UNSENTIMENTAL

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by VIRGOEXALTED on Tuesday, January 2, 2007 and has 92 replies.
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Hey; happy new years all; I questioned my father about his true feeling for me, and upon closer inspection, he dosen't love me. From his mouth to my ears. I learned that he was with my mom for all the wrong reasons; I said "I'm concerned for your happiness, so why don't you two just split, and I'll come see you all the time?" he said "No, becuase I don't want to be apart from her" I answer with, "but you two just don't work together, I love you both and this thing isn't working!" and I heard my mother say that "I have custody over the two of them, and there were times that we'd split up, and you wouldn't even bother to see them; you just said screw it, I don't care, and you we're on drugs!" that confirmed my already heavy belief. I wanted the truth and he lied; worst yet, he underestimated me!. Hmmm, seems like he just being his usual selfish self. They have both taken my brother and I through so much. I told them " When I leave this house, don't come looking for me, and don't look for a call either. I'm through." my father was just happy that he tried to destroy my mother and my relationship, becuase if he can't have something, no one should. I hate the bastard, but I'm still breathing so I'm moving on with my life; does anyone have anything to make of this? Should I seek therapy of some sort? Should I just turn my back to them and vanish?
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Hey; happy new years all; I questioned my father about his true feeling for me, and upon closer inspection, he dosen't love me. From his mouth to my ears. I learned that he was with my mom for all the wrong reasons; I said "I'm concerned for your happiness, so why don't you two just split, and I'll come see you all the time?" he said "No, becuase I don't want to be apart from her" I answer with, "but you two just don't work together, I love you both and this thing isn't working!" and I heard my mother say that "I have custody over the two of them, and there were times that we'd split up, and you wouldn't even bother to see them; you just said screw it, I don't care, and you we're on drugs!" that confirmed my already heavy belief. I wanted the truth and he lied; worst yet, he underestimated me!. Hmmm, seems like he just being his usual selfish self. They have both taken my brother and I through so much. I told them " When I leave this house, don't come looking for me, and don't look for a call either. I'm through." my father was just happy that he tried to destroy my mother and my relationship, becuase if he can't have something, no one should. I hate the bastard, but I'm still breathing so I'm moving on with my life; does anyone have anything to make of this? Should I seek therapy of some sort? Should I just turn my back to them and vanish?
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they are just are gonna kill each other.....I don't know what to do.
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VE - i didn't realize you were so young! but anyway, YES, definitely go and talk to a therapist a counselor of some sort -- someone who can just listen and help you sort through your emotions, anger, etc..... it will help you tremendously and help you to deal with the situation at home...
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Hey VE,
It sounds like your family stuff has esculated, sorry to hear it. I wouldn't give up, if I were you . . you all ARE family and family is worth fighting for.
However, everybody needs space sometimes. Maybe if you did leave and check out life by yourself for awhile . . maybe things would look differently. Maybe your father would look at his family differently and realize how much he loves everybody.
In any event, VE, if your father has drug problems . . then he's not thinking in his right mind, half the time . . and what hell has been gone through on account of his drug absue, is not your fault.
VE, you can go to counseling, if you want, and they will tell you it's not your fault. But, your a smart man, you already know that . . some people are weaker than others, some people are smaller than others . . you already know more of your situation than another can counsil you on.
I truly hope you can find peace with your father one day . . in the meantime . . keep loving him, anyway.
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I'm breaking down....I'm in meltdown....I'm worried that I'm gonna make it worse; like I have to always be in control of myself...I try so hard everyday to wake up, and carry on like I'm not bothered by this bullshit, but I'm between him, and her, and my family tearing themselves apart.....I want to just erase all this from my mind, and get the hell outta dodge...it's needless to say at this point that I've been lacerated, and vicerated emotionally by all of this; I'm not asking for a pitty party, just saying that this has been apart of me for along time; MY WHOLE LIFE; he's blamed me, but I never believed him; hey it's your life, and your actions, if you screw it up, it's your own shit. I've had no time to be a kid, and I don't even know how to relate to people my own age; I didn't have that carefree childhood, or adolecence; I'm mad at him for that, but I feel so damned strongly about him (when I did love him) I would have KILLED ANYONE FOR HIM; I would have DIED FOR HIM; that's for anyone who is close to me; I hate to see people in pain, but this is causing me health problems; I'll spare you all the bitting details.....I try to be this big adult, but I feel small inside, like apart of me will never grow up.....I'm so careful not to let a twinge of pain out becuase I'm to proud to cry; I won't; It's been a wild ride my life, and I haven't had the time to just be a kid.....I feel like I'm going crazy; I want to just get all these feelings out......they're shredding me apart; they made me angry and bitter, and hateful; I'm not who I want to be, but have no clue how to get it back; I want to be with people but don't fully know how....I'm in pain, but have no one to show it to, becuase I have to be strong, and in charge of myself; I can't meltdown, I have to push to the top....
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VE, instead of thinking about dying for someone else . . try thinking about living for yourself.
Spread your wings and fly solo . . taste life from another perspective.
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Yea....guess I'm not lacking in passion hurm? lol Tongue When I was younger I just loved EVERYONE!! I just wanted to be cool with everyone, and wanted them to be my friend...I was so energetic, and happy then; but then my dad; he cut me really deep; showed me that love/people can't be trusted; just reinforced my tendancy for superficial relationships; I grew disillusioned; P, how do you get your idealism, and enthusiasm back? I want to feel good about people again....I just hate the bastard!! I cared, and I got shitted on!?! So much for open-heartedness.
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lately, I've been getting sappy, and flimsy....I'm gettin' soft I feel like maybe I'm about to evolve; I know I'm young P, but I'm trying to grow up to. it's like I'm being denyed my calcium....I can't grow up strong if I'm lacking that. I just try to show on the outside that love dosen't matter, and that I'm too proud, to feel it; I'm really just afraid from all the shit I was thrown into. Honestly Love is paramount to me...It means everything to me; I have a secret spot in my mind for it; I cherish it more than just knowledge.....I won't lie.
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"Honestly Love is paramount to me...It means everything to me; I have a secret spot in my mind for it; I cherish it more than just knowledge.....I won't lie."
This love will keep you safe, VE . . it will keep you sane . . don't worry.
What about your mum, where is she?
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VE - i think you need to go talk to someone -- a extended family member, a neighbor, a parish minister, a helpline, etc. to find a way to get out of the house and find a place to stay.... do you work or go to school -- there should be someone at one of those places who may be could help you == but first - find another place to stay for awhile, then go to counseling and see your family on your time/your schedule as you feel the need.... but right now i think you need to get away....
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roxi - hi happy new year - wish you lots of happiness and great S**!!! Ha!
i didn't mean a permanent leave to 'begin life' just a break away - a temporary safe haven for awhile - a week, a month...? just to let things cool down, give him space to get over his meltdown, give him opportunity to talk to someone and be able to Virgo analyze his feelings/emotions away from the insanity for awhile, that's all....
yes, we all have our crosses to bear in life, some are worse thann others, but yeah, we should be grateful for what we have.... he's young though and has whole life ahead of him.... be positive and optimistic VE!
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Ladies thank you from the bottom of my heart; I feel glad that you are so responsive, and maternal. All I ask is that you give your children what they may need; whether that be understanding, attention, love, whatever, I've sat them down already, and have practically thrown myself at them in all the feeling I could muster, but it wasn't enough, and it won't ever be; they are to obsessed with each other to see anything bigger than themselves.
Roxi, I just want to say just let them talk; see if they can come to some conclusion, some final understanding; a boy needs to know he can trust his father, as well as relying on his mother, and visa versa.
my mother has always been distant and provided me with the basics; clothes, food, and shelter. there honestly wasn't alot of room in her heart for love, and affection becuase she was too preocuppied with my fathers bemoanings, and her voracious need to keep up appearances. he needed her more than I, so I gave in, and let him have her. I am in school, and working part-time; I keep my feelings under TIGHT CONTROL; nobody suspects a thing; my mother and father both taught me how to deny and keep up appearances; my extended family has been destroyed by my fathers selfishness; they don't want to even deal with him, and I really don't blame them; I've been practically excommunicated from his side, and my mothers side isn't much better; they disagree as much as my father's side. I need to move on, with, or without this baggage; I've decided that I'll be alone for awhile; It's okay, I know I can rely on myself, to be my family, that's how it's always been. I wish they did care, but you can only lead a horse to water.....
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VE, you're a strong person and it shows in here. Everybody has something from their past that should remain closed until the time comes to deal with it, appropriately. The main thing is . . that you rise above and not let it beat you.
It's obviously from your posts in here that you have a lot of love in your heart. Focus on that and remember one day when you find your man/woman as a partner in life, the lessons you learned from your youth. Treating him/her with maturity and fairness is your gift to him/her.
Teach your parents, VE . . show them how to love when you find your partner. You'll be ok. I know it seems tough, but, I have faith in you.
smile
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I'm trying; that's the point isn't it? I'm still standing....I feel so naked; so weak, and quivering inside all the time; like I've been striped of everything that would make me feel 'human'.....it was not virgo that did this to me; it was my past. I've learned although you can love someone, there comes a time where you must learn to detach, and stand alone. I suppose this is the moment of benediction; I know how you feel about religion P, my Grandmother is very religous, but I don't have the faith. I've been ripped apart, and asked where was god to mend me, and make me whole, and loved when no one else did?! Aren't I one of his children? Or am I a demon? I no longer know what feild or what road I stride....P, I spent my whole life struggling to stay afloat out of the darkness....stuck between these two powerful forces; darkness, and light, being thrown back and forth. I just don't want anyone to love me anymore; it's causing too much strain, and pain for me. I thought of suicide, and even cut myself; it was the most relieving thing. the blood and the body burning was the only real feeling I had....I had been beaten emotionally to the point of nothingness, and died somewhere along the line.....I just ceased. I'm not going to bother with my parents anymore. I can't there is no reconciliation. I prayed that god would AT LEAST spare me, and cut my short this pain, but yet here I stand, naked, and bleeding. what to do? where to go? I've been just passively floating through life; an impartial force to even myself. what do I do; no I don't have the answers, and I'm fed up with searching; there aren't answers; just more questions; I'm done searching.
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there is no safety for me....I've been feeling the walls of death surrounding me and my dreams.....I can't run away, there's nowhere to run to.....I have nothing. nothing is comforting...nothing but that fire for vengeance, and destruction and lament. I used to think :"even if this fire inside my body destroys me mind, body, and soul at least THEY will suffer." I was going to destroy myself, and let them pick up the peices. I don't even think it's wrong at this point; an 'eye for an eye' right? could turn to drugs, alcohol, bastards....I do hate them; it's a fact. I just feel like it's over; and I thought I'd be sad, but I feel serene knowing that some how, some way, this all will stop. I'll move away from them, and I'll never have to think of them again....I've heard their lies, deceit, guilt trips, over, and over, and It's gotten me nowhere; when I feel alone, no one comes to my aid, I can't go to someone and they just tell me they'll help. I nurtured myself, cared for myself; me alone; so how could I have the love inside me for another? I'd just bring them down into my shit pile; I don't want that in my conscious mind; don't count on me.
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I don't believe you, VE.
You say you have no love in you, but, I can see it, written all over this page. In fact, you have more than 99% of the people who post here.
ok i have to add something here . . i've done this before . . when i typed that sentence above . . a wierd sensation swept over me . . i've done this very thing at the very time . . before . . wow . . this feels wierd
For over 3 years, I've been here, many people come and go . . you always express so much inside of you, so many wonderful feelings of love, more so than the majority of others who are here. Don't despair . . sometimes, an unanswered prayer is the right answer.
Com'on now, pick your head up and be proud of the man you are. Look what you've gained, your smart, sweet and know yourself . . that's all you need to succeed. Shag the family, for now (but, not forever) make your own path and one day, when your on top of your world, you'll find the strength to face them again.
You're gonna make it, VE . . you are . . you can because you are.
smile
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VIRGOEXALTED, I could never guess how down you truly feel, but you got to remember that living life itself is an obstacle. Even when there's no light in the pit life has buried you in, there is a way out. Also, I want you to make sure that you take this experience and not let it destroy you, but keep it as invaluable experience to better yourself as you continue life.

"I nurtured myself, cared for myself; me alone; so how could I have the love inside me for another? I'd just bring them down into my butter pile; I don't want that in my conscious mind; don't count on me."
Come now VE, you and I know this isn't true. I've never met such a strong minded person other than me in my life before, and even with your struggle, you've never, not ONCE crossed me let alone disappoint me...
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I dont know if i'm that mature...whenever I think I can do it, I get another 'lesson' showing me the EXACT OPPOSITE that I can't do it; at least alone. It's confusing as all this shit has alter the way I see things, and yea, I am a ruthless, egotistical, self-absorbed person; gotta be. I've got nothing inside; i can relate roxi; no fond memories of mom, and dad; no real love; have to be strong, even if I break; gotta pull myself back together; anytime someone gets close I shirk away, and keep my broken heart silent and under a mantle of laughs, and self-possession. How could anybody love such a selfish person? I'm chewing everyones ear off about my shit, and......it's just easy to unload on someone, and leave; because you don't have to deal with the 'aftermath' of the situation; like waking up in someones house in bed with them11; of getting emotional, and them seeing your weakness. I've regreted ever saying my true feelings to people becuase it ends for me with scathing critism, and unsentimental retaliation; I'm holding on to all of this becuase it makes me 'special', 'wise' and 'strong'; If I didn't have this I'd be nothing
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I honestly wish...I could just sleep this all off. I'm tired of it; all I ask is to be free of them. That entails my leaving them, and bundling up my 'family life' and throwing it away; I have to 'destroy' myself, to become 'myself'. I must shed this husk of consciousness, and evolve.....I can't stay with them stuck in bitter misery anymore. to hell with them, and it all! Yes, I've ponder suicide, but suffice for SI (self-injury) instead. the truth is I'd rather not be consious of myself....rather not know that I exist, or ever did....I'm glad I didn't make too many attachments in life yet; it would be more painful that way....I just don't care; no passion; no fire for my own life; alternating between narciccism, and complete worthlessness, and vulnerability. My war I wage is internal, away from the eyes of the public; inside my soul.
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what do you do....when you can't find passion in being alive anymore? When just being alive is only a matter of conincidence, and temporary pleasure and not purpose? What then do you do? Just idle on with this torment?....nothing is fun or fulfilling, and everything feels nightmarishly chaotic, and like you've been dropped into a warzone, with no sanctuary?. when a person's touch can send you into overdrive, or running for the hills?; when life means just being subjected to a cycling of moods, instability, and impassivity? What do you do, when every eye that gazes your way can either make or break you? What do you do when you so desperately need for someone to turn of your head, and turn on your heart? Or when your ego is shapped by your sucess, and destroyed by your failures? When someone goes to touch you you flip out, and send them a icy glare, when all you want is for them to let you melt into their arms becuase you can't be 'real' anymore, becuase you can't hold up the gaurd any longer? What can you do, when you slightest fault can destroy your superficially grown ego, and your magnamity is only stablized by the applause of your imaginary fans marveling at your false excellence and greatness? When you are only exalted in your mind, and everything real, is insulting to your instable, grandiose, pompous, paper-thin ego? When at any moment you can be broken, and crumble? When all you have are empty promises, and broken shards of your life that remain from the fight you weren't strong enough to face down, and beat?
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I don't know, VE . . I'm thinking about dying, too.
If you figure it out . . let me know.
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I'll tell you what you are/do....you're me. This is too heavy, too chaotic even for me. Being thrown against the midst of your own extreme thoughts. just so you know that you've earned your spot in life. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why an addict is an addict; when you're crushed by indecision, and perpetual pressures, that only mound, and build, and you're left alone to your respective problems left to you by some callous nobody. Yes, a drug would be a nice place to run away to. A nice way to soothe, and ease all the selfishness, and hatered you've been given in an unfair exhchange. I can understand why they do what they do, addicts I mean. So lost, and instable; constantly trying to bolster your frail self up, with whatever is at your disposal; sex, food......anything. just to feel the rays of warmth to wrap around you mind, body, and soul, to tell you the three most soul-melting words you've ever heard: "I....LOVE....YOU".
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the only thing I've found out is that drugs do the body, bad, and good! lol Tongue I don't know....I'm must be PMS'ing for all this shit I just threw up Tongue I'M CRAZY!!!!; Damn, where does it come from? I've got one thought in my head when all the others seem to beatten by the 'let's do it!' 'I MUSN'T RUN AWAY...I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF IF I DID'.....a tiny thought like that swimming in the ocean of lies I was fed. My head is flooded with questions, and very few answers that do little more than tell me, 'it's the way it is'.....is that even a sufficient, fair, answer?....who knows...could those words heal me, or destroy me? 'I LOVE YOU'.....are they even real? Are they true? Or is it in every one-night stand, and orgasm you get?! Is it real, and lasting?!.
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needing to be somebody's EVERYTHING, in order to avoid being your own NOTHING....dependency's a bitch; a whinnin' fat bitch at that!....
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Regret, thy name is VE....
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LOL I am laughing inside..
what a sweet soul, VE..listen to me, I've experienced the exact same trauma as you when I was younger...in fact..many times when I was a little girl..
and you're older than me. I'm still 17..
but when I cried out to God that night when I found out that everyone around me was a liar.....
He answered my prayer...to live for him was the answer..
this life isn't ever gonna be perfect..
did I give the human beings another chance? yes, I did...
God didn't promise me a peacful boat ride without a storm...but he did promise a safe landing..
I don't care if everyone wants to follow their evil desires..
everything is constantly changing...except what? except for that eternal longing
at least that wonderful peace we've longed for is where God is..
we'll experience heaven and hell before we leave here..that's how he lets us know what is to come..
I've stubbornly tested God time and time and again and every time like a real father he kept me in check...and still this rings true:
the only thing that remains is faith, hope and love


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It's so easy to state. but that dosen't seem to remedy along the process. I see the big picture, but I unfortunately am stuck in this present, and less than desirable reality; jesus, emotions suck. I'd rather solve my problems with my head than to be stuck on my heart. I'm sick of it. My heart has done nothing but get me involved, and hurt, when I should've been objective; no, not me, I had to just jump in and get trampled....sheesh, serves me right; People always question 'why are you so cold?' well it was becuase I had strong faith, hope, and love, and all three threatened to destroy me. So I'm done with them. At least untill they serve some actual good, and can influence me positively. I think optimism is just the summation of a good childhood, or a good ol pair of rose-tinted glasses; it's easy to talk faith, peace, and hair grease if you've always been a happy kid, with a happy childhood, but what about the ones who were told they would be nothing, and told that god hates them, and told that they are despised, and no one will love them? Where is this so-called omnipresent, and 'divine love' then? Is he/she greiving somewhere, when he/she could just wave one divine hand and wash my troubles away?; I'm just a peice of property to the both of them; I'm the excuse from their damned loins; I only exist to prove that they could 'do something right' huh, what trash. May they never know joy, or gift of children, and if so, the child will come out cursed; as cursed as I. I can't believe I even wasted my time showing them my heart! Shit, I should've known! That's the worst part! I couldn't prevent it, and I should've, and what's more, I've only got myself to blame. Nice.
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Oh please, VE. I thought you were smarter than that. There is a reason for everything, you know that. And we know that in all things(in other words-good or bad) God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.
Oh, God didn't wash your troubles away? Oh please, if it wasn't for that darned moon in cancer. Your eyes are full of tears and your spirit filled with anger no wonder you can't see.
Like I said, it wasn't the peaceful boatride that was promised it was the safe landing.
Yeah, so you were unfortunate enough to have parents you can't even trust who don't love you or care about you and think that you're good for nothing.
Oh please, sweetie, my own mother, father and people who I have opened my heart to, EVERY single one of them have betrayed me.
And what did I do? I remembered what the scripture said. DUH THEY'RE GONNA BETRAY YOU!!!
BETTER YET! WHAT? You've never betrayed anyone? o_O You've never hurt anyone?
Wake up!! This is the way it is..goooood and baaaaaaaaaad......
And don't you EVER expect anything less, VE.
Every single last one of us.
This is only an opportunity for growth and strength. Live with it.
We're both pretty darn young. And don't you dare exude your fear on here again because of your lack of faith in someone you don't even know: God.
Apparently you don't know Him, you've only insulted Him by expressing your lack of faith and your abundance of fear.
Get over it. YOU set the example. Don't you dare wait for somebody else to do it.







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It could be said one way, or the other RC. I believe in 'organized chaos' meaning that life is arbitrary, and things can happen at any moment, and depending on your point of view, and situation, they could be good or bad, these terms are quite subjective to me anyway; had I known you were going to get all emotional/defensive over this I would've held back. Where do you get off rambling on to me with philosophic nonsense that you picked up in pop psychology 101? You should learn to speak with tact, before you open your mouth with regret. You're still pretty young in spirit so, I suppose I should've expected this from you; if you hadn't infered from my tone, I was speaking out of wish fufillment the way I wish it wasn't, not 'I can't handle it becuase it's so tough!' please, RC you've quite the pompous, and intolerant attitude when you speak to me as if you KNOW the in's and out's of my situation, THEN you'll probably have little more to say then the 'god says let's trust him' you aren't even worthy of my time, or effort; . Sheesh, I THOUGHT you'd understand, but there I go again placing faith in people. So, your telling me to generally have faith in a figure so ambiguously disguised throught the 'good book' as the one who can heal everything?! Well RC, where the hell is he?! People like you rambling on about faith, and religion, when this didn't even need to go that far; do YOURSELF a favor and stop taking things so personally, I mean you are an Aquarius right? lol. Is god going to strike me down for asking him where he was to pull me out of this situation, no babe, he, or what ever it is only exists in the mind of those who were to weak to pose perhaps irreverant questions, and who lack the balls to stand up and make the change on their own; I had to pull myself out of MY OWN shit, not god, so take the god stuff to some other stoop; he exists in people whom are at HEART the opposite of what you say you stand for wasn't it logic, and reason? you said, you just took this to a WHOLE other playing feild, hope you can find your way out. Sheesh, had I known I was going to get the philosophical/faith toungue lashing, I'd could've picked up the synopsis.
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screw faith. If you can make it on your own why waste the time? What is it's necessity if it can be lived without? I've done it, I struggled, but I knew in the end, it took ME moving some major mountains, to get over this; I am, I've learned to center my focus on ME and not on the 'mayrtrdom' screw it, and let some other fool play the role. I had faith but tell me, what is left when the faith leaves you? And there is nowhere left to turn? Do you turn to god? A god who pays a blind eye, and deaf ear to you? No, you make things happen on your own. Ultimately, that is what it comes down to. life is struggle, and loss, and a slow climb to the top, and I've known this. If you cannot show me god, than why do you thrust faith into my face as if it's the deciding factor? Did your mommy, and daddy tell you to be a good girl, and listen to them about what they say god is? you said it yourself, "I'm not rebellious I just want to be me!" Please, how do you even know that you believe? How much of what you even say is independent, and free from conventional belief Ms. Aquarian?.
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all you speak is nonsense that can't even be proved! What use is what you say? faith, get's one where? Their hopes up, and the hopes crushed. Face it, you've had a relatively happy childhood, and can't relate. that's all; that's probably why you jumped right into faith. you sound like you've been spoiled real good. Yeah, were different, I was wrong alright.
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Yeah, you're right. I guess my spoiled innerchild overreacted. I'll try to control her, but I am sympathetic to your plight. For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
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This was not a plight, becuase I don't ask for pitty/sympathy. Having faith is great, I'm just saying based upon my stand point is is a really privledged thing. Have you ever had your dreams dashed across the floor of life? If you have come back to me,and let's talk, but what you said was just surprisingly biased, I thought faith was something everyone had equally, but I guessed wrong. Maybe faith exists for those who need rose-tinted glasses; and maybe, others don't. I'm just playing with the idea of it, not saying that's a fact. I apologize for that outburst. I'm no better than the 'wise ones' of DXP when I get like that. I at least hold myself to higher decorum.
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I have Gemini Ascending.
Dreams dashed across the floor of life...? Oh yes, brother.
Still taught me a lot more than just giving up on humans..it taught me to look within myself...
there are many things to learn here...

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Hi VE,
I hope you are doing okay.
I'm going to PM you.
ltvm
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sure there are, and many things to learn; but it's one thing to say, and to be thrust into the middle of it; I wonder RC, how well would your detached attitude aid you if you were right in the thick of it? How could you be detached if your right there in it? You still haven't learn to understand something from the collective focus; not just your side, not just my side but our parts together; a.k.a. undestanding. What if you had someone accusing you of things so disgusting (becuase their on drugs) that you lost it and wanted to erase them, and their impression on people. It's one thing to think that you would behave one way, but reality states another thing. I won't say what was said, becuase it was that twisted (if you use your imagination you'll probably guess what it was) I guess wind dosen't get it.
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I have Capricorn ascendant; I fail to see your point. I want to stop being restricted and start feeling free.
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"I want to stop being restricted and start feeling free."
Hi VE :-)
Guess what? You already are free...right now, it is your thought/s that is/are keeping you "restricted"....how do I know? cause you said so.
You are the master of your reality and your reality will change for you the day you make a change in the way you think.
When we came to Earth...we came to experience LIFE and life consist of EVERYTHING. We came here to learn and we learn by being put smack dab in the middle of things...we also came here to realize who we are.
What if, VE....everything that you have experienced was meant for you to? perhaps this is your path...try not to judge it, accept it and let it go...you cannot change the past my friend. However, by holding onto your past, you are keeping it alive in your present and it appears to be effecting your present moments. Be free by letting go and being fully present in each moment....this IS freedom smile Love your past...be grateful for each and every experience, be grateful that you are alive and that you have the choice to make changes, be grateful for your friends...find peace in knowing that your parents were doing the best that they knew how in each moment...had they known anything else, they would have made other choices.
Be grateful,
Freebird
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uuuuuuuuuggghggghhhhh........I'm not judging it; it sux that's it. it's nothing to be glad about; I want to just ignore it; be aware that generally speaking something bad happend and it realates to drugs. I don't believe in rose tinted glasses. I'm a strong enough person to stare down any threat. If a fireball from hades is flying at me, hell I'll shoot one back! Sometimes people are aware of other choices. It's called SPITE that people choose not to make positive choices. spite, and selfishness, and greed, and egocentricity. Being focused on oneself, and fogetting about the world at large, and the people you affect. There is more to life than just the self. they knew it, but refused to choose it. I'd rather not even exist to them. it makes the detachment more easy, and me feel less restricted. I cannot find peace in that they we're doing their best becuase negativity is NEVER best. They did what they did out of selfishness, and ignorance, and may they suffer alone. I've no need of them, so they are useless to me, as is anyone else in opposition. Useless people.
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I don't believe in happy endings; that's not life! I don't want to be deluded with fictious ideas that are paper thin, and don't amout to anything more than impractical nonsense that only upbeat, and delusional people entertain; look reality in the face, and deal with it. it's not always pretty, but take the dreams, and hopes you have inside, and shape a world fit for you.
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life does present us with obstacles; we have to be creative enough to overcome them. Life isn't this wishy-washy kind, and benevolent place where we all get along, and sing 'koombiyah'....it's a struggle, a fight, and threatening place that threatens to topple you at any moment. What a person believes at any rate can be destroyed in an instant BECUASE you dared to believe. I still believe, but squarely, and solely in myself. I don't hold anyone to anything beucase no one can do anything they don't wish to, so I don't even need to enteratain another person unless I will it. The more kindliness, and the more generosity I shower and show to people (I don't out of my own desire, not out of expectancy) I get stepped on! Well there's humanity for you. what a bunch of crap! Kindness, love, ideals, huh, 'happily ever after'....spare me the lies, and decieit; don't lie to me, and don't try to sell me counterfeit; opptimism comes at too high a price. I will not tune out reality, becuase I'd only be lying to myself, and denying the REAL truth.
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Okies.... for your thoughts are your thoughts and for you, they are right.
Somehow, someday....when your mind is open enough, you will realize the importance of your thoughts and how they create each one of your moments.
Till then....focus one the good in your life - be grateful for what is now.
Freebird gonna fly now.......
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I'm going to be a stubborn, ruthless, cut-throat, dog-eat-dog, selfish, maniacal, egotistical dictator! Yes, that will show the little humans....lol....Tongue I'm already over that pouting spell; I'm just mad as hell this bs had to happen to me! I'm not the type to welcome bs in, yet I cough a helluva lot out!! lol I wish I weren't so kind; I wish I were more cold, and spoiled, and selfish; I am pretty conceited though!! lol I'm half way there to total egotism, and ditatorship lol YESSSS!!!!
*calls for throne, and servants...err, slaves...*
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sooooo, you appear to be in "victim" mode. Do you like being in that place?
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I think I'm borderline, or bipolar. lol.....sheesh, up, and down the emotional/idealistic pole in nothing more than 4 minutes! lol Makes me colorful dosen't it?! hell, that'd be all I needed, then I could detain a physician for not making my pill stronger!! lol I'm soooooo sick of myself right now!!!
*jumps out window*
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make sure you think to open your parachute VE!
Happy Landings Winking
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Victim mode? Naw, I just wanna enslave all the little people!! lol Tongue If victim mode serves my purpose than why not? I'm human as well, and I have the right to 'play the part'.....I just wanna manipulate people right now 'cuz I'm soooo pissed off at the world I'll go spread my seeds of evil elsewhere.....too much light here any way, come babies, let's infest the world!! lol Tongue

*gathers flesh-eating plants up, and whisks them off to a darker area of the forest* lol
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Aw, thanx Free, I'm on the way to the emergency room.....my legs smashed to bits....aw screw that leg!!! When I become king of the world I'm gonna get a adamantium skeletal frame, so when I kick, I really kick!! YEAHHH!! lol Tongue
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a "pissy" virgo...OMG - that is exactly what the world needs! Freebird flies by VE and makes a "dropping" on his......HEAD!
Hope that helps Winking
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