Subtleness of Virgo Male

Sorry for the hiding above, hit the post too soon!

It was so funny this past weekend. I have been seeing a Virgo man for a while...I am a Virgo too...

So we have gone through all the disappear, re-appear behavior ... which even today, after over a year still continues to happen. As it has become relatively commonplace in our relationship and I am so used to it now, when he goes off and does his thing, it doesn't even faze me. When he comes back, I'm happy to hear from him and not overly emotional. I do express genuinely missing him and we joke a lot when we do reconnect.

He messages and calls almost every few days or sometimes multiple times a day, but when he's traveling or busy with work and life, I get the warning ahead of time. He's definitely a planner! Or ... he just disappears into his abyss of life only to reappear sooner or later.

So earlier this past week he called out of the blue and said, "By the way, I'm getting ready to board a plane and head out to work. I'm traveling and will be VERY BUSY this week." So I said "okay, honey have a wonderful week and talk to you when you have some time." Thought nothing of it, went to work all week, out with the girls... etc.

I'm not really one that's big or Valentine's Day. I think that we should care and express love for others every day, whether it be friends, family, etc. Ahhhh... my Aquarius rising...

I was awakened 6am Saturday morning with a text ... "I wish that I could be beside U, holding U today. Hope U dreamt of me. U be good this weekend. Happy Valentine's Day 2 U. U r very special."

How's that for subtle?

Boy; am I glad to see another Virgo female posting in this pages??_

How subtle is it..!

To me.. I hate text messages (prefer to be right on time and deliver it personally regardless of how busy I am, time is meaningless to me regarding interpersonal relationship) I don't know about the others.

Are you testing us with this kind of questions..?

No goddamn watery creatures around??_ GOOD!

Fuck??em all

It sounds great if thats the kind of relationship a woman wants but I'm sure at some point you will realize you deserve more from a man and want more from a man than what he's giving you....

I like to surprise with short love-notes in unexpected places: tied one to her hairbrush with a ribbon...

Hmm tiki. Of course we all do, but as I learned from Chatz on her thread and being a Virgo woman myself. We take it slow, simple and understated. That's why the text early Saturday meant so much to me. It was simple, not mushy and caring. Much like a Virgo man.

I understand tondalea, I'm sure things can be very subtle with a virgo male but if i'm not mistaken Chatz has communicated her needs, what she expects from him and has been very patient and she has been with some highly difficult men in her past and has learned when to lean back yet still made it clear how she felt so although she's been super patient she has also been able to maintain a level of open communication so she won't feel resentment towards her guy, I guess my point is this, if he's not spending any physical time with you then your in an imaginary relationship, a relationship based on the use of electronics although highly effective does not make it real, it should be used as a secondary way of communication, if this guy is in and out and your okay with it then by all means enjoy what you have but I'm sure you hope for more, I'm sure you don't want a relationship were he's mostly communicating via text, women that accept text based relationships are lazy, they would much rather believe that it's a relationship then deal with a partner that is physically available to her...just a thought

It just seems he's managed down your expectations to such a point that you don't even see the wrong in his behavior, you have opted to give him all of the control, he controls how and when you have access to him, all he has to say is I'm busy, I'm going to be working XYZ amount of days and you say okay and I can promise you at some point he's going to blind side you with hey it's been great, you have been understanding and patient but I met someone and I want us to remain friends and thus you will feel humiliated and wanna fix 9t and he most likely met this woman through work...that text he sent you said friendship, not love...

his actions need to match up, he has to make more time or there is no relationship, relationships need to be nurtured in order to grow, he has to send for you on one of those great business trips, he needs to be more present physically or your just another girl in an imaginary relationship, hoping for more and being suprised when his heiness graces you with a call or a text, your just another girl on his journey until he finds the one and I promise you when he has found her he won't hesitate to give his time to her.

Hehehe yeah...patience is a virtue for sure 😛

I put an end to the text messaging thing a while back - I simply didnt answer unless its for a good reason but lovey dovey stuff shouldnt be reserved for text.

These guys seem to do things unexpectedly and in their time, their way and subtle? hmmm when they do things it aint subtle 🙂 ....tiki actually helped me a LOT in times gone by with another man (who is beyond help LOL) with learning how to keep from going insane when/if they disappear but tondalea I think you're doing that part right, keeping busy and going out having fun.

But I do have to agree with Tiki regarding the "Im going to blind side you with hey its been great, you have been understanding and patient but I met someone and I want us to remain friends, etc, etc" I think you need to keep your emotions in check to make sure that he's not just sending that to all his acquaintances because he's lonely now that he's away from home....but at the end of the day it could be love.

I guess its up to you as to how much you want to invest in it given you indicate that he's been in your life for over a year now. He should be giving more and probably knows how you might be feeling about him?

I believe in true love and even though my own situation with mr Virgo has been slow, its now going really well and he's showing more and more of himself to me. He doesnt disappear, he doesnt let me wonder where we're going....it might be slow but he's making effort and not via texts....oh I hate that so much...its so lame 😢

Hey Chatz, you were one of my first graduates hehehe, j/k but yeah I remember those days way back when and I'm so happy that your on track with your virgo, I believe Tondalea has to tighten some things up, I'm not saying this guy isn't for real, he could but remember that you have wants, there is a YOU in all of this, you have needs, don't set that aside waiting to cash in on your investment, it seems he's on his me me me island, every action leads back to HIM. Waiting to cash in on all the time and patience may NEVER yield a return and it takes what feels like an eternity to get over the humiliation of being disappointed and dumped.

Point of the matter is Chatz man is making an effort to include her IN his life, he's not blowing hot and cold on you, keeping you on the edge of your seat, suprising you with his presence as if he's some kind of super star that is way to busy for his lady in wait, the way your guy has chosen to slowly allow you into his world is NORMAL and NATURAL and it shows he's actually putting some thought and effort into the relationship.

I just hope Tonda understands that she's very important and make sure you treat yourself as #1 no matter what and not choose to be his option when he feels it's convenient for him, if you let him think your okay with being 2nd and 3rd he will definitely have no problem treating you that way and funny thing is he will encourage you to remain 2nd with those validating text messages of how patient you are....make sure your needs are being met and if he's not meeting them open your heart to other potential men that are willing.

hot and cold behavior is usually what lazy, emotionally unavailable, commitment phobic men use to manage women down to not wanting more from them and they also turn out to be the biggest players on the block.

tiki! Thank you and Chatz for your direct insight! I really appreciate that and always do remember that I am # 1. 🙂 I do need to be loyal to myself. I will keep in mind everything you two said and allow that to gauge how I move forward. I will always put my needs first. 🙂

As another Virgo woman that guy sounds about perfect to me. If he is free then so are you. And you both care... what's not to like?

Athena

Hmm..I am with Tiki on this one. I don't buy any woman telling me that they are fine with not hearing from someone for weeks on end and then call it a relationship. Nope..that's just convenience. But whatever rocks your boat I guess..

I was not fine with it.....nope, and have a almost impossible time calling that a relationship, he disagreed, but that is him attempting to keep the lazy door open for his leisure. straight up, wants to be there, he will. Otherwise, i suggest dont let emotional control go at all, live and learn and enjoy, i had to pull out w/each disappearance and not "pursue" so that the pain of what feels like rejection/redirection could move on through as well so that i may keep moving forward. Most difficult, is being true to me, while allowing him to be him and not make it wrong, just accepting that it is what it is and if it worked for me or not, what he was offering at each encounter and timing, listening carefully as he spoke and watching actions..........

"I was not fine with it.....nope, and have a almost impossible time calling that a relationship"

LOL, I love how candid you put that PGA, I like your honesty...

Well if Tonda feels good about herself as she goes on this journey with her virgo then that's really all that matters be it wrong or right, it's her life and choice to be in a relationship on his terms but being a woman myself I know how we can stuff down our truth and replace it with a mans especially a man we crave and want and hope for more with...I just hope she's not doing that, she's not tap dancing on egg shells like I see many women on the virgo board do...What is it about virgo men that women sell themselves out for??

I hope she's not doing that to keep this man in her life, the outcome is never that good...

Maybe I'm wrong for saying sell themselves out, guess there is a lack of understanding on my part in here somewhere...didn't say that to offend anyone so I apologize if I did....

Truth is everyone has their own standards they live by..some can tolerate more than others..as long as you know YOURSELF as a person, what your beliefs, morals, standards are and you stick to them and work together as a team..all is fine..

My dear Virgo friend at work, love her as I do..sometimes what she says and what she actually wants is two different things..for example she will advise on relationships..and if you hear her you would think she is impossible to live with..she has no tolerance for anything..and I personally don't think any man would put up with the standards she demands..however she is with a cancer man who has put her through hell and back. She is still with him after 7 years..I know theres NO WAY I would've put up with the shit she has so far from him, would've kicked him to the kerb many moons ago.....So what one finds unsuitable, another may think it's perfectly fine..

Never judge someone by your own standards..that is what I have come to learn. As a Scorpio that is hard work!..lol

tiki, its like a sellout, but its not, you think you are being "grown, mature, adult, patient, etc" and allowing them to be themselves, reality is, you are, and that is what it is or it would be more(faster or something) i am not sure i can describe it, i can only tell you, my daughter(college age) expressed a nick name to me for Virgo man and it was D-rail, i shared that w/him. I think he must have finally figured out why he got that for a nick name......ya think? LOL

So much easier from the outside looking in, when its not your emotions at stake. He has emotions at stake too, but, one time i think smarter than the both of us for the both of us, then i realize, no, its his loss and he already regrets what he can not settle within himself, or he would not have told me to keep doing what i was doing and be patient, he has no problem expressing or communicating w/me face to face, its separation times we have that he loses himself in, imo. not wrong or right, no no, its more like, dont know what you dont know and he is trying to figure it all out, what does he want, and that is not wrong, no less, leaves me in the past/behind, which to me, says its not a mutual working relationship.
Its a process we each will grow from and expierence in a different way i believe, and at different ages. NO OFFENSE HERE......TON?

It is pissing annoying when they think they are always right...That really annoys me...So my response is "sorry but you are only right according to you..not the masses"..If I agree with something I will openly say so, if I don't I will..but I would never claim to ALWAYS be right..that's not a good mindset.

My one says the other day, "I can't make a mistake..no out of the question"..I pinched him a couple of times and he flinched so I said "ok, you are human..just checking"...It's ok to make a mistake..God put us on the planet to make mistakes so we learn from them..it's human nature...jeez

Thanks MM and PGA for enlightening me with your very insightful point of views..

LOL@D-Rail, it seems they do a lot of that, maybe why women stay slightly confused and disarmed with virgo men...

I like how you proved your point by pinching your guy MM, it's a playful way of getting your point across without making someone wrong or right, I have to incorporate some of that into the way I communicate d:

Either way we look at it we can all learn from one anothers good and bad errors and maybe thats one of the many reasons why I keep coming to DXP...

Ditto...It just highlights what you could perhaps do better, what your downfalls are etc etc...great learning experience..

Yes tiki..down with the stinger!..lol..playfulness/coy goes a long way with a guy..we had such a blast..he can be sooo goofy when he wants to be which is quite amusing to watch seeing as he's soo bloody composed most of the time..landed him a couple of punches cos he was being annoying..

I have to share w/you ladies, hopefully you see the humor i did in the D-rail thing. When virgo moved into his own place, he didnt realize he moved next to rail road tracks, he told me of falling off the bed w/the whistle blowing when he moved in. Daughter does not know him or met him, so when this was his nickname she gave, LMAO! I had to share it w/him, actually, she did, she text him from my phone, addressed him and signed it w/her name, i had to hide my head under a rock on that one, but, he got the point she was trying to make i think, LOL!

LOL!! Your daughter is very insightful, very lucky mom d:

that is true....when Virgo did the disappearing act (due to sickness) I thought it was about me, how he didnt want me in his life - insecurity was at an all time high because I was used to hearing from him every day in one way or the other but a week would go by and he didnt feel like communicating but it was nothing to do with me at all.

Eggshells? yep I did feel like that for a while too. Slowwwwwwww? OMG yeah but oh so worth it once they do tell you they want you and only you to spend their time with.

Patience is something a woman dating a Virgo will already need to have or learn very quickly.....Luckily (and at the time i didnt think so LOL) the Libra before instilled patience into me and I was able to use it with Virgo but still had a lot of learning to do....Being a fire sign the slow and long winded way is something I just wasnt used to.....again though, its worth it in the end 🙂

Perhaps I did not elaborate enough when I was speaking of my previous posts. I do see him often and have intimacy with him. This is not an "imaginary" relationship, though I absolutely know what tiki is saying here. I would not live off of text or phone calls without seeing someone.

This has not been a "where the hell did my Virgo man go?" type of situation. He was very honest and direct up front about being weary due to a past relationship. Little by little this relationship had been progressing after going through the disappear, re-appear for a good 3 months or so.

I had to get used to that because the only other Virgo I dated in the past was not long enough to experience him going and coming back. It just didn't work for either of us and we parted way after 2 dates. It's also different when you have Virgo guy friends because I have rarely discussed their dating lives with them.

This Virgo... we were gradually spending more time together, however I believe he still found it difficult to express any type of deep inner feelings to me. Past experience made him weary as I mentioned, I believe him to be very honest which is fine with me. I know you can't push a Virgo man when it comes to feelings, they will run and not look back. I know after a crappy relationship I had with a Libra previously, that it took me a while to open up on an emotional level. Perhaps longer than normal. We Virgos look very strong on the outside, but can be seething emotionally underneath. We hide it well.

Let me clarify about my earlier post, this wasn't about having a relationship on his terms. I do believe I should be # 1 in his life after himself of course. Everyone must be # 1 in their own life. We have discussed this and he knows I am the "butter or get off the pot" kinda girl.

My feelings are always considered and he is very honest with me no matter what we discuss or embark on. He just happened to be traveling the past weekend for work (yes, he travels quite a bit with work and this is noone's fault) and it was a nice surprise for him to call 3 times on Friday, text me Saturday and Sunday. I'm not a flowers and chocolate girl, I would rather hear feelings or sentiment.

I think in his case he was doing the best he could given the circumstances at hand.

I know that Virgo men don't often put their feeling on a platter for display. He was being thoughtful and caring and I was reciprocating and thanking him for it. It made me feel cared for and happy. It even for the first time seemed a little more mushy ... not mushy like I'm hanging on dreams of love and grandeur, but for him just a little deeper or sweeter than usual. In his case, some progress.

I hope this makes sense. 🙂 And tiki, absolutely no offense taken. You are really on it when it comes to self respect. 🙂

Tondalea I for one am glad that you enjoyed this and lets hope that he continues what he has started - who knows? it might be a new him evolving. Its funny you should say that "it for the first time seemed a little more mushy"...mine did that mushy thing out of nowhere too - perhaps something in the stars? hehehe.

Enjoy it, just enjoy it 🙂 I think when they do these little things they care more than they'd ever admit.