Virgo boyfriend broke up with me (Virgo-Scorpio)
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by Scorpina on Thursday, November 2, 2017 and has 8 replies.
I had met this wonderful Virgo guy in an online dating site almost 6 months ago. We hit it off immediately and he asked me out after a month and we are in a long distance relationship.
This Virgo guy though, as he said, is clueless about relationships. However, he is very attentive to me and was more than happy to introduce me to his family. I noticed though that he seemed pessimistic at times (and he is clinically depress and on Prozac until now) but it complimented me well because when he's down in the dumps, I was there for him and vice versa. He said that he had never trusted anyone like me and that he had never been happier since the birth of his youngest sibling. I am also the first girl he had introduced to his family.
When we do have our misunderstandings, we pretty much go through it well because we talk it out until we find a solution even for temporary only. One of the recurrent issues for him is about sexting. He always thinks he asks too much for it even though I have reassured him again and again that it is perfectly fine with me. I honestly don't mind because when he asks and I am not in the mood, he is very courteous and understands my feelings, and thus, I am very thankful for him being like that.
We had talk about the future countless of times already. And a day before we had the misunderstanding that led to him breaking up with me, we were talking about kids and getting promise rings. Seemed silly to others since we are in our early 20s but we are both happy about it.
Fast forward to the misunderstanding, I mentioned something about having kids and he said "Well, that isn't for until 10 years from now...". I was confused though as he told me before that he sees ourselves somehow settled in 5 years. We continued talking about it but I got upset about it and he unwittingly asked if we can sext. I declined. That made me more upset and as we go through the confusion between us having kids, I got temperamental. He called me out for not taking the conversation seriously. I admitted I got upset and he reassured that he only wants us to settle when we're financially stable and 10 years seem to be the pretty right timeframe (his parents divorced because his dad couldn't afford to sustain his family and that caused his depression). I somehow gotten out of the mood but he then suddenly thought that sexting was the bigger issue. I did get upset with him asking but I am used to it.
The next day, we were talking about how avoiding sexting for a while as he seemed to have hurt a couple of times already because of it. I reiterated that I may have gotten offended about sexting the day before, I certainly don't feel repulsed about us sexting in general. He even emphasized that even though we wouldn't be sexting in a couple weeks or months in hopes to get the relationship in better shape, we would still be in a relationship and not be platonic partners. I was pretty optimistic that day and was thinking of my own solutions to handle my temper better.
Lo and behold the next day, I woke up to a breakup message from him. He says he doesn't deserve me because he can't visit me sooner, he hurt me for asking for sexting and that he is scared that he can't give me the future we have planned. He said we can be friends if he wants to and that he loves me so much but as a friend. I mean a lot to him and he would like for us t remain in contact. I was shocked and called him immediately but he wasn't picking up. I messaged his brother for advice and he was surprised as well because our relationship is pretty smooth-sailing and is one of the most smooth-sailing thing that has ever happened to his brother (my bf). I showed him the breakup message and his brother told me that my bf can be somewhat misleading with how he says things. And also, he noticed that my bf had been pretty defensive and irritable the past month (he seemed optimistic to me though even if he had some problems with school, but I don't buy all that positivity that he was trying to show).
My bf apparently forgot his phone that's why he wasn't picking up and we agreed to talk. I asked for it to be a videochat but he declined as he said he'd cry when he sees me. The moment we heard each other's voices, we were crying nonstop. He didn't seem frantic during the phonecall even though he was crying (the first time I heard him cry and he told me before he hadn't cried in years as he was blocking off his emotions). He was saying sorry that he hurt me, pretty much what was in his breakup message. He said I am not making this easy for him as I was being very kind to him contrary to his expectation that I would be mad an hysterical. I said I don't want to give up just yet and that I love him and he cried harder. I also apologized for the times I have hurt him unwittingly and he said he knows that I am not the type of person to hurt him. He calmed down a bit and I even managed to make him laugh and he also threw in some jokes as well. Our phonecall ended with him saying that he loves me so much no matter what happens (this is the first time told me he loves me, before he said he'd like to say it when we meet). We agreed in talking more about this in the days to come.
I am just curious if he really meant the breakup because it was so sudden. It was literally days after we were very happy. I do know he had some problems at school so maybe that's part of it as well. I am thinking he is very confused right now and all his fears and insecurities are eating him up. I am extremely worried.
I love this Virgo guy dearly and I know he is worth it that's why I need some insight on what he might be really thinking/feeling.
His birthday is September 20, 1994. Mine's November 18, 1996.
Thank you in advance!
This Virgo guy though, as he said, is clueless about relationships. However, he is very attentive to me and was more than happy to introduce me to his family. I noticed though that he seemed pessimistic at times (and he is clinically depress and on Prozac until now) but it complimented me well because when he's down in the dumps, I was there for him and vice versa. He said that he had never trusted anyone like me and that he had never been happier since the birth of his youngest sibling. I am also the first girl he had introduced to his family.
When we do have our misunderstandings, we pretty much go through it well because we talk it out until we find a solution even for temporary only. One of the recurrent issues for him is about sexting. He always thinks he asks too much for it even though I have reassured him again and again that it is perfectly fine with me. I honestly don't mind because when he asks and I am not in the mood, he is very courteous and understands my feelings, and thus, I am very thankful for him being like that.
We had talk about the future countless of times already. And a day before we had the misunderstanding that led to him breaking up with me, we were talking about kids and getting promise rings. Seemed silly to others since we are in our early 20s but we are both happy about it.
Fast forward to the misunderstanding, I mentioned something about having kids and he said "Well, that isn't for until 10 years from now...". I was confused though as he told me before that he sees ourselves somehow settled in 5 years. We continued talking about it but I got upset about it and he unwittingly asked if we can sext. I declined. That made me more upset and as we go through the confusion between us having kids, I got temperamental. He called me out for not taking the conversation seriously. I admitted I got upset and he reassured that he only wants us to settle when we're financially stable and 10 years seem to be the pretty right timeframe (his parents divorced because his dad couldn't afford to sustain his family and that caused his depression). I somehow gotten out of the mood but he then suddenly thought that sexting was the bigger issue. I did get upset with him asking but I am used to it.
The next day, we were talking about how avoiding sexting for a while as he seemed to have hurt a couple of times already because of it. I reiterated that I may have gotten offended about sexting the day before, I certainly don't feel repulsed about us sexting in general. He even emphasized that even though we wouldn't be sexting in a couple weeks or months in hopes to get the relationship in better shape, we would still be in a relationship and not be platonic partners. I was pretty optimistic that day and was thinking of my own solutions to handle my temper better.
Lo and behold the next day, I woke up to a breakup message from him. He says he doesn't deserve me because he can't visit me sooner, he hurt me for asking for sexting and that he is scared that he can't give me the future we have planned. He said we can be friends if he wants to and that he loves me so much but as a friend. I mean a lot to him and he would like for us t remain in contact. I was shocked and called him immediately but he wasn't picking up. I messaged his brother for advice and he was surprised as well because our relationship is pretty smooth-sailing and is one of the most smooth-sailing thing that has ever happened to his brother (my bf). I showed him the breakup message and his brother told me that my bf can be somewhat misleading with how he says things. And also, he noticed that my bf had been pretty defensive and irritable the past month (he seemed optimistic to me though even if he had some problems with school, but I don't buy all that positivity that he was trying to show).
My bf apparently forgot his phone that's why he wasn't picking up and we agreed to talk. I asked for it to be a videochat but he declined as he said he'd cry when he sees me. The moment we heard each other's voices, we were crying nonstop. He didn't seem frantic during the phonecall even though he was crying (the first time I heard him cry and he told me before he hadn't cried in years as he was blocking off his emotions). He was saying sorry that he hurt me, pretty much what was in his breakup message. He said I am not making this easy for him as I was being very kind to him contrary to his expectation that I would be mad an hysterical. I said I don't want to give up just yet and that I love him and he cried harder. I also apologized for the times I have hurt him unwittingly and he said he knows that I am not the type of person to hurt him. He calmed down a bit and I even managed to make him laugh and he also threw in some jokes as well. Our phonecall ended with him saying that he loves me so much no matter what happens (this is the first time told me he loves me, before he said he'd like to say it when we meet). We agreed in talking more about this in the days to come.
I am just curious if he really meant the breakup because it was so sudden. It was literally days after we were very happy. I do know he had some problems at school so maybe that's part of it as well. I am thinking he is very confused right now and all his fears and insecurities are eating him up. I am extremely worried.
I love this Virgo guy dearly and I know he is worth it that's why I need some insight on what he might be really thinking/feeling.
His birthday is September 20, 1994. Mine's November 18, 1996.
Thank you in advance!
Posted by sierra_Hi Sierra! Thank you for the reply.
he doesn't wanna end up like his dad who can't support a family
got stressed out when you kept pushing what you wanted
felt too inadequate right now to provide what you want
from what i gathered, he's not ready for a relationship
It does seem like that. So far, he hasn't talked to me again (I did told him that I'll let him have some space as he is in school and I don't want him stressing about this much) and his brother hasn't replied to me as well.
I just feel deeply saddened if this will the end of our relationship. I am confident that we care deeply for each other so I want to know if there will be some hope for us in the future. In the far future, I mean.
So far, I am a having a hard time letting go and is still feeling a reluctant to back-pedalling our status to "just friends". We have been so good with each other and have many hopes together for the future that are too precious to throw away completely.
It just feel so weird because he was very enthusiastic with our future a few days ago. He was very keen on looking up baby names. It's a little hilarious but it was really endearing.
I like to shed some light on the parts on where I had hurt him. He told me he felt that I didn't trust him enough on these occasions (not exclusively to these instances, I'd say):
*we (actually my) have friends who is in a long distance relationship. They had met for the first time recently and me and my bf were talking about said friends. I made a comment "My friend is really lucky to have a guy who goes after her" and he told me after the breakup that it hurt him. We were actually pretty honest to each other most of the time so I was shocked. I do regret making the comment as it had bruised his ego but I explained that I didn't mean for it to seem that way. He said he knows I am not that kind of person.
*he unwittingly accepted a friend request from a girl once on Facebook. I am not really a jealous person but the girl was from the other side of the world just like me so I was very aghast and curious on how they'd met. I calmly asked who the girl was and admitted that I had an anxiety attack about it (I got cheated on by my ex and I found out when I saw he added a long distance girl on Facebook). Furthermore, I admitted that I reluctantly went to see if he's cheating on me by going back to the dating app where we met (because where else is it possible for two people to meet?). He then admitted he got hurt that I don't trust him but said he understands my concern and that it was okay. I promised that I am not going to do such foolish act again. He told me added the girl because he thought I knew her because we were from the same country and that they had not even talked, he deleted her immediately when he sensed I was upset. I asked if he didn't got curious that I wasn't even Facebook friends with the girl, and he said he did but he didn't pay much attention to it. He apologized for that and I did the same for not trusting him enough in that situation.
This guy, during the earlier months of our relationship, would block me off when he needs some time alone. I told him that I am not mad when he does that though I get worried so I'd appreciate him checking in on me. He did somehow change a little after that and for the most time he didn't check in, I came into terms that it's just the way it is.
He improved SO MUCH the last few months, very sweet and got more vocal with his feelings. I could tell though that he was holding in some of it but I took it as he said before that he's just used to controlling his feelings because he's scared that he won't be able to handle them (and honestly, that may be the reason he broke up with me).
We were two different people who have an amazing chemistry. He is very logical while I am the emotional. We never really did have any big conflict with each other. It's like he is the calm to my chaos and I stir up a storm (well I hope a good storm, he likes my intensity according to him) to his peace.
I like to shed some light on the parts on where I had hurt him. He told me he felt that I didn't trust him enough on these occasions (not exclusively to these instances, I'd say):
*we (actually my) have friends who is in a long distance relationship. They had met for the first time recently and me and my bf were talking about said friends. I made a comment "My friend is really lucky to have a guy who goes after her" and he told me after the breakup that it hurt him. We were actually pretty honest to each other most of the time so I was shocked. I do regret making the comment as it had bruised his ego but I explained that I didn't mean for it to seem that way. He said he knows I am not that kind of person.
*he unwittingly accepted a friend request from a girl once on Facebook. I am not really a jealous person but the girl was from the other side of the world just like me so I was very aghast and curious on how they'd met. I calmly asked who the girl was and admitted that I had an anxiety attack about it (I got cheated on by my ex and I found out when I saw he added a long distance girl on Facebook). Furthermore, I admitted that I reluctantly went to see if he's cheating on me by going back to the dating app where we met (because where else is it possible for two people to meet?). He then admitted he got hurt that I don't trust him but said he understands my concern and that it was okay. I promised that I am not going to do such foolish act again. He told me added the girl because he thought I knew her because we were from the same country and that they had not even talked, he deleted her immediately when he sensed I was upset. I asked if he didn't got curious that I wasn't even Facebook friends with the girl, and he said he did but he didn't pay much attention to it. He apologized for that and I did the same for not trusting him enough in that situation.
This guy, during the earlier months of our relationship, would block me off when he needs some time alone. I told him that I am not mad when he does that though I get worried so I'd appreciate him checking in on me. He did somehow change a little after that and for the most time he didn't check in, I came into terms that it's just the way it is.
He improved SO MUCH the last few months, very sweet and got more vocal with his feelings. I could tell though that he was holding in some of it but I took it as he said before that he's just used to controlling his feelings because he's scared that he won't be able to handle them (and honestly, that may be the reason he broke up with me).
We were two different people who have an amazing chemistry. He is very logical while I am the emotional. We never really did have any big conflict with each other. It's like he is the calm to my chaos and I stir up a storm (well I hope a good storm, he likes my intensity according to him) to his peace.
Ive only read the baby names part wth dude youre 20 id run away lol
I couldn’t read the whole thing as it seems childish. You’re 20. You’re not going to believe me on this today, but the truth is, you don’t know what real love is yet. You need to get out of this lust phase. It’s scaring him away. Neither of you are truly in the right place to have kids yet. You each need an emergency savings for yourself of $ 40,000. Then you need lots of money for a baby because that’s costly. Do you think you’re ready financially for a child? Do you even live on your own right now? Don’t rush things because you’ll end up regretting it in the future.
Chill people, hahal! We never plan to get together and have kids NOW or in 2 or 3 years. It was wishful thinking. Not concrete but fantasy. We are both aware of that. And I do acknowledge it is pressuring him but he did initiate those kind of conversations sometimes.
It's even that issue that somehow caused this breakup. I, for one, know I am not desperate for kids just yet. Can't a couple dream? Lol.
It's even that issue that somehow caused this breakup. I, for one, know I am not desperate for kids just yet. Can't a couple dream? Lol.
problem
you bring the details of the relationship and the problems it has to his family
you over think way to damn much
you are being obsessive about things that mean nothing
you write a book on essentially things that have no relationship meaning at all (write about the problem only)
you are so confusing
so you need to know the problem you say? you need to ask him. coming here will get you no where and fast.
you bring the details of the relationship and the problems it has to his family
you over think way to damn much
you are being obsessive about things that mean nothing
you write a book on essentially things that have no relationship meaning at all (write about the problem only)
you are so confusing
so you need to know the problem you say? you need to ask him. coming here will get you no where and fast.
problem2
take off those sunglasses you have on. sexting does not equal a relationship. it never will. you missed out on all the major important things about him, that you have no clue about.
better virgos a bound around the lounge and are sound
take off those sunglasses you have on. sexting does not equal a relationship. it never will. you missed out on all the major important things about him, that you have no clue about.
better virgos a bound around the lounge and are sound
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