The Skinny

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by a muse a libra on Monday, May 10, 2010 and has 29 replies.
I'm going to keep this pretty short. Virgo Man (34) - Libra Woman (27)
Actually, it's not real pretty at all. Haven't posted a thing on it because things have been progressing and I've connected with the man in a positive way dispite all the ugliness below.
1. Met at a bar late at night
2. Went home, standard hook up ensues, fooling around, no sex
4. Morning - confession, he has a girlfriend (heart breaks a little, anger)
5. Lots of talking, real conversation that we both have since described as surprisingly deep. He indicates he has not been in love with her for some time. Indicates remorse, indicates future interest in me (which I very relunctantly believe, only because he is insistant)
6. Dropped him off at girlfriend's
7. He tells her of me that day, breaks it off, but lives with her (she has 3 children, not his)
8. 1 month passes, I see him nearly every night for that entire month
9. Some conversation of moving in together in the future, in 6 or so months and a lot of laughter and fun and intense "getting-to-know you"
10. He loses his job
11. His mother is admitted to the hospital - remission of cancer
12. He pulls away, but not completely. His family comes to town, but I do not meet them. They spend their time with the ex-girlfriend and I do not hear from him for a few days. I am jealous (not like me, not at all) but believe this is an understandable reaction to the situation. Saw him briefly for a couple of hours on Sunday (the only time I've seen him since Wednesday). Trying to stay calm and smart here, but feel I deserve to be treated seriously if he is considering such a serious move as sharing an apartment together, right?
Or is that just way too much to expect within the first month regardless of conversations had?
I know this situation is crazy. My question is, am I? (for not wanting it to be over?)
Posted by a muse a libra

1. Met at a bar late at night
2. Went home, standard hook up ensues, fooling around, no sex
4. Morning - confession, he has a girlfriend (heart breaks a little, anger)
5. Lots of talking, real conversation that we both have since described as surprisingly deep. He indicates he has not been in love with her for some time. Indicates remorse, indicates future interest in me (which I very relunctantly believe, only because he is insistant)
6. Dropped him off at girlfriend's
7. He tells her of me that day, breaks it off, but lives with her (she has 3 children, not his)
9. Some conversation of moving in together in the future, in 6 or so months and a lot of laughter and fun and intense "getting-to-know you"
10. He loses his job


LOL
I know this situation is crazy. My question is, am I? (for not wanting it to be over?)
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I would certainly think so smile
This man has no balance in his life. Being a Libra woman, you can probably relate.
Why dont you want it to be over? What is so great about this guy? Cause I cant see it.
Posted by Cajunspirit
Posted by a muse a libra

I know this situation is crazy. My question is, am I? (for not wanting it to be over?)


I would certainly think so smile
This man has no balance in his life. Being a Libra woman, you can probably relate.


LOL...yes, of course I can relate to it. I'm a mess just like a lot of Libras, with the small exception that I have a Taurus moon which does steady me out more than your average Libra (seriously! I'm still crazy, but steady crazy)
I guess I'm hoping to hear he's having a run of bad luck and will flip it around, but I am just crazy after all.

BTW - he is great. I won't take that from him. He has this amazing personality and he's very open and kind. I know the short picture I painted doesn't really reflect that, but he is generous of spirit and a good man in general. I guess timing really does matter after all....
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Posted by a muse a libra

LOL...yes, of course I can relate to it. I'm a mess just like a lot of Libras, with the small exception that I have a Taurus moon which does steady me out more than your average Libra (seriously! I'm still crazy, but steady crazy)
I guess I'm hoping to hear he's having a run of bad luck and will flip it around, but I am just crazy after all.


Is he a first decan?
BTW - he is great. I won't take that from him. He has this amazing personality and he's very open and kind. I know the short picture I painted doesn't really reflect that, but he is generous of spirit and a good man in general. I guess timing really does matter after all....

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Super, he'd probably love you a lot if you can balance him and not be needy or demanding. But to get him to allow you to help him, wow... that's hard.
How do I find out if he is first decan?
He is born Sept. 18, 1975
I'm not familiar with the decans
Posted by a muse a libra
How do I find out if he is first decan?
He is born Sept. 18, 1975
I'm not familiar with the decans


Read up sweetie pie smile
He's a third Decan, heavy Libran influence. Higher inclination for the arts and music.
@ArianPride:
No one here is disputing your claim - certainly not me.
However, you don't know their history or him or me for that matter. No, she is in fact NOT paying the bills and never has. She has actually never held a long-term job and moved in with him (or "on" him) just a month after he found his brother dead (suicide). She was there, she and her three children needed a place to stay and he needed somebody. It was a relationship built of need.
I don't believe that a man taking care of another woman and her children so she doesn't have to work defines a healthy relationship - and so my Virgo agrees. It doesn't make me the best person around, I never once claimed to be that. I even stated that this situation was downright ugly.
He has already left her - they are broken up. If she moves out, she loses a stable home and is in the middle of a custody battle. I don't believe many women would take a man back who has spent every night of a month at another woman's house.
It's an f'd up situation and honestly, I am hoping to speak to him this evening and end things for now. Because he does have good qualities hidden beneath all this BS he will have a chance again should he figure things out (job, housing, etc). But I am at the end of my patience for this and definitely not crazy enough to continue Winking
@Cajun -
Yes. He is isn't he?
"Subjects of this Decan will most certainly have their "ups and downs" and may be deterred from the success they truly deserve. These Third Decan natives may go overboard when it comes to drink and fun, but they will sincerely apologize later for their trespasses and are usually readily forgiven by those around them. "
oh - I do believe I can balance him, I think he recognizes that in me. But he is pulling away - and rightfully so. There is too much on his plate just now to include me as much as I deserve - I'm not needy or dependent in relationships, but I cannot always being playing to his needs either, I am craving normalcy in this and it WAS relatively normal the last few weeks when we were seeing each other and talking consistantly but now, our conversations and encounters are brief and mostly about how he is working things out.
I do care for him and hope that happens for him, but I have needs as well and feelings about this as well, which aren't very easy to vocalize when I feel they will put pressure on him from my side, too. He doesn't need more to fill his plate so I've been keeping my patience pretty well. Now, it's getting harder, though.
Libras seem to like playing around...they are the type to just go for it screw morals...they don't worry because they believe they are so innocent which they are not....They tend to date many different ppl so this doesn't suprise me.
I'm sorry but I don't believe you can be considered a family when you have been together less than a year and when the children are not of your blood.
I do resent being told I have no morals, however, I do have morals, but I also don't necessarily believe that a year long relationship and girlfriend status affords the same merit/morals as a marriage. I believe that a commitment made at that level isn't forged in stone and can be broken at any time. It is not adultery -
It isn't always the right thing to do, but it isn't the worst. There is a reason, generally, somebody isn't married. Being bf/gf is more commited that casual dating or a few month long thing, but I don't believe I am a terrible person in this situation.
In fact, his gf doesn't think so either. He told me about their conversation and she wasn't happy but said she had been expecting the end of their relationship. She has indicated she would like to meet me at some point.
He is an honest person, I do know that. He has answered my questions honestly and I have third hand parties to attest to his honesty.
I'm not a kid and this isn't my first ball-game. I feel you are villanizing my post - as well as my Virgo.
People make mistakes, people fall out of love and make mistakes when they are drunk. Sometimes, they fall into the arms of a person they suddenly find they can trust and feel safe with.
I appreciate your advice to back out now - and I also already stated that was my intention. Thanks.
My morals may not match yours exactly, but the beauty of living in this country is: they don't have to. There are all sorts of standards. I do date freely when I am unattached, but am fiercely loyal when I am. My heart, too, would be broken in this situation, but - without a ring I have never stood to expect the man I am with to be tied to me in any way than by mutual agreement.
Do I feel guilty? A little bit. I feel, however, that the man in question is not a horrible person and as ugly as the situation is I do feel he handled it with some level of grace toward all parties involved.
@JiannaSag - Libras don't screw morals, they develop their own moral compass and stick to it. We weigh each so-call "societal" moral and see how it fits into our own standards and systems of discretion. They don't match yours because you are a different person -
You are very above Libras, obviously free from mistakes and free from any guilty a-moral action
Well I would never say I am above libras lol...I just wouldn't hook up with men in a bar and have him stay over but that is just me..I am older so not into the bar scene. I just think you give him way too much credit to me it shows his character if he is staying with you and messing around when he still has some attachment..and some men will say anything to get some attn..poor me...geez he should be a man and take care of his business leave and then move on to someone else..but men will only do what we allow them to do ...old cliche still true
Posted by a muse a libra
@JiannaSag - Libras don't screw morals, they develop their own moral compass and stick to it. We weigh each so-call "societal" moral and see how it fits into our own standards and systems of discretion. They don't match yours because you are a different person


No offense, I do recognise the flack you are getting. I don't believe you deserve it, but I can't help but add to the flack.
A Libras Woman's moral "compass" is typically sitting untop a high powered magnet, from my experiences.
I'm not the first woman of any sign to hook up with somebody she met at a bar. If everybody who had a one night stand was considered immoral, well...I think you understand.
Seriously, you've never done something impulsively? I'm not saying it's smart, but immoral? really?
"I just think you give him way too much credit to me it shows his character if he is staying with you and messing around when he still has some attachment..and some men will say anything to get some attn..poor me...geez he should be a man and take care of his business leave and then move on to someone else..but men will only do what we allow them to do ...old cliche still true"
agreed
(lol cajun)
if you see cajun's comments - that was more along the lines.
I did appreciate some of what you said - I think you are really misunderstanding my tone in all of this.
The story is true. I have no reason to lie on the internet - and certainly not to myself.
Sometimes when I post on DXP it's not to be berrated or judged, it's really just to get some perspective.
I meant not to insult, but do find it interesting you didn't answer my pointed question - you have never made an impulsive mistake? not one in your life that hurt somebody else as a result?
I also suppose you're saying he is lying to me.
However - I have the third party witnesses that attest it is all true. I admit, I was very leery of this encounter, but if he is lying or "feeding" me as you suggest it is highly elaborate and crafted and invovles many people who agree to lie to me as well.
Posted by ArianPride
Then don't post if you are not open for other peoples opinion lol! Seriously you are just odd. Enjoy bs'ing yourself.


It amuses me to see opposites throw it at each other.
Is all the aggression really needed ArianPride?
Your comments in this topic are so unkind.
@valeria - you are so right about the offering of a friendship.
I did leave out the fact that after the initial physical aspect of the relationship we have not engaged again - not just my decree but his own. He would stay over but we weren't intimate, just held each other.
Other than that - one night stands happen for all types of reasons - desperation is one of those. I, however, am not a desperate girl, despite how this might read smile
I guess I just don't mind a one-nighter all that much - don't really tie too much up into it. I don't have them often - hardly ever in fact - and when I do they never turn into this type of situation. But I am of the belief there is nothing wrong with them - but then again, I'm a pretty sexual creature, so yes, sometimes, I do just want to lay the man I'm attracted to - just 'cause.
This is how this started and not at all how it turned out.
Se la vie - I have ended things with him.
You all did answer the initial questions which was "am I crazy?" Winking
@Arian - I KNOW I'm odd. I wouldn't want to be any other way.
What I'm NOT is sad. Really, not sad to look at, my life isn't sad, this situation isn't sad...it's just life, one month of it. A drop in the ocean really.
---really - I've had more one nighters as I've gotten older - not in my youth...this just seems to strange to me - don't women's sexual lives belong to themselves any more? When did a woman who goes home with a man turn into a desperate loser? What happened to owning our sexuality?
Sorry - that's what gets up under my skin about some women, assuming that because they aren't interested in the type of sex that turns some other women on that those women are immoral and emotionally immature.
I used to be much more of prude in my young age - but now, every few years or so, when I meet an attractive man at a bar (because seriously, attractive men at bars aren't good to "date" under any circumstances) why not have a little bit of steamy-stranger sex? You might cringe at it, but I get a little moved by it - so what? I'm not you. You don't have to like it but that does not make me desperate.
Posted by ArianPride
I don't think I'm being aggressive or rude lol. That's your opinion and you are entitled to it. If I have somehow offended you while corresponding to this "public" post then I am very sorry but you have every right to stop reading my posts, so use it.


Typical Aries, wrong and strong.
You could have easily put across your opinion without the name calling and degrading language, but no. Your aim seems much more to offend. You lack tact and your inability to see your own foul behaviour is disgusting and thoroughly disrespectful.
Posted by ArianPride
Wow, I never say mean things about people but you are seriously a home wrecking whore lol!
A true lady does not skulk in the dark waiting for her lover to come out of his house to throw out the garbage to sneek a kiss...keep your distance and have some dignity about it
This is a laugh......if it's sympathy you are looking for then sorry I didn't give you any.
PS: You tarnished your own rep and his when you posted this story, not me. I am simply exposing the flawed side that you refuse to see.
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well, i'm glad ur gonna just stay friends for now. ur seeing he's in no position to get too involved. kudos for that!
i do have to add that it's kinda messed up for u to say that because he hasn't been with her for a year, and the kids aren't his, that it doesn't constitute being a real family. i was basically adopted (though not legally). the moment my guardians took me into their home and decided to raise me was the moment we became family. he chose a similar path. maybe under different circumstances but he became family nonetheless. he didn't have to do anything. i'm almost positive no one forced a gun to his head and told him he had to move in with her and help her raise her kids. he chose to step in and play ''dad''.
I find it really funny how people come on here asking for advice and then get all defensive when the truth is told or something is said that the poster doesnt want to hear. It's not that a responder thinks they are better than someone or has NEVER took someone home from the bar. Many of us know from either personal or watching others go through the same situation.
Posted by ArianPride

I believe in the sanctity of honesty and good choices. I refuse to condone a cheater or his flailing and eager mistress. The fact that it??s so openly accepted by you Cajun is because you yourself are a cheater, as you??ve stated previously and I can see why you would openly accept someone??s values such as your own but you and I are cut from a different cloth my friend??_very different.


lol
As do I, that doesn't mean I have to be an asshole about it.
I never condoned the situation. I was the first response, the first to state dissaproval and the first to agree she was crazy.
Funny how you read my other post, really scouring the forums for anything you can use.
So I called her a name??_.it suits, and don??t act as if swearing or getting a little verbally passionate is above you either. I??m sure you??ve used characterized names to explain a person??s behavior. I did just that??_the word wouldn??t have been inserted in the dictionary if it didn??t have a purpose and I used the word for its purpose lol.


Alls I'm saying is that it was tactless and unnecessary.
It??s very sad??_I find the entire story very sad and I am seriously going to send that poor woman and her three kids my prayers tonight. The foundation of a family regardless if it??s not the stereotypical family unit should always be respected. As a person who believes in doing good always I don??t understand the mindset of convincing yourself that a wrong is now a right.


I did not get the impression they were a family, but you did.
Maybe my set of morals are a little too rigid and formal but I am proud to be who I am and I have no regrets.


Of course you have no regrets, wrong and strong til you die. Pissing people off and pushing away the ones who love you.
I seriously pray for those children and that woman that they make it out of this ok and seriously, if this man whom you met one night under the bright lights of some saloon means that much to you and if this is actually true then you two deserve one another.

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I like how your tone has change, much better than before.
Posted by ArianPride
I wasn't scowering your other posts, I became interested in your personality. Sorry for taking an interest past our conflict. I'm not tyrant....I am fair and exact.


Naturally you focused on the negative aspects to further your argument and try to justify my opposition of your comments.
What I said offended you and that's a given, we communicate differently. Our communication style s are opposite and conflicting but I still respect what you have to say regardless of my oposition.


I don't disagree with what you said, I simply found it a tad excessive. Your posts prior to this have been on point as well, just not as offensive.
If you consider this a personal attack then that is your own battle, because this is NOT personal. I just find her entire "story" disrespectful and one sided I find most of it hard to believe and I find th attitude of the poster very passe and luke warm. I have nothing else to say. The story speaks for itself....and it's a book I can't wait to close!
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Aries and Libras don't play nice, I found it interesting how strongly you stood behind your convictions.
To whom is her story disrespectful?
Posted by ArianPride
I was not trying to focus on your negative aspects, sorry if I offended you :-)


You called me a cheater lol
Posted by ArianPride
I did not intentionally focus on your negative aspects. The reason behind why I exposed your past confessions to the debate was because I felt it was necessary to include this information in consideration to the fact that you yourself cheated and admitted to it and you are also defending a cheater. It made sense after that as to why you were so adamantly defending her.


How is she a cheater?
I simply exposed your previous confessions to a confession of the same relevance. I guess you just don??t appreciate being pegged.


You did not peg me at all.
You just used an unrelated statement to try and make me look bad.
If you don??t want to be held on your word??_then don??t say anything that could be discriminating towards you at a later date.


Discriminating???
Sure you are not thinking of the word "Incriminating"?
I'm just an honest guy.
Common sense but yeah I??m sorry I offended you. I did not think that simply relaying a fact on a different subject would be so offensive. Note to self.

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It wasn't offensive, it was a poor attempt to discredit me.
Posted by ArianPride
If you find it discrediting then....you find your actions discrediting, not my remarks. I simply relayed a fact that you posted on this site...nothing more.


I said you tried to discredit me, not that my comment was discrediting. Try as you may to twist things your way, you are not successful.
Anyhow I think this conversation is done. My point has been proven.
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The original poster proved the same point in the first post, you just emphasised on it more in a condescending, disrespectful, offensive and derogatory manner.