underground contact

LOL oh lawd....shaking head...good luck with that

Dwelling --

My heart truly aches for you and Virgo Man in particular. Seriously. Reading your story I felt sad for the LoVe you both could be experiencing without too many complications, but it seems that is what you created.

I understand your judgement that he has interest in other women was possibly without much ground. I can't know of course, but WHY would he make all this extra effort for reaching out to you??


I agree with you that involving HR was the wrong decision; I first wondered how it got there. I certainly can understand your worries, but girl... you got to relax! You need to start trusting him. This man seems crazy for you. Why he probably had PMs with that other woman who has relations with colleagues, was to find out her motives, NOT to flirt with her. He probably wants to know Your motives in correlation.

Honestly, you have acted irrational, Dwelling. I'm surprised, because on these boards, You my dear lady are one of the very rare ones whose views I read in admiration. I always get caught up in the futuristicness of your thoughts and the solidness you show in your strengths and weaknesses. However, I see when it comes to Love and when it involves US, we become helpless! I turned irrational like that with my last Virgo Man, so I know how that feels. And please keep in mind, I am not blaming you; I am sympathizing with your irrationality. You not only put your career on a more difficult path, but you also put his career life in a grey zone, when in fact he was shining.


Now --- honey, going back to HR will make you look unstable. Just because you requested such arrangement, doesn't mean you will have the power to withdraw. It's in THEIR hands now. I will suggest that you wait.... give it time. I will also suggest to stop doubting the Virgo Man and give him some credit. It seems you both turned each other crazy ..... (as DY would say 'Nutz Futz') man oh man... what a love story...

You posting on that other website that you regret your decision on going to HR because of his professional powers must have hurt him. You don't talk about your emotions, you talk about your career, which to me would imply you only care for your own advancement.

To your question, honey, Rules are there to be broken... just do this with tact and without giving yourselves further harm.

Damn LikeBrad ..... how long are you going to obssess over this man before you can find the courage to walk away?

You know this isn't right for you ... you've said it dozens of times in here how he's messing your head up.

Is he still married?

Posted by Archer
please allow me to be Politically incorrect,, pleaze 😉


After all he has Sun-Virgo, Moon-Sag and is a Tiger. Not someone to be restricted so simply.
wrong.. Virgo sun will spoil everything else, even if it is the only placement in a chart.

One of these typical men??s claims: —I want to be loved unconditionally?? etc.
bullsh**.. ^&😉^*(&*(&😉*^)% ^ translation: I am NOT going to do anything ever.. I am too lazy and too scared.. but I want the love-pie.. dont send me the bill please..


10. I was shocked by what I had done. Not a constructive nor a civilized behaviour from my side.
wrong.. that IS the BEST thing you did... he must have been mouth-agaped and you earned your self worth.. damn, dont discredit your courage.. bravo.

---------
I am not saying anything on last post, I have a feeling you already Know what he is all about.. some attraction need the fatal end,, we sags are too experiment oriented to even listen to our own logic. bad thing to do.. 🙂

😄 Archer ... HA HAHHAA... you come with such wise words, honey. I love her...

Number 10 point, I could agree with. I was playing with the thought if it was possibly better or mistake to have involved authority. This to me seemed to be shooting yourself on the foot. However, courage is that changes the world.

Which is more limiting, the emotional pressure or the authoritative pressure?


Virgo Man can drive us crazy with their nit picky worries ...

"HR shoudl Ideally be impressed by the courage of the girl exposing this"



You're kidding, right?

Girl encourages continued contact ..... nothing is being exposed except her own weakness.







"Dwelling should not feel guilty"


Shouldn't feel guilty?

Where's the self accountibility in that?

Archer, sweet one... I respect your view on support. What makes me think in regards of A&A is that we surrendered but Dwelling didn't. The end result seems to be equally crazy.


Dwelling,... isn't there someone in your life who you see less addictive perhaps, but makes you feel good about yourself, honey? Perhaps the answer is, turn to the one who makes you appreciated. The one with less challanges; the one ready to give; ...

🙂

I see your comments as useless, actually ... not to disrespect you, archer ... just being honest.


She would be told something like ... can't you find a person who appreciates you, and if the word "honey" is thrown in there, or "sweetie" or some kind of cuddly word, then it's suppose to mean that this is an original idea?



she's addicted to this man .. do you actually think she's never told herself before that she needs to get the fuck away from him?








"Dwelling,... isn't there someone in your life who you see less addictive perhaps, but makes you feel good about yourself, honey? Perhaps the answer is, turn to the one who makes you appreciated. The one with less challanges; the one ready to give; ..."


That ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is stomach-turning, to be honest ..... it has no valuable message, just sugar-coating for the sake of sounding good.

To be good and to sound good, isn't the same thing.


LikeBrad is likely the wisest woman on dxp ... she fucking knows what she needs to do ... she is unable to help herself, and this is why she beats herself up. She needs a kick in her ass, and she knows it .... THAT is why she tattles on this obscene obssession she has, so that she might be forced in having to give him up.



"but I think for things to get better,, they first get the worst.. (god forbid).. but thats how I operate.. lol.. or one can act wisely from start.. THIS TIME I WILL ...lol

Seriously, archer ....... how worse can they get? She is helpless to help herself and so has to tell someone in authority, so that maybe they will have the power to do something she cannot. That sounds pretty rock-bottom.

To help a person, you have to think from how they are processing their life ... to give advice according to how YOU would handle yourself only pertains to you.



Why not try and help her?

Posted by DwellingOnMove
Me and the Virgo. We promised to this woman from HR not to be in contact, in business or private. Now we talk through a web site.

self-deception

Self-deception ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^



So, you two are going to sit around, stroking each other softly and talk about how she needs to be appreciated?


wtf?

Magnetism:


history is full with Love Stories that hurt rather than feel good when put on scale for majority of its time, like Caesar & Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton (ironically same people acting and experiencing very same in private life) among many others making into books or ordinary people like us... No one can escape its overpowering chemistry.

Perhaps it's better lived than never...

"(maybe due to the fact that Dwelling is a sag) I see that she will go through it .. till the end,, and then get out.. dont worry, we are strong enough to handle it.."



I'm not worried about her being strong enough to handle it, I already know what she is made of .... what bothers me is that you and Fum are talking about yourselves, when it's obvious that Brad is struggling.

Wow, Dwelling...


applauds to you... You can't change him, so best to keep distance, but easier said than done. Strength and patience be with you. Hugs.

"FUM is right. This man is in love with me. Apparently this kind of love does not give him good ideas so that I could trust him.
He cheated while his wife was pregnant and he let know her of it.
He looked for me for about five months. At the end he wanted still to hide me from this other girl who bought him sandwiches in the lunch time.
There has been running some intimacy between them. She got a project leading role this year. My paranoia is asking if this relates to their intimacy which they dearly hide."





Oh My God, Brad ...... a person in love moves mountains for the one they love ...

1. they don't use the behaviour of cheating to punish their pregnant wife.
2. they don't hide you from the world ... quite the contrary, they proclaim their love for you from the rooftops.





OMG you two .... quit telling her that this is how a man loves, what the fuck are you doing?

Isn't she confused enough already?

He treats her this way ..... and you fucking tell her it's because he is love with her?

Brad, this man doesn't love you, he never has.


THAT ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is what you need to get through. The only reason you have been at yourselfs mercy is because you thought he loved you and you've remained hopeful that this love he has for you, will move the mountains, as you know love is suppose to do.

You've allowed yourself to keep waiting for the expression of love that isn't in existence for him to give you.


Once you put solidly in your mind and heart, that he does NOT love you ..... you will be able to finally walk away from the chains of self deception you've bound yourself with.

that's what I thought in my case too, Dwelling; I thought perhaps he didn't love me enough to move those mountains; OR perhaps everything was too overpowering and scared the heck out of him OR he doesn't trust me, because he doesn't trust himself... You can go on and on thinking in circles. What counts is the end result. If it has not worked the very first time around, chances are that's as far as you can get.


According to my observation, usually men as screwed like that, secretly idealize/worship the very first woman they had serious intentions for AND THEN, label their feelings for that woman as "hate". In actuallity, they only stay faithful to that very first woman. It's just my theory.

Posted by Archer
One of these typical men??s claims: —I want to be loved unconditionally?? etc.
bullsh**.. ^&😉^*(&*(&😉*^)% ^ translation: I am NOT going to do anything ever.. I am too lazy and too scared.. but I want the love-pie.. dont send me the bill please..

interesting, Archer, another user commented with "wash me but do not wet me". that poem said "I want you to listen to me but not to say to me what to do" and things like that. funny.

Posted by DwellingOnMove

Posted by P-Angel
You've allowed yourself to keep waiting for the expression of love that isn't in existence for him to give you....Once you put solidly in your mind and heart, that he does NOT love you

PA, I actually agree with you.
But listen to my story.
I am not a christ nor I have a christian background. Yet those days (after HR meeting) I was in such a bad mood that I talked to our "unknwon friends somewhere in universe" and in the same night I dreamed of Jesus Christ. Now for whatever reason I had this dream the fact is that the christian belief talks about sin. And it talks about forgiveness too. So what is very difficult for me is to protect myself but also admit that people can change.

This man has been trying to show me that I did not get the core of him. that he was misunderstood.
He is angry at me and at himslef. He does not want to be judged for his cheating. nor for his female friends.
Nevertheless no matter what he does, he makes it even worse.

click to expand

I know your story, Brad ..... I've been here since you began talking about it in here.

You are confused, and it looks like people are so concerned with holding your hand that they would rather continue letting you be confused, rather than telling you a truth.

"This man has been trying to show me that I did not get the core of him. that he was misunderstood." .......................................... he isn't trying to get you to understand him correctly, he is trying to get you to continue waiting in the shadows for him. He likes using people .... look what he's done to his wife, and then was so heartless that he told her about you while she was carrying his child.

That is not a man misunderstood, Brad .... that is an asshole.


"He is angry at me and at himslef. He does not want to be judged for his cheating. nor for his female friends."

He is angry at you because you dare to look to see if you have any pride left.

Of course he doesn't want to be judged .... why should he be judged now, he is thinking ... afterall, you've forgiven him for abusing you thus far, so why should you have a problem with it now? Is what he is thinking.


Listen to me, Brad ... this man does NOT love you, not in any form. A man who loves a woman does not treat her the way he treats you. Hel

Because, giving her excuses at to why he is like this is happening .... to give a woman ways to justify a man's bad treatment of her, is telling her to lie to herself ... and so that's what I see you two doing, archer.


Giving her more reasons to make justification that it's ok for him to do this.


It's not ok, it will never be ok ... there is no valid reason EVER for a man to treat a woman the way this man treats her.

"Nevertheless no matter what he does, he makes it even worse."




No, he doesn't make it even worse .... he makes it better .. you are confused.



He wants all this attention from multiple women .. this is why he has so many.

All this time, you continue to give him your energy .... even with this thread. Look at how much you have given this thread in his honor. He is still very high on your list of priorities.



If you left the company a couple months ago ... how was it you were able to go to HR?


If he has you obssessing over him, which he does, by being a bad guy and treating you like shit .... then how does he make it worse?

Why women lovingly adore men who treat them like shit, is beyond me ... but, it is fact.

"Ladies,
I gave him a list of the actions he should stop doing and places where he should stop being, for example sitting in his car near to my appartment. He emailed back, "ok". Those days he had big fear. Now he is playing underground.

Yes it is my time to show that I am serious. No remote control with a Saggirl."








Like that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^



You're still with him, hanging your energy on his, moving within your life dependent upon his move.


It shouldn't be time to show him you are serious ....... that only accomplishes in showing him he still has your attention upon him.

It doesn't sound like you actually want to be rid of him .... it only sounds like you want him to regard you higher.



Archer: To talk straight to a person isn't lowering them.

Posted by Archer
also, I principally agree with your point of "this is not love"... but you are being pushy and forcing it down on me to say it the way you want it .. or you think is right.. and stop telling me what to say and what not,, very becoming it is.. esp for a sag..

. RIGHT can be a lot of ways..... and all of us can be wrong.. lol

If you agree with something, it is the same as saying it.

I don't care how a person words to another the truth, so long is it is so.

You are confused...what he's done to his wife, and then was so heartless that he told her about you while she was carrying his child.

PA, you are confused because he cheated on his wife ten years ago and I was not in his life by that time.

"He does not treat me bad. On a scoial level it would be stalking. But he did not stalk me. On a private level it needs an established relationship to say he treats me bad. But we are not in any relationship or affair. he just not gives up on me."




:::: gasps ::::




It is done then ........ it is your choice to be on the recieving end of his abuse, and you would see it as his character being misunderstood and not an addiction at all.


You have chosen to give him your dedicated attention, and you're not helpless .... I'm wrong, then, it is your choice to sacrifice your love energy on him. In that case, you can find many in here who will entertain in this energy with you that you sacrifice for him.




"My attention don't cost a thing."

That is the most disturbing thing I've ever heard you say .... for it is said in defense, rather than any accuracy to the human condition, as this human condition started this whole thing off by making the claim that it decieves itself.

I will no longer participate in you honoring your self-ignorance, Brad.


Out.

Posted by Archer
Dwelling,

this man is chipping on your soul, and he is not worth it.. and universe cant give you more unless you let him go.. have a heart,, and say Good Bye.. feel the Fear and Do it anyway you'll be wonderfully surprised, I can assure you... but first step is to end this all.
.... me and fumi meant No disrespect to you,, we only included you in our inner circle.. :-) .. He represents all that we want without thinking through... BE the BEST of YOU, and start THIS VERY MINUTE.. how the best of you will deal with this man.. DO THAT..

Choose WIsely, Act thoughtful, Live Passionately but with a conscious choice..
thats all I learned..
🙂

Dwelling,

Archer and I have been analyzing our experiences with similar path You are currently taking.

The storms these magnetic men cause, never ceases without harm and destruction for as long as you continue giving them that power. The mind can be much manipulating by always finding something good to hold on to that person.


The moment you let go, that's the moment the universe will reward you and bring to light only those who actually deserve your affection.


Please disregard my first post, I didn't follow your story close enough to have known all those details. Also as Archer put it so gracefully, I sure do not mean to disrespect you, Dwelling.

"He cheated while his wife was pregnant and he let know her of it."


"You are confused...what he's done to his wife, and then was so heartless that he told her about you while she was carrying his child.
PA, you are confused because he cheated on his wife ten years ago and I was not in his life by that time."





It doesn't matter what woman he was fucking, Brad ... for you to use that as a defense, rather than grasping the truth of it for your own self awareness is further proof to me that you don't want to be rid of him, you want him.


Even still.


You want to be abused.




I'll not condone it, no matter how many others you get in here telling you sweetie and honey, it's ok, it's not your fault, no need in feeling guilty about anything, you do nothing wrong, it's all him who's fucked up ..... nope, no matter how much I like a person, and I do like you very much ... I'll not participate while you continue to lie to yourself, and then attempt to say it's just because he is misunderstood.


Fuck that ..... have fun in your misery. Not to worry, others will hold your hand for you.

I see the topic moved on...


As for PA, I prefer honey over eff this eff that. It's a choice of language, madam.

Is it just me or is this situation completely messy and long?

Posted by tiki33
Is it just me or is this situation completely messy and long?

DITTO thoughts Tiki!


I wish you well and hope for peace and happiness to enter your life lady, good luck!