I just don't sit online all day wanting to talk like him, thats all. I just gave him all the space in the world and I waited on him always to reach out."
"I didn't want to have to drag it around anymore."
*** make sure you fully realize that you don't HAVE to carry anything .. you make it sound like you have no other option except to carry this heavy emotional burden around, and later you go on to say you have a new boyfriend now and make implication to suggest that it would be nice to be able to release this emotional burden so you can have relations with new man without this intrusion of feelings .. all the while, making it sound like it's this Virgo man's fault that you cannot give completely to new man because of this emotional baggage you have elected to burden yourself with.
This emotional burden you have ... is self-inflicted.
I am curious about the below quote of yours .. and perhaps, I am mis-reading it .. but, if I am reading it right .. it is saying that all along you have had the opportunity to contact this man to get your closure, but, you elected not to contact him .... until now.
And now you have an expectation for him to adhere to your needs, for your own emotional well being, at your decision that it's time he come to you to satisfy you .... yet, for all this time, he was available for you to contact to get this closure that you are desperate for.
"I could have all along contacted him but I just think myspace and instant messenger as a way of talking is garbage, thats why I never persisted talking with him earlier. Thats his way of talking, I'm an in person, person. In the past he said he felt I was too busy for him. It was never that, I just don't sit online all day wanting to talk like him, thats all. I just gave him all the space in the world and I waited on him always to reach out."
You have a need for emotional satisfaction, and erroneously believe that he has this need also.
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I couldn't take all the words left unsaid in my head. So I just wrote him an email saying everything just about. It was to the point, detailed and honest without being rude. But I just said straight out I felt like there was a misunderstanding in the past between us and I'm trying to seek information about this beacuse its really bothering me. I said the way he left things I felt used and at the same time I said I felt perhaps from another perspective that may be I hurt him by something lost in translation there since we both had busy lives then. I wrote what about I enjoyed my time with him, although I said since we were so busy working at the time and focused on work. I felt that we never had a chance to really bond as much as I thought we should as friends in a relationship. That we didn't have that, we thought we did because we were so similar and like eachother but we didn't KNOW each other like we thought. I had said I wished we could have been more focused on us together then. Aside from that I just expressed that I missed him but was terribly confused by whats going on in general. I said I don't know why he disappeared one day or why he never showed up that night because that was never like him in the past. I just left off saying I can see many angles to what "could have happened" however I need your truth without that I have nothing. I said I waited this long to contact him because the way he left things was like he never wanted to hear from me again and I wanted to respect his wishes despite I felt very hurt by things. But i told him it just is really hard to get off my mind today without any answers. What is the story?..that was it.
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You couldn't take it all .. that's how you started the above ... you couldn't take it, and then proceeded to inflict upon him all your emotional baggage as if he is suppose to do something about your weakness.
You have this need to have him rescue you from you not being able to sort your self out emotionally and are inflicting this upon him as if it's his responsibility. He left you, he bounced on you .... that means he doesn't have a care about your emotions, so why the fuck are you expecting him to care about your feelings now?
Seriously .. grow some pride, and walk the fuck away.
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I couldn't take all the words left unsaid in my head. So I just wrote him an email saying everything just about. It was to the point, detailed and honest without being rude. But I just said straight out I felt like there was a misunderstanding in the past between us and I'm trying to seek information about this beacuse its really bothering me. I said the way he left things I felt used and at the same time I said I felt perhaps from another perspective that may be I hurt him by something lost in translation there since we both had busy lives then. I wrote what about I enjoyed my time with him, although I said since we were so busy working at the time and focused on work. I felt that we never had a chance to really bond as much as I thought we should as friends in a relationship. That we didn't have that, we thought we did because we were so similar and like eachother but we didn't KNOW each other like we thought. I had said I wished we could have been more focused on us together then. Aside from that I just expressed that I missed him but was terribly confused by whats going on in general. I said I don't know why he disappeared one day or why he never showed up that night because that was never like him in the past. I just left off saying I can see many angles to what "could have happened" however I need your truth without that I have nothing. I said I waited this long to contact him because the way he left things was like he never wanted to hear from me again and I wanted to respect his wishes despite I felt very hurt by things. But i told him it just is really hard to get off my mind today without any answers. What is the story?..that was it.
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You couldn't take it all .. that's how you started the above ... you couldn't take it, and then proceeded to inflict upon him all your emotional baggage as if he is suppose to do something about your weakness.
You have this need to have him rescue you from you not being able to sort your self out emotionally and are inflicting this upon him as if it's his responsibility. He left you, he bounced on you .... that means he doesn't have a care about your emotions, so why the fuck are you expecting him to care about your feelings now?
Seriously .. grow some pride, and walk the fuck away.
"HOWEVER..For him on his own to make plans to talk about something that he knew about upfront was the topic of conversation then get delayed for real and second time not show. It's common sense I pose this question. It's not chasing or anything other then being like wtf is going on."
"So when I reach out this time and he replies and makes plans, why does everyone think this should be so obvious it means he doesn't give a % # $ $ to me??"
You make it sound like he is the one who made plans to have The Talk .. when in reality, you are the one who made these plans .. and as soon as you let him know that this is what you wanted him for .. he dissed you .. why?
Because he doesn't want to talk about you and him ... you want to talk about it.
YOu talk about how he is the one who would make plans to see you and that he is the one dissing you with these plans .... when in reality, he was all for seeing you until you informed him that you wanted to talk about relationship emotions you are burdened with.
It's like he gives you an inch and you pounce on him ...... demanding he support your emotions for you ... he probably does really want to hang out with you, but, I guarantee you he doesn't want to listen to you cry.
And that's what you want to do ... you want a serious discussion that involves your pain .... YOUR PAIN .... and he doesn't. He tries to make plans to hang with you and have fun and you just want to visit this sorrow because it's too much for you.
Capricorn
"So when I reach out this time and he replies and makes plans, why does everyone think this should be so obvious it means he doesn't give a % # $ $ to me??"
You make it sound like he is the one who made plans to have The Talk .. when in reality, you are the one who made these plans .. and as soon as you let him know that this is what you wanted him for .. he dissed you .. why?
Because he doesn't want to talk about you and him ... you want to talk about it.
YOu talk about how he is the one who would make plans to see you and that he is the one dissing you with these plans .... when in reality, he was all for seeing you until you informed him that you wanted to talk about relationship emotions you are burdened with.
It's like he gives you an inch and you pounce on him ...... demanding he support your emotions for you ... he probably does really want to hang out with you, but, I guarantee you he doesn't want to listen to you cry.
And that's what you want to do ... you want a serious discussion that involves your pain .... YOUR PAIN .... and he doesn't. He tries to make plans to hang with you and have fun and you just want to visit this sorrow because it's too much for you.
Capricorn
"HOWEVER..For him on his own to make plans to talk about something that he knew about upfront was the topic of conversation then get delayed for real and second time not show. It's common sense I pose this question. It's not chasing or anything other then being like wtf is going on. Isn't everyone always running around saying Virgos don't play games. This is a game and if it isn't then its not what anyone is pointing at. I didn't make him pick up the phone twice and make plans."
he didn't make plans for the talk .. you did
he was just trying to make plans to see you ... he bailed because you want the talk
no, it's not commone sense that you pose this question .. it's desperate, and chasing a man who doesn't want an emotional connection with you
*** side note .. didn't you say you had a boyfriend? So, what the fuck are you doing trying to secure emotional support/nurturing from another man for? Are you an emotional cheater?
he's not playing a game .. he just doesn't want to carry your emotional burden for you and you want him to and because he isn't, you've become desperate
nope you didn't make him pick up the phone twice and make plans .. however, you did inform him that the meeting you two have is to discuss his responsibility in making you feel better.
he didn't make plans for the talk .. you did
he was just trying to make plans to see you ... he bailed because you want the talk
no, it's not commone sense that you pose this question .. it's desperate, and chasing a man who doesn't want an emotional connection with you
*** side note .. didn't you say you had a boyfriend? So, what the fuck are you doing trying to secure emotional support/nurturing from another man for? Are you an emotional cheater?
he's not playing a game .. he just doesn't want to carry your emotional burden for you and you want him to and because he isn't, you've become desperate
nope you didn't make him pick up the phone twice and make plans .. however, you did inform him that the meeting you two have is to discuss his responsibility in making you feel better.
The answer to your question is .....
... swim away from him and never look back.
... swim away from him and never look back.
I went back and re-read the below thread of yours ... and now I remember you .. you are the control-freak Cappy .... so, the picture becomes quite clear to me as to why you are left in the dark .. apparantly, often ..
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/messages.asp?id=1446863&p=5
Also, after re-reading that thread ... I'm beginning to realize that Capricorns aren't very logical, and rely heavily on allowing feelings to guide them, and make their decisions for them.
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/messages.asp?id=1446863&p=5
Also, after re-reading that thread ... I'm beginning to realize that Capricorns aren't very logical, and rely heavily on allowing feelings to guide them, and make their decisions for them.
"You don't need him to react a certain way or be a certain way in order to gain closure, you have to take responsibility by closing doors on people that don't want to give you the respect you feel you deserve."
I completely agree with that. Cap, if you've said your bit and he hasn't responded, let it go. It's time to move on. Why are you giving someone else this level of power over you? It's weak...
Life is full of situations like these, and for your own well-being I think you need to learn how to take charge of yourself and when something like this happens, you close that chapter by yourself. I understand, that it's so nice when everything makes sense and you're able to meet and talk about things and have no doubts in your mind...But there are times when this won't happen, and you need to find a way to deal with that.
I completely agree with that. Cap, if you've said your bit and he hasn't responded, let it go. It's time to move on. Why are you giving someone else this level of power over you? It's weak...
Life is full of situations like these, and for your own well-being I think you need to learn how to take charge of yourself and when something like this happens, you close that chapter by yourself. I understand, that it's so nice when everything makes sense and you're able to meet and talk about things and have no doubts in your mind...But there are times when this won't happen, and you need to find a way to deal with that.
"I am desperate for closure. It's respectfully due to anyone who wants to move forward with a clean slate in their head from someone whom you had a relationship with. It's painful with out it due to what happened. After the day he never replied back. I let him be never tried to contact him since."
Hey Capricorn31 I have been there. I know how it feels to be shut out but the the cold truth is it's up to you to get closure for yourself. You can't change how other people feel or what other people do. Thus its a waste of your energy to be dragged down. You can only change how you see the situation.
I know it's tough to forget someone you cared about, but at the end of the day, you can only take the good memories you had with this person and forgive yourself for what happened. When you can do that, then you will get closure.
Best of luck
Hey Capricorn31 I have been there. I know how it feels to be shut out but the the cold truth is it's up to you to get closure for yourself. You can't change how other people feel or what other people do. Thus its a waste of your energy to be dragged down. You can only change how you see the situation.
I know it's tough to forget someone you cared about, but at the end of the day, you can only take the good memories you had with this person and forgive yourself for what happened. When you can do that, then you will get closure.
Best of luck
Thank you Eric for your words
I believe things happen for reasons, he tested my faith or belief in things. I cared for him very much and love him. Despite he left me with questions I still stood there with this thought to remain. As the universe would have it. I asked for release from this the other night while I was meditating. I let him go for the first time for real. And yesterday afternoon while I was about to close this thread and typing it, he called me.
He said he was sorry about everything and said he didn't show last time because of fight he was in with his family was a bit chaotic. He said if I still would let him he wanted to talk about things. I told him to come over. He did this time. He just saw me and picked me up and held me tight for a while and that connection brought me back. It was like no time had past at all. He kissed me and said he was sorry. We sat down and talked about things, he told me he didn't know why he left me then but it wasn't because of me. He said too much in his family would always happen before he'd go see me and he'd get upset after. He said by the time he'd get to me it was days later when he felt ok to talk again. He kept calling himself names, like a jacka $ $ etc and I was not used to hearing him say that at all. He seemed very down on himself. He showed me pics of the baby his brother had and said he would never lie about his family to me. Said he recently got his own place and said he knew he had issues but he's working on them. He said thats why he came. I asked what happened with his family and he just started crying saying he gets caught in the middle often with situations, but he's working on boundaries. He said he'd be ok and handle it.
After we watched a movie and he ended up spending the night. It was the first time he spent the night ever completely. All the time I saw him last year he used to get nervous so much and leave in the middle of the night. But this time he instead just said he was here, grabbed a blanket put it over us and held me. He wouldn't let go of me the the whole night so much I got so nervous but calmed later. If I slightly moved away he'd pull me closer to him and was on my pillow even. I have to say I never felt so peaceful after I woke. We talked before he left to go home but I didn't ask whats next at all. I don't know what the future holds but I am greatful for last night with all that waiting he was worth it to me.
I believe things happen for reasons, he tested my faith or belief in things. I cared for him very much and love him. Despite he left me with questions I still stood there with this thought to remain. As the universe would have it. I asked for release from this the other night while I was meditating. I let him go for the first time for real. And yesterday afternoon while I was about to close this thread and typing it, he called me.
He said he was sorry about everything and said he didn't show last time because of fight he was in with his family was a bit chaotic. He said if I still would let him he wanted to talk about things. I told him to come over. He did this time. He just saw me and picked me up and held me tight for a while and that connection brought me back. It was like no time had past at all. He kissed me and said he was sorry. We sat down and talked about things, he told me he didn't know why he left me then but it wasn't because of me. He said too much in his family would always happen before he'd go see me and he'd get upset after. He said by the time he'd get to me it was days later when he felt ok to talk again. He kept calling himself names, like a jacka $ $ etc and I was not used to hearing him say that at all. He seemed very down on himself. He showed me pics of the baby his brother had and said he would never lie about his family to me. Said he recently got his own place and said he knew he had issues but he's working on them. He said thats why he came. I asked what happened with his family and he just started crying saying he gets caught in the middle often with situations, but he's working on boundaries. He said he'd be ok and handle it.
After we watched a movie and he ended up spending the night. It was the first time he spent the night ever completely. All the time I saw him last year he used to get nervous so much and leave in the middle of the night. But this time he instead just said he was here, grabbed a blanket put it over us and held me. He wouldn't let go of me the the whole night so much I got so nervous but calmed later. If I slightly moved away he'd pull me closer to him and was on my pillow even. I have to say I never felt so peaceful after I woke. We talked before he left to go home but I didn't ask whats next at all. I don't know what the future holds but I am greatful for last night with all that waiting he was worth it to me.
"Closure"
that magic word !!!!
I never got Closure, and its unlikely i ever will (long story)
but it gets easier, trust me
that magic word !!!!
I never got Closure, and its unlikely i ever will (long story)
but it gets easier, trust me
Posted by capricorn31
My ex and I decided to take it slow and get back together. I just did not want Virgo popping back in or me dragging this junk in my head around. I don't like carrying around things into something new. It's not fair to the new person.
Posted by capricorn31
After we watched a movie and he ended up spending the night. It was the first time he spent the night ever completely. All the time I saw him last year he used to get nervous so much and leave in the middle of the night. But this time he instead just said he was here, grabbed a blanket put it over us and held me. He wouldn't let go of me the the whole night so much I got so nervous but calmed later. If I slightly moved away he'd pull me closer to him and was on my pillow even. I have to say I never felt so peaceful after I woke. We talked before he left to go home but I didn't ask whats next at all. I don't know what the future holds but I am greatful for last night with all that waiting he was worth it to me.click to expand
what does your current boyfriend think of your sleeping with the virgo? no doubt he's grateful you're so fair and honest.
We are not in a committment. We had decided to get back together to focus on being friends better first then if that worked have a relationship in the future. We said we were not looking to be with new people. We made a plan to not involved it on a physical level together until we were feeling the same thing and in love. We like eachother however both our hearts still were with someone from our past. We have both talked about those people to each other, it was something when we dated I spoke of Virgo yet it was not until I saw him again he'd told me of this women he's known a long time before he met me. We tried being together and like each other but him and I had not known each other that long before we dated months back. We were not in love with eachother from dating 3 months knowning each other 6 months total. This was a building period to know each other better for that reason because its something in the past we did not get a chance to do. We had a talk last night about that. I told him what happened since we left off where I didn't know what was with Virgo. We are on the same page. It did not change anything between us because we both want to know each others lives and came back into things with saying honestly what was still in our hearts.
In my head I had made it black and white about closure with Virgo. Either Virgo is here or he is not. Thats the way I see things for being emotionally involved with someone. No half way's wanted. In reality though, life is not like that people do carry people in their hearts perhaps sometimes in a box to take back out if it meant that much to them later. I was not following my heart fully before. I was saying and doing mentally what I thought I should do. Be angry at him for this for what I "saw". Yet what I knew inside myself and believed of Virgo deep down I let get changed in view by people around me.
I let myself get defensive and be like its this or that on the outside. But inside I still believed in him from what I felt in the past of who he was, thats why I hung on so long in my heart refusing to let go of him. When he left on the outside I gave him that space without contacting him. Because I wanted him to be happy despite I was sad he was gone and confused. In my heart I did not let go. I had faith in what I felt when we were together was real despite what others said and hope he'd return if he felt the same when he was ready. I told my ex this before this happened how I felt, he related to me and said it bothered him greatly if someone just left him without an answer when it seemed so sudden. He likes to weigh both sides in seeing someones issue like I. He is skeptical about astrology but he listens to it. I said I felt like things were oddily timing for a reason in our lives coming back together to talk and he said he felt like things were happening for a reason oddily that actually made him believe. He said he was learning things of himself and I felt that mirrored back the same way from what was taking place.
I let myself get defensive and be like its this or that on the outside. But inside I still believed in him from what I felt in the past of who he was, thats why I hung on so long in my heart refusing to let go of him. When he left on the outside I gave him that space without contacting him. Because I wanted him to be happy despite I was sad he was gone and confused. In my heart I did not let go. I had faith in what I felt when we were together was real despite what others said and hope he'd return if he felt the same when he was ready. I told my ex this before this happened how I felt, he related to me and said it bothered him greatly if someone just left him without an answer when it seemed so sudden. He likes to weigh both sides in seeing someones issue like I. He is skeptical about astrology but he listens to it. I said I felt like things were oddily timing for a reason in our lives coming back together to talk and he said he felt like things were happening for a reason oddily that actually made him believe. He said he was learning things of himself and I felt that mirrored back the same way from what was taking place.
And just to not confuse what I was talking about above..the statement below I was referring to my ex, we had made a promise to not have a physical relationship or be in something committed. We were committed to knowing each other better. Before when I was writing I was on the black/white scenerio in my head about needing to put Virgo in a file in my head labeled active or not I guess. I really did not need that I found and see now to make it like that. My ex showed me that actually by his own experience in his life that was still inside him.
" We are not in a committment. We had decided to get back together to focus on being friends better first then if that worked have a relationship in the future. We said we were not looking to be with new people. We made a plan to not involved it on a physical level together until we were feeling the same thing and in love. We like eachother however both our hearts still were with someone from our past."
This thread confirms what I've seen in the Real World: An unspoken competitiveness between Capricorns & Virgos - one always trying to second-guess / one-up the other like professional nit-pickers...
I can't imagine CapGal & VirGuy working out; though, CapGuy & VirGal might have better odds...
Capricorn,
I think your situation is understandable but sometimes you have to risk one to get another. You can't reach second base, still having one foot on first base. There will be time where you will have no security. Who ever you choose to work on it's fine as long as you let the other go.
I think your situation is understandable but sometimes you have to risk one to get another. You can't reach second base, still having one foot on first base. There will be time where you will have no security. Who ever you choose to work on it's fine as long as you let the other go.
Posted by DyarStra??_e
This thread confirms what I've seen in the Real World: An unspoken competitiveness between Capricorns & Virgos - one always trying to second-guess / one-up the other like professional nit-pickers...
I can't imagine CapGal & VirGuy working out; though, CapGuy & VirGal might have better odds...
Dyer..The Virgo I speak of above is a Capircorn moon, I don't know if that enhances the dynamic or subtracts from our signs. But to me and him we are like twins and I feel a depth with him since we met as he does me. Virg-Libra cusp my ex has a Virgo moon and the dynamic is different between us as compared to the other completely I've seen. I feel a lacking depth with him for some reason, despite we get along well. In what you say I do see and know there is a strong second guessing to his nature with me which is why we dated such a short time. The Virgo/cap moon on the other hand doesn't think too highly of himself and feels like he's not good enough to be with me despite when I look at him and I don't see him like he sees himself.
Hey Capricorn31 that sounds awsome. I am glad it worked out for you in the end. As guys go, he probably was feeling the same way you were but knew he was the one who messed up and needed to find the courage to ask you back. I am not really religious. Spiritual maybe. So this truism is one thing I will take to the grave. I got it from Buddhism.
Basically we should always expect change in life. Our best friends will not always be our best friends. Our worst enemies will not always be our worst enemies. Thus do not hate, but always welcome all with the same love and appreciation because one day, our friends will become our enemies and our enemies our friends. That is natures law.
If you ever feel like you lost some one close to you again, remember this truism. It helped me get through some tough times.
All the best.
Basically we should always expect change in life. Our best friends will not always be our best friends. Our worst enemies will not always be our worst enemies. Thus do not hate, but always welcome all with the same love and appreciation because one day, our friends will become our enemies and our enemies our friends. That is natures law.
If you ever feel like you lost some one close to you again, remember this truism. It helped me get through some tough times.
All the best.
Posted by Rays Heart
Capricorn,
I think your situation is understandable but sometimes you have to risk one to get another. You can't reach second base, still having one foot on first base. There will be time where you will have no security. Who ever you choose to work on it's fine as long as you let the other go.
I understand what you are saying. I know I do not love Cusp, I love Virgo. Cusp knows this, we feel the same that way looking at each other. This is why the friends situation to see if that grows. At the same token he approached this with me the very same day we decided to make it just friends for now Virgo came back. I def was reminded I do love him.
I don't carry a zillion friends like many I know but I feel Virgo cusp is a good person and growing in life like myself. He kept a lot of things from me in the past of who he was. Right now for that reason, getting to know each other is a clean slate. While they may share commonalities as my other virgo cousins do as well. My connection with them is very different. One is deep-Virgo..the other Cusp, I barely know, we rushed into dating too fast in the past without knowing each other better.
I don't know if Virgo wants anything right now after the other night with what is going on in his life with his family. I am waiting on that not because of Cusp, but because I'm sensitive to what he's going through. I know Vir-Libra Cusp I am not hanging on to as a second choice nor would I do that reversed with the other.
If I met a new guy today I would not take time to have him in my life because of both of them. The same if I had never dated Cusp. I would not take the time now. I would just be sitting here waiting on Virgo. Cusp is like a new girl I met few months back who I spending time with and getting to know right now. We go have lunch or go out do something outdoors. Thats really how much I know of him right now. I tell him what I would tell my girlfriend with what is going on with Virgo.
Posted by eric11
Hey Capricorn31 that sounds awsome. I am glad it worked out for you in the end. As guys go, he probably was feeling the same way you were but knew he was the one who messed up and needed to find the courage to ask you back. I am not really religious. Spiritual maybe. So this truism is one thing I will take to the grave. I got it from Buddhism.
Basically we should always expect change in life. Our best friends will not always be our best friends. Our worst enemies will not always be our worst enemies. Thus do not hate, but always welcome all with the same love and appreciation because one day, our friends will become our enemies and our enemies our friends. That is natures law.
If you ever feel like you lost some one close to you again, remember this truism. It helped me get through some tough times.
All the best.
I will Eric thank you
I used to feel that way inside when I was growing up. Yet the way I was raised and those who I knew would always think otherwise. After a long time I thought perhaps I'd learned something wrong and should be their way not my own. It really made me second guess myself by me seeing so many and hearing them this way. But deep down that was my true belief always and this situation defintely made a point to me to never question that again of who I am.Capricorn,
I think Virgo has your heart and you know it as well. At least you know and that alone is a good thing, as many of us don't really know where our hearts really stands and proceed with no guidance. In those cases you always end up somewhere else.
Reaching closure or finding peace with your emotions to Virgo is very important as you'll never experience Cusp or any other man at his full potential and on your side you'll never be experienced at your full potential, these men may conclude their analysis of you, having known you only partially. You will all experience each other only partially. That always end up with a lot of movements and very little achievements.
I think it's good that you wanted to reach closure with Virgo before moving any further with Cusp. It's only fair to anyone involved. I respect your intentions and it tells a lot about your nature.
I think Virgo has your heart and you know it as well. At least you know and that alone is a good thing, as many of us don't really know where our hearts really stands and proceed with no guidance. In those cases you always end up somewhere else.
Reaching closure or finding peace with your emotions to Virgo is very important as you'll never experience Cusp or any other man at his full potential and on your side you'll never be experienced at your full potential, these men may conclude their analysis of you, having known you only partially. You will all experience each other only partially. That always end up with a lot of movements and very little achievements.
I think it's good that you wanted to reach closure with Virgo before moving any further with Cusp. It's only fair to anyone involved. I respect your intentions and it tells a lot about your nature.
Glutton
I understand what you are saying Sagigoat. I think it just depends on the person and their character. In having faith in someone if you see something in them. You take chances with anyone. Someone so dedicated and strong could disappear or fail you just the same. They seem like the safest bet in the world and then tomorrow be gone, after 4 years together thats what happened with an ex of mine I was engaged to in the past.
There's risk in anything I know, sometimes people appear not really as they are, sometimes they do. Then others change and grow into something different from what they originally were even if it was good. Ultimately you never know. Everything involves change. It's just a chance you take or for me in what details I gather of a person to see something of them. I can't say what he'd be or do. But I do know if he decides on something in his heart he would not let someone down. If he decides. He did not say he should stop his ways he said he is tired of them and doing something about it. The rest is up to him, but he's not a guy that talks and dreams, he acts and puts them into motion. I believe in him still because I have seen everything in his life he has accomplished.
He's had a lifetime of people around him telling him he could do better and isn't worth it, when he was so much then and now, which has brought him to this negative image of himself. I can only say that because I came from a life like him, while not turning out like his outlook. I still had a shadow of that carried over me always in the past and I understand how you could be like he is. Watching him talk the other night was like watching myself talk to my best friend about my life years before.
When he decides he has no where to hide with his family issues, he will be able to overcome that part. He will be out in the open. Him setting boundaries will benefit him greatly since he had not in the past. And he has started this, its a matter of time there. I am too in a transitional period of my life. He's almost two years older then I perhaps its just our coming into our next half of our lives. The rest is just up to what direction things flow.
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