Signed Up:
Aug 20, 2007Comments: 0 · Posts: 794 · Topics: 58
I'm going to keep this pretty short. Virgo Man (34) - Libra Woman (27)
Actually, it's not real pretty at all. Haven't posted a thing on it because things have been progressing and I've connected with the man in a positive way dispite all the ugliness below.
1. Met at a bar late at night
2. Went home, standard hook up ensues, fooling around, no sex
4. Morning - confession, he has a girlfriend (heart breaks a little, anger)
5. Lots of talking, real conversation that we both have since described as surprisingly deep. He indicates he has not been in love with her for some time. Indicates remorse, indicates future interest in me (which I very relunctantly believe, only because he is insistant)
6. Dropped him off at girlfriend's
7. He tells her of me that day, breaks it off, but lives with her (she has 3 children, not his)
8. 1 month passes, I see him nearly every night for that entire month
9. Some conversation of moving in together in the future, in 6 or so months and a lot of laughter and fun and intense "getting-to-know you"
10. He loses his job
11. His mother is admitted to the hospital - remission of cancer
12. He pulls away, but not completely. His family comes to town, but I do not meet them. They spend their time with the ex-girlfriend and I do not hear from him for a few days. I am jealous (not like me, not at all) but believe this is an understandable reaction to the situation. Saw him briefly for a couple of hours on Sunday (the only time I've seen him since Wednesday). Trying to stay calm and smart here, but feel I deserve to be treated seriously if he is considering such a serious move as sharing an apartment together, right?
Or is that just way too much to expect within the first month regardless of conversations had?
I know this situation is crazy. My question is, am I? (for not wanting it to be over?)
Signed Up:
Feb 06, 2009Comments: 0 · Posts: 662 · Topics: 22
Why dont you want it to be over? What is so great about this guy? Cause I cant see it.
Signed Up:
Aug 20, 2007Comments: 0 · Posts: 794 · Topics: 58
How do I find out if he is first decan?
He is born Sept. 18, 1975
I'm not familiar with the decans
Signed Up:
Aug 20, 2007Comments: 0 · Posts: 794 · Topics: 58
@Cajun -
Yes. He is isn't he?
"Subjects of this Decan will most certainly have their "ups and downs" and may be deterred from the success they truly deserve. These Third Decan natives may go overboard when it comes to drink and fun, but they will sincerely apologize later for their trespasses and are usually readily forgiven by those around them. "
Signed Up:
Aug 20, 2007Comments: 0 · Posts: 794 · Topics: 58
oh - I do believe I can balance him, I think he recognizes that in me. But he is pulling away - and rightfully so. There is too much on his plate just now to include me as much as I deserve - I'm not needy or dependent in relationships, but I cannot always being playing to his needs either, I am craving normalcy in this and it WAS relatively normal the last few weeks when we were seeing each other and talking consistantly but now, our conversations and encounters are brief and mostly about how he is working things out.
I do care for him and hope that happens for him, but I have needs as well and feelings about this as well, which aren't very easy to vocalize when I feel they will put pressure on him from my side, too. He doesn't need more to fill his plate so I've been keeping my patience pretty well. Now, it's getting harder, though.
Libras seem to like playing around...they are the type to just go for it screw morals...they don't worry because they believe they are so innocent which they are not....They tend to date many different ppl so this doesn't suprise me.
Signed Up:
Aug 20, 2007Comments: 0 · Posts: 794 · Topics: 58
I'm sorry but I don't believe you can be considered a family when you have been together less than a year and when the children are not of your blood.
I do resent being told I have no morals, however, I do have morals, but I also don't necessarily believe that a year long relationship and girlfriend status affords the same merit/morals as a marriage. I believe that a commitment made at that level isn't forged in stone and can be broken at any time. It is not adultery -
It isn't always the right thing to do, but it isn't the worst. There is a reason, generally, somebody isn't married. Being bf/gf is more commited that casual dating or a few month long thing, but I don't believe I am a terrible person in this situation.
In fact, his gf doesn't think so either. He told me about their conversation and she wasn't happy but said she had been expecting the end of their relationship. She has indicated she would like to meet me at some point.
He is an honest person, I do know that. He has answered my questions honestly and I have third hand parties to attest to his honesty.
I'm not a kid and this isn't my first ball-game. I feel you are villanizing my post - as well as my Virgo.
People make mistakes, people fall out of love and make mistakes when they are drunk. Sometimes, they fall into the arms of a person they suddenly find they can trust and feel safe with.
I appreciate your advice to back out now - and I also already stated that was my intention. Thanks.
My morals may not match yours exactly, but the beauty of living in this country is: they don't have to. There are all sorts of standards. I do date freely when I am unattached, but am fiercely loyal when I am. My heart, too, would be broken in this situation, but - without a ring I have never stood to expect the man I am with to be tied to me in any way than by mutual agreement.
Do I feel guilty? A little bit. I feel, however, that the man in question is not a horrible person and as ugly as the situation is I do feel he handled it with some level of grace toward all parties involved.
Well I would never say I am above libras lol...I just wouldn't hook up with men in a bar and have him stay over but that is just me..I am older so not into the bar scene. I just think you give him way too much credit to me it shows his character if he is staying with you and messing around when he still has some attachment..and some men will say anything to get some attn..poor me...geez he should be a man and take care of his business leave and then move on to someone else..but men will only do what we allow them to do ...old cliche still true
Signed Up:
Aug 20, 2007Comments: 0 · Posts: 794 · Topics: 58
I'm not the first woman of any sign to hook up with somebody she met at a bar. If everybody who had a one night stand was considered immoral, well...I think you understand.
Seriously, you've never done something impulsively? I'm not saying it's smart, but immoral? really?
"I just think you give him way too much credit to me it shows his character if he is staying with you and messing around when he still has some attachment..and some men will say anything to get some attn..poor me...geez he should be a man and take care of his business leave and then move on to someone else..but men will only do what we allow them to do ...old cliche still true"
agreed
(lol cajun)
Signed Up:
Aug 20, 2007Comments: 0 · Posts: 794 · Topics: 58
if you see cajun's comments - that was more along the lines.
I did appreciate some of what you said - I think you are really misunderstanding my tone in all of this.
The story is true. I have no reason to lie on the internet - and certainly not to myself.
Sometimes when I post on DXP it's not to be berrated or judged, it's really just to get some perspective.
I meant not to insult, but do find it interesting you didn't answer my pointed question - you have never made an impulsive mistake? not one in your life that hurt somebody else as a result?
Signed Up:
Aug 20, 2007Comments: 0 · Posts: 794 · Topics: 58
I also suppose you're saying he is lying to me.
However - I have the third party witnesses that attest it is all true. I admit, I was very leery of this encounter, but if he is lying or "feeding" me as you suggest it is highly elaborate and crafted and invovles many people who agree to lie to me as well.
Signed Up:
Aug 20, 2007Comments: 0 · Posts: 794 · Topics: 58
---really - I've had more one nighters as I've gotten older - not in my youth...this just seems to strange to me - don't women's sexual lives belong to themselves any more? When did a woman who goes home with a man turn into a desperate loser? What happened to owning our sexuality?
Sorry - that's what gets up under my skin about some women, assuming that because they aren't interested in the type of sex that turns some other women on that those women are immoral and emotionally immature.
I used to be much more of prude in my young age - but now, every few years or so, when I meet an attractive man at a bar (because seriously, attractive men at bars aren't good to "date" under any circumstances) why not have a little bit of steamy-stranger sex? You might cringe at it, but I get a little moved by it - so what? I'm not you. You don't have to like it but that does not make me desperate.
Signed Up:
Jun 18, 2009Comments: 0 · Posts: 2999 · Topics: 75
well, i'm glad ur gonna just stay friends for now. ur seeing he's in no position to get too involved. kudos for that!
i do have to add that it's kinda messed up for u to say that because he hasn't been with her for a year, and the kids aren't his, that it doesn't constitute being a real family. i was basically adopted (though not legally). the moment my guardians took me into their home and decided to raise me was the moment we became family. he chose a similar path. maybe under different circumstances but he became family nonetheless. he didn't have to do anything. i'm almost positive no one forced a gun to his head and told him he had to move in with her and help her raise her kids. he chose to step in and play ''dad''.
Signed Up:
Feb 06, 2009Comments: 0 · Posts: 662 · Topics: 22
I find it really funny how people come on here asking for advice and then get all defensive when the truth is told or something is said that the poster doesnt want to hear. It's not that a responder thinks they are better than someone or has NEVER took someone home from the bar. Many of us know from either personal or watching others go through the same situation.