Taking Advantage Of A Virgo

See? THIS is why I stay to my f'n self. You try to be friendly with someone, and suddenly they think they can complete...

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by CLCNY30 on Thursday, April 21, 2011 and has 132 replies.
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Posted by CLCNY30
What did I ask for in exchange?


I was responding mainly to CM, but I tend to do this often with the exchange. It doesn't even have to be physical. It's just like, wanting to know that you'll get something back; a thank you, a hug, ect. So it's like, when you don't get it, you become more and more disappointed. Subconsciously, you just kind of hope they may do something nice for you in the future.
I was talking about this with my aries roommate and how she feels that a lot of her friends, well mainly her best friend, was starting to take her for granted.
There is nothing with getting something in exchange for what you do, but if you constantly expect it, it may not always happen.
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I mean, I'm consistently surprised when someone does something nice for me. I just haven't figured out if it's because I stopped expecting that from people.
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Posted by Candeh15
I mean, I'm consistently surprised when someone does something nice for me. I just haven't figured out if it's because I stopped expecting that from people.


Same here.
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Another pointless thread by CLCNY30.
I love how you insult Shaka after he took the time to read your story that in the end only shows that you should learn to just say No.
Also, still throwing out random insults to P because you don't have anything that actually relates to the topic?
"Damn...you really like spaces, huh? Spacebar crazy, huh? No spaces after a word and before an exclamation point, boo boo. (-_-)"
I'm offended for just reading that. That... that was harsh, Bro.
Tldr; I haven't been on this board for months. The one day I come back I find this thread and more bad insults. Son. I am disappoint.
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Posted by Mattofla
Another pointless thread by CLCNY30.
I love how you insult Shaka after he took the time to read your story that in the end only shows that you should learn to just say No.
Also, still throwing out random insults to P because you don't have anything that actually relates to the topic?
"Damn...you really like spaces, huh? Spacebar crazy, huh? No spaces after a word and before an exclamation point, boo boo. (-_-)"
I'm offended for just reading that. That... that was harsh, Bro.
Tldr; I haven't been on this board for months. The one day I come back I find this thread and more bad insults. Son. I am disappoint.


If my thread is pointless, doesn't that make you a loser to have not only read it all, but commented?
I don't need your permission or approval for a thread.
If you feel so sorry for shaka, why not give him head? I'm sure it'd make him feel better, and it'd give you something more productive to do, hon.
Have a wonderful weekend smile
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And Matt, really--your intelligence level has got to be lower than a scrub brush.
If you've not seen the hot ass mess that erupted from your saviour's keyboard resulting from this lil story I shared, then seriously, stfu. You're always tardy to the party, are you this slow in real life? Just make sure your helmet's on tight when you descend stairs--you seem the type to have 2 left feet. You never know what's going on, and are always only seeing the other side of an argument. Real talk--tight helmet.
Like I said, shaka's member...your mouth. You'd be more useful.
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And so the real CLCNY30 comes out ...... several days go by and then two people come in with nice things to say, very logical while pleasing .. honoring, and dignified ...

And she only recognizes what she considers the bad person. She responds with hatred towards the person who says something she doesnt' approve of, while completely ignoring any positive input into this thread.

CLCNY30 herself, by means of ignorance towards any light shed, proves herself to be the darkness .... I wouldn't be surprised if the whole truth to this tale is that CLCNY30 verbally offended this girl, and the girl was fuckign with her as payback.

karma .... you should have looked around and checked yourself
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Wow, talk about needing acknowledgment after every little thing is said. Pisces sure need a lot of approval, an attention. Good luck with that.
Please do bring back your other membername of Mattoffla--your P-nis membername is boring, he seemed a bit more entertaining.
Thank you.
*waits*
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And please, for the love of God, listen when people tell you (word) .... (word) makes you look illiterate.
Take your own advice and listen to others for a change.
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LOL @ you even knowing what "truth" means.
Truth - your husband is gay, left you for a male but you decided you needed to live the lie of staying with him anyway, so you allow him to go running free with more penis than you'll ever know, yet you come here and pretend you've got a happy "marriage". Truth is knowing that a "celibate marriage" is an oxymoron. Truth is, you're a fake.
Once again, good luck with all of that.
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Hurry up and bring back Matt. Your repitition is as eye-rolling as I'm sure you are in bed.
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Didn't read the whole thread (just the initial story). Anyway, I would have invited the girl to stay with me and tried to get her out of her situation. She is in school doing her best to make it work and get an education, she needs someone to hold her up and support her. I would be that person!
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Posted by lildol
Didn't read the whole thread (just the initial story). Anyway, I would have invited the girl to stay with me and tried to get her out of her situation. She is in school doing her best to make it work and get an education, she needs someone to hold her up and support her. I would be that person!


From what she told me when I called her to tell her that I would not be able to bring her home anymore, it was just a matter of her car being out of commission until the 1st--there weren't any problems at home (you know how sometimes things appear off to someone who doesn't know you or your family that well, but in actuality things are fine for you), and I listened to her that night as she spoke of just having problems with her professors and the whole car situation. I drove out there that night to get her for 3 reasons:
1) I'd want someone to help me out (if they could) if I were in that situation--and it could happen (car won't stop, car stolen, etc.)
2) I wouldn't have been able to sleep. Knowing that I'm in a positon to help someone and I don't just doesn't sit well with me. It's why I didn't want her money, I went out there to help her but to also help myself feel better knowing that she wasn't out there in the cold/dark alone (so I guess that's the selfish motive for doing it).
3) She's in my major, and a degree ahead of me, so burning a bridge was an only-if-I-absolutely-have-to thing for me. She did give me some insight on professors I'll have next semester, and told me a bit about the programs in the degree I'm going for in the fall, so that was a form of payment, I guess?
I see what you mean though, lildol--and that would be sweet of you smile
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*car won't start, I meant to say
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Posted by CancerMoon
Posted by Candeh15
If you base your relationships primarily on exchange, whether it was your intention or not, you're going to be disappointed no matter what, no matter what sign you are.


I do not ask for any kind of exchange. The only thing I want is loyalty and honesty. Sadly you can't even get that.
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I think sometimes with virgos we extend ourselves too much to everything/one, and we expect it back just the same without realizing who we're actually extending ourselves too. And you know, that's also probably human nature. We want to believe that there is some good in everyone unless we become nihilists and remove ourselves from society.
I also think with your cancer moon, it makes it harder for you. I know with my scorp moon, I probably question everyone at least once lol.
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Sorry, I meant misanthrope, but you can also become a nihilists in the long run lol.
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I'm with Cancermoon on feeling that I don't need anything in return. I could never depend on something given back to me in order to survive--I depend on me. Even with money, I don't loan money, I GIVE it; I'd rather not have someone avoiding me because they think I'm going to go all Stewie Griffin on them for my money back, or calling/writing to explain every day that it's "coming, I promise..." I'll never give what I can't afford to, and I am definitely choosey about who I give to (it depends on the situation, for me)--but I do expect them to know their boundaries. Someone helping you out once shouldn't have you expecting for them to be your go-to guy/girl. I don't ask for repayment in return, I do ask for the respect of knowing limitations though.
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Posted by CLCNY30
I'm with Cancermoon on feeling that I don't need anything in return. I could never depend on something given back to me in order to survive--I depend on me. Even with money, I don't loan money, I GIVE it; I'd rather not have someone avoiding me because they think I'm going to go all Stewie Griffin on them for my money back, or calling/writing to explain every day that it's "coming, I promise..." I'll never give what I can't afford to, and I am definitely choosey about who I give to (it depends on the situation, for me)--but I do expect them to know their boundaries. Someone helping you out once shouldn't have you expecting for them to be your go-to guy/girl. I don't ask for repayment in return, I do ask for the respect of knowing limitations though.


Then it's definitely like what Volkswagen was saying where you have to be like "Hey, I did what I could and wish you the best, but you can't expect me to help you all the time. I have to worry about myself." I think in this girl's situation, she found a crutch in you without being judged and you didn't automatically lay down the boundaries, so she kept coming back. But you can rest at night knowing you did help her, but that she has to deal with herself now. Unless she was like dying and needed to be rushed to the ER, G-d forbid.
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Posted by Candeh15
Posted by CLCNY30
I'm with Cancermoon on feeling that I don't need anything in return. I could never depend on something given back to me in order to survive--I depend on me. Even with money, I don't loan money, I GIVE it; I'd rather not have someone avoiding me because they think I'm going to go all Stewie Griffin on them for my money back, or calling/writing to explain every day that it's "coming, I promise..." I'll never give what I can't afford to, and I am definitely choosey about who I give to (it depends on the situation, for me)--but I do expect them to know their boundaries. Someone helping you out once shouldn't have you expecting for them to be your go-to guy/girl. I don't ask for repayment in return, I do ask for the respect of knowing limitations though.


Then it's definitely like what Volkswagen was saying where you have to be like "Hey, I did what I could and wish you the best, but you can't expect me to help you all the time. I have to worry about myself." I think in this girl's situation, she found a crutch in you without being judged and you didn't automatically lay down the boundaries, so she kept coming back. But you can rest at night knowing you did help her, but that she has to deal with herself now. Unless she was like dying and needed to be rushed to the ER, G-d forbid.
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Yeah, I definitely had to tell her that. I figured because she and I were not CLOSE friends, she'd understand it was a very lucky favor done for her, and not a new role in life for someone to take on for her. It's sad though, to have to tell someone "I'll help you out tonight, but don't ask me again". That's just crazy--why would it even have to go there, you know? I was raised to understand that if someone helps me out of a jam, I do whatever I can to a) never get in that jam again, if I can help it, and b) not rely on that person to get me out again, as that's not their problem. I guess some people were just raised to believe that if someone says yes once, they'll always say yes. Like I said, adults should know boundaries--that's not asking a lot.
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Eh..I didn't really understand why you described her appearance before the start of the story anyway, I didn't really understand how one translated towards the other.
If that was me, I'd have gotten her the second night, and then told her no, right then and there...because in hindsight, you 'paid' for it in full the next morning. With the embarassement, her guilt tripping you, the fianc?...etc. etc.
I don't really take to kindly towards people who try to drop people in the middle of their own problems...so I can understand your frustration.
But I also can empathize being in a very bad place where I had to rely on the kindness of others, and how embarrassing it must have felt to have to experience calling a guy i barely know in the middle of the night because I couldn't think of anything better. Frankly, I get you are frustrated..and I know you won't 'understand' how you were 'wrong' in this..but whether you understand it or not, 'you got what you deserved'..didn't you? How did this one incident translate differently from the next?
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Posted by Scorporella
It doesn't sound to me that she took advantage of you, but rather that she has no close friends, no real social skills to make friends, feels very insecure and uncertain of herself (thus her issues with her professors as well), and reached out to someone who was nice to her, not realizing her neediness would come across as her taking advantage of someone she probably saw as a "friend" already due to the one conversation about jobs and you giving her your phone number and helping her the first night.



Yah, it sounded like that to me too.
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Posted by Scorporella
It doesn't sound to me that she took advantage of you, but rather that she has no close friends, no real social skills to make friends, feels very insecure and uncertain of herself (thus her issues with her professors as well), and reached out to someone who was nice to her, not realizing her neediness would come across as her taking advantage of someone she probably saw as a "friend" already due to the one conversation about jobs and you giving her your phone number and helping her the first night.


From listening to her, it seems she put herself in the position of having no real close friends, because this is how she operates. She seemed highly offended that her babysitter expected more payment for having to come over on her days off (the babysitter's day off) at the last minute to help her out in a bind, even though the babysitter made it quite clear that it was her very much needed day off. She told a few stories like that, involving help she thought others should just give to her before she asked, and it made me wish I had spoken to her more during that class we shared together, becuase I'd have known this was her mindset, and would never have given her my number. She's very outspoken, says before she thinks (she denies this, but says others tell her so) and ends up offending without meaning to, but she's a grown woman and needs to understand that her problems are just that--her problems, and if someone takes time out of their life to help her, it shouldn't become a new arrangement, unless both parties agree to it. Her calling me that second night, when I clearly told her (like the babysitter) that I'd not be available was her seeking to take advantage, in my eyes. No one forced her to go to class, and if she wasn't so mouthy to the professor, I'm sure he'd have let her do her project at home, but he had it out for her after her cheekiness in class, and that wasn't going to happen.
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Posted by CLCNY30
Posted by Candeh15
Posted by CLCNY30
I'm with Cancermoon on feeling that I don't need anything in return. I could never depend on something given back to me in order to survive--I depend on me. Even with money, I don't loan money, I GIVE it; I'd rather not have someone avoiding me because they think I'm going to go all Stewie Griffin on them for my money back, or calling/writing to explain every day that it's "coming, I promise..." I'll never give what I can't afford to, and I am definitely choosey about who I give to (it depends on the situation, for me)--but I do expect them to know their boundaries. Someone helping you out once shouldn't have you expecting for them to be your go-to guy/girl. I don't ask for repayment in return, I do ask for the respect of knowing limitations though.


Then it's definitely like what Volkswagen was saying where you have to be like "Hey, I did what I could and wish you the best, but you can't expect me to help you all the time. I have to worry about myself." I think in this girl's situation, she found a crutch in you without being judged and you didn't automatically lay down the boundaries, so she kept coming back. But you can rest at night knowing you did help her, but that she has to deal with herself now. Unless she was like dying and needed to be rushed to the ER, G-d forbid.


Yeah, I definitely had to tell her that. I figured because she and I were not CLOSE friends, she'd understand it was a very lucky favor done for her, and not a new role in life for someone to take on for her. It's sad though, to have to tell someone "I'll help you out tonight, but don't ask me again". That's just crazy--why would it even have to go there, you know? I was raised to understand that if someone helps me out of a jam, I do whatever I can to a) never get in that jam again, if I can help it, and b) not rely on that person to get me out again, as that's not their problem. I guess some people were just raised to believe that if someone says yes once, they'll always say yes. Like I said, adults should know boundaries--that's not asking a lot.
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Scorporella said something that caught my eye. Friends. Imagine not having someone to really rely on, even for just a littl
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Whoops cut off.
Scorporella said something that caught my eye. Friends. Imagine not having someone to really rely on, even for just a little. She knew you weren't close, which is probably why she wanted to give you money in exchange (well, I know closer people who do that lol) and she probably couldn't offer much else. When people are down on their luck, they don't really know who to go to, and when you extended your hand, it was probably one of the nicest things done for her in a bit. I don't think she knew where to stop exactly because you kept at it. Some people will obviously take advantage just because they know they can, but some just need someone they can depend on.
What you did for yourself is right, but I don't think the girl is so horrible that she was going to walk all over you. I think she's down enough.
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Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle
Eh..I didn't really understand why you described her appearance before the start of the story anyway, I didn't really understand how one translated towards the other.
If that was me, I'd have gotten her the second night, and then told her no, right then and there...because in hindsight, you 'paid' for it in full the next morning. With the embarassement, her guilt tripping you, the fianc?...etc. etc.
I don't really take to kindly towards people who try to drop people in the middle of their own problems...so I can understand your frustration.
But I also can empathize being in a very bad place where I had to rely on the kindness of others, and how embarrassing it must have felt to have to experience calling a guy i barely know in the middle of the night because I couldn't think of anything better. Frankly, I get you are frustrated..and I know you won't 'understand' how you were 'wrong' in this..but whether you understand it or not, 'you got what you deserved'..didn't you? How did this one incident translate differently from the next?


The description of her appearance was added because that was my first impression of her. It didn't stop me from joking with her, however, nor trying to help her out. One day when she was out, there was an "she seems kind of off" comment made by some classmates who seemed to avoid her, and she also told me she felt people avoided her because she did her own thing. I guess I shared it to show it didn't stop me from taking a chance to help her out, even if she came off as (I hate this term, but...) "off".
Nah, I refused to get her that second night. I told her straight out that I wouldn't do it the night before, and I meant it. I couldn't understand going back into the cold and dark again, knowing you have no ride home. I'm sorry, but I'd have stayed my behind at home, and emailed my professor to explain if I couldn't find a sure ride back home after.
A girl I knew from another class who knows her as well saw my blurb on facebook about it, and PMed me to ask if it was (insert her name here). I'm like "YES!!! I didn't know you knew her!" and she told me of how wary of her she was, because she just came off as loud and argumentative in the class. She said she helped her with a project once, on a day she was quiet and seemed frustrated by the tools she needed to use for the project, and how the v
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very next class she was just like "when you get a chance, I need you to show me THIS now..."
She had to put her foot down, and explain that she had her own project to work on, and said--in hindsight, she shouldn't have helped her out that first time, but let the professor (who was assiting other students at the time) handle it.
As far as being wrong in going for her that first night, I still feel it was the right thing for me to do--but I respect your view/stance, and see how you felt I never should have gone.
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Posted by Candeh15
Whoops cut off.
Scorporella said something that caught my eye. Friends. Imagine not having someone to really rely on, even for just a little. She knew you weren't close, which is probably why she wanted to give you money in exchange (well, I know closer people who do that lol) and she probably couldn't offer much else. When people are down on their luck, they don't really know who to go to, and when you extended your hand, it was probably one of the nicest things done for her in a bit. I don't think she knew where to stop exactly because you kept at it. Some people will obviously take advantage just because they know they can, but some just need someone they can depend on.
What you did for yourself is right, but I don't think the girl is so horrible that she was going to walk all over you. I think she's down enough.


No, a lot of people have been trying to help her, and instead of talking about how she appreciates it, she complained about them not doing it for her again and again...and again. Ladies from church were helping her with babysitting, she had other people saying "fine, I'll help you...it'll cost you this much" and she was offended because she felt they should just do it as a favor, because they knew her fianc?, etc. etc. etc. She seemed lonely in that class, and I think that was another reason I'd joke back and forth with her. The professor told me at the end of term that he had never seen her happy in one of his classes (he'd had her for 3, and said she always seemed upset/looking for a fight). She never came off as not having friends to me though (not at that time) because who someone is in class is not who they necessarily are in general, you know? I didn't want money. I keep saying that. If she said to me, straight out "if I give you x amount of dollars each night, do you think you could help me to get home this week?" and I'd have said no. My safety in being off the streets late at night is more important than money. I didn't keep at it, Candeh--it was that first night that I helped her out--if I kept giving her rides, then suddenly said "NO!" I could understand your reasoning, but I'm not sure you're understanding my story right.
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Posted by CLCNY30
Posted by Candeh15
Whoops cut off.
Scorporella said something that caught my eye. Friends. Imagine not having someone to really rely on, even for just a little. She knew you weren't close, which is probably why she wanted to give you money in exchange (well, I know closer people who do that lol) and she probably couldn't offer much else. When people are down on their luck, they don't really know who to go to, and when you extended your hand, it was probably one of the nicest things done for her in a bit. I don't think she knew where to stop exactly because you kept at it. Some people will obviously take advantage just because they know they can, but some just need someone they can depend on.
What you did for yourself is right, but I don't think the girl is so horrible that she was going to walk all over you. I think she's down enough.


No, a lot of people have been trying to help her, and instead of talking about how she appreciates it, she complained about them not doing it for her again and again...and again. Ladies from church were helping her with babysitting, she had other people saying "fine, I'll help you...it'll cost you this much" and she was offended because she felt they should just do it as a favor, because they knew her fianc?, etc. etc. etc. She seemed lonely in that class, and I think that was another reason I'd joke back and forth with her. The professor told me at the end of term that he had never seen her happy in one of his classes (he'd had her for 3, and said she always seemed upset/looking for a fight). She never came off as not having friends to me though (not at that time) because who someone is in class is not who they necessarily are in general, you know? I didn't want money. I keep saying that. If she said to me, straight out "if I give you x amount of dollars each night, do you think you could help me to get home this week?" and I'd have said no. My safety in being off the streets late at night is more important than money. I didn't keep at it, Candeh--it was that first night that I helped her out--if I kept giving her rides, then suddenly said "NO!" I could understand your reasoning, but I'm not sure you're understanding my story right.
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Oh, I didn't mean you kept the money. I just meant that she offered it to you because she pr
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Oh, I didn't mean you kept the money. I just meant that she offered it to you because she probably didn't know what else to do. But, I do apologize if I said that you probably did it more than once. I did not know she was complaining about it though. She may have been using the money to pull you in more or as a way to keep you around, especially if she was getting upset about having to pay others.
She may just be a special case, and it's true, we don't know what she's like in and out of class for sure. But again, you did good for yourself for telling her no. If she continues this with others, then she is using people.
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No apologies necessary--to be honest, I think there were a lot of misunderstandings with my story. I think people could have just skimmed through and figured the problem was that I wanted money and she wasn't willing/able to give it, or anything else similar, and it was never the case. I do understand those that said I never should have went for her, but that's not how I am--like I said, I wouldn't have been able to sleep that first night...that second night, however, I slept like a baby; if she put herself into that situation the very.next.night, that was on her and I didn't feel guilty.
So much more came to light AFTER the fact, you know what I mean, Candeh? Like, as I was giving her that first ride she just spoke of the car problems, but on Wednesday night, after we both left class, she just started complaining about how people should just do for her because she knows this person or that person, and I was like "well, why doesn't this person/that person help you out?" and she danced around the answer, lol. When I told her I'd not be able to help her out anymore, she asked why and I told her straight out that I only meant it to be that one time.
I also said I didn't feel comfortable out on the streets later than I had to be, and she claimed, "my neighborhood is safe though, so you don't have to worry about that--my neighbors are really nice", and I explained that I wasn't concerned about her neighbors/neighborhood, I was concerned about working a 9 hour day, and then going to class for another 3 hours, being dead tired, and being out on the road with others who could also be dead tired, resulting in an unecessary accident just waiting to happen. I also asked, "if your neighbors are nice, why not ask them to help you out?" to which she, once again, danced around the answer.
Oh well, it's over now.
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"Nah, I refused to get her that second night. I told her straight out that I wouldn't do it the night before, and I meant it. I couldn't understand going back into the cold and dark again, knowing you have no ride home. I'm sorry, but I'd have stayed my behind at home, and emailed my professor to explain if I couldn't find a sure ride back home after."
This statement does not make sense to me in the least - in fact, it makes me cringe. I would have gone out the second night, I would never have told her no to begin with and would have offered to help her out in advance regardless of it being out of my way. The girl is trying to better herself. You say that you can't understand her going to class knowing all too well she had no reliable transportation home - in the end she stayed at the school as a result. Her education and succeeding in life means more to her than her own personal comfort or safety. And, that says a lot about her character!!
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I feel there is a lot more to her than we will ever really know. The fact that she called you for help and that she opened up to you seems like she has more trust (or at least, she's more comfortable with you) for you than most of the people she's around. Even if it's possible that she may have wanted to rely on you more than she should have, I think she also wanted to make sure that you stuck around, and not just to help out.
She complained about the people wanting to have her pay for help, so when you didn't take her money, I think she 1) felt she could depend on you because that's what you are, dependable, and 2) found someone she could trust.
But yeah, there is a lot more to her that she isn't admitting, which is either a bad sign for her (like, there is something worse going behind the scenes), for you, or both.
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Posted by lildol
"Nah, I refused to get her that second night. I told her straight out that I wouldn't do it the night before, and I meant it. I couldn't understand going back into the cold and dark again, knowing you have no ride home. I'm sorry, but I'd have stayed my behind at home, and emailed my professor to explain if I couldn't find a sure ride back home after."
This statement does not make sense to me in the least - in fact, it makes me cringe. I would have gone out the second night, I would never have told her no to begin with and would have offered to help her out in advance regardless of it being out of my way. The girl is trying to better herself. You say that you can't understand her going to class knowing all too well she had no reliable transportation home - in the end she stayed at the school as a result. Her education and succeeding in life means more to her than her own personal comfort or safety. And, that says a lot about her character!!


Understood, but academic advisors are there to help students out in those situations, and she said she didn't want to go to hers for that...but she goes to complain anytime she gets into a vebal argument with a student. That made no sense to me--if you can go to complain about high school stuff (which she admitted she started, with a laugh) why not explain to them that you need to work something out for the interim where you're without a car? They'd speak to her and her professor, and work something out, that's what they're there for. I understand where you're coming from, lildol, but I'm out here on my own. My family is either near the city (which is like a 2 hour drive for me) or in other states, so if I put myself out there to help her night after night, and something happened to my car, yeah...I'd be stranded myself. I commend anyone for trying to better themselves, but she has family here, as well as a fianc?, they should be her support system, not I. In this world, you cannot just carelessly depend on the efforts of others to suceed--you have to make plans that are as stable/steady as possible, so as not to be stranded without a ride on a cold dark night.
To be honest, that first night I went for her--I thought she said her car had stalled and she needed a ride. She woke me up, so I was a little out of it and that's what I thought she said. It wasn't until I got there that she explained she HAD no c
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car, and the buses don't run around that area late at night. I can't put myself out there for someone else, repeatedly, in a situation like that. I'm helping her, who'd help me if something happened to my car while helping her?
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Posted by Candeh15
I feel there is a lot more to her than we will ever really know. The fact that she called you for help and that she opened up to you seems like she has more trust (or at least, she's more comfortable with you) for you than most of the people she's around. Even if it's possible that she may have wanted to rely on you more than she should have, I think she also wanted to make sure that you stuck around, and not just to help out.
She complained about the people wanting to have her pay for help, so when you didn't take her money, I think she 1) felt she could depend on you because that's what you are, dependable, and 2) found someone she could trust.
But yeah, there is a lot more to her that she isn't admitting, which is either a bad sign for her (like, there is something worse going behind the scenes), for you, or both.


I get you.
I just didn't feel comfortable taking money--I appreciated her offering it though.
I agree, she seemed to have a lot of issues that were more in how she relates to people, and how they take it in ways she doesn't mean for it to come off as.
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Posted by lildol
"Nah, I refused to get her that second night. I told her straight out that I wouldn't do it the night before, and I meant it. I couldn't understand going back into the cold and dark again, knowing you have no ride home. I'm sorry, but I'd have stayed my behind at home, and emailed my professor to explain if I couldn't find a sure ride back home after."
This statement does not make sense to me in the least - in fact, it makes me cringe. I would have gone out the second night, I would never have told her no to begin with and would have offered to help her out in advance regardless of it being out of my way. The girl is trying to better herself. You say that you can't understand her going to class knowing all too well she had no reliable transportation home - in the end she stayed at the school as a result. Her education and succeeding in life means more to her than her own personal comfort or safety. And, that says a lot about her character!!


I understand your point, but what about practicality? Why in the world would anyone put themselves in a situation where they have to stay at a school, good and well knowing beforehand that they don't have a means of transportation home?
That's silliness.
Yes, it does say alot about her character. While she's determined, she also doesn't seem to use much common sense.
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Some people are the type to believe that everything will work out if you just go out there and do something, you know? Almost like hitch-hiking, most of us would recoil at the idea of being that trusting/being that helpless and vulnerable, but some people are more carefree, and figure "how else will I get to where I need to go?"
I don't have a problem with that, and even if I did--that's THEIR life, not mine. The only time I find problems with that mindset is when they figure I'll be their solution to things they throw themselves into without a plan b) (or a) for that matter).
This woman has got at least 8-10 years on me, and children of her own, I'd have thought that mindset would have changed by now...
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I was thinking that she was younger than you. I think that may make it a little harder to talk to the advisor about help, IMO. I mean, I can't even talk to my advisor about things outside of figuring out my classes.
I think this woman definitely needs more help than from a random person. Like someone who she can really speak to her help her get her life straight. She seems to be struggling with that, or finding a good way to deal with it and is trying to find an easier way out of it.
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Posted by Candeh15
I was thinking that she was younger than you. I think that may make it a little harder to talk to the advisor about help, IMO. I mean, I can't even talk to my advisor about things outside of figuring out my classes.
I think this woman definitely needs more help than from a random person. Like someone who she can really speak to her help her get her life straight. She seems to be struggling with that, or finding a good way to deal with it and is trying to find an easier way out of it.


She goes to her advisor to complain about students who tell stories, aloud, to the professor, who she then jumps in to disagree with (these are personal stories the students are choosing to share, btw) and if that student doesn't stop talking, or disagrees back, she runs to her academic advisor. That sounds petty to me, so if she can run to her advisor for petty reasons, why in the world would she not run for an emergency?
I agree with your second paragraph 100% though.
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@VV: No common sense? I certainly don't think that is the case - I see it as her doing whatever it takes to get done what needs to be done, she's not letting little inconveniences get in her way; the end justifies the means! In-fact, I could see myself doing something like that under the same circumstances. Of course, I did a lot of things that people probably thought of as behaviors which lacked common sense - but, the reality is they didn't have the determination or perseverance to do the same.
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Posted by lildol
@VV: No common sense? I certainly don't think that is the case - I see it as her doing whatever it takes to get done what needs to be done, she's not letting little inconveniences get in her way; the end justifies the means! In-fact, I could see myself doing something like that under the same circumstances. Of course, I did a lot of things that people probably thought of as behaviors which lacked common sense - but, the reality is they didn't have the determination or perseverance to do the same.


I don't know about that.
Maybe she never thought there was a possibility that she would actually have to stay at the school until that one fateful night.
As a woman, I just wouldn't chance it. Sorry.
Determination or not (although I do admire her tenacity).
Her situation is definitely alot more complicated (obviously).
May her drive and dedication pay off, and usher her into a more stable and prosperous life (from my lips to God's ears).
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Grinch, it seems a few of her classmates have helped her...but perhaps they told her "no more", as well? If she resorted to calling me, I guess she might have called them first and they said they no longer wanted to. Anything is possible.
I would do the same, grinch. I'd also be as close to the professor as possible, so that he might grant me leniency, because these professors are really nice. They seriously are. There are some that will work with you to nullify an "absence" if you give them enough time, and do an extra project or two. They could have let her work from home. I could see if she wanted to come in and learn the tools though. I dunno...
I'm sure I'll see her in the hallways, and I'm sure we'll have another class or two. I'm the type of student that comes to class to learn, not to screw around, so it makes me no difference if she chooses to talk to me again or not.
Lildol, I respect your mindset--and if that makes you feel at peace with yourself and comfortable, knowing you did all that for someone else, I can understand it.
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Yes, but then how do you get home?
You just say a prayer and believe that you will be able to rely on the kindness of a stranger?
Even if you have missed classes before, why not talk to the professor about your transportation situation, and work something out that way? (hell, he/she may even decide to give you a ride home themselves).
Surely no professor will be that unreasonable if you don't have any means whatsoever of getting home.
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Posted by Scorporella
I feel as though with the schedule and the car situation, she hadn't planned on her car breaking down and needing mechanical work, so she made her schedule according to what she had thought she would be able to manage. She didn't plan on needing transportation. As for going to school without having the means to get home late at night, there are plenty of instructors that had told my classes they only allowed so many absences before it would start affecting grades. If she's already missed quite a few days prior to this, then she may not have felt that she could take the chance of missing more classes even without transportation.


Her car didn't break down, she had to put it up. I think she had financial issues (both her and her fiance are out of work) and she needed to turn in the plates because she had no insurance. I'm pretty sure that's what she said. She knew how long it would take her, she told me "the 1st" from that first night, I just feel she could have planned this all better, and used the free resources available to her (that academic advisor being person numero uno). She said she'd never missed days this semester, so she could have worked something out.
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Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Yes, but then how do you get home?
You just say a prayer and believe that you will be able to rely on the kindness of a stranger?
Even if you have missed classes before, why not talk to the professor about your transportation situation, and work something out that way? (hell, he/she may even decide to give you a ride home themselves).
Surely no professor will be that unreasonable if you don't have any means whatsoever of getting home.



That is exactly how I feel.
And her professor is actually MY academic advisor, lol. He's a chatterbox, Lord almighty that man will not stop flapping his gums, but it's always with a smile on his face. She claims he never wanted to repeat instructions on a project to her, said he'd snap at her when she asked, and I was like *insert "wtf" face here*, "he never did that in our class...he would explain it as many times as you needed him to..."
She gave me a sly smile, and said, "well, he and I have exchanged mean words before, so he's not all that friendly with me *chuckle*".
I didn't think it was funny, as that's a professor you will most likely have again, and you've made a mess of your relationship w/him...
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Where we live, the buses run once an hour, and only up until around 7pm (her late night class is still going on at that time, I think it lets out at 8:30). So that's understandable, she can't help that. There are taxi services around here, and she doesn't live too far...but I think they'd charge her anywhere around $ 15-20.00 a trip--probably more, because it's late.
The first time, I just wished she had caught me while I was still in class was all. I didn't like falling asleep and being woken up to her panicked voice. But calling the next night, after I said she'd have to find other arrangements because I def. couldn't do it, was a diff. story.
The night she spent at the school with the security gaurds...I did wonder why one of them wouldn't just take her home? There's so much more to this, I know it...
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Posted by Nemesis
CLCNY, why do you feel responsible for this person?
what would the worst case sceanrio be, if you simply had said NO the second time?




I mentioned earlier that I felt really good helping her out the first time. I had absolutely no clue it'd result in more requests.
I said no the second time (that tuesday night that I had told her I would be unavailable) but she found out what class I was in (I have no clue how, because I never told her what classroom...) and basically stood outside of it, waiting. I felt like "yeah, she caught me, I'm here already so fine--but after tonight that's it, this can't continue..."
I do wonder what would have happened if I had told her "I can't" after she came up to me in class...I wonder if she would have made a scene?
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Posted by Nemesis
what impertinence actually. the sheer expectations some people develop. leeches.
a scene? on behalf of what lol? you should have tried it out haha. Big Grin

ahh well, i hope you sort it out! just say NO Big Grin


Haha, no no, I'm not trying to have to have security come up to the classroom...that would just be crazy...
I said no already. She kicked back a little, but she hasn't called back.
If she does, it will still be no.
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Posted by CLCNY30
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Yes, but then how do you get home?
You just say a prayer and believe that you will be able to rely on the kindness of a stranger?
Even if you have missed classes before, why not talk to the professor about your transportation situation, and work something out that way? (hell, he/she may even decide to give you a ride home themselves).
Surely no professor will be that unreasonable if you don't have any means whatsoever of getting home.



That is exactly how I feel.
And her professor is actually MY academic advisor, lol. He's a chatterbox, Lord almighty that man will not stop flapping his gums, but it's always with a smile on his face. She claims he never wanted to repeat instructions on a project to her, said he'd snap at her when she asked, and I was like *insert "wtf" face here*, "he never did that in our class...he would explain it as many times as you needed him to..."
She gave me a sly smile, and said, "well, he and I have exchanged mean words before, so he's not all that friendly with me *chuckle*".
I didn't think it was funny, as that's a professor you will most likely have again, and you've made a mess of your relationship w/him...

click to expand


Where I am, you are usually only allowed 2 absences, but obviously the Professors have to be flexible as they understand that there are just some things that are out of our control.
Sounds like she really wanted to be in class, which is always a good thing. However, if she didn't bring her transportation situation to the attention of the professor, I wonder why that is?
I know alot of students get embarassed about these types of things, but I don't want to assume too much.
In any event, good luck to her.
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Posted by grinch33344
Posted by CLCNY30

I do wonder what would have happened if I had told her "I can't" after she came up to me in class...I wonder if she would have made a scene?


I bet she would, she seems like that type of person haha... I mean she doesn't seem very reserved to me.
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I didn't wonder until I wrote it here how she found out what classroom I was in...
That alone scares the ish out of me...
Yeah, it would not have ended well--and I'd not speak up (fight about it with her) in front of others, these are classmates I'll have to see in future classes and I will NOT be that chick who "omg, so this one time, we were in class one night, right? And that chick over there *points to me* went AT it with this other chick..."
No no.
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