still the same virguy still I don't know??

Summmary of it

March: bumbing to eachother, start chatting online
April: chatting online, drinking coffee
May: chatting online, drinking coffees longer
June-July: chatting online, drinking coffees, coffees, coffees, coffees, going to movies and home dinners
Agust: chatting online,movies, coffees, home dinners, home movies, going to movies
and end of agust first sexual intercourse
September: everything mentioned above and me confessing that I like him, he couldn't even talk after my confession so suprised!! and I went to a businnes trip for 20 days
October: texting me a few times while i'm away, picking me up from the airport, exchanging gifts, seeing eachother regularly,everything seems perfect but not officially dating or having a relationship
November: staying over my (or his)place once a week, sleeping together, hugging, treating me like i'm something very fragile, but then teasing me like hell, preparing breakfasts, talking for hours.
Now the buts: i am always the one who comes up with a plan (or i'm always inviting, asking to go out) he never does (maybe implicitly sometimes) but he never ever refuses me.
and still very isolated relation, we are not talking everyday, no introducing to friends so I couldn't introduce my friends, not getting into friends environment. Actually not a night guy so he doesn't like going out at nights so it gets harder to get into our friends environment. Nothing official about a relationship for sure, i don't know what we are?

Again i am very confused: don't know how to behave, what to do?? any comments?

by the way I am a cancer, and I am taking it slow, patiently..but sometimes i really get curious..pufff i really like this guy

Hi Miasma!

Fumi's right. Things seems pretty right on with you and the dude.
Here is my commentary:

staying over my (or his)place once a week, sleeping together, hugging, treating me like i'm something very fragile, but then teasing me like hell, preparing breakfasts, talking for hours.
-The teasing part = HUGE. For me, its a form of affection. You'll know I'm seriously mad at you if I'm not teasing you. Its the whole "2nd grader pulling the pigtails of the girl he likes" syndrome.

i am always the one who comes up with a plan (or i'm always inviting, asking to go out) he never does (maybe implicitly sometimes) but he never ever refuses me.
I'm going to assume this guy is not a wuss. With that said, it may be the whole virgo-male service thing. If its someone we're into, we go out of our way to make them happy. For me, if I'm on my "own" time, I tend to do whatever the hell I want. So if its time I'm spending with someone special, then I don't feel a need to "control" the situation if what we're doing makes her happy.

no introducing to friends so I couldn't introduce my friends, not getting into friends environment.
I will admit..this is one quirk I totally have. I used to very much keep my friends and the girl im with very separate. To the extreme of one of my buddy's wifes had asked me "So if you found someone you were going to marry, you wouldn't tell us? Your CLOSEST FRIENDS?". I replied that probably not until the week of the wedding lol.

If he's like me, it has nothing to do with you. I'm a completely different guy with my chic than I am with my friends and never would the two meet. It wasn't until recently that I decided I should probably be better about this.

Again i am very confused: don't know how to behave, what to do?? any comments?
Be yourself. Enjoy him for him. Its what drew you to him, yes? 🙂 You mentioned you take it slow so just...take it slow and roll with it. It honestly seems like you're doing great with him and it doesn't seem like you're a jump-off for him.

I'm with Hero. You're doing well. The lack of definition may be making you crazy, but take the long view. We're only talking a matter of months here. It will gel into whatever it will be. In the meantime do what you will. The more independent you are the better probably (continue to see your friends and whatnot) but don't do it just to prove anything. It sounds like a nice thing...

...I'm reminded of the story, some old Druidic story where they were each other's lovers in the night but she (or he?) insisted on seeing things in the light of day and then she turned out to be some impossible aged old crone... or Eros and Psyche, I guess it's the same myth. Don't demand too much light too soon... or may be left with nothing.

Athena

thanks for all comments it was really helpful

St.Athena, yeah you are totally right..this lack of definition is making me crazy and confuses me..but I already waited and took it slow.. so i think i can handle a few more months..

VirgoHero, your comments were really helpful!! thanks! cause sometimes i really can't understand him and i must say he is weird..not in a bad way but weird.. i think he has a lot of quirks 🙂..anyway i really like him 😛

Hey VirgoHero,

"I'm going to assume this guy is not a wuss. With that said, it may be the whole virgo-male service thing. If its someone we're into, we go out of our way to make them happy. For me, if I'm on my "own" time, I tend to do whatever the hell I want. So if its time I'm spending with someone special, then I don't feel a need to "control" the situation if what we're doing makes her happy."


one question: so you don't feel the need to invite or ask her to go out?
you just wait for her to invite, no control..thats what i should understand?
I mean im curious, he doesn't feel like seeing me, miss me..how can he be totally ok with me doind all the inviting

Oh I didn't mean to imply that! I call my Gem all the time to do stuff. I was commenting more on you questioning how accommodating he is to what you want to do.

That is kind of weird. Is he shy? How work focused is the man?

well i can't say he is only focused on work

he is work-oriented (but nothing extreme)
he is pc game-oriented and
sports-oriented(extremly)

he never calls, sometimes texting messages
he is always waiting me to initiate things even saying "hi" while chatting online
and if i dont he asks why i didn't say hi bla bla bla

once I initiate things (chatting, texting, inviting) always positively responded..interesting
than he can text me 10 times in a row
or chat me for hours

Virgogotme

this is exactly what I am doing, because i am always receiving a positive reinforcement. But like when it's only me then I start questionning

why he never comes up with a plan or invites, whats wrong with him
and if everytime i come up with a plan he accepts, so is he expecting all the organization from me?

things bother me like: if i seem clingy to him or not? i dont even know he thinks..he just outscored me with behavior..i can't get it

but i always give him space and time before coming up with a plan because I know Virgos need space

well I was thinking to ask him about this issue not in a serious way but in a funny sarcastic way..since he is teasing me all the time, it wouldnt be a problem for him..

First I can ask him to go out for a cup of coffee and then tell

"maybe its time for you to invite me to movies (or whatever event he wants) this weekend, and I guarantee you i'll accept the suggestion..no worries 🙂" kinda something

or

"do you ever think in the future you might want to invite me somewhere bla bla bla"

or

"hey i'm the one always coming up with plans maybe you should give me a hand with this"

would that work? what do you guys think?

leokitten I totally agree with you but if the guy is perfect and when he is doing all the stuff for me.. I am not into that guy

and I assure you I am not doing it purposely..but this is my observation..I just go out there and pick a guy like this one..maybe i like the challenge or something
maybe something is wrong with me

Because Virgos are there to provide happiness to you, not create it.

And that's what you want .. you want him to create an environment where he can do something to please you .. and he cannot, he's a Virgo, his place is to make provisions.

Tell him ... "That new Japanese Restaurant just opened, I'd love to go. People tell me they cook the food right there in front of you. Doesn't that sound like a blast."

Or ... "I can't wait until the new Harry Potter movie hits the theatre. Only 15 more days and counting. I want to see it so bad."

Or ... "I was looking through the community calendar in the paper, and there's a really big corn maze in (town). Have you ever done that? It sounds like fun, I think I want to do that this Saturday"




And if he's yours, he'll make it happen ... whatever "it" is that you want.

Leokitten

i am not begging anyone for anything?!, if i wasn't getting anything back in return from his side, it wouldn't continue anyway

of course i fail time to time but there are lots of time I don't fail, nothing to do with my ego or self esteem its not relevant..whats wrong to give a shot if i like the guy, if i fail i can say that i tried but it didn't work..what's the sense to find a perfect guy if i won't be into him..to boost my selfesteem and ego?? well i think that would be problematic

P-angel yeah you are right!!

i tried that already for a movie that i really wanted to go and he took me to the movie!
also bought me a lipstick that i liked!

miasma what is ur sign ?

i am canver

cancer

I think Archer's suggestion is a good one although some may disagree and think it is rushing things by putting pressure on to meet his friends. I am normally optimistic on this board but i think it is very suspicious that he hasnt introduced you to his friends, for me that is a big red flag.. and you doing all the chasing. What happens when you don't initiate the contact, does he get in contact? What would happen if you didnt organise a date, would he organise one? How long have you been dating? 3 months? to me you should have met his friends by now. Do you live in the same town?

if i don't chase him,he comes after and asks whats wrong or if everything is ok and implicitly tells me that we should see eachother..he just cant say that he wants to meet just to meet..he always needs to find a cover or an excuse to meet..or he wants to give me a cd, or he needs to borrow my camera bla bla bla..but just borrowing a camera is taking 5-6 hours, like he is borrowing the camera and then we are going to movies and coffee etc..maybe he is too shy..but he doesnt seem shy, i dont know..the most complicated person i ever saw seriously


we were in the same college..we were not close friends back then but i kinda know his friends..but we dont meet with them , neither my friend..we never talked about this issue..we had different friend groups..

and i dont know if we are dating or not..nothing official i guess

hmm to me this seems really strange. So he only comes after you if you havent chased him? I have a bad gut feeling about this, he should be intitiaiting contact all the time it should be equal between you both.

by chasing..i mean saying " hey lets grab a cup of coffee" and he doesnt run away..actually he comes all the time I suggest to do something, he never refuses and he talks we are spending hours and hours

the only problem is initiating..that was my question..he is acting like initiating is my dutie

Miasma, that's the problem though honey intiating contact should be equal between both parties it shouldnt be just your duty that is unhealthy. If you want a relationship with this person relationships work by both people making equal effort. It is just sounding a bit to me like he doesnt want to initiate contact because that way he can convince himself he's not leading you on. Only when you disappear he misses the attention. I may be wrong of course but try suggesting the friends thing and see what happens then you'll find out whether he is truely committed to working on building a relationship with you. If he runs in the opposite direction when you suggest this then you will have your answer, good luck.

thank you all for the comments

I think i should really talk to him, or do something (like the friends thing u guys suggest)in order to understand cause i am also not talking to him since i dont want to seem clingy..and i may be giving him mix signals too cause sometimes i dont know how to act, i get confused..and i dont know how the hell he reads me

theskys..super-analyze??..really..thats new for me and interesting!

its like i am super analyzing as a cancer and if he is also super analzing..it means that we are lost in super analyses..might be at least

Miasma I think you defintily should talk to him. I made the mistake of denying my feelings in a recent relationship i.e. not speaking up to my ex virguy about things i was worreid about because i too didnt want to seem clingy. It's only now our relationship's ended i realised how unhealthy this was because i was constantly on hyper trying to work out was going on in his head. By becoming preoccupied with trying to keep my thoughts in check i was denying myself. If you are in a relationship neither person should deny speaking up about their feelings because you have to remain true to yourself. If you dont speak up because you're scared of rejection then he's clearly not the right guy for you anyway.You shouldnt have to change to be with him, he should accept you just the way you are. Sometimes it's really hard to see this until you are removed from a situation. Im just worried for you because feeling like you can't speak up makes me think he may be manipuliting you to an extent. I only recently saw the light on this in my own situation sometimes people 'not' saying certain things or acting in a particular way can be just as deceptive and manipulative as actually saying "don't talk to me about feelings it will put too much pressure on me".

ok ill talk..ill talk somehow in the near future and update you guys about it

thanks for all..i really appreciate it..i was so confused