Should I make the first move?

OK, we've been talking alot. I mean alot. Up to the wee hours in the morning (on the phone). Every friggin' day. He always says these little sweet things to let me know he cares about me. We've never done anything. Should I make the first move to let him know it's ok to take the next step? He's really shy. Will that scare the crap out of him? Will it change everything? I don't want it to change anything. I'm enjoying the slow courtship too much. But at the same time. I don't want this to drag on too long. Maybe I'm just being impatience and curious. What do you all think?

I've given this advice before, and it worked with me recently and in the past.

After you meet next time, and go to leave, go to hug him, but move in for a kiss on the lips instead. He may be shocked... a few minutes may go by, but chances are, he will lean in for another kiss... IF he is attracted to you.

Of course, that is unless you're still kissing from the first kiss you gave him, LOL.

GO for it.

There have been women that I really dug, and wanted to kiss, but I just couldn't tell if they were actually attracted to me other than just a friend. I looked for a sign... some word, a look, a wink... a nudge... nothing... then I err on the side of caution and make no move, figuring I'd hate to lose a friend if she takes offence at my agressive behavior, LOL.

Maybe it's a V-guy thing... but I usually assume that the worst thing will happen... maybe it's that damn'd negative nature of ours... I think that if I attempt a kiss without some sign of attraction from her, that she won't simply be put off, but will be PISSED off, and will tell me to shove off and never see her again. So if I value her as a friend, I will be very wary of attempting a first move unless I get a VERY visable sign from her first.

One word: Yes.

I'll answer, VERY visable sign...

What I don't want to see is one of those looks that says "You can kiss me if you want", I want to see a look that says "Kiss me now damnit! I can't wait any longer!"... and hell, why not just say that too? "Kiss me now damnit! I can't wait any longer!" if that's being said and accompanies the look, the fuse has been lit.

And I don't know if this goes for all VirGuys, but a little nibble goes a long way for me during a kiss. If I get bit, I do bite back, and things usually get steamy from there.

Please note: you may want to wait for more opinions from other VirGuys to come in, I'm a younger one.

LOL Strings...

>Mr. C: I will be very wary of attempting a first move unless I get a VERY visable sign from her first.

So what is the sign? In the past... I would be at a party, a gathering of some sort... I would play it cool, but scan the crowd looking at, but not staring at different women... when I noticed one looking back... and it happened often enough... I would scan past her then look back to her and look longer... if she returned my gaze and we smiled at each other, that would be it... I'd go over and start chatting... that often would be my date for the evening.

Other times simply getting chatty with some gal I found attractive and that found me at least interesting... then when walking around... taking her hand. IF she gripped mine too, kissing would soon follow. If she avoided my hand, then I would pretend like I hadn't actually attempted to take hers... smile and continue chatting...

My last lady friend of 10 years, that Cancer gal... I had smiled at her alot. Chatted with her some, stood around the camp fires and sang with her. Got to be... friendly... friendly enough to give her a hug when everyone was packing up to go home after the weekend camping event... I had actually given up on her, when one night, standing around a campfire with several others, she suddenly appeared beside me, and put her arm around me... then I put my arm around her... soon we walked down to the river bank and passionate kissing ensued. = ))

>Please note: you may want to wait for more opinions from other VirGuys to come in, I'm a younger one.

Heh, there is wisdom in your words VirgoPMoon, even tho you are a young fellow. I can see that you ARE a V-guy = )

Yes, FC, you do have some explaining to do. Can you tell me what it is that goes through your heads while you guys are analyzing the situation. I understand that you don't want to be embarassed from rejection, but there's got to be more. For example, imagining that she's going to run and tell her friends you made a move on her. And what about those little detailed things that you think about, the yes, no, maybe so questions you ask yourselves. Thanks!

AW

Ya know, you virgos are one of a kind. I've been in a few relationships myself, but I've never encountered one such as this. Where's your confidence guys and gals? Why can't you just put yourself out there? So you get hurt once or twice. Take it as a lesson and don't repeat it next time. But even if you do and get hurt again, so what. Start anew with the next one in line. Opportunity come knocking very seldom and it's so easy to lose it if you don't catch it while it's passing by. The person that gives you that opportunity will go to the next one. Not because he or she is a "player" or doesn't give a crap about you, is not into you, or doesn't love you or in love with you. It's because you have also hurt the other person with your boxed up, hidden, fears of rejection, fears of getting hurt, fears of the other person knowing. Other people love for keeps, too. Other people get hurt, too. I just want to tell you guys that it's ok to open up. Virgos are great people, unique, intelligent, pure, deep, insightful, lovable, caring (yes you are), and many other things. Let us in...so you can show us all those lovely things you are. Don't drive us away with your fears...please.

>Yes, FC, you do have some explaining to do. Can you tell me what it is that goes through your heads while you guys are analyzing the situation.

What dyrstr8z said. LOL

He's pretty much on the money.

I'll give you a couple examples of my own too.

One was a horse buddy I'd known for a couple years. She no longer rode, but we'd go to horse shows together. I don't know what her sign was. Although I was super attracted to her, I never made a move on her because she was a horse buddy. Oh, I did the usual, talked sweetly with her, smiled a lot, smiled at her, listened to what she had to say.. she was a sharp gal. But I never felt free to make some romantic overture. She also never made a move on me, that I was aware of.

I always assumed the worst thing might happen if I took a chance and made a move... that she might be offended and would tell me to go away forever... and as I valued her as a horse buddy, I would not take that chance. Eventually she screwed me not only on a horse deal, but on a custom computer I built for her, so I wrote her off.

Another gal, one of those Earth Goddess's... short, plump, big butt and boobs, cute. I met her when she had hay for sale, and told me she had trouble finding people to help bale. So I offered to help in exchange for a reduced price on hay. We hit it off really well. Again, smiles, looks, listening intently to what she had to say... but no noticeable opening for me to make a move... Also, I was afraid, since she had great hay, and I needed it, that if I pissed her off... no hay. Again, even tho I am a VERY gentle man and a gentleman... for some friggin reason I always assume that a gal... not having given me any "signals" will react in the worst way if a move is made on her.

Some time went by and I found another possible hay supplier, so figured I'd make a move on the Goddess. We had hung out and chatted for hours several times. And always hugged before I'd go home. THIS time, in leaning in for the hug, I went for a little kiss on her lips, but she quickly diverted me to her cheek... and I of course pretended like that was what I had planned all along... nothing further ever happened between us. Although I still see her around sometimes and we chat in a friendly way and give eachother a hug when we part.

PT 1

I think in general, if I find a gal attractive, I am friendly, smile a lot, talk pleasantly, listen to what she has to say, ask her questions, smile a lot, smile at her. I look for some sign that she is attracted to me... the same things I do towards her... her smiling, smiling at me, etc...

Touching hands is sometimes a prelude to a kiss. If I make a comment about a ring she is wearing and she extends her hand so I can hold it to look at the ring... a kiss will be attempted that night. If she takes the ring off and hands it to me, nothing is going to happen for us.

If I touch her hand and she withdraws, then nothing is going to happen for us.

If she says that her feet are sore, and I offer to massage them and she declines... nothing is going to happen for us.

If while joking around, I give her a little poke with my finger in her side, and she pokes me back... a kiss will be attempted. If she deflects the poke, slaps my hand, jerks away from me to avoid the poke, even tho we still smile etc afterwards... nothing is going to happen for us.

Seems like if there is a mutual attraction and we touch, however lightly... that starts the electricity flowing. I feel it, she feels it.

When the kiss happens... it's hard to describe how it happens... sometimes there's just this connection between us...

PT 2

The kisses start off lightly... little smooches... lips pressed lightly together. After a few minutes of this, the tip of my tongue may poke at her lip, and if she responds in kind, some light tongue sharing happens. If no tongue from her, then I go back to a few little smooches, then stop, and smile at her and begin chatting again. Giving her time to think, while I wonder If I made a misstep.

If she has shared tongues with me, then I may pull her close. Holding her waist firmly, but not tightly. Kissing is gentle, French kissing, light tongue touching, little smooches, light lips pressed together... all of the above... probing, withdrawing, allowing her to kiss as she wants, not being forceful, not forcing, but sharing... back and forth.

IF she responds well to light French kissing, I may cup her bottom in my hands, and if she presses close to me, INTENSE French kissing ensues. But not constantly... it's a combo of INTENSE, light, little kisses, smooches, deep kisses.... all of the above. Me treating her lips as if they were her vulva... tickling a corner of her mouth as if there was a clit there.

The kissing is not constant. We may stop, and hug... hold eachother... then chat awhile... then go back to kissing. If it's not too late by this point, I may kiss her on the neck... light nuzzling... wet lips pressed against her... light tongue pokes and little kisses on her neck.

PT 3

It's all give and take... approach and retreat. You retreat to allow her to escape if she doesn't want to go on, or go further. If the kissing gets heavy enough, I may kneel down and lightly nuzzle her vulva thru her pants... if she lifts my head or backs up, then I only smile up at her and stand back up and resume kissing if she will, but know nothing more is going to happen that night.

If she allows it totally, I'll ask her if I can remove her pants. If she hesitates, I promise to keep mine on... If I promise, I will not take them off that night, even if she begs. Sometimes this works, sometimes not and she will say NO. To which I reply nicely... ok. And stand up and more kissing ensues, but again, nothing more will happen that night. I will not push her anymore.

This is what I mean by "a gentleman" VS "a perfect gentleman". IMO, a Perfect Gentleman would never go so far... but a Gentleman will, but if told NO, will stop no matter what... and smile and be nice about it, never getting upset or becoming grouchy.

So go for the touch, touch his hand. Smile at him. If he allows, hold hands. I bet he'll be hugely turned on at that point even if he's too shy to do anything about it. If he still seems comfortable with you, go for the kiss goodnight, but just a little peck on the lips at first. I BET he will like it and kiss you back. Then LOOK OUT! LOL.

PT 4.. END

Here's another confession that I hate to admit to...

Never once, have I ever in my 45 years, asked out a gal I thought to be "Beautiful". I've only asked out gals that I thought were "Cute", or in other words, average like myself.

So I focus on the kind of body type I like. Much less on the facial beauty that it seems most men do. Maybe this is why in a dream, when I realize I'm dreaming, I never look around for a beautiful woman to approch... I pick any woman nearby at random and focus totally on her body, never looking at her face.

I suppose on a scale of 1 - 10 Beautiful being a 10... I figure Cute to be anything below say a 7 or 8. Maybe even a 5, like I consider myself to be. I'd go out with a 10, but she would have to ask me. She'd even have to make her attraction for me known in a bold way, or I would never take the chance to get close to her as I would with a Cute gal.

I just assume that 10's KNOW they are hot, and KNOW they are one of the "Beautiful people" and therefore, will only go out with other "Beautiful people". I'm not bitter about it, I just consider it a fact of life.

FC: Wow!!!!! I you got me all worked up now 😉

I didn't know that cute was rated so low. I have been told I'm cute many, many times. Only a few people have called me beautiful or hot. I put my picture up on the hotornot website and surprise to me that I have been rated a 9.1 I didn't know people thought of me as that good looking. I have always consider myself either average or cute but, never hot. It does make you feel good when anyone on the web can rate me and I received that high of a rating. I have seen women on there that I think are way more attractive than I am and they are only rated a 7 or 8 which surprises me too.

>I didn't know that cute was rated so low.

Well, I view myself as a 5, which to me is average. Take a look at the pic in my profile and you'll see what I mean = )

Give me the URL of your pic on HotorNot or send it to me a private message here and I'll give you my honest opinion of your number, = ))))

>Never once, have I ever in my 45 years, asked out a gal I thought to be "Beautiful". I've only asked out gals that I thought were "Cute", or in other words, average like myself.

Dang I wish I could edit my posts... oh well.

The point I'm trying to make is, if he, like I, feels himself to be "average... just another face in the crowd" and you're VERY beautiful, he will likely be more intimidated than the average guy and you will have to be VERY bold to show him that you are attracted to him as MORE than just a friend.

Also, for me, I didn't mean to imply that I don't find many woman that I've been interested in and dated, to be VERY attractive and Beautiful in MY eyes... I'm only saying that I have never for instance... asked someone who looked like CHER out, LOL... always thought she was the hottest! I could name others, but you get my drift I hope.

I know you'd never see my face on the cover of "GQ", and would never think I'd have a chance with a "Covergirl" either. Perhaps I've never been SO much into facial beauty anyway... don't know.

Way too much hype & circumstance in the media, "selling" us on Metrosexuals, Anorexic Femmes, and other works of Deviant Art...

Hi DY!

Yeah, I use to go for the Metrosexual but now I'm more into subtle men. LOL, my way of thinking was very stupid because I realized that the whole metrosexual thing is just a wayu to get women -- why? Women are more confortable around men who can relate to them on a femme level. LOL, not me, but now I need to find a man that has substance but also the ability to really feel me.

LOL, like the old question -- "Can you drink me like water"