Taking a Survey!!
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by gslove on Wednesday, February 8, 2006 and has 8 replies.
O.K. guys, I have another friend that is in a relationship with a Virgo that was acting like he liked her one minute and was pushing her away the next. She is asking for my advice and I don't know what to tell her since my Virgo relationship turned into such a disaster. I don't think I'm the one who should be telling her the best way to handle this. She ended up having "a talk" with him because she got fed up and impatient with his actions and of course he felt backed into a corner and broke it off with her because he couldn't give her what she wanted right now and he said he didn't want to hurt her. She feels like she made a mistake and should have never pushed him and that he is going to realize that he didn't really want to break it off with her. So the question is this. Would it be better for her to just not contact him at all and hope that someday he will contact her if he misses her and decides he wants to continue the relationship? or Should she send him a quick e-mail that is light and positive and kind of act like nothing happened and see if it makes him comfortable enough to respond if he does feel like he made a mistake?
I kind of feel like telling her that I don't think that neither would work, but I'm feeling a bit jaded at the moment and I don't want to give her the wrong advice if she thinks something could be salvaged. What do you guys think?
I kind of feel like telling her that I don't think that neither would work, but I'm feeling a bit jaded at the moment and I don't want to give her the wrong advice if she thinks something could be salvaged. What do you guys think?
Hi gslove,
Seems to me that he was pretty open and honest with his feelings, "he felt backed into a corner and broke it off with her because he couldn't give her what she wanted right now and he said he didn't want to hurt her."
For anyone to have a meaningful and successful relationship, our needs must be met and he KNEW he could not meet hers at this moment so he took the highroad and was truthful with her. Cool guy!
Your friend does have the choice to see this as an opportunity...to move on in another direction and be with someone who CAN meet her needs.
"She feels like she made a mistake and should have never pushed him and that he is going to realize that he didn't really want to break it off with her." Ah...mistake or learning experience? She can learn that it does NOT work to ever push someone...when someone is being pushed - they WILL resist and back off. Let things happen naturally...she was pushing because she was coming from a place of fear - fear of losing him. Her best bet for right now is to let go, let him be, let him figure out what HE wants and needs. If it is meant to be, he will contact her when he is ready. "and hope that someday he will contact her if he misses her" - If she decides to sit around and HOPE for this result she is putting her life on hold for something that may not happen. Never put your life on hold for a man and men should not put their life on hold for a woman! Definately a waste of time and energy.
gslove, if they truly are meant to get back together, they will. I sort of agree with your thoughts on this. I wish her all the best - what a great friend you are to be so concerned for her - lucky friend she is!
Seems to me that he was pretty open and honest with his feelings, "he felt backed into a corner and broke it off with her because he couldn't give her what she wanted right now and he said he didn't want to hurt her."
For anyone to have a meaningful and successful relationship, our needs must be met and he KNEW he could not meet hers at this moment so he took the highroad and was truthful with her. Cool guy!
Your friend does have the choice to see this as an opportunity...to move on in another direction and be with someone who CAN meet her needs."She feels like she made a mistake and should have never pushed him and that he is going to realize that he didn't really want to break it off with her." Ah...mistake or learning experience? She can learn that it does NOT work to ever push someone...when someone is being pushed - they WILL resist and back off. Let things happen naturally...she was pushing because she was coming from a place of fear - fear of losing him. Her best bet for right now is to let go, let him be, let him figure out what HE wants and needs. If it is meant to be, he will contact her when he is ready. "and hope that someday he will contact her if he misses her" - If she decides to sit around and HOPE for this result she is putting her life on hold for something that may not happen. Never put your life on hold for a man and men should not put their life on hold for a woman! Definately a waste of time and energy.
gslove, if they truly are meant to get back together, they will. I sort of agree with your thoughts on this. I wish her all the best - what a great friend you are to be so concerned for her - lucky friend she is!
Hi Freebird,
Thanks for your insight. That's pretty much what I told her too. That is exactly what I'm doing with my Virgo as well, but my strength in this is coming from a different place. Part of me is dyeing to contact him because I feel like there are things that I didn't get to say and things that he misunderstood on our last conversation together, but my Scorpian pride gets in the way too much and I just don't want to let him know that he affected me that much. I can't stand for someone to feel sorry for me or to think I'm weak, especially a man who doesn't have the same feeling for you as you do for him. Nothing will help no matter what you do if it's not meant to be. Why does the timing never seem to be right in a relationship? It seems like all the good ones are taken and when they aren't taken they are getting over something and the timing is so important if you want to get someone good. It all just seems like such a crap shoot. I think the key is to weed through partners very quickly and look for all the signs of trouble and get out before you get in too deep. After all, it's just as easy to fall for an emotionally available guy as it is for one who isn't emotionally available. You just have to stay away from the emotionally unavailable all together. :-) I was reading a book on relationships that was written by a man and he said that women always avoid telling a man exactly what she wants because she is afraid of scaring him away, but a man who is ready and emotionally available is not going to be scared of honesty and that it is a really quick way to weed out the ones who can't handle it. If what you say scares him away then you won't waste any time. I guess that makes sense.
Thanks for your insight. That's pretty much what I told her too. That is exactly what I'm doing with my Virgo as well, but my strength in this is coming from a different place. Part of me is dyeing to contact him because I feel like there are things that I didn't get to say and things that he misunderstood on our last conversation together, but my Scorpian pride gets in the way too much and I just don't want to let him know that he affected me that much. I can't stand for someone to feel sorry for me or to think I'm weak, especially a man who doesn't have the same feeling for you as you do for him. Nothing will help no matter what you do if it's not meant to be. Why does the timing never seem to be right in a relationship? It seems like all the good ones are taken and when they aren't taken they are getting over something and the timing is so important if you want to get someone good. It all just seems like such a crap shoot. I think the key is to weed through partners very quickly and look for all the signs of trouble and get out before you get in too deep. After all, it's just as easy to fall for an emotionally available guy as it is for one who isn't emotionally available. You just have to stay away from the emotionally unavailable all together. :-) I was reading a book on relationships that was written by a man and he said that women always avoid telling a man exactly what she wants because she is afraid of scaring him away, but a man who is ready and emotionally available is not going to be scared of honesty and that it is a really quick way to weed out the ones who can't handle it. If what you say scares him away then you won't waste any time. I guess that makes sense.
Hi Gslove,
Sounds to me like you got it going on over there! I know that you want to contact him to share your feelings - I too have felt that way in a past relationship however for me - it would not have mattered what I thought - it would not have changed anything by me expressing those thoughts to him. We always have CHOICES...I personally feel that honoring myself is the most important choice for me in any situation. Do you feel that you will feel better sharing your thoughts with him and if you do, what are you wanting to accomplish by doing so? Choose what will help you to feel that you will not have any regrets - that is one hard thing to live with, regrets - tears up your precious inerds and causes dis-ease.
"Why does the timing never seem to be right in a relationship?" My thought is probably because that specific relationship is NOT right. Sweetie, the right time will happen for you - stay open minded - know that it is on it's way to you and trust that it will happen in the perfect time. I had asked this same question to my Mother in Law awhile back and she would say to me, "because you are not old enough." Meaning...I just wasn't really ready for it.
I so agree with your last statement...be you, express yourself, if the man cannot deal with it, count yourself blessed and let go. Next! cuz he is not ready for you and you have no need to waste your time.
There will be a man who will show up who is emotionally available and ready and it will feel sooooooo good to you and you will be so glad that you did not settle just to be in a relationship. I know because it happened to me. Stay focused on you, being the bestest you and then when you least expect it.....surprise!
Sounds to me like you got it going on over there! I know that you want to contact him to share your feelings - I too have felt that way in a past relationship however for me - it would not have mattered what I thought - it would not have changed anything by me expressing those thoughts to him. We always have CHOICES...I personally feel that honoring myself is the most important choice for me in any situation. Do you feel that you will feel better sharing your thoughts with him and if you do, what are you wanting to accomplish by doing so? Choose what will help you to feel that you will not have any regrets - that is one hard thing to live with, regrets - tears up your precious inerds and causes dis-ease.
"Why does the timing never seem to be right in a relationship?" My thought is probably because that specific relationship is NOT right. Sweetie, the right time will happen for you - stay open minded - know that it is on it's way to you and trust that it will happen in the perfect time. I had asked this same question to my Mother in Law awhile back and she would say to me, "because you are not old enough." Meaning...I just wasn't really ready for it.
I so agree with your last statement...be you, express yourself, if the man cannot deal with it, count yourself blessed and let go. Next!
cuz he is not ready for you and you have no need to waste your time.There will be a man who will show up who is emotionally available and ready and it will feel sooooooo good to you and you will be so glad that you did not settle just to be in a relationship. I know because it happened to me. Stay focused on you, being the bestest you and then when you least expect it.....surprise!
Hi Ladies,
Pisces female here. I find this to be true of most Virgos; they mean what they do but don't say what they mean. To their credit most are honest and true but you must earn it. They don't give their affections willingly or openly but will offer themselves anytime you in desperate need of a friend. They need to control their inner and outer worlds even if it means you don't fit in at that particular moment. Hope is still available if you choose to be a friend in the meantime. Many Virgos are insecure and underestimate their magnetism, of which there is a lot. Recently I told a male Virgo friend that I thought he is "beautiful". Not especially in the looks department but in his soul. He knocked knuckles with me as an acknowledgement of his appreciation but that is as far as it went. He just sat their quietly looking off into the distance.
Virgos are a mutable, or if you go by my definition it means they transfigure themselves into a bewildering, mystifying creatures capable of projecting a holographic images of how they wish to be but aren?t quite yet. Confused? Me too.
Here's wishing us all Good Luck with our Virgos.
Catfish
Pisces female here. I find this to be true of most Virgos; they mean what they do but don't say what they mean. To their credit most are honest and true but you must earn it. They don't give their affections willingly or openly but will offer themselves anytime you in desperate need of a friend. They need to control their inner and outer worlds even if it means you don't fit in at that particular moment. Hope is still available if you choose to be a friend in the meantime. Many Virgos are insecure and underestimate their magnetism, of which there is a lot. Recently I told a male Virgo friend that I thought he is "beautiful". Not especially in the looks department but in his soul. He knocked knuckles with me as an acknowledgement of his appreciation but that is as far as it went. He just sat their quietly looking off into the distance.
Virgos are a mutable, or if you go by my definition it means they transfigure themselves into a bewildering, mystifying creatures capable of projecting a holographic images of how they wish to be but aren?t quite yet. Confused? Me too.
Here's wishing us all Good Luck with our Virgos.
Catfish
Lmao... at least something positive came out of this Cancerbubby...
lol
lol
And my old buddy.. no MAN wasting their time for someone like you let alone Virgo? don?t embrace yourself..!
Will you..??
Will you..??
To you guys.. with relationship with Virgos...
Be honest ..(its the only thing I can say).. you can?t fool us..(its not possible)?
Be honest ..(its the only thing I can say).. you can?t fool us..(its not possible)?
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