The mystery still lives...therefore I could use a
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by catfish36 on Sunday, April 23, 2006 and has 5 replies.
Despite all of dyrst82's valiant and prodigious efforts at demystifying the male Virgo mystic, I am still in a quandary about my status with a male Virgo. I am a Pisces. He's bartender (yeah, OK I can hear the grumblings in the background) who is very smart, talented, etc. There were no thunderbolts; just a cool, relaxed open channel of communication. We could talk about any topic, most especially music, books, movies etc. We had a mutual friend who is a married man, and last year things got a little out of control. The married man wanted to bed me but I said no. This led to a lot of tension around the bar which made my Virgo male friend very uncomfortable. Needless to say, when I tried to explain the reason behind the tension (his friend trying to get my knickers off) the Virgo didn't want to hear about it. Since then, things have not been good between us. My Virgo male won't talk about or deal with why things have soured between us. I've made what seem like futile attempts to clear the air but we are still at a stand still. Last month we had a real bad falling out and I didn't return to the bar for 5 weeks. A week ago the Virgo tenderly kissed me on the cheek to signify, in his own small way, that he is amenable to mending fencing. However, it took an effort on my part. I had to be the one tell him that I loved him, not in a gooey, romantic way, but there is a heartfelt connection that is delicate.
Basically, we started out as friends but we do have an emotional relationship. I have no idea how he truly feels or where, if anywhere, things are headed. I could use some clarity on this one!
Catfish36
Basically, we started out as friends but we do have an emotional relationship. I have no idea how he truly feels or where, if anywhere, things are headed. I could use some clarity on this one!
Catfish36
Dyrstr8z,
I agree with you. We have a strange enough relationship as it is.
Married man is definitley not a cool guy. I wanted to introduce VirGuy to a coworker last summer whom I thought he would like. Married guy asked me to describe her, then said "Oh, she's not his type." He then said..."if there is anything you want to know about M just asked me." I always felt that was a weird thing to say, especially coming from a guy. Not only is he a buddyf*cker but he is a c*ckblocker as well. I won't get into all the unkind things Married Guy said about M.
M and I had a routine; as soon as I came into the bar M would give me money for the jukebox and we would listen together. This went on for at least 10 months, then it all abruptly stopped last November when Married guy and I had our falling out. I still have a nagging feeling Married guy must have told VirGuy something negative about me. Are Virgo's always so slow to heal? I know M is a sensitve guy which is one of the things I appreciate about him. This has not been easy for me at all.
I feel there is a mutual attraction but I think we both realize it's not the best time in either of our lives to be involved. Yet again, I am could be imaging it all. However, the other day I played a song on jukebox that I caught him dancing to, when he saw me return from the ladies room he immediately stopped. We know each other's behavior pretty well, he wouldn't have stopped unless he needed to do something...he didn't.
Thanks for your input.
Catfish36
I agree with you. We have a strange enough relationship as it is.
Married man is definitley not a cool guy. I wanted to introduce VirGuy to a coworker last summer whom I thought he would like. Married guy asked me to describe her, then said "Oh, she's not his type." He then said..."if there is anything you want to know about M just asked me." I always felt that was a weird thing to say, especially coming from a guy. Not only is he a buddyf*cker but he is a c*ckblocker as well. I won't get into all the unkind things Married Guy said about M.
M and I had a routine; as soon as I came into the bar M would give me money for the jukebox and we would listen together. This went on for at least 10 months, then it all abruptly stopped last November when Married guy and I had our falling out. I still have a nagging feeling Married guy must have told VirGuy something negative about me. Are Virgo's always so slow to heal? I know M is a sensitve guy which is one of the things I appreciate about him. This has not been easy for me at all.
I feel there is a mutual attraction but I think we both realize it's not the best time in either of our lives to be involved. Yet again, I am could be imaging it all. However, the other day I played a song on jukebox that I caught him dancing to, when he saw me return from the ladies room he immediately stopped. We know each other's behavior pretty well, he wouldn't have stopped unless he needed to do something...he didn't.
Thanks for your input.
Catfish36
Dyrstr8z,
There are plenty of details but I wasn't sure I would bombard anyone with them.
There are times when I thought I was getting signals of interest from VirGuy but wasn't sure how to decipher them. M can be warm one minute, artic the next. So, I spoke to Married guy about this, telling him I had gotten mixed messages from M and had M mentioned anything to him about me. Married Guy proceeded to tell me "I was not his type". OK. Fine, I accepted that but that wasn't what I was after. I honestly wanted to know if he was angry with me. Married Guy then went on about how M was interested in someone else, is trying to deal with his drinking problem, really had his heart torn up pretty badly by some crazy chick. Now, I didn't ask for details. Married Guy once blurted out something in front of M that I asked him to keep private. We were at the bar and Married Guy wanted me to kiss him on the mouth, I refused. He became very angry and blurted out "NO, you only f*ck the married." Not only was thing extremely inappropriate and a violation but it was deliberate because M believes in monogomy. Now, don't ask me what his longest relationship has been, but if you haven't dated anyone for more than 3 years, your sense of monogomy really hasn't been tested.
I had brief fling with another married man at the bar but he lived alone; didn't wear a wedding ring. I didn't find out he was married until later, then it was over. I am sure Married Guy told Virguy at some point, so surely he was feeling differently about me.
A few day after our conversation I received an email from Married Guy saying "I really don't know if you're M's type or not, do you want me to ask him?" I told him considering how indelicate he was in the past I emailed him I had no interest in telling him anything personal. THAT set him off. He told me as he was typing that he was sorry he wasted all his time worrying about my feelings and that he was shaking. He tried to get my cell number but I refused to give it to him. Then all of a sudden, my phone at work rang repeatedly. Needless to say this made me nervous. I went to the bar - it was not M's night to work nor Married Guy's regular night to show up. The other bartender looked at me and said "What's the matter? I someone stalking you? I joked "Maybe". Next thing I know, Married Guy shows up. Well, I wasn't going to be intimidated by his presence so I just didn't speak to him. I told the other bartender what was going on. It may not have been the smartest thing to do in retrospect but I was honestly freaked and wasn't sure where this was going. I case I got jumped on my way home I wanted someone else to know. No doubt, it got back to M.
Later in the week, M greeted me and asked me how I was doing. Then Married Guy came in. M said to him " I thought we were tight, why didn't you come to me first?" Now, I don't know if that was for my benefit or not. I didn't return to the bar for a few weeks, when I got back that's when the cold front moved in.
It should be obvious what's happened, but I would've thought M would've moved on by now. Or, at least gotten my side of the story, which he hasn't.
Catfish36
There are plenty of details but I wasn't sure I would bombard anyone with them.
There are times when I thought I was getting signals of interest from VirGuy but wasn't sure how to decipher them. M can be warm one minute, artic the next. So, I spoke to Married guy about this, telling him I had gotten mixed messages from M and had M mentioned anything to him about me. Married Guy proceeded to tell me "I was not his type". OK. Fine, I accepted that but that wasn't what I was after. I honestly wanted to know if he was angry with me. Married Guy then went on about how M was interested in someone else, is trying to deal with his drinking problem, really had his heart torn up pretty badly by some crazy chick. Now, I didn't ask for details. Married Guy once blurted out something in front of M that I asked him to keep private. We were at the bar and Married Guy wanted me to kiss him on the mouth, I refused. He became very angry and blurted out "NO, you only f*ck the married." Not only was thing extremely inappropriate and a violation but it was deliberate because M believes in monogomy. Now, don't ask me what his longest relationship has been, but if you haven't dated anyone for more than 3 years, your sense of monogomy really hasn't been tested.
I had brief fling with another married man at the bar but he lived alone; didn't wear a wedding ring. I didn't find out he was married until later, then it was over. I am sure Married Guy told Virguy at some point, so surely he was feeling differently about me.
A few day after our conversation I received an email from Married Guy saying "I really don't know if you're M's type or not, do you want me to ask him?" I told him considering how indelicate he was in the past I emailed him I had no interest in telling him anything personal. THAT set him off. He told me as he was typing that he was sorry he wasted all his time worrying about my feelings and that he was shaking. He tried to get my cell number but I refused to give it to him. Then all of a sudden, my phone at work rang repeatedly. Needless to say this made me nervous. I went to the bar - it was not M's night to work nor Married Guy's regular night to show up. The other bartender looked at me and said "What's the matter? I someone stalking you? I joked "Maybe". Next thing I know, Married Guy shows up. Well, I wasn't going to be intimidated by his presence so I just didn't speak to him. I told the other bartender what was going on. It may not have been the smartest thing to do in retrospect but I was honestly freaked and wasn't sure where this was going. I case I got jumped on my way home I wanted someone else to know. No doubt, it got back to M.
Later in the week, M greeted me and asked me how I was doing. Then Married Guy came in. M said to him " I thought we were tight, why didn't you come to me first?" Now, I don't know if that was for my benefit or not. I didn't return to the bar for a few weeks, when I got back that's when the cold front moved in.
It should be obvious what's happened, but I would've thought M would've moved on by now. Or, at least gotten my side of the story, which he hasn't.
Catfish36
Drama, Drama, Drama
Virgos don't like drama.
My guess is there is a bunch of gossip surrounding you at this point. Married guy probably told a bunch of crap to M. In fact, there is a good chance he told M he slept with you. There is nothing you can do about it. If you say, "I didn't sleep with Married guy," you will sound guilty because ... why would you bring it up.
I really believe that is what has happened, and yes men lie about this stuff all the time.
Virgos don't like drama.
My guess is there is a bunch of gossip surrounding you at this point. Married guy probably told a bunch of crap to M. In fact, there is a good chance he told M he slept with you. There is nothing you can do about it. If you say, "I didn't sleep with Married guy," you will sound guilty because ... why would you bring it up.
I really believe that is what has happened, and yes men lie about this stuff all the time.
Little Sparrow,
You are right on both accounts! However, I've noticed one thing about Virgos, they claim they don't like drama, yet they somehow are drawn into dramas. I don't like to generalize but all my Virgo friends and family members deal with the public on some scale; lawyer, musician, police officer etc. I have a female Virgo friend who has been married 3 times. Another male Virgo married twice and just recently broke up with someone.
They are well-meaning which puts them in a position to assist, but not necessarily to rescue. Regardless, once they help they are committed to see you through to the end...at least in my experience.
Yes, even during my many absences there has been talk. I don't like it either. I never meant for all this to come out but we are like a group of oddballs and misfits who have formed this little community. We care for and look out for each another. We fight, we make up, and we fight again. Things are bound to be airborne whether you want them to or not. Tell one person and it's all over the place like road kill.
You're right, Married Guy probably did tell him I slept with him, yet he remains on good terms with Married Guy. So what does that say about VirGuy? He's got double-standards when it comes to men? I would hope not. Am I under a different set of standards because I am a female? Virgos do have their tendencies to be judgmental and harsh. Once you fall short it seems like you're in the dog house for a long time.
I just wish things could return to the way they were. I never made any demands on his time nor bent his ear with my problems. We even ate off the same utencils. We co-existed quite peacefully until this business with the MG. People have accused me of creating all the drama, I own up to my part but Married Guy definitely contributed his share. Truthfully, I think he's jealous of my relationship with VirGuy (aka M).
Virgogotme:
I didn't take into consideration that my absence would have affected him. I thought it was the best thing to do in the situation. Being there would have caused more problems; it was very uncomfortable. I am an outgoing person and love to talk to people. I like to be challenged. I don't scare easily and I don't back down. My belief is this is interpreted as something more than just casual. It is a problem for us Pisces females. We are thought of a flirtatious when we just don't like seeing people off somewhere alone. Virgo and Pisces do share this kind of compassion for others.
Things aren't all bad. M did turn up at the bar for my birthday on his night off in March. He didn't really talk to anyone for most of the night. He gave me a hug before he left. I know he's trying, I know he would like things to be better; he just doesn't talk about it. I have to take those small gestures as something meaningful.
Just want to thank everyone on this board for taking the time to read through my situation and respectfully responding. I am here for anyone who needs advice on Pisces women.
Catfish36
You are right on both accounts! However, I've noticed one thing about Virgos, they claim they don't like drama, yet they somehow are drawn into dramas. I don't like to generalize but all my Virgo friends and family members deal with the public on some scale; lawyer, musician, police officer etc. I have a female Virgo friend who has been married 3 times. Another male Virgo married twice and just recently broke up with someone.
They are well-meaning which puts them in a position to assist, but not necessarily to rescue. Regardless, once they help they are committed to see you through to the end...at least in my experience.
Yes, even during my many absences there has been talk. I don't like it either. I never meant for all this to come out but we are like a group of oddballs and misfits who have formed this little community. We care for and look out for each another. We fight, we make up, and we fight again. Things are bound to be airborne whether you want them to or not. Tell one person and it's all over the place like road kill.
You're right, Married Guy probably did tell him I slept with him, yet he remains on good terms with Married Guy. So what does that say about VirGuy? He's got double-standards when it comes to men? I would hope not. Am I under a different set of standards because I am a female? Virgos do have their tendencies to be judgmental and harsh. Once you fall short it seems like you're in the dog house for a long time.
I just wish things could return to the way they were. I never made any demands on his time nor bent his ear with my problems. We even ate off the same utencils. We co-existed quite peacefully until this business with the MG. People have accused me of creating all the drama, I own up to my part but Married Guy definitely contributed his share. Truthfully, I think he's jealous of my relationship with VirGuy (aka M).
Virgogotme:
I didn't take into consideration that my absence would have affected him. I thought it was the best thing to do in the situation. Being there would have caused more problems; it was very uncomfortable. I am an outgoing person and love to talk to people. I like to be challenged. I don't scare easily and I don't back down. My belief is this is interpreted as something more than just casual. It is a problem for us Pisces females. We are thought of a flirtatious when we just don't like seeing people off somewhere alone. Virgo and Pisces do share this kind of compassion for others.
Things aren't all bad. M did turn up at the bar for my birthday on his night off in March. He didn't really talk to anyone for most of the night. He gave me a hug before he left. I know he's trying, I know he would like things to be better; he just doesn't talk about it. I have to take those small gestures as something meaningful.
Just want to thank everyone on this board for taking the time to read through my situation and respectfully responding. I am here for anyone who needs advice on Pisces women.
Catfish36
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